


Captured Memories

by Clexa15



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Angst, Anya & Lexa (The 100) Are Siblings, CEO Lexa (The 100), Clexa Endgame, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Love, Memory Loss, Parents Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Photographer Clarke Griffin, Pregnant Clarke, Romance, Smut, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2018-10-12 15:56:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 119,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10494378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clexa15/pseuds/Clexa15
Summary: Photographer Clarke and CEO Lexa Woods have been married for over a year now and are ready to start a family. After many failed attempts Clarke finally get a positive pregnancy test. A call to Lexa to tell her the goods news is all she's needs to send her wife soaring into the clouds. An ecstatic Lexa tries to hurry home to celebrate with her wife only to fall victim to a horrible accident that causes her to possibly loose all memory of Clark ever being in her life, forever. Clarke struggles to help Lexa remember their relationship, their love, and is almost ready to lose all hope, until a little miracle is born.





	1. Your Wive's Been In An Accident

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I'm here with a new story! I've had this idea in my head for a while now and I'm so happy to finally be able to post it! I hope you all enjoy this new journey that Clexa is about to go through and I promise, there's going to be way more of them being together than you think! ;)

Two little pink lines.

Clarke had waited for this moment for months.

Her heart bounced with joy as she stared at the positive pregnancy test in her hands. A little after a year of marrying her one true love, Lexa, they had finally decided it was time to start growing their little family. And, now it was finally happening. A joyous squeal came from Clarke’s lips as she grabbed ahold of her phone sitting on the bathroom counter and quickly dialed Lexa’s number. Clarke tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for Lexa to answer the phone.

_“Hey, babe. I’m on my way home now. I’m about twenty minutes away. I’ve got us some wine and I thought we’d have a nice relaxing dinner at home and-,” Clarke quickly cut Lexa off before she could speak any more._

“It’s positive, Lex!”

_“What’s positive?”_

“The pregnancy test! I’m pregnant! We’re going to be mothers!” Clarke squealed happily into the phone.

Clarke could hear the loud gasp that left Lexa’s lips, _“Are you serious right now, Clarke?”_

“Dead serious! We’re going to have a baby!”

_“Holy shit, babe! Oh my god,Clarke, I can’t even process this right now! I guess we’ll have to find something other than wine to celebrate with!”_

“I’m sure we can think of something, Lexa,” Clarke whispered huskily into the phone.

_“God don’t speak with that voice, Clarke. You know what it does to me.”_

“Yes, I do. Now get home so I can cuddle you with this little one sitting in my belly.”

Clarke softly caressed her flat abdomen as she smiled down at it lovingly, _“Okay, okay. I’m almost there. About another fifteen minutes.”_

“Okay, I’ll see you at home. Be safe.”

 _“I will. I love you, Clarke. We’re going to have a baby!”_ Lexa shouted out into the phone.

“I love you, too, Lexa. And we are! It’s finally happening!”

_“Bye, babe. I’ll be home soon.”_

“Bye, Lex.”

Clarke sat the phone back onto the bathroom counter before glancing up and staring at herself in the mirror. She turned to the side and slowly lifted her shirt up and gazed through the mirror at her stomach. Visions of her stomach swollen with her and Lexa’s unborn child swam through her mind. Lexa placing a soothing kiss where their baby just kicked her stomach.

Warmth spread through Clarke’s chest as she imagined Lexa’s hands ghosting over the flesh where their unborn rested. The thought of being able to raise a child with the woman she loved had tears springing up in her eyes which she quickly wiped away.

“Stupid pregnancy hormones. They’re already bad,” Clarke mumbled quietly to herself.

With one last loving gaze to her stomach Clarke marched out of the bathroom and towards the kitchen to prepare dinner. The smile on Clarke’s face widened greatly as she walked down the long hallway of their home. Dozens of framed pictures lined the cream colored walls of the hallway and every time Clarke walked through she couldn’t help but smile.

Photography had always been a passion of Clarke’s. Being able to permanently capture any living memory was Clarke’s dream ever since she picked up her first camera. Not long after capturing her first image Clarke had set her mind into going to college for photography. Now, here she was, three years after graduating, owning one of the most popular family photography studios in the city. She loved capturing special moments for the many different clients she met on day-to-day bases, but they were nothing compared to the images of her and Lexa.

Pictures from their wedding, Lexa at the summer fair, both of them sitting happily as they stared out into the Pacific ocean. The list was endless. Ever since she first stared dating Lexa she could never get enough of the brunette’s beautiful smile. Every tiny smile, smirk, and giggle that formed over Lexa’s lips made Clarke’s finger itch to hit the shutter button. And so far she had managed to capture about a million of them.

Figuring she had stared at the pictures long enough Clarke continued her journey down the hallway before walking through the threshold of the kitchen. Clarke’s bare feet padded over to the fridge and open it to rifle through it’s contents as she thought about what to make for dinner. Deciding on the quick option of spaghetti Clarke gabbed the pack of ground meat before shutting the fridge and raiding that kitchen cabinets for the rest of the necessary ingredients.

* * *

Clarke was busy stirring a pot of spaghetti sauce when she heard someone knocking on her front door. Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion Clarke quickly turned the heat on the stove down before making her way out the kitchen and towards her front door. Figuring that it was Lexa, who more times than not forgot her key, Clarke didn’t hesitate to swing the door open with a smirk.

“Did you really forget your key aga—,” Clarke halted in her words as two police officers stood before her.

“Sorry to bother you ma’am, but do you know a Lexa Woods?”

Clarke felt the goosebumps form along her arms as the officer spoke,“She’s my wife. Why? What happened to Lexa?”

“Your wife has been in an accident. I think it would be best if you came down to the hospital with us.”

All feeling left Clarke’s legs and the only thing that saved her from hitting the ground was one of the officers quick reflex as he caught her. He slowly lowered her to the ground as a sob escaped her throat. Clarke placed a hand over her mouth to try and stifle the racking sobs as she gripped tightly onto the front of the man’s uniform. This couldn’t be happening. She had just spoken to Lexa. Heard her shout out in merriment at her news. And now she was probably laying in a hospital bed, unconscious…or worse.

Clarke took in a stuttering breath as the officer asked her if she was okay,“I’m fine for now, just please take me to my wife.”

Both officers nodded before helping Clarke to her feet and allowing her to run inside to grab a few things and a pair of shoes before leading her out the door and over to their patrol car. Clarke watched mindlessly out the window as their suburban neighborhood quickly gave way to the bustling city as they drove towards the hospital. Before long the car pulled to a stop in front of the ER entrance and Clarke vaguely register one of the officers opening her door and holding a hand out to help her step out the car.

The officers lead her to the front desk of the ER and it took everything in Clarke’s being not to break down as everything suddenly flew into reality. She was actually here. Lexa was somewhere in this hospital laying in a bed and waiting for her. Clarke’s hands began to shake and she grabbed ahold of the desk in order to steady herself as she looked at the receptionist.

“I need to see Lexa Woods please.”

“Are you immediate family?” The woman asked after she had pulled up Lexa’s file.

“I’m her wife, Clarke Woods.” The woman nodded before picking up the phone next to the computer and dialing a number.  
“Just a moment,” she said as she lifted the phone to her ear.

Clarke waited impatiently as the young woman spoke to someone about her arrival before giving a few words of understanding and hanging up the phone. The woman looked at Clarke with solemn eyes before standing and gesturing towards a long hallway while she stepped around the desk.

“If you would follow me this way. The doctor would like to speak with you in a family consult room.”

Clarke thanked the two officers gratefully before following the receptionist through the hospital. They rounded a short corner before they stopped at a lone wooden door with a placard next to the door with ‘Family Consult’ in white lettering on the front. Clarke’s heart sank as the woman opened the door and allowed Clarke to walk in first and take a seat on one of the many chairs that were in the room.

“The doctor will be in shortly. Is there anything I can get you? Water, tea, coffee?”

Clarke shook her head,“No, thank you. I’m okay right now.”

The woman nodded before making her way out of the room and closing the door behind her. As the door clicked shut Clarke could no longer contain the sobs that ached to escape her chest. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she took in gasping breaths to try and calm her racing heart. Clarke quickly swiped a few tissues from a box laying on the table next to her chair and began to wipe away the tear streaks.

As she finally got her breathing under control and dabbed her eyes a few more times a soft knock came from the door causing her to straighten up and glance at the door. A middle aged man with short cropped black hair passed through the door before shutting it quietly behind him and greeting Clarke with a warm hand shake.

“Hi, Mrs. Woods. I’m Dr. Williams. I was the doctor on duty when your wife was brought in.”

Clarke released his hand as he took a seat next to her,“It’s nice to meet you. How is Lexa? Is she okay? What happened?”

“She’s stable for now. She was driving down the highway when a drunk driver swerved into her lane and hit her head on. Lexa has a fractured arm as well a few broken ribs. She’s also got a severe concussion but we won’t know the extent of damage until she wakes up, but other than that she’s fine. She’s quite lucky.”

“What do you mean by ‘extent of damage’?”

The doctor pursed his lips for a moment before locking eyes with Clarke’s,“With head injuries there comes many obstacles, but the one we are most concerned with right now is memory loss.”

“Memory loss? How bad can it get?” Clarke felt her heart race increase.

“She could just forget anything that happened today…or she could forget everything. It’s tough to tell in these situations.”

Clarke’s mind raced as she processed the doctor’s words. No. Lexa couldn’t forget her. They’ve been together since freshman year of high school. They were married. They had a _child_ on the way. She couldn’t forget. Not now.

“No. No, she can’t forget me. She can’t forget us. She can’t forget the baby!” Clarke sobbed out hysterically.

Dr. Williams cautiously put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder in an attempt to calm her down,“Nothing is certain until she wakes up, Mrs. Woods. She could forget a few things or she could still remember everything. But no matter the outcome we will do everything we can to help your wife.”

“Okay, I just…I can’t lose her. I need her know more than ever,” Clarke whispered quietly as she rested her head in her hand while the other traveled down to her stomach where she little one rested.

“You’re pregnant, Mrs. Woods?”

Clarke nodded sadly before sitting up and brushing a few stray tears from her eyes,“Yes. I actually just found out today. I called Lexa and told her. She was on her way home from work when I called. Everything was perfect and then… _this_ happens.”

A bout of fresh tears broke from Clarke’s eyes as Dr. Williams patted her shoulder,“Okay, with everything that’s going on and the stress that you're being put under I suggest we get you an ultrasound to check on the little one and get you some food. How does that sound?”

“I want to see Lexa first, if I can.”

“Sure. She’s still unconscious at the moment but you can see her. You can follow me.”

Dr. Williams gripped Clarke’s arm gently as he helped her to her feet below letting go and walking over to the door and opening it for her to walk through. Once they were both out of the room the middle aged doctor began ushering Clarke down a series of hallway’s before they came to a set of double doors. Above the doors, in blue lettering read ‘Trauma Center’. Clarke stared at the words for a moment before continuing to follow Dr. Williams down another hallway.

As they passed a few rooms Clarke kept getting glimpses of patients laying in hospital beds hooked up to dozens of different machines while their loved ones sat next to them holding their hand, desperately waiting for them to awaken. Clarke’s heart squeezed painfully as she realized she was about to be doing the same thing. Holding Lexa’s hand as she waited for those emerald eyes that held so much life to open up and stare at her once again.

Dr. Williams suddenly stopped in front of a closed door before turning to face Clarke,“This is your wife’s room. I’ll give you a few moments alone, but I’ll stay right out here if you need me.”

Clarke nodded her head thankfully before slowly grasping the door handle and pushing her way inside. The sight before her almost made her knees buckle and caused fresh tears to stream down her cheeks. Walking over to the bed Clarke’s eyes ran over the motionless body of her wife. Lexa laid in the bed, pale as a ghost, with different wires and tubes coming out from what seemed like her entire body. White gauze was wrapped around her head with a patch of blood beginning to seep through right above her left temple.

Clarke grabbed ahold of Lexa’s hand and gently ran her other hand along Lexa’s pale cheek,“Oh, Lexa. I need you to wake up. _We_ need you to wake up.”

Clarke placed Lexa’s limp hand against her belly and held it there as she stared down at her.

“You can’t forget us. I won’t let you. You’ll get better and we’ll raise this baby together. He or she will be so loved and you’ll be an amazing mother.”

Clarke paused momentarily as if waiting for her to respond. When nothing happened she continued to speak.

“I know you, Lex. You’re a fighter. So stubborn. You won’t let something like this keep you down, I know it. Just, come back to me. To us.”

Clarke leaned down and placed a feather soft kiss to Lexa’s lips and lingered there for a moment before pulling away. As she moved a stray hair behind Lexa’s ear a soft knocking had her turning around to see Dr. Williams standing in the door way with a tray of food.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’d figure you’d rather eat in here than the cafeteria. I had a nurse bring this down.”

Clarke quickly composed herself before walking over and taking the tray from the man,“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. You’ve got more than just yourself to feed now, Mrs. Woods. Remember that,” That was all the man said before taking his leave.

Clarke set the tray down on the table in the corner of the room before sitting down in the chair next to it and taking a look over the food. She didn’t particularly care for hospital food but Dr. Williams was right. She had more than just herself to worry about now. Clarke picked up the fork sitting next to the plate and began to eat, all the while watching Lexa and listening to the steady beep of the heart monitor.

About thirty minutes had passed before another knock at the door signaled someone about to enter the room. Clarke looked up from her place by Lexa’s bedside to see Dr. Williams along with a female nurse with dirty blonde hair. Both gave her a small smile before walking a little further into the room.

“Mrs. Woods, this is Niylah. She’ll be conducting the ultrasound for you. Is now a good time or do you still need a few more mintues?”

Clarke looked back down at Lexa for a moment before glancing back up between the two and shaking her head,“No, now’s a good time. It’s nice to meet you Niylah.”

Niylah extended her hand for Clarke to shake before giving her another warm smile,“Likewise, Mrs. Woods.”

“Okay, I’ll escort you both to the ultrasound room so we can check on your baby and get you back to your wife,” Dr. Williams said as he held the door open for both of them to walk through.

Clarke followed them down a few hallways and through the ER until the sight of one of the police officers who had driven her here caught her attention. He stood in front of one of the many rooms in the hallway and when Clarke glanced inside the open door she could see a man with shaggy brown hair swaying slightly as he sat on the edge of the bed. What caught Clarke’s attention the most was the hand cuffs that kept him chained to the bed like a criminal.

Fury suddenly blossomed in Clarke’s chest as she realized just who this man possibly was. The way he swayed in his seat. The odor of cheap beer that all but spill out of the room. This _man_ was the one that almost took Lexa from her. That almost took _everything_ from her. Before Clarke could stop herself she was barreling towards the man with tear clouded eyes.

“ _You_ did this to her?! You almost killed my wife because you were too _stupid_ to call yourself a cab and instead decided to drive drunk?!”

By time the first sentence left Clarke’s mouth the officer and Dr. Williams were trying to hold her back as she struggled against them. The man just stared at her with shocked eyes as he sat on the bed.

“You almost deprived an unborn child of it’s _mother_! What the hell were thinking?! I could have lost her! She may not even remember me, _us_ , because of your stupid mistake!”

Clarke felt all the fight begin to drain out of her as she dropped helplessly into Dr. Williams hold and clung to his scrub shirt. Agonizing sobs racked through Clarke’s body as she finally let loose the pent-up emotions that she had held in since getting the news of Lexa’s accident. She could feel Dr. Williams hands Ran along her back as he tried to calm her down which only seems to make her cries louder.

“I can’t do this. I _need_ her with me.”

That’s all Clarke could say as she sat on the floor clutching onto Dr. Williams chest. The tears didn’t seem to stop, and they only flowed harder as she opened her eyes to see the man still sitting in the same potion, no emotion in his eyes as he stared her down. The painful squeezing in Clark’s chest tightened as a new round of tears spilled over her ocean blue eyes.

This man, who didn’t deserve to be called one in the first place, didn’t even seem fazed that he had almost killed someone. Almost killed someone’s mother. Someone’s wife. And the only thought that floated through Clarke’s mind in that moment was that she wasn’t going to let this man ruin the best thing that ever happened to her. She was going to fix this. Make it better. She wasn’t going to allow Lexa to forget her. Not if she had anything to say about it.


	2. How We Met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets her ultrasound, Anya finally gets called, and we get a little flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is one of the longest chapters I've personally ever written coming in a little over 5,600 words. Definitely can say I'm proud of this one. 
> 
> Well, I hope you all enjoy this chapter that reveals the back story on how Lexa and Clarke met! I hope you like it!

“And there’s your little one.”

After Clarke was able to be consoled enough by Dr. Williams she was able to get up from her position on the floor and continue walking towards the ultrasound room, but not without one last glance over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of the drunken man. The rest of the walk to the room Clarke had to constantly rub at the salty tears that threatened to spill over as the entire ordeal played over in her head.

After arriving to the dimly lit room Dr. Williams informed her that he had a few patients to check over and that as soon as she was done with the ultrasound he would see her back in Lexa’s room to go into more detail about her wife’s condition. That officially left herself and Niylah in the room. Niylah had instructed her to lay flat on the bed and pull her shirt from her stomach. Clarke’s body had relaxed slightly at the surprisingly warm gel. When the blonde woman had placed the scope on her abdomen the only thing she could see on the screen was black and white fuzz.

But looking at it now, it took her breath away. There, a little black void and a small white dot, that almost resembled a bean to Clarke was shown on the screen. She didn’t even attempt to hold the flood of tears as she stared longingly at the screen. Her baby. _Their_ baby.

“It looks like a little bean,” Clarke laughed through her tears.

“That’s a unique description, but yes, it does.”

Niylah smiled at her before grabbing a few tissues off the counter next to her and handing them to Clarke. She smiled thankfully before taking them and clearing her eyes of any tears. Sniffling slightly, Clarke’s eyes bounced back to the screen. Her heart fluttered in anticipation at what the future held. Being able to see her tummy swell as the little one inside her grew each day until it was ready to enter the world. To see he or she sleep peacefully in their crib as she and Lexa stared down lovingly at them. So much was in store for them and she couldn’t wait until she could finally hold her precious child in her arms.

“Well, Mrs. Woods, everything looks fine. Baby is healthy and has a strong heartbeat. I’m going to recommend you see an obstetrician soon, just to be safe. Maybe in the next week or so, and that way we can get you started on some prenatal vitamins. But for now, the baby is strong and healthy. So, why don’t we go ahead and get a few pictures taken so you can show your wife your beautiful baby when she wakes up,” Niylah said as she continued to move the scope around and hit a few buttons.

“I’d like that.”

It was the only words that Clarke could form in that moment. The magical moment of seeing her child on the screen for the first time ever had her heart soaring with love. While in the same moment it squeezed painfully as she remember Lexa laid unconscious in a hospital bed on the other side of the large building. As Clarke watched Niylah print a few pictures her only thoughts were that she wan’t going to give up on Lexa. If she woke up and really didn’t remember Clarke then she was going to do everything she could possibly do to help her remember.

If not for her, then for their child.

* * *

As Clarke walked down the hallway she continued to stare down at the pictures in her hand. She ran her fingers lightly over the small white circle that was shown in the center of the black void. Clarke wasn’t even able to see the perfect shape of the baby but in her mind, he or she was perfect. Completely perfect.

“My little bean,” Clarke mumbled quietly to herself.

As she rounded the corner to the hallway that housed Lexa’s room Clarke placed the pictures into her purse. With a slight bounce in her step she quickly diminished the distance between herself and Lexa’s room and didn’t think twice before pushing through the cracked door. The moment she entered the room all thought left her mind as she froze in place.

Dr. Williams stood with a somber expression at the end of the hospital bed along with a nurse who’s head whipped around when she entered the room. But the only thing that Clarke could lay her sights on were the shimmering emerald eyes that locked with hers. All the air left her lungs as she quickly crossed the small distance from the door to the bed and pulled Lexa into her arms.

Her hands tangled in the brunette curls that laid at the nape of her neck as a relieved sob slipped from her throat,“I can’t believe you’re awake already. Oh my god.”

Clarke could barely form any words as she breathed in the scent of her wife’s floral perfume. They stayed like that for a few more moments before she felt Lexa’s hands trying to pry her arms away from her neck. Retracting her arms Clarke cupped Lexa’s cheeks and allowed their gazes to lock on one another. Emerald clashed with ocean blue orbs and Clarke could feel a sinking feeling in her gut as she noticed the confusion swirling around in Lexa’s eyes.

“You remember who I am, right Lexa?”

Lexa stared at her for a moment before slowly shaking her head,“I’m sorry, I don’t. Should…should I?”

The cracks that had formed in Clarke’s heart from the news of Lexa’s accident grew ten times greater as the words left Lexa’s lips. Her hands dropped from Lexa’s cheeks before straightening herself up and turning to face Dr. Williams, who still stood with the same somber expression as when she had walked in the room.

“So she remembers nothing?” The tears that formed in her eyes were inevitable.

Dr. Williams held a hand out and ushered her away from the bed to the far side of the room before speaking,“She remembers up to a certain point in her life. The impact from the accident damaged part of her limbic system, which controls her emotions and memories.”

“Is it permanent? Can she regain her memories? I mean, is there anything you can do for her?”

“The damage doesn’t appear to be permanent. As for her memory, she could regain all of them overtime…or she could never regain them. Brain injuries can be unpredictable.”

Clarke rubbed a hand across her forehead to try and ease the oncoming headache as well as to try and hide the new onset of tears that leaked from the corners of her eyes. She felt a hand being placed on her shoulder and looked up to see Dr. Williams giving her a tiny smile.

“Everything is going to be okay, Mrs. Woods. You’re wife is safe and alive. She may not remember anything right now but there is still the possibility that, overtime, some things may come back to her. Is there maybe a possible relative like a parent or a sibling that could visit? That may help jog her memory a bit.”

Clarke nodded her head,“Her parents are gone but she has an older sister, Anya. I really should have called her as soon as I got the news.”

“You were emotionally distressed. Most of us tend to forget things when put into situations like this. Why don’t you give her a call and get her down here and we’ll go from there. Just her for now though. I don’t want to overwhelm her since she’s just woken up.”

“I’ll go call her right now.”

Clarke took one last look at Lexa, who was busy talking to the nurse that was currently changing the bandage around her head, before stepping outside into the hallway. Pulling out her phone Clarke quickly found Anya’s number and hit dial. Her blood pumped nervously through her veins as she tried to figure out just how she was going to explain this to Anya over the phone. She wasn’t given much time because the sudden sound of a roughed voice Anya came through the phone.

“ _This better be good, Clarke_.”

Clarke hesitated momentarily before the words stuttered out her mouth,“I, uh, I need you to come down to the hospital. It’s about Lexa.”

“ _Why? What happened to my sister?_ ”

“There was an accident. She was hit head on by a drunk driver. She’s stable and she’s actually awake right now but there’s something else. Something I’d rather not tell you over the phone.”

Clarke could hear what sounded like the rustling of clothes coming from Anya’s end of the line,“ _Yeah, I’m on my way. I’ll be there in ten_.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.”

“ _Clarke, are **you** okay? You just sound off._”

“I’m fine,” Clarke said, praying that Anya didn’t hear the small crack in her voice.

“ _As much as I don’t believe that I’m just going to drop it for now. I’ll be over there in a few. I’m getting in my car now._ ”

“I’ll see you soon, then. Bye.”

“ _Bye, Clarke_.”

Clarke pulled the phone away from her ear and hitting the ‘end’ button before shoving the phone back in her pocket and walking back into the room. Dr. Williams stood next to Lexa’s bed and seemed to be asking a serious of questions when he noticed her walk in.

“Well, your early memories are still in tact. You can remember you name, birthdate, as well as a few other things. I guess that’s good enough for the night. We’ll let you get some rest and we’ll check on you in a few hours,” The man gave a firm shake to Lexa’s hand before following the nurse towards the door only to stop when he came into arms length of Clarke.

“Her still having her earliest memories is a good sign. Like I said earlier, she only remembers up to a certain point but only she knows what that point is. Maybe tomorrow we can try talking about the last thing she remembers and maybe you can help guide her along from there. We don’t want to force anything on her so we’re going to take it slow the first couple of days. We’ll keep an eye on her tonight and probably keep her in here a few more days and then we’ll go over her discharge.”

Clarke nodded softly,“Of course. I want nothing more than to help her remember. Thank you, really. For everything you and your team has done to help my wife.”

“No problem, Mrs. Woods,” Dr. Williams moved passed her to the door only to stop and call out softly to Clarke,“And remember what I said before, it’s not just you anymore. You need to focus on yourself as well. I don’t want to see you in my ER from stress or anything else. It’s not good for the baby.”

“I will. I promise.”

As Dr. Williams left the room Clarke didn’t notice her hand subconsciously drop against her lower belly to gently rub where their unborn child lay. Peering up, Clarke noticed Lexa staring at her before she suddenly turned her gaze away, and she could barely make out the small blush that spread across her cheeks. Making her way across the room Clarke took a seat in the chair next to Lexa’s bed and awkwardly sat in silence for a few moments.

Clarke pursed her lips as she glanced up at Lexa to see her still looking the other way,“Lexa…I know you said you don’t remember me so how about I start with telling you my name.”

“I’m not sure if it’ll help anything but go ahead,” Lexa said as she turned curious eyes onto her.

“I’m Clarke Griffin…well Woods now, since I married you.”

Lexa’s eyes widened in horror as the words flowed from her lips. _Oops_. Maybe that wasn’t the best way to start things.

“Wait, you’re saying I married you? You? I don’t do marriage. I hate marriage.”

Despite the small twinge of pain in her heart at the jab from Lexa, Clarke couldn’t help the small chuckle that formed in her throat,“You always told me that when we were in college, and then suddenly one night you were down on one knee proposing to me. It was kind of a shocker to both of us I think.”

A small ‘v’ had formed between Lexa’s eyebrows as Clarke continued to speak.

“I’m sorry, but I remember none of that. I don’t remember you. I can’t remember anything since—,” Lexa was quickly cut off as the door to her room swung open.

Clarke’s head whipped back to see Anya standing in the doorway, eyes darting between her and Lexa. The oldest Woods sister quickly closed the door before making her way over Lexa and pulling her into a bear hug. Clarke felt something similar to the feeling of jealousy when her wife didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around Anya. A sigh escaped Clarke’s lips as she shifted slightly in her seat to avoid staring at the hugging sisters.

“Who the hell did this to you, Lex? Where’s the fucker that did this to you?” Anya seethed as she pulled away from the hug.

“Calm down, Anya. I literally just woke up and apparently don’t even remember the past few years of my life and all you’re worried about is who did this to me?”

“Yes, I mean…,” Anya’s words trailed off as she registered Lexa’s words,“What the hell do you mean you don’t remember the past few years of you life? How much do you remember?”

“I mean as in I don't remember. How hard is that to comprehend? I only remember up to that night with Costia. You remember, that night my freshman year of college I ended up at that frat party after I got back to town. God, are you sure that wasn’t last night? It seriously feels like it.”

As Lexa pulled herself into her own mind to get a handle on her thoughts Anya had turned around to look at Clarke. At the mention of Costia’s name Clarke became stiff as a rock. She remembered Lexa mentioning the horrible woman. How she had broken her heart and left it on the floor for her to pick up without so much as a ‘sorry’. She knew the night that Lexa was talking about. She cherished that night. Almost more than anything.

That night was something special to both of them. The night they had first met. First felt that unmistakable attraction that pulled them together like magnets. And it was all thanks to Costia.

* * *

**_Flashback_ **

_Clarke walked around the large college campus through the rain, camera in hand, as she searched for the perfect photo op. The rain mixed together with the dim street lamps made the perfect setting for the perfect picture. The way the rain glistened under the golden glow of the lamps casting dark shadows upon the puddle filled sidewalk. Trees rustling loudly as the wind rolled through them, sending leaves to drift along the open space above the sidewalk. Clarke quickly snapped a picture before glancing down at the screen with a small smile._

_As she stared at the picture a moment longer the heavy drizzle suddenly became a pour and in that moment Clarke thanked god her camera was water proof. Pulling the hood of her rain coat up she quickly began running through the rain and decided to take a short cut through the courtyard in the center of the campus. As she came upon the large fountain that sat in the center of the courtyard she saw a small form leaning against it. She slowed down in her run before coming to a full stop as she took in the soak brunette in front of her._

_“You’ll catch a cold if you stay out in this rain much longer,” Clarke said loudly over the rain._

_When the woman made no move or didn’t acknowledge her presence Clarke walked the few feet between them and stood cautiously within arms length of the brunette. At the sudden intrusion of space the woman’s head snapped up and locked eyes with her. Clarke felt her breath catch in her throat as she became mesmerized by the greenest eyes she head ever seen._

_It was then that Clarke noticed the tear stains that were surprisingly easy to spot through the rain that poured from above. She could see the sadness, hurt, and betrayal that came from those emerald eyes and felt her heart pinch painfully. She didn’t know this woman. Didn’t know her name. Hell, she didn’t even know if she went to this school. But for some reason she couldn’t shake the magnetic pull that made Clarke want to wrap her arms around the brunette and whisper comforting words into her ear as she stroked her hair._

_“Are you okay? You shouldn’t be out in the rain like this,” Clarke quickly placed her camera on the ledge of the fountain before pulling off her jacket and draping it across her shoulders._

_“I can’t take this. You’ll get soaked.”_

_Clarke smiled softly at the woman and pulled the jacket around her tighter,“I think you could use it more than me right now. Besides, my dorm room isn’t far from here. I’ll be in dry clothes in no time. You, on the other hand, I’m not sure if you even go here so you might be out in the rain longer than me. You’ll need this more.”_

_“Still, it’s your jacket. I can’t just take it from you. I’ll be fine until I get home. It was kind of you though,” The woman moved to pull the jacket off but Clarke quickly slapped her hands away causing a bewildered look to pass over her face._

_“The only way you’re going to take that jacket off is if you come to my dorm room and get some dry clothes on and let me give you a ride, in a dry car, to wherever you’re staying.”_

_Clarke didn’t let the woman decide before she grabbed her camera and her hand. She began pulling them through the rain and towards the entrance to the building that housed Clarke’s dorm room. Finally reaching the overhang Clarke stopped walking and trying to wipe away the rain from her face and hair with a laugh. As she wrung her hair out she turned slightly to see the woman gazing around them with a somber expression._

_“I’m Clarke Griffin by the way. You are?”_

_“Lexa Woods,” Lexa said as she turned her head to Clarke._

_“It’s nice to meet you. Well, I guess we technically met back at the fountain, but what does it matter? Do you go here by chance?”_

_Lexa nodded her head,“Yeah. I’m studying business management and administration. You?”_

_“Photography. I’ll be opening my own studio one day,” Clarke said as she waved the camera that she held in her hand._

_A small smile appeared on Lexa’s face,“Sounds interesting. Is that what you were doing out here in the rain? Taking pictures?”_

_“Yes, I don’t have a picture with rain so I figured tonight would be a good night. Besides, I’m kind of glad I did.”_

_“And why’s that?”_

_“Because I met you,” Clarke said before she bit her lip and looked down at her feet._

_Clarke heard Lexa laugh a little before she looked up to met the brunette’s eyes,“Of course. Because I was such a welcoming face. Sitting in the rain, crying and all.”_

_“Speaking of, are you okay? Did something happen?” Clarke finally began to lead them into the building as she waited for Lexa to reply._

_“It’s a long story. Bunch of details and quite the mess.”_

_“Well, we’ve got a small walk to my dorm.Think that’s enough time? That’s if you want to talk about it, of course.”_

_Clarke peered over to where Lexa walked next to her in the hallway to see her staring down at her feet, expressionless mask back in place. They walked a few more minutes in silence before they finally reached the elevator that would take them to Clarke’s dorm on the third floor. When the doors shut Clarke couldn’t help but glance at Lexa’s blurred reflection in the metal doors._

_“It was my girlfriend. She cheated on me.”_

_Clarke whipped her head to the side and saw Lexa fumbling with her hands as she tried to conjure the right words in her head. She decided to stay silent so the brunette beside her could choose whether she wanted to continue or not._

_“I went out of town for the weekend and ended up coming back a day earlier than planned. My sister, Anya, is a senior and ended up at some frat party and when I called her she said that Costia, my girlfriend, was there. Since I had nothing better planned I decided to surprise her at the party. I got there and found Anya almost completely drunk and she had no clue where Costia had gone.”_

_Lexa paused for a moment as they finally reached Clarke’s floor and the metal doors opened to allow them to step out into the hallway. They both set a leisurely pace, neither in a rush to get to their destination._

_“I searched the first floor of the house and ended up finding her jacket thrown across some floor lamp in the corner of one of the rooms. That automatically set me off that something was wrong. I decided to check upstairs, walked into a few make out session on accident until I reached the last room. I heard…noises. Noises that I prayed weren’t coming from her, but I knew that voice. I opened the door and saw her fucking some guy that lived in the frat house. When she realized someone opened the door and turned around to see me, she didn’t even have an ounce of gilt in her eyes.”_

_Clarke came to a stop right before her door and leaned against the wall next to it as she continued to listen to Lexa’s story._

_“She got off the guy and told him not to move before walking over to me. She just stared at me as I looked at her in disbelief. And before I could even form any thoughts she was giving me this smirk, like she was pleased that I had walked in on them. Her exact words to me in that moment were “You’re always too hung up on work and school and never pay attention to me. It’s about damn time I found someone who’s able to give me the pleasure you never would. I hope you have fun with work and school because it seems that’s the only thing good enough for your stuck up ass. Have a nice life.’ She shut the door in my face and all I could do was stand there. Next thing I knew the noises were back and I was running through the house and out into the rain. I ended up at the fountain and then you found me. And here we are.”_

_Lexa raised her hands and gestured to the space between them. Clarke let Lexa collect herself for a moment as she looked her over, sympathy sitting in her heart._

_“Wow. What a bitch. Sorry, but that’s messed up. We’re you dating her long?”_

_“We met in high school. We started dating the end of our sophomore year. It’s been a little over three years. I thought she was the love of my life, being my heart school sweet heart and all. Guess I was wrong,” Lexa shrugged her shoulders as she leaned back against the wall next to Clarke._

_“Well, it’s her loss. You seem like someone who treats her girlfriend like a princess. And if I were her, I wouldn’t have done something like that to you. No one deserves that, well maybe besides her now. Karma is a bitch.”_

_That caused a chuckle to rise from both women and when their laughter died down they locked eyes. Clarke searched Lexa’s emerald orbs for a moment before pushing off the wall and fishing her keys out of her pocket._

_“As much as I love standing in the hallway with you I’m pretty sure the cleaning staff isn’t going to appreciate the water puddles we just left next to my door.”_

_Another laugh sounded from Lexa as Clarke unlocked her door and pushed inside her dorm. Clarke held the door open for Lexa and quietly shut it behind her before turning around hitting the light switch and glancing at Lexa’s back. As the brunette walked around the room Clarke grabbed two t-shirts and two pair of pants from her closet. Clarke walked over to where Lexa was currently looking at a small painting of a beautiful sunset that she had hung up above her desk and handed her the clothes._

_“Did you paint this?”_

_“Yeah, I actually did that while I was in Mexico with my family for vacation about four years ago. We had a balcony at the place we were staying at and I ended up waking up super early one morning and just decided to paint. It’s one of my favorite paintings out of all the ones I have at home.”_

_“It’s beautiful. How defined the details are and the way you blended the colors. It’s so realistic,” Lexa said as she pulled her eyes away from the painting._

_“Thanks. It wasn’t too hard. Um, if you wanna go ahead and change the bathroom is right there. There’s towels in the closet.”_

_Lexa disappeared through the door that Clarke had pointed to leaving the blonde alone in her room. Clarke quickly stripped herself of her clothing and grabbed the towel that was hanging on the hook next to her closet and dried herself off. She grabbed the pants and eased them over her hips and buttoning them before reaching for her shirt. Right as she pulled the shirt over her head she could hear the bathroom door open up and quickly pulled the shirt the rest of the way down._

_Clarke turned around to see Lexa looking at everything but her with a small blush on her cheeks,“Sorry. I didn’t know you were going to change out here.”_

_“It’s fine. My back was to you so it’s not like you saw anything,” Clarke said with a small smile._

_Lexa nodded before she shifted around on her feet, wet clothes in her hands._

_“Oh here,” Clarke grabbed a plastic bag from her desk drawer and handed it to Lexa,“You can put your clothes in this. That way you don’t have to carry them and risk getting wet again.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_Lexa took the bag from Clarke and stuffed her wet clothes inside before tying it shut. Both women stood in awkward silence for a moment before Clarke let out a small sigh._

_“Well, I guess we should get you home. Are your shoes okay or did you wanna borrow some?”_

_“No, these are fine. I’m already taking your clothes. I don’t want to take your shoes too.”_

_Clarke laughed as she pulled a pair of shoes from her closet,“Trust me, it’s no big deal. I have more shoes than I know what to do with.”_

_Before Lexa had time to respond everything around them suddenly turned pitch black. Clarke let out a little yelp as she suddenly became lost in her room, not even able to see her hand in front of her face. She felt along the wall of her room and tried to grasp her mind around where she currently stood._

_“Lexa? Where are you?”_

_“Over here. Hold on and I’ll bring up the flash light on my phone.”_

_Clarke waited quietly until the bright light of Lexa’s cell phone blinked to life and illuminated the dark room. She let out a sigh of relief to finally be able to see again and glanced over towards the window on the far side of her dorm. The rain had picked up tremendously and now came down in a hazardous fashion. One that was definitely not safe to drive in. And if the way the trees rocked around outside were anything to go by, the wind had picked up significantly._

_“It actually looks like you’ll be staying here for the night. There’s no way we can drive in this weather and there’s no way I’m going to let you walk home. My roommate never stays here so we’ve pretty much got the place to ourselves.”_

_Clarke watched as Lexa peered out the window with a deep frown before shifting back and looking at her with sheepish eyes,“I’m so sorry. I’m intruding on you. I don’t even know you that much and you’re letting me borrow your clothes and you offered to take me home and now your opening your dorm to me. I can’t. It’s not big deal. I can call a cab.”_

_“Lexa, you really think any cabs are gonna be out in this weather at this time of night? You’re staying here and that’s final. It’s no problem. Just as long as you don’t try to murder me in my sleep or take advantage of me,” Clarke said as she winked playfully in Lexa’s direction._

_“Fine. I hope you have some candles though. My phone is about to die.”_

_Clarke walked over to her bedside table and pulled open the bottom drawer and pulled out a few candles she had stashed in the corner. She grabbed her lighter and lit the candles. Once the room was lit in a flickering golden glow Lexa turned off her phone’s flashlight and stuck it back in her pocket. Setting the lighter back into the drawer Clarke shut it before hopping up onto her bed and patting the spot next to her in invitation to Lexa. The brunette placed the bag of wet clothes on the floor next to the bed before jumping up and sitting next to Clarke._

_For the next few hours, as the storm raged outside, Clarke and Lexa found themselves talking about every and any little thing. Little details about their lives that some people knew and some didn’t. Laughs were shared and shocked gasps filled the quiet space as they told story after story. Before long the rain had come to a stop and the faint glow of the sun ran across the horizon, but what mattered in that moment was not the beauty that laid outside but what laid inside. Two women, laid in the same bed side by side, unbeknownst to the special bond that was already beginning to form and connect their souls._

**_E_ _nd of_ _Flashback_ **

* * *

That night Clarke wasn’t sure if she wanted to punch Costia or thank her for basically pushing Lexa into her life. That night they had shared so many things and became instantly close. They instantly bonded. A special type of bond that Clarke had never shared with anyone else. But now, she was benign to question whether or not she was going to be able to get that bond back.

“What’s the very _last_ detail that you remember from that night?” Anya urged to Lexa.

“I had just called you and you were at the frat party. You told me Costia was there and I wanted to surprise her. Last thing I remember is me walking into the house. Then nothing.”

Clarke snorted. Of course the universe would do this to them. Like they hadn’t already been through enough. Of course Lexa would remember everything up until the horrible incident with Costia that had broken Lexa’s heart…and lead Lexa to _her_. If only she could push Lexa’s mind forward a bit. To at least make her remember meeting her, if not anything else.

“Where is Costia, anyway? Have we kept in touch? I mean, I know you said were married, which is still strange to me, but I would like to think I at least talk to her once in a while,” Lexa said as she threw a glance in Clarke’s direction.

Anya glanced over at Clare before looking back to Lexa,“You guys broke up the night of the party, Lex. Costia was cheating on you and you found her in bed with a guy. You said she practically smashed your nose with the door and went straight back to having sex with the guy.”

“What? No, that didn’t happen. At least not that I remember. I need to talk to Costia. Where is she?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think it’s such a good idea to talk to her. You have Clarke and I think you need to work things out with her right now,” Anya urged gently.

“I don’t want to work things out with her. I don’t even know her and apparently we’re married. I just want to talk to Costia. The real woman that I love.”

Clarke felt as if she had been sucker punched in the chest as the last few words left Lexa’s lips. It took all of her strength to push up from her chair and sprint towards the door and out the room. Sobs racked through her body as she walked briskly down the hallway. The last thing she heard before she disappeared around the corner was the sound of Anya calling out for her to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would also like to point out that I have no degrees in anything medical or business so any mistakes are my own. If you see something is wrong don't hesitate to point it out and I'll get it fixed! 
> 
> Let me know below what you guys thought about this chapter! Whether it's good or bad I love to hear the feedback! It's always greatly appreciated! 
> 
> Love to all! :)


	3. Just Promise Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya yells at Lexa. Clarke let's out a her little secret. A promise is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three already? Damn this is going faster than I expected.  
> Anyway, this is a little bit of a shorter chapter today. I'm a little bit short on time and really wanted to post this for you all today! But I will be working on the next chapter tonight after work because it's going to be an exiting one (good and bad). So I hope you all enjoy this chapter! ;)

“What the hell is wrong with you? That was your god damn wife that you just sent crying out the door!” Anya seethed as she walked back into Lexa’s room.

Anya watched as Lexa sat back in her bed, arms crossed over her chest, and continued to ignore her as she stared out the window. Marching over to her sister’s bed, Anya grabbed ahold of Lexa’s chin and forced her emerald eyes to meet her own. Lexa slapped her hand away as she glared up at her through thick lashes.

“What do you want me to say, Anya? I don’t remember her. I don’t know anything about her, and suddenly I’m married to her. Don’t you think this is all a bit confusing to me? I just want to talk to Costia and figure out what the hell as been going on. I need to work things out with her.”

Anya huffed angrily,“Did everything I just told you go from one ear and out the other? Costia _cheated_ on you, Lexa! Broke your heart and never said so much as a ‘sorry’ to you! And you know who was there to help you back up onto your feet? That woman. The woman that you came running to me about back in college saying how much she meant to you. The woman that you _married_ and just sent running away because you said you loved still loved Costia. _Clarke_ has done everything for you. Would risk everything for you, and all you can do is sit there and not even try and listen to what we’re telling you.”

Anya’s anger only rose as Lexa stayed silent, still glaring at her as if she could make her magically disappear. Shaking her head Anya made her way over to the door and opened it before throwing one final look over her shoulder at Lexa.

“When you’ve finally come to your senses and want to try and make things right, then I’ll come back. I’ll keep in contact with your doctor to make sure you’re okay, but I won’t be coming to see you, not until you can get past that thick skull of your’s and listen to everyone. I know you lost your memories, Lex, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch about everything. You just ran the most precious thing to you out the door and you don’t even seem worried about it.”

And with that Anya walked out the door, leaving behind an emotionally confused Lexa. After closing the door Anya leaned back against it and took a deep breath as she tried to calm the raging emotions inside of her. One emotion in particular she just couldn’t get a handle on. _Sadness_. The overbearing emotion that pushed all others to the side. Sadness…that wasn’t even meant for her, but for Clarke and Lexa. Sadness at what this could possibly do to their relationship. With Lexa so keen on seeing Costia again, she wasn’t sure how much Clarke could take of it. Anya knew Clarke was never a hateful person, but something about Costia always seemed to set her off in an instant.

Pushing away her thoughts, deciding they would be put to better use for another day, Anya began walking off in the direction of where she had seen last seen Clarke. Making her way through the numerous halls it took Anya quite some time before she finally found Clarke. Anya stood silent for a moment as she watched Clarke through the window of the door hunched over on the outside bench in the courtyard. By the way she swiped her hand across her cheeks a few times Anya could tell that the blonde was crying. Squaring her shoulders and taking a deep calming breath Anya finally pushed her way through the door and walked over to the bench.

“This seat taken?” Anya joked lightly.

Clarke took in a few sniffles before shaking her head,“No.”

Anya sat down quietly as she took in Clarke’s ragged form. Her blonde hair, usually falling down in loose waves, sat atop her head in a tangled bun. Ocean blue eyes often filled with the love for life were now dim and accompanied by dark circles under them. Anya placed a hand on Clarke’s back and rubbed soothing circles as she tried to ease the tension that she felt forming above her spine.

“It may not seem like it now, Clarke, but everything is going to be okay. I think she just needs another good bump on the head to get her to listen.”

Clarke let out a low watery laugh before turning to face Anya with red rimmed eyes,“With the way she’s acting I think she needs a little more than a bump on the head right now.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. She’s being quite a bitch tonight,” Anya glanced around the empty courtyard and shivered slightly as a cold wind blew through before looking back at Clarke,“Why don’t you and I head on inside and grab a cup of hot chocolate while we wait for Lexa to calm down a bit?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Anya let a small smile grace her lips as she helped Clarke stand from the bench and walking back into the hospital. As they walked towards the cafeteria Anya couldn’t help the nagging feeling in the back of her mind that something was amiss with Clarke. The way her eyes never stayed on hers for longer than a few seconds. The way she twiddled her fingers nervously as if she wanted to tell her something. Anya knew that Clarke was hiding something and figured now was as good a time as any to find out just exactly what she was hiding.

“Clarke, what’s wrong? You’re nervously messing with your fingers and I know that means you want to tell me something.”

Clarke sighed as she came to a stop in the middle of the hallway and dropped her hands to her sides. The blonde glanced up to her with worry etched into her eyes before beginning to dig in her purse. Anya furrowed her eyebrows in confusion when Clarke pulled out a wide strip of glassy paper and pressed it to her chest to keep her from seeing the front of it.

“When I show you this…just promise you won’t say anything to Lexa. I want to be the one to tell her.”

Anya nodded hesitantly before holding her hand out and allowing Clarke to place the paper in her hands. Flipping the paper over quickly she let out a startled breath as she stared down at the fuzzy black and white image.

“Clarke, this is…,” Anya trailed off unable to form any words.

“I found out today. I called Lexa as soon as I found out. She was on her way home from the office when I told her…she was so excited Anya. She’s wanted this for as long as I have and now she doesn’t even remember.”

Anya pulled Clarke into her arms as a few tears ran down the blonde’s cheeks,“Hey, it’s going to be okay. We’re going to help Lexa remember everything we can and you’re both going to have a beautiful child together. Until that happens I’m here for you, for whatever you and this baby needs. And I’m sure once everyone else knows they’ll say the same thing. You’re not alone in this Clarke. We’re not going to leave you to deal with this by yourself.”

Clarke pulled away from Anya and gave her a grateful smile,“Thanks, Anya. Even though you can have an attitude sometimes you’re still always there for Lexa and I when we need you. And now you’ll be here to help out with little Bean.”

“Little Bean?”

“Yeah. The baby looked like a little bean during the ultrasound. We won’t know the gender for a while so I don’t want to call Bean an ‘it’. I figured it was an appropriate nickname at the time,” Clarke said as she let her hands run soothingly along her abdomen.

Anya smile softly as she watched Clarke,“Little Bean it is then. Now, how about we go get that hot chocolate?”

Clarke nodded happily before hooking her arm with Anya’s and letting her lead them down the long expanse of hallway. Anya couldn’t contain the large smile, despite the events of the day, that settled over her features. She was finally going to be an aunt! And the best damn one little Bean would ever have. As they continued to walk towards the cafeteria her smile only grew larger.

“Let it out, Anya,” Clarke said quietly next to her.

“I’m going to be a damn aunt!” Anya shouted out happily.

She got some glares from a few nurses walking passed them and didn’t even try to suppress the smug smile that overcame her face. A few giggles came from the blonde next to her and she let her eye shoot down to see Clarke covering her mouth to keep her laughter quiet.

“I’m going to be an aunt,” Anya mumbled to herself as she continued to watch Clarke giggle happily.

If Lexa didn’t want to listen to her about everything she had told her then Anya had no choice. No choice but to step up and protect the love of her sister’s life, and her _child_ , until she is finally able to get a handle on her memories. No choice but to help Clarke in this dark time, because she’d be damned if she would let her go through this on her own. Clarke didn’t deserve that. Everything for the next nine months, or at least until Lexa was herself again, would be about Clarke and the baby.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Lexa)**

_A soft giggle. The sound of a camera shutter. The bright light of a camera flash._

_Everything around Lexa began to leak colors. Bright lights swirling all around, but one lone figure stayed solid._

_A curvy body, face hidden behind the large camera she held in her pale hands._

_“Come on, Lexa. Smile.”_

_Another camera flash, and the world went black._

* * *

Lexa’s eyes flew open and groaned as she tried to sit up. Her bones ached and her head felt like it could split open at any second. What the hell was that? It seemed to real to be a dream. A memory perhaps? Lexa tried desperately to sort out the swirling images running through her mind. The multiple colors that flew around jumbled the memory too much for her to comprehend. Maybe it was just her subconscious trying to help her fill in the blanks that were currently missing, or at least the blanks that everyone said she was missing.

To Lexa it didn’t seem like it had been almost five years since the night she walked into the frat house looking for Costia. To her, that happened last night. Mere hours ago. But now, here she was in a hospital bed, gauze wrapped around her head, being told that she was married to someone else. Someone she didn’t even remember. She couldn’t deny that when the blonde, _Clarke_ , had first walked in her room that she had felt a sense of familiarity fill her mind.

When her arms had wrapped around her, tangled in her hair, the sudden calmness that surrounded her almost scarred her. She couldn’t remember who that woman was, but she felt safe with her. Like she could tell her everything. _Every little secret_. And Lexa didn’t like that. Didn’t like the thought of being able to open herself up to someone so easily, someone she didn’t remember.

A low mumble to her right had her head whipping to the side to see the blonde that plagued her thoughts sleeping in the lounging chair in the corner. As she shifted in the chair Lexa allowed her eyes to wonder over the length of Clarke’s body. Her eyes traveled up her black yoga pants covered legs and immediately came to a stop at the hand that cupped her lower abdomen. A sense of..pride…happiness…overcame her. Something about the way Clarke’s hand rested on her tummy sent her heart stuttering with emotions, and she couldn’t figure out why.

Before she could become lost in her thoughts any longer the door to the bathroom swung open to reveal her sister. Anya made eye contact with her before shutting off the bathroom lights and taking a seat in the chair next to her bed.

“How are you feeling? Remember anything?”

Deciding to keep the colorful memory to herself Lexa shook her head,“Nothing. I’m still not convinced that it’s been five years since that night, Anya.”

“What more proof do you need? It’s 2017, you’re a big shot CEO of a company _you_ founded, and you’re married to _that_ woman sitting right there,” Anya spat quietly as she pointed at a still sleeping Clarke.

Lexa let her eyes search Clarke’s peaceful face before turning back to Anya,“But why? Why would I leave Costia? I love her, or I did. She wouldn’t do the things you said she’s done. I want to talk to her.”

“God dammit, Lexa. Did the crash cause you to lose any sense of reason, too? Why would I lie to you? What would I possibly gain from lying to you about Costia cheating on you? I’m your sister and I’m telling you that that’s your wife sitting behind you. If you can’t try to listen to what I’m telling you for me, then do it for _her_. For that little—,” Anya suddenly came to a stop in her whispered rant, eyes wide.

“Little what, Anya?”

Anya waved a hand in Lexa’s direction before dropping it,“Nothing. Forget it. Just promise me something, Lexa. Don’t push her away. Just try and let her help you remember everything. I know it’s confusing now, still thinking you love Costia, but I can promise you, at the end of all this, you’ll still love Clarke. Like I know you do.”

Lexa searched her sisters pleading eyes before slowly nodding her head,“Fine. But I’m not promising anything. I’ll let her try to help me, but if it doesn’t work I want to talk to Costia.”

“Always so damn stubborn,” Anya said before running her hands through her hair,“Okay. Give Clarke time to show you everything so she can try and help you remember. If you don’t remember anything in nine months then I’ll find Costia so you can talk to her. But you have to try, Lexa. Don’t just push away everything that Clarke tries to show you. You can at least promise me that much.”

“I promise I’ll try. Now, what do you mean by ‘show me everything’? Is she somehow gonna show me all of my memories on a computer?” Lexa joked.

A smirk formed over Anya’s face,“You just happened to marry one of the best photographers in the city, Lexa. So when you go home be prepared to be bombarded with thousands of pictures.”

Lexa threw her head back against her pillows and let out a loud groan.

Just what did she get herself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! Maybe Lexa will finally push the thought of talking to Costia for a while while Clarke tries to help her remember...maybe. 
> 
> As always kudos and comments are greatly appreciated and always welcome! 
> 
> Love to all! :)


	4. Honey, We're Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finally goes home. A few pictures are seen. Clarke gets a small cut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like Lexa's mood needed a little chill down before the next chapters to come (silent warning) and decided to let her be a little more calmer than she has been in the first few chapters. I hope you guys like this chapter! :)

Emerald colored eyes shifted over to stare irritably at the humming blonde that currently sat in the driver’s seat of the car. Finally, after two days of positive results from the multiple tests at the hospital, Lexa was currently on her way home. Well, an unfamiliar home. Much to her dismay Anya insisted that she go home with Clarke instead of staying with her like Lexa had suggested. And now here she was, in the large black Escalade, with Clarke humming along loudly with the song that played through the radio’s speakers.

If it wouldn’t have been for the small headache that had begun to form behind her eyes, Clarke’s humming wouldn’t have bothered her much. She did seem to have a lovely voice, but it took everything in Lexa to not yell out for her to shut up. After what seemed like an eternity the song finally ended, allowing Lexa to let a relieved sigh escape, and Clarke reached over to turn down the volume before glancing to her and back to the road.

“I’m not bothering you am I?”

Lexa felt her body stiffen at the woman’s words,“Uh, no. It’s fine.”

“You’re lying.”

“What? No, I’m not,” Lexa said as she crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

Clarke let out an unconvinced laugh,“Yeah, you are. You may not remember but I know you better than anyone. Well, besides Anya.”

“Okay, well let’s just see how much you _know_ about me. How do you know I’m lying?”

Clarke’s ocean blue eyes flipped over to her for a moment before staring ahead of her once again,“When you’re lying you get defensive. You cross your arms in front of your chest, you flare your nostrils, and you do this little thing with your left eyebrow. Like, you raise it up in defiance when you don’t want someone to prove you wrong, which I always do in the end.”

A smug smile settled over Clarke’s face as Lexa angrily huffed and slid down further in her seat as she pouted. Damn. Clarke knew her too well, much to her discomfort. Lexa didn’t like the thought of a ‘stranger’, at least to her at that moment, knowing more about her than she was comfortable with. And the fact that Clarke was smug about it set Lexa into an even more sour mood than she was in when Clarke started humming.

“And now you’re angry. I know this isn’t exactly what you had in mind, Lexa, but I think you being home with me will help with your memories.”

Opting to stay silent, Lexa just continued to stare out the window as the city slowly disappeared behind them and gave way to a beautiful suburban neighborhood. Large houses with gorgeously decorated yards lined the streets and Lexa suddenly remembered Anya’s words. Over the course of the few days she had been in the hospital Anya had tried to give her as much information as possible about her company without overwhelming her. If she was some big shot CEO then certainly she must have a nice house, right?

And right she was.

The house wasn’t overly grand, not truly showing the wealth that Anya had shown her currently resting in her bank account, but still something beyond what Lexa had dreamed of as a little girl. As Clarke pulled into the driveway Lexa couldn’t pull her eyes away. The modern, neutral colored home was fixed with accents of wrought iron and patina delicately balanced the warmth wood and Belgian curtains that Lexa could just barely make out from the many large windows around the house. The two story house loomed over a lush front yard that housed a large driveway as well as a front walkway that included a stone fountain set a few feet away from the two small stairs that lead up to the front door.

Lexa was too busy admiring the beautiful home, that was apparently hers, to notice Clarke staring at her with a barely noticeable smile.

“You had that same look on your face when we first came here with our realtor. You said it was more than what you used to dream of when you were younger. After you stared at it for a good two minutes you looked over to me and said it was the one. You didn’t even need to step foot inside to know, as soon as the realtor walked up to our car you said we’d take it.”

Lexa searched Clarke’s eyes, shimmering with unshed tears, and found no hint of deceit. Clarke let out a strained laugh before turning off the car and carefully climbing out to open the back passenger door and grab the small bag that held a few of Lexa’s things. Lexa quickly followed suit and waited patiently at the front of the car for Clarke to begin walking towards the large front door. She watched as the blonde unlocked the front door before rushing inside to enter in a key code for the security system that sat on the wall to the left of the door.

Walking in Lexa’s breath caught in he lungs as she stared at the interior ahead of her. The small expanse of wall to her left gave way to a curved stair case that lead up to an interior balcony where she could see the openings to two hallway on either side of the balcony. The ten foot ceilings captivated her for a moment before letting her eyes fall back down to stare ahead of her. Af ew feet away she could just make out a large living room that house pristine white couches and a glass coffee table in the center of them. As she walked further into the home she could see a flat screen tv on the wall in front of the couches surrounded by large recessed shelves that housed what looked to be thousands of books, not that she was counting.

All in all, even without looking around the rest of the magnificent house, Lexa could tell this was the home of her dreams. That and more. Her dream home where she wanted to enjoy lazy Sunday mornings curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee and a good book. The dream home where she wanted to be able to walk up to her room after a long day at work and cuddle up with her wife.

Lexa’s eyes widened as her brain came to a swift stop. The soft throbbing that was setting in behind her eyes suddenly turned to feel as if someone was hitting her repeatedly over the head with a hammer. Blurred images of fluttering white fabric and pale skin clouded her vision as she closed her eyes to try and calm the ache in her head.

That same giggle from her dream, -memory-, filled her ears and her eyes snapped open. Her chest heaved as she tried to calm the storm raging in her head. It wasn’t until a pair of warm hands were placed on her cheeks that she was able to get her breathing under control. The worried face of Clarke filtered through the hazy image of the white fabric that still hovered in her vision even after she opened her eyes.

“Lexa? Hey, I’m right here. What’s wrong?”

“A giggle. Did you hear someone giggle?”

Clarke’s eyebrow scrunched together as she took in Lexa’s words,“There’s no one here but you and me. Nobody giggled, Lex.”

As if Clarke’s touch burned her, Lexa pushed away her hands before backing away and shaking her head,“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just hearing things. Ugh, where’s the kitchen? I could really use some water right now.”

A look of hurt flowed over Clarke’s face before quickly placing a small smile in her direction and began leading her towards the large kitchen. Lexa stood silently in the doorway and watched Clarke move around the kitchen with graceful memory as she readied a glass of water for Lexa. Moving over to the marble top kitchen island she took a seat at one of the many bar stools that lined it and looked around the bright kitchen. Looking out the window that sat above the sink across from her Lexa could see a large pool that laid in the backyard as well as a good expanse of luscious grass.

“Here you go,” Clarke said as she set a cup filled with ice and water, a lemon wedge floating on top, in front of Lexa.

Just the way she liked her water. She smiled up gratefully at the blonde before taking the drink and chugging down almost half the glass in one fell swoop. Lexa was grateful for the icy water that helped soothe her suddenly parched throat and also pulled her eyes away from Clarke who’s own eyes were wondering her figure. Setting the glass on the counter Lexa was just about to ask if Clarke needed something until the blonde turned around and walked back over to the fridge.

“I was thinking of making your favorite for dinner tonight. BLT on rye with extra crispy bacon. How does that sound?”

Lexa would be lying if she said her mouth didn’t water at the sound of food,“That sounds good. Hospital food kinda sucks.”

“It does. I don’t think it’s something I could stomach right now.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Clarke pulled out a pack of bacon before turning to look at Lexa with confusion filled eyes,“What are you talking about?”

“You just said you don’t think you could stomach hospital food right now. Are you sick?”

Lexa watched as Clarke’s eyes widened momentarily before an awkward laugh was forced out of her throat,“Uh, no. No, it’s just…uh…I have a really sensitive stomach. Yeah, a sensitive stomach.”

She knew Clarke was lying. Just the hesitation in her voice gave her away along with the tone of her voice that sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Lexa. Instead of pushing the subject Lexa stood from her stool before pushing it back into place and walking to towards the entrance to the kitchen. She stopped in the doorway when she realized that she had no clue where she was going and looked over her shoulder at Clarke.

“Uh, where’s the bathroom?”

“Down the hallway, first door to the right,” Clarke said as she pulled out a bag of rye bread.

Lexa gave a small ‘thank you’ before leaving the kitchen and making her way down the hallway. Her walk slowed to a stop right before she passed a picture frame hanging on the wall to her left. It was of her. Laughing at what looked like a summer fair, a giant stuffed raccoon in her hands. Lexa ran her fingers over the glass covered picture as she tried to etch the details of it into her mind. She didn’t remember this. Something that had happened to make her smile so brightly and she couldn’t even remember what it was.

Glancing down the hallway she saw a few more pictures and decided to keep looking over them. The next one featured her and Clarke. They sat along a beach, sun setting ahead of them, wrapped in each others arms. From the angle the picture was taken Lexa could see the gentle smile that rested on Clarke’s face as her eyes glanced up at hers. Something in this picture sent Lexa’s heart beating like a humming birds wings, and she wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. None of this she remembered. This was a life that was unknown to her. And it scared her.

This picture showed that she indeed had _something_ with Clarke, but standing here now, she wasn’t sure if she still wanted that something. Yes, everyone was telling her that she was married to this woman, but for some reason, whether it was because of the lost memories or just because of her heart, she still loved Costia. No matter how many times Anya had told her the story about Costia the night of the party she still didn’t believe her. That was something in her heart she knew Costia would never do, at least not the Costia she knew almost five years ago. Now she didn’t know where she was or who she was for that matter. For all Lexa knew she could be married and have kids, a whole new life.

Sighing deeply due to the conflicting emotions battling within her Lexa forwent looking at any of the other photos and continued her journey to the bathroom. Finally, she spotted the white door to the right and had just pushed it open when the sound of her name being called suddenly stopped her. Her head whipped to the side to see Clarke jogging down the hallway, with something akin to fear in her eyes.

“Lexa, wait. Don’t go in there yet. I, uh, there’s something I need to get before you go in,” Clarke harshly breathed out as she pushed her way past Lexa.

Lexa didn’t have time to retaliate before Clarke had slammed the door shut, successfully locking her out. Confused, she placed her ear against the door and listened to the slight rustling that was coming from the other side. A string of cuss words could be heard coming from the blonde on the other side as well as the sound of a plastic bag. Lexa quickly moved away from the door when she heard Clarke’s footsteps getting closer to the door. A flustered Clarke swung the door open, an arm behind her back, and gave Lexa a sheepish grin.

“Sorry. Just some trash I needed to get out of here. Uh, you can use it now.”

Clarke moved out of the doorway, careful to make sure whatever was behind her back stayed hidden. Lexa arched an eyebrow while she watched Clarke back up down the hallway before shooting into the kitchen without so much as another word. Shaking her head Lexa made her way into the bathroom before shutting and locking the door.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Clarke)**

Clarke leaned against the wall next to the entrance of the kitchen gripping the plastic bag to her chest as she let out a relieved sigh. Out of all the things she forgot to pick up in the two hours she had come home the other day she would forget the pregnancy test. Opening the bag Clarke pulled out the small stick and sadly smiled down at it. Keeping this a secret from Lexa was going to be hard and it wasn’t just because of the pregnancy symptoms that would obviously begin to give her away. It was more because of the overwhelming urge to tell Lexa, to be able to, maybe, see the bright smile overcome her face like the one Clarke knew she wore when she had first told her over the phone.

But that wasn’t a possibility right now. First priority was to help Lexa remember anything and everything she could without pushing any boundaries. She knew Lexa to be a private person and didn’t like the idea of strangers knowing a lot about her, and to Lexa, Clarke was technically a stranger at the moment. No matter how much proof she had about her being married to Lexa, about how much she loved her, she knew Lexa was stubborn. Stubborn to a point to where it could possibly ruin something that meant a lot to her, whether she did it on purpose or not.

Deciding to quit wallowing around in self misery Clarke stuffed the pregnancy test into her back pocket and stuffed the box and plastic bag into the trashcan beside her. Walking over to the ingredients for the BLT’s Clarke heard the familiar sound of the bathroom door opening and kept glancing up as she waited for Lexa to appear. As she was cutting the tomatoes into slices she looked up to see Lexa hesitantly round the corner to stand awkwardly in the threshold.

Just by the way she stood there, unsure of what to do with herself, had Clarke’s arousal skyrocketing into space. This pregnancy would be the end of her, especially with Lexa being off limits at the moment. It was safe to say she may need to take things into her own hands. _Literally_. Clarke was so in tuned with letting her eyes wonder she didn’t realize she was sitting chopping away at the tomatoes until she felt a sudden sharp pain shoot up her finger.

“Ah!”

Clarke let out a small painful yelp as she dropped the knife and quickly grabbed a few paper towels to try and stop the blood flow from the cut she now sported on her finger. As she wrapped the towel tightly around her finger she failed to notice Lexa digging around in one of the cabinets before suddenly appearing next to her with a first aid kit.

“Lexa, how’d you know where that was?”

Lexa stared down at the box in her hands, confusion written clearly in her eyes,“I’m not sure. I just saw the blood and then I was just moving on my own.”

Clarke felt her heart fill with hope. Hope that someday soon, Lexa’s memories would come back. If such a simple and unimportant memory such as remembering where the first aid kit was in their kitchen came back to Lexa without her even thinking about it then there was a way for her most important memories to make their way back. Clarke continued to hold the paper towel around her finger as she watched Lexa pull out a bandaid and a tube of healing ointment before holding her hand out towards Clarke.

“Let’s see.”

Clarke placed her hand in Lexa’s and watched silently as she removed the paper towel from her finger to inspect the cut. From her point of view the cut wasn’t that deep, merely just a flesh wound that looked worse than it was because of the amount of blood that oozed out. Lexa dabbed at the cut, wiping away the remaining blood before quickly applying the ointment and covering it with a bandaid. Once she was done Lexa slowly released her hand and glanced up at her before beginning to clean up the little bit of trash on the counter.

“Thank you. For this,” Clarke said as she held up her finger.

Lexa looked at her once more before shutting the first aid kit and moving to put it back in its rightful place,“It’s no problem. Something just came over me when I heard you yelp and saw the blood. Do you cut yourself often?”

A small laugh left Clarke’s lips as she looked down in shame as Lexa came to stand next to her,“Almost every time. You’re usually here to patch me up. That’s probably what triggered you remembering where the first aid kit was.”

Clarke’s eyes rose to meet Lexa’s as the brunette studied her face. Suddenly everything around the fell away. In that particular moment it was just her and Lexa. Nothing else. Clarke could feel herself gravitating closer to Lexa’s rosy lips and she was more than positive Lexa was also moving closer. Warm breath rolled over her lips and a small shiver ran down her spine as she waited for the moment that she had wanted since telling Lexa the amazing news. Clarke’s tongue darted out to moisten her suddenly dry lips and right before she could move any closer to her goal Lexa pulled away.

Emerald eyes stared back at her, shock and horror written clearly across her face,“I’m sorry. I can’t…I just can’t.”

Clarke’s felt her heart crack slightly as Lexa rushed out of the kitchen and disappeared to god knows where, seeming as to how she didn’t remember her way around the house. So, close but yet so far. With Lexa being so close, her warm breath ghosting over Clarke’s lips sending chills down her spine, almost made Clarke believe that maybe the accident never happened. That maybe Lexa was still… _Lexa_.

But God’s cruel plan for her wasn’t over, not by a long shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being so early on in the story I didn't want Clarke to just bombard Lexa with pictures so I'll be saving it for a later chapter. I did, however, want her to see at least a few in this chapter and figured her walking down the hallway seeing them would be the best way. But there will be more to come! Promise!
> 
> If you guys have any questions or comments about CM you can follow me on twitter and tumblr (links in profile)  
> You guys can also chat with me there, I almost always respond, if you just feel like talking! I love being able to connect with my readers! 
> 
> Love to all! :)


	5. Internal Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finds a special picture. Another dream (memory?). Lexa comes to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of you are probably going to want to kill be at the end of this...but I hope you like it, and I will always promise you, this will end with CLEXA. Don't forget that! 
> 
> This is one of my favorites that I've written so far. A lot doesn't really happen in this chapter, but the ending will be what sets the course for the story. So enjoy and...please don't kill me. ;)

After rushing out the kitchen due to the small awkward encounter Lexa found herself roaming the fairly large house. Seeing as to how she wanted to get as far away from Clarke as possible at the moment her first instinct was to scurry up the stairs to the second story and push herself through the closest door. As she leaned against the solid wood and let out an exaggerated sigh she slowly opened her eyes and looked around the room.

Shelves lined the walls, not a single space left unoccupied due to the sheer number of books, and Lexa couldn’t help but let out a startled gasp. Books had always been one of her passions. They were able to take her places, help her escape the world around her when things went wrong or when she just wanted to get _away_. Walking further into the room, Lexa let her fingers brush against the textured spines of the books lining the shelf closest to her as she looked around.

A wooden top desk with iron legs sat in the center of the room. A 21.5 inch iMac sat on the smooth surface, a few papers laid neatly in a pile on the edge, and a large picture frame rested next to the large computer. Shuffling over, Lexa took a seat in the white leather desk chair before grabbing ahold of the picture frame. The sight before sent a jolt through her heart. A black and white image of Clarke, smiling brightly back at her as she glanced over her bare shoulder, eyes gleaming with unrepressed happiness. Her ears burned as she placed the picture back on the desk, this time face down, and tried to shake the, what in her mind was a probably a _private_ photo meant for her and her alone, out of her head.

“You took that picture,” a soft voice came from the door causing Lexa to jump.

She looked up to see Clarke leaning against the door frame, arms folded gently across her chest as she gazed at Lexa.

“I was at the studio closing up when you suddenly showed up. You brought us dinner and we ended up eating there. You stared at me for the longest time before telling me you wanted to take my picture,” Clarke trailed off, leaving her to figure out the rest of the short story.

Her mind became fuzzy. Obviously it was her that had prompted the clearly shirtless picture of Clarke. She tried to form the image in her head, one where the woman before her allowed her to capture the stunning image, one where _she_ was the cause of the dazzling smile that graced her features. _She tried_.

“I don’t remember that,” Lexa whispered quietly as she looked at everything but Clarke.

Clarke pushed off the frame and walked over to the desk to stand before Lexa,“That’s fine. I don’t expect everything to come rushing back to you, no matter how much I want it to.”

The last part was a broken whisper, one that Lexa had almost missed, but she still heard it. Her eyes darted up to the blonde before awkwardly looking down at her hands. How was this supposed to work? She was married to someone she technically didn’t know. Were they just supposed to start over or pick up from where they left off? Did Clarke expect things from her? To hold her, kiss her, sleep with her as she was sure she had done before the accident wiped her memories? Her unexpected worries caused the slow ache that was finally beginning to fade away to snap back in full force, causing her to flinch slightly.

“It’s getting late. Why don’t we go back to the kitchen and eat and then head to bed?” Clarke suggested, obviously noticing her inner struggle.

Lexa nodded her head before standing from the chair and following Clarke back down to the kitchen. As she sat at the kitchen island chewing one of the best BLTs she’d ever tasted a sudden thought popped into Lexa’s head.

Where the hell would she be sleeping?

* * *

Standing in the large room Lexa mentally groaned, finally seeing where she was more than likely going to sleep, as she wished that she had forced Anya to let her stay with her.

After finishing up with the quick meal and awkwardly helping Clarke wash the dishes, she had followed the blonde up the stairs and down one of the two hallways only to come to a set of double doors. Clarke didn’t hesitate as she pushed open both doors and walked into the room, leaving Lexa to gaze at it’s beauty. A Millet diamond-tufted king bed sat against the only windowless wall in the room, two nightstands on either side, both sporting matching lamps and picture frames.

Moving inside, Lexa looked around at the rest of the furniture placed neatly around the room. With the size of the room, there was plenty of space to fit a couch with two matching love seats and a coffee table in the center. Lexa splayed her hands across the smooth fabric of the couch and was brought out of her thoughts as Clarke came walking back into the room from a door that Lexa hadn’t noticed to her right.

“Bathroom is right through there. I put some clothes out for you. I figured you might want to take a shower before bed.”

“Thank you.”

Not knowing what else to say Lexa hurried into the bathroom and shut the door. The bathroom itself was almost as grand as the bedroom. A large tub was on the wall opposite of her, a frosted window sitting above it. A glass shower was to the left of the tub, a waterfall shower head on the ceiling catching Lexa’s attention. A door to what she assumed may be a walk-in closet was to the right of the tub. The bathroom counter, with built in vanity, stretched along the wall next to the entrance where she currently stood. A neat stack of clothes and a dark grey towel sat on the marble surface and, as she stared at the clean clothing, Lexa realized how desperately as craved the feeling of being freshly washed.

Waisting no time, she quickly began removing her clothing. Luckily Dr. Williams had prescribed her a pain medication to help with the pain of her broken ribs and now only a dull ache caught her attention when she moved the wrong way. As for her fractured wrist, that thankfully hadn’t been as she had previously thought, she only needed to wear a brace for a few weeks to keep any pressure off of it as it healed.

After putting her clothing in a hamper next to the shower she carefully removed her brace and placed it on the ledge of the tub next to her towel. Opening the glass door she silently slipped inside the shower and turned the knob for the hot water and let out a heavenly sigh as the water slipped down her body. Lexa quickly went to work scrubbing her curly brunette locks before moving on to her body. The smell of lavender assaulted her nose as she ran the body wash covered loofah over her body.

Before long she stepped out into the steam filled bathroom and reached for her towel to wrap around her body. After drying her wrist and securing her brace back into place she made her way over to the bathroom counter where her clothes sat. Quickly toweling off she pulled on her undergarments and dressed in the sleep shorts and tank top that Clarke left out for her. Wiping away some of the fog from the mirror Lexa let her eyes travel over her own features.

The person she was staring at was an older version of herself that held different features of the person she used to see when she was in college. Her jaw had become more defined, lips seemed to be fuller, hair was a shade lighter, and her eyes seemed to be slightly darker. This girl—woman—wasn’t who she was used to seeing. The person looking back at her wasn’t someone she knew. This person lead a different life, one she was completely unfamiliar with. In her mind she was still in college, making mistakes every struggling college student made, still in love with…

Lexa broke her gaze with the mirror and ran her hands down her face. Thinking of _her_ would only make things harder. She had promised Anya that she wouldn’t get into contact with Costia until the nine months were up, and that was _if_ she didn’t remember anything. Deciding not to dwell on it any further Lexa made her way to the door and opened it before switching the lights off and walking into the bedroom. Quietly closing the door Lexa could make out Clarke’s form laying silently under the covers on the right side of the large bed.

Did she expect her to share the bed? To sleep next to her? Was she supposed to take the couch? Thoughts swirled around in Lexa’s head as she contemplated the best course of action. It wasn’t until Clarke sat up in bed to stare at her did Lexa finally cease her mental conflict.

“You can sleep in the bed, Lex. I’m not going to bite…much,” Clarke gently teased.

By the amused smile on the blonde’s face Lexa was pretty positive that she had seen the large blush that had sprung up on her cheeks. Padding her way over to the unoccupied side of the bed she lifted the sheets and comforter before climbing inside and laying down as close to the edge as she could get. She felt a slight shift in the bed before the room suddenly turned black and she felt the covers shift signaling that Clarke had returned to her previous laying position. Lexa laid there for what felt like hours, unaccustomed to the feeling of Clarke sleeping behind her, even though she was on the opposite side of the king sized bed. She shifted to get a little more comfortable and finally managed to get her tense body to relax. As she began to drift off into the void that was sleep a few whispered words reached her ears.

“I love you, Lexa.”

* * *

_Bright flashes filled the candle lit space around her. A black camera, heavy in her grip, as she pressed down on the shutter button._

_A short giggle, that **same** giggle. The sound of hair brushing along bare skin._

_Another flash._

_From her perspective, looking through the lens of the camera, a shirtless woman stood, back to her, head thrown back in laughter. A breath released from her lungs as the woman glanced over her bare shoulder, a bright smile covering her face._

_One last flash._

* * *

Lexa gasped loudly as she sat up in bed, a thin sheet of sweat covering her forehead and back. Her ribs protested at the sudden movement and that only caused the throbbing in her head to increase. Her dream—maybe a memory—replayed over in her head. The woman, who’s face was almost too blurry to make out, was most certainly Clarke. After seeing the picture and having that dream there was no one else Lexa could image it was.

_No._

It was a dream. Clarke could have easily taken the picture herself. She put this image in Lexa’s head with her story. Made her see things she didn’t remember. Things she weren’t even sure that happened. With anger clouding her mind she glanced over in search of said blonde only for her eyebrows to scrunch together in confusion to see the bed empty, covers thrown messily from where the blonde previously laid. Reaching over and turning on the lamp that sat on the nightstand Lexa scanned the room for any sign of the curly blonde haired female.

A sudden noise coming from the bathroom caught Lexa’s attention and she quickly hopped out of bed and made her way towards the cracked door. Pushing the door completely open Lexa hesitated at the entrance for a moment before walking inside.

“Clarke? Are you in here?”

Lexa heard the noise once again to her left and turned to see Clarke leaning over the toilet, desperately trying to hold her hair away from her face as she threw up. Seeing the blonde struggling Lexa rushed over to her side to grab ahold of the blonde mass. Without realizing what she was doing Lexa began rubbing soothing circles on Clarke’s back as she waited for the woman to stop vomiting. After a few minutes had passed Clarke slowly sat back and looked up at Lexa sheepishly.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. Thank you, though. For holding my hair.”

Lexa’s eyes met Clarke’s for a moment before looking down at her feet, all previous thoughts about her dream forgotten,“It’s no problem. Are you okay? Do you need me to call a doctor?”

“Uh, no. It’s okay. I’ll be fine. My stomach probably just didn't agree with the BLT from last night. I feel better already,” Clarke lied through her teeth.

Lexa paused for a moment before nodding her head in acceptance and helping Clarke from the floor. She watched silently as the woman walked over to the bathroom sink and began brushing her teeth. Her eyes roamed over the back of Clarke’s head, down her t-shirt covered back before reaching the curve of her ass. Lexa’s emerald eyes snapped away as she suddenly noticed Clarke’s state of undress.

“Um, Clarke. You’re not, uh, you’re not wearing any…,”Lexa’s words failed her as she tried to make Clarke aware of her panty clad bottom.

Clarke’s eyes darted to Lexa in the mirror before glancing down,“Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I usually don’t sleep with pants. I didn’t think of that last night. I’m sorry.”

Lexa kept her eyes away from Clarke’s form as she quickly rinsed out her mouth before disappearing into the walk-in closet. The blush creeping along her face finally began to fade away as Clarke came sauntering out dressed in black leggings.

“Sorry, again. Before the…uh, accident…you didn’t care if I walked around half naked. You actually lik—,” Clarke let her words die in her mouth as Lexa’s blush came back full force,“Uh, I’m gonna go make breakfast.”

Clarke darted out of the bathroom leaving a flushed Lexa in her wake. Lexa made sure the blonde was gone before letting out a long exhale as she tried to calm the raging emotions in her body. Seeing Clarke’s almost bare bottom had caused feelings in the lower pit of her stomach to spring to life that she didn’t even know she possessed for the young woman. Things she should only feel for… _Costia_. Every fiber of her being screamed to follow Clarke, to push her against the wall and claim what her body was telling her was her’s, but that name in the back of her head stilled any movement that formed.

A deep internal struggle began to wage war in Lexa’s mind as she fought against her senses. Senses that told her to take Clarke to the highest pleasure, to have her withering underneath her. And there it was again. Costia. The name seemed to rear it’s head around any time Lexa thought of Clarke in some sexual way, in a possible loving way. She couldn’t think of that with anyone else. Her mind currently belonged to Costia…maybe even her heart. As the crashing waves that were Costia’s hold on Lexa’s mind washed through her a sudden decision was made. One that Lexa would either come to regret or one that she would cherish.

With the way her brain was working at the moment, currently devoid of anyone— _anything_ — but Costia, she’d be damned if she was gong to follow Anya’s nine month promise. She was going to find and talk to Costia herself, _today_.

_Clarke be damned._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEXAAA, seriously? (I know you're all thinking it!) So she's finally come to the decision we've all been dreading...one that I'm not going to like one bit, but it's what's going to pull the plot of this story together, sadly. 
> 
> I've had some thoughts on making this a story with g!p Lexa...and I've been trying to put it in my head whether I like it or not. It would definitely work in this story and I think it may give Lexa a better connection, a more emotional part in the story, than it would if the baby were from IVF. I would definitely love some feedback from you guys on what you think! There's still plenty of time for me to add it into here, as I've said nothing about her sex, just her emotions. 
> 
> And as always, thank you to all of my amazing readers and commenters! You guys always make me smile when I read what you all think about CM! The thought that I can put such emotion into your hearts are simply amazing! So here's to you all and hoping I can continue to toy with your emotions (just kidding)! 
> 
> Love to all! ;)
> 
> P.S. with brain injuries there are sometimes, more than not, mood swings. We will see Lexa be a little more aggressive, not in a physical way, towards those around her. It's just a heads up for those who aren't too fond of angst or any other emotional distress because Lexa will go through a flood of emotions in the course of this story!


	6. Secret's Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa decides to be spontaneous. Friends are introduced. A secret is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter took a little longer than normal to get out, but it's here! Hope you guys all enjoy this chapter of Captured Memories!

Clarke let out a broken breath as she finally reached the kitchen before rounding the island and leaning against it, her back to the kitchen entrance. Unshed tears blurred her vision as she tried to calm her racing emotions. Here she was in the middle of her kitchen, crying because Lexa didn’t remember such a silly little thing like liking to watch her walk around the house without pants.

“I blame you little Bean,” Clarke sadly joked to her developing baby bump about her conflicting emotions.

A single tear broke free from the corner of her eye and that was all it took for the flood gates to open. As one hand cradled the small bump of her tummy the other lifted to try and wipe away her tears. She just couldn’t seem to calm her shifting emotions as she took in a stuttering breath. Everything happening around her the past few days seemed to be causing nothing but tears to sprout in her blue eyes. The sudden sound of someone entering the kitchen caught her attention and she quickly looked over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of Lexa, fully dressed for the day, standing on the other side of the island.

Clarke quickly looked away and brushed the remaining tears off her cheeks before speaking,“Um, anything specific you want for breakfast? Eggs, pancakes, maybe French toast?”

“Were you crying?”

Those three simple words and Clarke swallowing down more tears before she put on a brave face and turned to Lexa,“No, not really. Just something in my eyes. It’s fine now, though. So, what do you want for breakfast?”

“Uh, okay. I’m actually going to head out somewhere. There’s a few things I want to do today,” Lexa said, watching Clarke intently to gauge her reaction.

“Sure. I just need to change and we can—,” Lexa swiftly cut her off.

“I’d like to go by myself.”

Clarke blinked slowly trying to figure out what was running through Lexa’s mind in that moment,“Lexa, you just got out of the hospital from a car accident. You have a severe concussion, which may I remind you, that your still healing from.”

Clarke didn’t need to voice that she was implying about Lexa’s memories still being suppressed. By the way Lexa rolled her eyes, Clarke knew that the older woman knew what she was talking about.

“I’ve lost my memories, not my ability to take care of myself like the adult I am,” Lexa snapped.

The words stung Clarke’s heart at the harshness of Lexa’s tone,“I didn’t mean that you couldn’t take care of yourself, Lex. I’d just think it’d be best if you didn’t drive for a while like the doctor said.”

“Then I won’t drive. I’ll just walk.”

Before Clarke could respond Lexa was already walking out the kitchen and towards the front door. Rounding the island Clarke quickly made her way out the kitchen and down the hallway, hot on Lexa’s trail. Lexa walked up to the front door, shouldering her small purse that she had apparently grabbed from the hospital bag that housed all her stuff from the crash, and opened the tall door before looking back at Clarke.

“I’ll be back later. Don’t wait up.”

And with that she left a shocked Clarke frozen a few feet away from the front door. Pushing her shock to the side, Clarke quickly moved forward and threw the front door open and ran out onto the front walkway to see Lexa hightailing it down the sidewalk, never looking back.

“Lexa! Come back!”

Clarke desperately wanted to go after the brunette but thought better against it as she remembered the tone that Lexa had used on her earlier. The hidden anger that laid deep down in her voice still hurt Clarke’s heart. Letting out a defeated sigh Clarke slowly made her way back inside, deciding it would be better to call Anya and let her know about Lexa’s spontaneous adventure. Making quick work of the stairs, Clarke rushed back to the bedroom and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. Scrolling through her contacts she quickly found Anya’s name and hit the dial button.

Not even three rings sounded over the phone before Anya’s voice filled the speaker,“Hey, Clarke. Is everything okay?”

“Lexa decided to go on a little adventure. She started walking towards town a few minutes ago. I need you to find her and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Why didn’t you stop her? You could have ran after her,” Clarke took notice of the calmness of Anya’s voice, surprised that it wasn’t also filled with anger.

“She snapped at me this morning. She said there were some things she wanted to do today and I told her it would take me a minute to get changed but she told me no. That she wanted to go alone, and when I told her the doctor said it was better if she didn’t drive while still healing from her concussion she got angry. Told me that she may have lost her memories but didn’t lose her ability to take care of herself like the adult she is. I thought it would be best if you went to find her instead of me. Seeing as to how she doesn’t exactly care for me at the moment.”

A deep exhale came from Anya,“At least she’s admitting she lost her memories. Maybe we can smack some sense into her yet. Don’t worry, Clarke. I’ll go and see if I can find her. I’ll try some of her old college hang out spots and I’ll call if I find her, okay?”

“Okay, just let me know as soon as you find her. God knows what that woman can get herself into when she’s angry and has her mind set on something. She’s too damn stubborn.”

“She is, but don’t worry. When I find her she’ll be wishing she never left.”

Clarke let a sorrowful smile grace her lips,“Thanks, Anya. I really appreciate it.”

“What are older sisters for besides keeping their younger siblings from getting into trouble? Oh, and Clarke.”

“Yeah?”

“She may not remember it now, but Lexa cares for you. More than anything on this Earth. Just because she’s lost her memories doesn’t mean that that love isn’t there. Just give it some time and she’ll find her way back to you.”

Clarke bit her lip to keep the it from quivering at her sister-in-law’s words,“I know. She’ll come back to us eventually. Until then we just kind of have to help her along the way.”

“Exactly. Now, you go relax. Maybe take a dip in the pool since the weather is nice. You don’t need anymore stress today. I can’t have you and little Bean in the hospital. I’ll deal with Lexa today and bring her back once she’s had some time to calm down.”

“Thanks again, Anya. I hope you don’t have to run around the entire city to find her.”

“I think I’ll be okay. I’ll find her before long and drag her back screaming and kicking if I have to,” Anya joked.

Clarke rolled her eyes before giving a little laugh,“Bye, Anya.”

“Bye, Clarke. Tell Bean I said ‘hello’ and I can’t wait to meet him or her!”

“Will do.”

Clarke pulled the phone away from her ear and hit the ‘end’ button. She watched as her phone’s home screen popped up and smiled down at the background picture. It was the day she and Lexa had decided to have a lazy day and stay at home. She had grown bored and wanted to start on a new painting, much to Lexa’s displeasure, who only wanted to cuddle all day in bed. They both ended up getting into a ridiculous argument and Clarke had flicked her paint covered paint brush in Lexa’s direction, successfully covering her wife’s face with bright orange paint. It was safe to say they both ended up covered in paint which lead to Clarke pulling out her phone and capturing the moment forever.

That day had been amazing. Both so carefree and in love. Like nothing could break them apart. Until that horrid night. Lexa’s memories stolen from her leaving Clarke to try and desperately help her remember. _If_ she could remember.

Clarke quickly shook her head to clear the vile thought,“She’ll remember. She’ll remember because she loves me. _Us_. Lexa will never truly leave us. She’s there, just waiting to come back. Just you wait.”

Her hands ran over her bump where little Bean slept peacefully, completely unaware of the situation his mothers were in at the moment. If all turned well then this would just turn out to be a future story that ended with a happy ending, hopefully without too many complicated twists and turns. Deciding to not dwell on the future any longer Clarke began to think of the present. Of little Bean and what would be best of him or her in this moment and time. And it certainly wasn’t good for little Bean if she was worried day and night about what the future might possibly hold. So she would focus on keeping herself healthy to help the little life inside her grow.

Taking Anya’s advice Clarke figured it would be the perfect time to throw on a bikini and take a dip in the pool. Maybe even have a nice lemonade while she barbecued a few burgers. Making her way into the bathroom and to the walk-in closet Clarke dug around in one of the many drawers before pulling out a teal colored bikini with a shout of triumph. Making quick work of her shirt and leggings, Clarke pulled on the bikini before grabbing a soft grey kimono cover up out of another drawer. While walking back into her bedroom, pulling the kimono onto her shoulders, she heard the sound of loud knocking traveling through her open bedroom door.

Making her way out the bedroom and down the hallway Clarke came to a stop at the balcony and gazed down towards the front door to see who was knocking. She could make out the tall muscular form of a man from her vantage point and automatically knew who it was. Carefully taking the stairs as fast as she could Clarke rushed over to the door and threw it open, no hesitation in her fluent movements.

“Long time no see, princess.”

Clarke happily threw her arms around the tall tan man and gave him a good squeeze,“Lincoln! It’s good to see you! What are you doing here? Where’s Octavia?”

“She’s getting some stuff from the car with Raven, Bellamy, and Echo,” Lincoln pulled away and rested his hands on Clarke’s shoulders,“Anya told everyone about the accident and Lexa walking out. She said you could use a good distraction right now while she goes looking for Lexa. We figured we’d bring a few things over and have a little party. Since it’s pretty hot outside today we thought it would be good to have a cook out and swim a bit. And since you’re already in your bathing suit I’m guessing you had the same idea.”

Clarke directed a small smile to Lincoln,“Thanks, Linc. I _could_ really use the distraction. I haven’t been able to get all of this out of my mind since the officers arrived at my house. It’s been like living in a never ending nightmare.”

“Well, now that nightmare is over! Because we’re going to have some fun today!”

Clarke laughed as Octavia came walking up behind Lincoln, arms full of grocery bags, the rest of their little group of friends following closely behind. All of them had surprisingly met one fateful night when her and Lexa were studying up a storm in their campus library. They had taken residence at a back table, even though the entire library was pretty much empty considering it was close to closing time, and were studying quietly until a shrill yell caused them both to jump up in shock.

Both woman looked over to where the yell had come from just in time to see a small group of friends, water guns in hand, running towards them. Three women and two men, who they would soon come to know as Raven, Octavia, Echo, Bellamy, and Lincoln, had began to spray each other, not taking notice that they were getting closer to both females. It wasn’t until Raven and Echo ducked out of Bellamy and Lincolns aim that they realized Clarke and Lexa behind them, but it was too late. Both women yelled in shock as the icy water doused them. Lincoln and Bellamy had automatically dropped their water guns and had begun to apologize over and over while the three women laughed in the background.

Lexa had looked over at her and she instantly noticed the glimmer of revenge pooling in her eyes. Clarke had given her a stubble nod before they both dived for the discarded guns and quickly began aiming for the group around them. After ducking behind chairs and tables for almost ten minutes they had run out of water and threw their guns down in surrender. After that moment everyone looked around, each dripping in water, before falling onto the floor holding their stomachs in laughter. From that moment on, no matter the weirdness of how they had met, the group became extremely close over the following weeks, even after they got kicked out of the library.

Clarke would never change the way she met her crazy friends. It may have cost her a month of being banned from the library but it was well worth it to gain friends like the one’s now making their way inside her home. Everyone shuffled into the kitchen and placed the many shopping bags onto the counters. Octavia was the first one to appear back at Clarke’s side, wrapping her up in a firm hug.

“I’m sorry to hear about Lexa. She’ll come around though. She’s just being her stubborn self,” Octavia whispered into her ear.

Clarke pulled back and let the corner of her lip tug up in a lopsided smile,“Nothing to be sorry about, O. Things happen. We’ll work around them and get her back to where we left off.”

Octavia nodded in agreement before she was suddenly pushed away by Raven,“Get out my way, Octavia. It’s my turn to hug blondie.”

Clarke giggled as Raven pulled her into a fierce hug,“Hey, Raven. You’re starting to sound like Anya.”

“Well, I am dating and living with her. She’s bound to rub off on me at some point. I’m just shocked my awesomeness hasn’t rubbed off onto her yet. Maybe she’s just not worthy.”

Bellamy chose that moment to butt into their conversation, beer in hand,“You sure that ‘awesomeness’ isn’t just a figment of your imagination?”

“Watch it, Blake. Don’t tempt me to blow up your precious TV again,” Raven playfully threatened.

Bellamy held his hands up in defeat as Echo came to stand to his left,“No more blowing up TV’s, Raven. Do you know how much it took us to replace the last two?”

Everyone laughed as Raven just shrugged her shoulders at Echo’s comment before beginning to move around the kitchen with Octavia, pulling out everything from the bags littering the counters. Soon hamburger meat, hot dogs, an array of condiments, hot dog and hamburger buns, beer, and paper plates were neatly placed along the kitchen island. Bellamy and Lincoln grabbed ahold of the hot dogs and hamburgers before making their way outside to the large grill that sat a few feet away from the pool. After everything was set for when they were ready to eat the four women all decided that a few minutes in the pool were much needed. Raven called out, saying she would follow shortly, as Clarke, Octavia, and Echo made their way out the door and towards the pool.

They quickly shed their clothes before tentatively placing their feet in the water to check the temperature and, after finding it nice and warm, dove in. As Clarke rose to the surface she caught the sight of Raven walking towards the pool, four beers in hand. Clarke’s heart rate increased as she realized what her friends could possibly learn about her in this moment. She wasn’t normally one to turn down a beer, usually having at least one or two at get togethers like this, so it was going to be hard to get out of this one. It wasn’t that she didn’t want her friends to know it was the fact that she wanted to talk it over with Lexa first before anyone else found out. The more people who knew, the harder the secret would be to keep.

“I go to get the good stuff and you guys get in without me! What kind of friends are you?” Raven huffed out in mock anger.

“Just give me the damn beer, Rae,” Octavia demanded as she swam to the edge of the pool, hand outstretched.

Raven handed over the opened beer to the brunette while also handing one over to Echo who sat at the edge of the pool. Clarke tried to form any excuse that would make sense in her hand but failed miserable when Raven called out to her.

“Clarke, I’m not holding your beer forever. Come get it.”

The blonde quickly shook her head at the Latina,“Uh, no thanks, Raven. I don’t really want one right now.”

Good excuse, Clarke. They’ll totally believe that one. Yeah, right.

Echo’s gaze shifted over to her with amused concern,“ _You_ don’t want a beer, Clarke? What, did you bump your head this morning? You never turn down a beer.”

Clarke worried at her lip as she listened to Echo’s words,“No…I’m just not really feeling it right now. Maybe later.”

All three woman’s gazes stayed on her for a few more moments before Raven shrugged and placed the extra beer on one of the tables sitting next to one of the many lounging chairs. Raven sat next to Echo and all four woman began making light conversation while basking in the warm sun. About an hour and a half passed before Bellamy and Lincoln called out to them stating that the food was ready and, after drying off, the woman followed them back into the house. Everyone maneuvered around each other as they fixed their plates of food, piling hamburgers and hot dogs, as well as some potato salad Clarke had overlooked. Clarke was walking behind Lincoln when his elbow suddenly shot back towards her stomach. With quick reflexes Clarke dropped her plate of food and instantly covered the tiny bump where she knew Bean rested before Lincoln’s elbow could make contact with it, instead meeting her hands.

Everyone turned their gazes to her as the paper plate crashed to the floor, food splattering everywhere. Clarke hunched around her hands as Lincoln whipped around and apologized before squatting down and beginning to pick up the food, not noticing everyone’s eyes still on Clarke. Clarke took a deep breath before her eyes darted around to each of her friends. Her gaze stopped as she met the eyes of a gasping Raven, one hand hovering over her mouth while the other one pointed towards her stomach.

“You’re pregnant!”

So much for trying to keep it a secret. _Damn_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...that's out of the bag. Now, it's only going to be harder for Clarke to keep her pregnancy a secret from Lexa. With everyone knowing there's bound to be a...slip up. 
> 
> As most of you have probably seen in the comments I have decided to go in a different direction than g!p Lexa. A wonderful reader suggested an article for artificial sperm that completely caught my attention. And as another reader stated, to their and my knowledge, no one has written a story with this. It's definitely going to take a little research before I fully understand the details but by time the pregnancy revel to Lexa comes around I should know more than enough! And for those of you wanting a g!p Lexa, I hope you all continue to read along! I would also like to thank you all for your overwhelming responses! I was getting email after email about comments coming in! Didn't expect as much feedback as I received! You guys are absolutely awesome!! 
> 
> Until next time!  
> Love to all!
> 
> xoxo


	7. Not Worth Her Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pregnancy revealed. Clarke has some pretty amazing friends. Lexa let's Anya in on her fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, chapter seven already?! You guys are so amazing for the number of subscriptions, hits, and bookmarks that CM has! I can't thank you all enough!
> 
> For this chapter, Lexa let's Anya in on some of her fears. I'm hoping this will help clear up a little bit of Lexa's behavior towards Clarke and what's been flowing through her mind since she woke up in the hospital and learned her memories were gone.
> 
> Please, enjoy! 
> 
> xoxo

_Everyone turned their gazes to her as the paper plate crashed to the floor, food splattering everywhere. Clarke hunched around her hands as Lincoln whipped around and apologized before squatting down and beginning to pick up the food, not noticing everyone’s eyes still on Clarke. Clarke took a deep breath before her eyes darted around to each of her friends. Her gaze stopped as she met the eyes of a gasping Raven, one hand hovering over her mouth while the other one pointed towards her stomach._

_“You’re pregnant!”_

_So much for trying to keep it a secret. Damn._

* * *

The amount of ‘oh my gods’ and joyful congratulations that filled the room sent Clarke’s mind buzzing with happiness. Besides the moment she had told Lexa about her pregnancy over the phone and her little chat with Anya her pregnancy hadn’t seemed so much of a good thing. With Lexa’s memories still suppressed somewhere deep in her subconscious Clarke had been questioning if their unborn child had decided to come into their lives at the wrong point in time. But, with all her friends happily surrounding her as they pulled her into a giant group hug, Clarke’s doubts were instantly washed away.

“Oh my god! Clarke! You’re going to be a mother! Holy shit I’m going to be an aunt! Oh my god!” Octavia shouted happily, bouncing up and down as she tentatively placed a hand over her bump.

“Uh, who said you get to be an aunt? I know for damn sure I’m going to be the number one aunt to this baby. And the godmother,” Raven smugly commented.

“You’re going to have to fight us all over that, including Anya. Might cause a feud between you and her that will put your sex lives on hold for a bit.”

Clarke laughed at Echo’s response and Raven’s eye roll. While the three women continued to argue over who was going to be her child’s number one aunt Clarke turned around as Bellamy and Lincoln both gave her large grins.

“Congrats, princess. I know it’s probably not the best timing but you know we’re all here for you. Even that crazy gaggle of females,” Bellamy said as she pulled her into a hug.

“Thanks, Bell. I know they mean well but if they continue to argue I’m going to kick them all out.”

Both men laughed at her response before the small group of females joined the laughing trio.

“What’s so funny over here?” Octavia said as she jabbed Bellamy in the arm.

“Nothing, just Clarke saying she was going to kick you all out if you didn’t stop arguing,” Lincoln stated as he wrapped an arm around Octavia’s waist.

Raven scoffed from her spot next to Clarke,“Please, she wouldn’t kick us out even if we destroyed her home studio.”

Clarke gave Raven a ‘don’t you even think about it’ look causing everyone around them to laugh causing Raven to roll her eyes,“I’m only joking. You know you’d still love me even if I did.”

“Okay, skipping over that. Clarke, why did you look like a deer caught in the head lights when we found out you were pregnant? Didn’t you want us to know?” Lincoln asked her seriously.

Clarke looked down at her hands that rested softly over her belly,“Lexa doesn’t even know yet. I haven’t thought of the right way to tell her yet with everything that’s happened. I didn’t want to tell anyone else in fear that it somehow getting back around to her on accident. She’s still not completely comfortable with me and I don’t want to push her away even more by telling her I’m pregnant with our child. It’ll just freak her out. I mean, there’s only so much she can take. Waking up in a hospital, forgetting almost half your life, finding out you’re married to someone you don’t even remember, and then throw a baby on top of that…She’ll be lost even more than she is now.”

“With the way Anya was talking it sounded like Lexa had quiet the bitchy mood towards you. Maybe you should tell her. Who knows, it might knock her back on her ass and stick some sense into her. Make her realize she needs to try harder with you,” Raven said cautiously.

Clarke pondered Raven’s words for a moment before a deep sigh escaped her lips,“Maybe you’re right. I’m just scared of what she’ll say. I’m scared that she’ll just look at me and say she wants no part in this.”

Octavia quickly crossed over to Clarke and pulled her into a firm hug while running her fingers through her blonde hair soothingly,“Lexa loves you, Clarke. Whether she remembers it or not, it’s in her subconscious. There’s no way she would push you away when you tell her your pregnant. It might be a little confusing for her at first but it’ll hurt her more if she finds out before you tell her.”

“You’re right. I guess it’s just the hormones messing with my mind. I know Lexa wouldn’t do that, at least not intentionally. I still want to wait to tell her though. At least until my next ultrasound. Will you come with me?” Clarke asked as she pulled away to look at Octavia.

“We’ll all come with you,” Echo said as she rested a hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke’s eyes welled up with tears as everyone around her nodded in agreement. She didn’t know what she did in life to deserve such amazing friends, but she was thankful for each and every one of them.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Lexa)**

Lexa stared down at her phone screen trying to make sure she was at the correct address.

After leaving Clarke standing in the front yard Lexa had quickly jogged as far as she possibly could before stopping to take in a much needed lungful of air. She had decided to call a cab after, seeing as to how the place she was heading to was more than a good two hour journey on foot verses twenty minutes by car. Once the yellow vehicle had arrived, she quickly gave the driver the address that she had pulled up and told to him to step on it.

Now, she stood in front of a renowned child’s daycare center on the outskirts of Seattle wondering just what she was about to get herself into. Lexa looked down at her phone once more, checking once more to make sure the address on the profile she had pulled up did indeed match the numbers elegantly painted on the building. Taking in a confident breath Lexa forced her legs to carry her up the sidewalk and through the doors of the large building. Upon entering Lexa looked around the lavish lobby area. Seats lined the walls and ahead of her she saw a glass window with a woman siting regally behind it.

Making her way over the woman looked up at her as she caught sight of her movement from the corner of her eye and gently opened the window,“Hi welcome to Smiles Childcare. Is there something I can help you with?”

“Uh, yes. I was wondering if you could tell me if Costia Groves is here today?” Lexa asked nervously.

“She’s actually out today. There were a few things she needed to take care of for the daycare.”

“She owns this daycare?”

“Yes, ma’am. Started it as soon as she graduated from college. Did you want me to leave a message for her Ms…?”

“Lexa. Lexa Woods. And that would be nice, thank you. If you could just tell her that I need to speak with her as soon as possible I would really appreciate it.”

The lady nodded happily before jotting down her information, also asking for her contact number,“Okay. I’ll make sure she gets this as soon as she gets back.”

Lexa thanked the woman before making her way back outside into the warm Seattle air. When she had looked up Costia’s Facebook profile she was surprised to see her line of work listed as a child’s daycare worker. Costia had never been one for kids when they were younger so it just seemed sort of odd that she would want to own a daycare center herself. Deciding not to dwell on it any further, she made her way back over to the cab where she had kindly asked the driver to wait for her and hopped in before giving the driver the address to a coffee shop that she frequented while at college.

A few short minutes later she was handing a few bills to the driver before thanking him and making her way inside the coffee shop. Walking inside Lexa clearly noticed a few visible differences in her favorite hang out, ones that might go unnoticed by a less than frequent customer. The walls were a newly painted color, more modernized tables were scattered through the shop, and Lexa was more than sure that there were quiet a few new drinks on the menu. Lexa chose to ignore the changes for the moment as she made a beeline for the counter to order herself a much needed coffee and muffin before taking a seat at one of the tables near the large front window.

As Lexa munched on her blueberry muffin she stared out the window and watched the dozens of people, some mostly college students, rushing down the sidewalks, not remotely aware of the war battling inside her head. Thoughts rushed around Lexa’s mind like a category five hurricane. There were so many things in the surrounding area that were the same as when she was in college, but there were just as equally as many differences. As a soft pounding began in the back of her head Lexa decided to close her eyes for a moment and take a sip of her half empty coffee, trying to ease away her swirling thoughts.

“Lexa. What the hell are you doing?”

Lexa’s eyes snapped open at the sound of her sisters voice and looked to her left to see a fuming Anya stomping her way towards her.

“I’m having coffee. Is that some kind of crime now a days?”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it. Why the hell did you run out on Clarke? She called me saying you snapped at her and just started walking to town. Do you know how worried she probably is right now? You could have at least told her where you were going!” Anya chided as she towered above her.

“I just felt like being alone and she more than likely would have followed me if I told her where I was going if she’s so worried. But I guess it seems I can’t escape you,” Lexa said with a huff.

Lexa was suddenly pulled from her seat as Anya grabbed a hold of her arm and began pulling her towards the exit,“What the hell are you doing? Let go!”

“No way in hell. We’re going for a walk.”

Lexa stopped struggling and just looked back in longing at her forgotten cup of coffee and her half eaten muffin as Anya pulled her out of the coffee shop and down the sidewalk.

* * *

The two sisters soon found themselves walking around a park about ten minutes from the coffee shop. Being a school day the park was devoid of any children, only the few casual joggers who didn’t even spare them a single glance. Lexa dragged her feet awkwardly as she waited for Anya to speak. To say _anything_. She hadn’t said a word to Lexa after pulling her out of the coffee shop and it was starting to weigh down on Lexa’s mind. She knew her sister wasn’t in the best of moods with her, but she had her reasons. One’s she’d rather not divulge at the moment.

“So are you going to tell me where you went or are we just going to keep walking around until you do?” Anya said beside her.

“I visited a few old college hangouts before going to the coffee shop. That’s when you found me. Nothing special.”

Lexa looked up at Anya as she nodded her head, still starting straight ahead of her,“Why couldn’t you let Clarke come with you? She’s only trying to help you through this, Lexa. Why won’t you just let her?”

Suddenly Lexa felt every emotion that she was suppressing rise to the forefront of her mind at Anya’s words. She hung her head and let her hair form a curtain on both sides of her face to keep Anya from seeing the conflicting emotions flickering in her emerald eyes.

_"I’m not worth her time.”_

The words had come out as a mere whisper and Lexa wasn’t sure that Anya had heard her. But when Anya placed a comforting hand on her arm she was positive that she had.

“You’re not worth her time? Lexa, Clarke loves you. She’s not going to give you up so easily. Why would you think you’re not worth her time?”

“I snap at her Anya. I get mad at her because I can’t remember who she is or who I am to her. I take it out on her even though I don’t really mean to. I see the hurt in her eyes when I can’t remember something that she tells me about and something inside of me breaks every time I see it. I just don’t think I can handle that anymore and it’s only been a few days since the accident. There’s no telling when or if my memories will come back! What am I supposed to do then? Just continue to watch her get hurt every time she brings up something I can’t remember? I can’t do that, Anya. The best thing I can do right now is push her away so I’m not hurting her anymore.”

Lexa’s head snapped to the side when Anya’s hand suddenly connected harshly with her cheek. Her long fingers went to hold the throbbing flesh that was now an angry red as she looked at her sister in disbelief.

“Are you serious? You think pushing Clarke away is going to make her pain go away? I know you can be stupid sometimes, Lex, but this is just outright ridiculous. Clarke would do anything for you. Would go to the ends of the Earth to help you bring back your memories. She would still love you even if they didn’t come back! Because you know why? You may not remember everything but Clarke does. Your _wife_ does. You can’t just push everything away and pretend like it never happened because she will still remember all those good times you shared! You’ll hurt her even more if you just up and leave her. And you know what you do if your memories don't return?”

Lexa shook her head, still holding her cheek.

“You make new ones. You live the rest of your life with Clarke. I know just by the way that you’re talking about her that deep down you know you feel something special between you both. So, don’t ruin it. And I know you tried to find Costia. Don’t try to deny it because I could smell your lie from a mile away. Don’t ruin what you have with Clarke by trying to meet with her. Listen to me when I tell you it’s not worth it. I know you may want to see her because she may be one of the only things that you honestly remember but it’ll just bring a whole other mess into this situation. And it’s the last thing Clarke needs right now.”

Lexa noticed the softness that filled Anya’s voice at her last comment about Clarke. The way her tone was set made Lexa think that there was just more to it than Clarke’s emotions at stake, but she didn’t question it. Instead she allowed her sisters words to buzz around in her head. The past few days when Clarke had brought up any sort of memory that she thought she may remember Lexa had seen the hopeful light in Clarke’s eyes growing dimmer and dimmer each time she told her she didn’t remember anything. That’s the reason Lexa never shared her flashes of memories with Clarke or her sister. She had a fear that she would get their hopes up only for her not to remember a single thing past those flashes. And something inside her couldn’t stand to see that dying light in Clarke’s eyes.

She knew that lashing out at Clarke and making herself think that the flashes were manipulated images brought on by Clarke’s stories weren’t the best way to help herself remember, but she couldn’t take it anymore. Lexa thought the best thing for her, for Clarke, was for her to just leave. But to be honest it was just her being selfish. Her not wanting to see that light getting dimmer in Clarke’s eyes each day. Anya had been right when she said that Costia was one of the last things she truly remembered. She figured if she could find Costia she could pick back up where they had left off, at least where they left off in Lexa’s mind, she would be able to push Clarke out of her mind for good.

_She was being selfish._

Lexa hid her fear in anger and lashed out at any moment she could get, especially at Clarke. All because she didn’t want to face the hurt that she caused those around her because of her forgotten memories. Her train of thought had automatically brought her to Costia. The one she remember, the one she thought she loved. Lexa figured if she could find Costia and reconnect with her then maybe she could hide away from the pain she caused others. Clarke and Anya had mentioned her five other friends before she left the hospital and she could only imagine their faces when she told each and every one of them she didn’t recognize them.

_Damn selfish._

With what Anya just told her seconds ago it felt like her brain was being pulled in two. One side begged her to work things out with Clarke, to endure the pain. And the other, well it chose the easy route out. The _cowards_ way out. Nothing seemed right anymore in Lexa’s mind. Between the swirling emotions of wanting to stay away from Clarke and run to Costia and wanting nothing more then to comfort her unfamiliar wife, Lexa didn’t know what to do.

“I want to try and remember. Really this time. Under on condition,” Lexa said quietly.

“And what’s the condition?” Anya asked tentatively, knowing she wasn’t going to like the answer.

“I want to see Costia. If you want me to work things out with Clarke then I at least need to hear from her if what you said she did was true. That way I can put it behind me.”

Anya really didn’t like her damn answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally hope this all makes sense. I think I rewrote this chapter at least four times before I like the outcome! Lexa's definitely got some issues she needs to work through, but I think she can handle them...as for her wanting to see Costia Well, that's another story for another time. Some of you might not like the way the story leads from here on out with how Costia comes to play...there's more I want to tell you all about her part in the story but if I do, it'll just give everything away. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Until next time! 
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> Xoxo


	8. Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Anya return to a house of slight chaos. Lexa meets her friends (again). Clarke and Lexa get...closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update! I've been a little busy trying to catch up with LM and get it off it's feet! But I'm back with a new chapter! 
> 
> Hope you guys like it! ;)

Lexa found herself watching the busy streets of Seattle pass by as she stared out the window of Anya’s car. After her compromise with her sister Lexa had explained how she tried to get in touch with Costia and how she had left her contact information with her employer. Anya had stated that it was now a waiting game. To see if the woman wanted to see Lexa or not. And Lexa hoped she did.

She wanted all this cleared up, but more than anything she wanted to see Costia. The person who was not a complete stranger in her head. That didn’t make her feel things that she didn’t know she could feel for a stranger. She just hoped that Costia wasn’t too different from the person she was in college.

Now, after Anya had all but pushed her into the car, she was on her way back to the house, already dreading having to see Clarke after her little stunt. When they pulled into the driveway the first thing Lexa took notice in was the deep grey SUV parked next to their Escalade. Great. Visitors.

Anya quickly explained that it was just a few of their really close friends and that she shouldn’t worry, too much. Lexa hopped begrudgingly out the car and followed behind Anya as they made their way into the house. Looking around Lexa noticed it was eerily quite until suddenly a petite brunette came rushing from the hallway, water gun in hand.

“Dammit, Raven! That shit is cold!”

A Latina, who Lexa assumed to be Raven, followed closely behind the brunette, her own water gun in her hand as she shot at the female,“It’s not supposed to be hot! Now, hold still so I can shot you!”

Both women, clearly not noticing the sisters standing at the entrance, quickly disappeared into the kitchen, both letting out war cries. It wasn’t until a few seconds later that Clarke, clearly hiding, came tiptoeing down the stairs. Lexa’s throat suddenly felt parched as she watched the blonde walk carefully down the stairs, a large water gun held up in defense, in a teal bikini. She was finally able to tear her eyes off the blonde’s body when she finally made it down to the last step and looked at the sisters.

“Are Raven and Octavia gone?”

“They ran into the kitchen, probably going to the backyard, letting out a few vicious war cries,” Anya stated as she sat her purse on the floor by the front door.

“Good,” Clarke’s eyes drifted to Lexa’s,“Hey. I’m glad Anya hasn’t killed you yet.”

Lexa felt a nervous blush spread over her cheeks,“I probably deserve it though. I’m sorry for walking out on you like that. It was stupid of me.”

Clarke quickly waved her off,“It’s okay. I get it. You wanted to be alone. But do it again and you’ll be sleeping on the floor. Not the couch. _The floor_.”

Lexa audibly gulped at the death glare the blonde gave her before it quickly disappeared from her face. Clarke held her water gun back up from where it dangled at her side and pointed it around the open space before looking over at Anya.

“You haven’t seen Bellamy or Lincoln yet, have you?”

“Nope. Just Rae and O running around like wild monkeys.”

Before Clarke had time to respond two men, one looking a lot like the petite brunette that had run through earlier and the other a tall, tan, well built man who looked more like a large teddy bear than anything, came rushing towards Clarke, water guns aimed at her. War cries filled the room and Clarke took off running back up the stairs before she could be blasted with the cold water. After the trio had disappeared upstairs, Lexa glanced over, clearly confused, at Anya who simply shrugged her shoulders.

Another few moments passed before Clarke came rushing back down the stairs, not a single strand of hair wet, laughing the entire time. As she disappeared towards the kitchen the two men, dripping wet, ran down the stairs after Clarke, yelling for payback. Lexa was beyond confused at the entire situation and looked over to her sister for more guidance.

Anya held her hands up and raised her eyebrows,“Don’t look at me. They were your friends first.”

Lexa shook her head before following the water trail towards the kitchen and out the sliding glass door that she hadn’t seemed to notice while eating earlier. Upon walking outside Lexa watched the water gun fight that was breaking out in front of her. The group ran around the grassy area that stretched past the pool, water squirting in every direction as they fired at each other hazardously. Clearly the girls had teamed up against the boys as they focused on shooting the two large men instead of each other. It wasn’t long before Clarke’s water gun was knocked gently out of her hand and was being picked up bridal style by the tan man, wiggling the entire time.

“I swear to god, Lincoln, if you throw me in you’ll never be allowed back here again!”

“Well it’s a good thing I don’t live here,” Lincoln said casually as he walked up to the pool.

Lexa watched as the scene was about to unfold before Anya suddenly appeared beside Lincoln, whispering in his ear and resting an arm on his hand as she gave him a knowing looking. Lincoln looked at her expectantly and gave her a firm nod before turning his attention back on the blonde in his arms. As he got to the edge of the pool he held Clarke out above it before smirking wildly at her.

“Are you ready, Clarke?”

“Put me down you ass!” Clarke shouted as she continued to wiggle.

“Okay, whatever you say.”

Lexa, more than half expected for Lincoln to just drop her like deadweight, was surprised when Lincoln leaned down and lowered Clarke to the surface of the water before letting her slide out his hands. Clarke didn’t even go underwater as Lincoln fully released her. Lexa saw Clarke roll her eyes at the smiling man before splashing water up at him and huffing.

“I was almost fully dry until you and Bellamy brought out the water guns! I’m blaming you both for this! Oh, and you’re both cleaning the water mess upstairs!”

Lexa watched, somewhat amused, as the blonde waded through the water to the steps and climbed out. Water dripped down the curves of Clarke’s body, shining brightly in the afternoon sun, as she pulled her thankfully still dry hair up into a bun. Lexa’s eyes shifted to the back of her slender neck where a few baby curls laid against the nape of her neck. Lexa felt the sudden urge to tangle her fingers in those fine baby hairs as Clare grabbed a hold of a nearby towel resting on a chair and wrapped it around herself.

The blonde turned around to face her and gave her a gentle smile,“How about you meet everyone. I’m sure I can stop their water fight long enough to reintroduce everyone.”

Lexa took in a deep breath threw her nose and nodded her head,“I think I’d like that.”

Clarke’s smile shifted into a splitting grin as she ran over to the still battling group and shouted out something to them causing them to stop in their tracks. They all huddled around Clarke as she quietly spoke to them. Each one nodded their heads before placing their guns at their feet and following behind Clarke as she walked towards her.

Lexa’s chest suddenly felt tight as they grew closer. She knew this must be hard for them, from being close friends to suddenly being complete strangers. It couldn’t be any worse than what was going on between her and Clarke, though. As the group finally reached her they formed a half circle in front of her.

Clarke came beside her before beginning to point everyone out as she named them,“Lexa, this is Lincoln, Octavia, Raven, and Bellamy. We met them in college during our sophomore year. Water guns were involved. It’s a really weird story. I’ll tell you later.”

Lexa waved awkwardly at the group in front of her before Bellamy suddenly looked around in confusion,“Where the hell is Echo?”

Everyone looked around, finally noticing the woman was gone, until a shout came from behind Bellamy,“Right here!”

Bellamy turned around just in time to get a face full of icy water causing everyone around him to bust out into fits of laughter. Even Lexa found herself letting out a few giggles.

“And that is Echo,” Clarke said through laughs.

Anya suddenly walked up from behind Lexa, glancing at a stuttering Bellamy,“Damn. I missed the good shit didn’t I?”

“You sure did, babe,” Raven said as she walked up to Anya and wrapped an arm around her waist.

Lexa’s eyebrows shot up as she looked between the two females,“Wait. Is something going on between you two?”

Raven rolled her eyes, seeming to forget Lexa’s lack of memories,“Duh. We’ve been dating for almost a year now. Don’t you reme—…I’m sorry.”

Raven quickly stopped herself before you could continue her rant, realizing that it wasn’t the best choice of words. Anya had elbowed her in the ribs before turning to give Lexa a lopsided grin.

“She tends to forget things easily. Just ignore her. Most of us do.”

Raven shouted out in protect as everyone around them began agreeing with her sister. As Lexa glanced around the group she could easily tell why she was friends with them. Each of them had their very own unique personalities, something that Lexa always admired in people. They all showed off true strength and most of all acted as if they were a family instead of mere friends, if what she had already seen was anything to go by.

Before long Lexa found herself sitting on the patio sofa, surrounded by her friends, as they retold her as many stories as they possibly could. Lexa may not have been able to recall anything they shared but there was one thing that Lexa was certain of. That someday, even if she didn’t regain her memories, she would close with these people once more.

And, as they sat around each other in the dying sunlight, Lexa had felt more at peace than she ever had since waking up in that hospital bed.

* * *

Lexa waved goodbye as her friends and sister backed out of the driveway before disappearing down the road.

After a few hours of talking Clarke had heated up a plate of food for Lexa, which her growling stomach was eternally grateful for, and gave her a soft smile as she watched her scarf down the food. After Lexa had eaten, the friends shared a few more stories before finally deciding to call it a night. They helped the couple clean up around the house before gathering their stuff and taking off, finally leaving Lexa and Clarke alone.

Lexa shuffled back inside the house and, after locking the door, made her way up the stairs where Clarke was more than likely sleeping in their bedroom. It still felt a little strange for Lexa to say their bedroom but she was slowly getting used to it. When she entered the room she was surprised not the find the blonde laying soundly asleep in the large bed. Lexa backed out the door as she heard a small noise come from the other side of the house and made her way across the open balcony to the other hallway.

She heard the noise again and finally came to a cracked door to her right and peaked inside. Looking around, Lexa noticed the large white backdrop, umbrella lights facing the stark fabric, as well as a tripod in the middle. This must be the home studio that Anya had somehow managed to slip into their conversation when she explained what Clarke’s job was. Walking further inside she noticed a small movement at the side of the room and saw Clarke sitting down at a desk staring at the bright computer screen in front of her.

Lexa silently walked up behind her as she watched the blonde. Clarke banged her fist lightly against the desk, the sound Lexa assumed she had heard, before letting her head fall onto the wooden desk before her. Lexa’s eyebrow rose as she looked at the computer screen and what looked to be an appointment application showing on the bright screen.

“Having problems?”

Clarke almost flew from her seat as Lexa squatted down next to her,“Jesus, Lexa. Why would you sneak up on me? I frighten easily! You’re going to give me a heart attack one day!”

“Sorry. I just didn’t find you in the bedroom and I heard a noise coming from in here and just kinda walked in. You looked like you were struggling while you hit the table, thought you could use some help,” Lexa said sheepishly.

Clarke’s eyes roamed Lexa’s as they stared at each other for a moment before Clarke turned her gaze back to the computer,“It’s no big deal, really. I’m just having some rescheduling issues with a client. Any day that works for me doesn’t work for her. It’s frustrating.”

“What about this day?”

Lexa pointed at an empty space under ‘Thursday’ before glancing back at Clarke. The woman had become stiff, for reasons unknown to Lexa, before shaking her head.

“I, uh, I have to bring Octavia somewhere that day. It won’t work.”

Lexa had a nagging feeling that that wasn’t the entire truth but decided not to press any further,“Oh, okay. Well then that blows that. What about next week?”

“I’m all clear next week, but she wants them done this week. I’ve tried to talk her into doing them next week but she insisted that she can’t wait that long,” Clarke said as she rested her head in her hands.

“How about this? Maybe you could call another client that you have scheduled this week and explain the situation and possibly see about rescheduling them for next week and put her in that spot?”

Clarke’s head shot out of her hands as she gave a dazzling smile to Lexa,“Lex! You’re a genius! Mrs. Smith has a shoot this week and she’s a regular! She’ll more than understand and will be happy to move days! Oh my god, thank you!”

Clarke quickly jotted down a few notes on the notebook next to the computer before swiftly standing from her chair and pulling Lexa into a hug. Lexa froze for a moment before letting her arms wrap securely around the blonde. The arms. The way her hands splayed over her back. The warmth surging through her body. It all felt too familiar. And Lexa found herself becoming frustrated that she couldn’t remember this amazing touch that could awaken such a warmth in her.

They held on to each other for a few moments before Lexa placed her hands on Clarke’s arms and pushed her back slightly. They’re faces were still pretty close as Lexa’s emerald eyes gazed into Clarke’s ocean blue orbs. Lexa’s tongue darted out to moisten her suddenly dry lips and watched as Clarke’s eyes followed it’s quick movements.

“I…I want to try something,” Lexa said timidly.

All Clarke could respond with was a nod as she waited for Lexa to make her move. Lexa pursed her lips before letting one hand slip behind Clarke’s neck to tangle in the baby hairs she so desperately wanted to feel earlier that day. Clarke’s eyes fluttered closed at the feeling and Lexa watched as the blonde’s lips parted open in a soft gasp. Lexa’s other hand firmly held onto Clarke’s hips as she pulled their bodies closer their body heat melding together. Lexa’s heart sped up as she pushed her head forwards so she could get closer to Clarke’s lips. She hesitated as her lips came within a hairs width of Clarke’s and almost backed away until she heard a tiny word being muttered from the lips before her.

_“Please.”_

That one little words had Lexa surging forward to capture velvety lips between her own. Their lips crashed tougher desperately, as if they had been searching for each other for years. Lexa’s hand that rested on Clarke’s hips wrapped around the woman’s waist and pulled her impossibly closer. Clarke’s hands flew up into her hair and tilted her head for better access to the brunette’s mouth.

Lexa suddenly broke away from Clarke’s lips and rested their foreheads together as they tried to catch their breath. Emerald eyes peered open to stare at the gasping blonde before her. A very strong desire suddenly filled Lexa. The desire to see Clarke, body bare beneath her, as her back arched deliciously off the bed as she rose to new highs. _That_ desire was one that Lexa couldn’t force herself to push down. One that she didn’t think she _could_ push down.

She wasn’t surprised at the surprised yelp that left Clarke’s lips as she hoisted her up onto the empty space on the desk next to them. It didn’t take the blonde long to realize what was happening before Lexa’s lips were on her’s again. Chests heaved as Lexa explored Clarke’s lips with her own, before running her tongue along the blonde’s plump bottom lip, asking for entrance. Once granted she pushed her tongue inside and began a battle of dominance with Clarke’s tongue. To busy to care who won, Lexa began exploring her moist cavern, moaning as she felt Clarke’s hands scratch at her back through her shirt.

Lexa broke away and pulled her shirt above her head and tossed it to the floor next to her. She sighed pleasantly as Clarke’s hands resumed their previous position on her back, desperately craving to feel the taunt skin under them. Lexa trailed her lips across Clarke’s jaw before running down her neck and over her bare shoulder. The brunette’s hands smoothed over her back before coming into contact with the strings of the bikini that she still wore. As she tried to tug on the knot securing it around her, she felt Clarke’s hands on her arms.

“Wait,” Clarke husked out.

Lexa backed away slightly as she looked at Clarke,“I’m sorry. I thought—.”

Clarke quickly shushed her with a finger to her lips,“No. It’s not that I don’t want _this_ , I just don’t think it’s the right time. Trust me. I _really_ want this but I think we should wait a bit.”

Lexa nodded, silently disappointed but understanding.

“I want this with you so bad, Lexa. I do. But I think we need to be reacquainted with each other before we take it to that step. There’s still a few _things_ I need to share with you as well, but they’ll have to wait a few more days,” Clarke said quietly as she trailed a finger along Lexa’s jaw.

“What things?”

“Just things. Don’t worry about it for now.”

Silence filled the space around the for a moment before Lexa spoke,“Clarke. I don’t think I can say it enough, but I’m still sorry about this morning. I wasn’t really thinking about how much I worried you. I just needed to get away and clear my head. Anya gave me a stern talking to and made me see things a little clearer. I want to work this out with you. To try and remember everything. Seriously.”

Clarke smiled happily before eyeing her closely,“I’m glad to hear that. More than you’ll ever know, but there’s something else. What did you talk to Anya about?”

Lexa swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat as she tried to come up with a logical way to get out of the conversation they were currently holding. It was one thing to tell Anya about her fears, but it was a whole different ball game with telling Clarke. Lexa knew she wouldn’t be able to tell her just yet.

“Maybe I can tell you later. I’m not really comfortable talking about it just yet.”

Clarke nodded,“Okay. I understand. I’m here when you’re ready to talk. You can talk to me about anything. Even if it’s something about me.”

Lexa stared gratefully at Clarke as her blue eyes shimmered happily. Somehow those ocean blue eyes calmed her while also awakening something within her. This girl was special. Lexa could see that now. Her fears were slowly fading away. Little by little. Maybe she wouldn’t be the cause of that disappearing light in Clarke’s eyes. Maybe she made that light brighter. Urged it to grow everyday until it overwhelmed everyone around her.

Lexa moved closer to Clarke’s lips, gauging her reaction only to have the blonde nod in acceptance, before closing her lips around her’s in a soft kiss. And, as they lazily basked in each other’s embrace, Lexa allowed herself to think that maybe she could get through this.

That _they_ could get through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up with them and water guns? lol And I bet you all didn't see that last part coming, huh? Just a little something for you all! It will continue to get fluffier, with the present and a few flashbacks. 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! Don't forget you can always follow me on tumblr and twitter! You can ask questions or just chat with me if you feel like talking! (links in profile!)
> 
> Until next time! 
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	9. Unexpected Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thursday finally rolls around. Lexa heads out to work leaving Clarke, Raven, and Octavia to go 'shopping'. Lexa makes an unexpected discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are absolutely the best! CM currently has over 9,00 hits with more than 300 subscriptions as well as over 400 kudos! The only people I have to thank for that is all of you! I appreciate each and everyone of you so much! I can only hope that I continue to make this story enjoyable enough for you all with just the right amount of drama! 
> 
> Now with that off my chest, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! ;)

Thursday had rolled around before the couple knew it. Anya had been slowly reintroducing Lexa back into her roll as CEO of her company, something that Lexa had a difficult time adjusting to but slowly fell back into place with. Lexa and Clarke had shared nothing more than a few innocent kisses after the night in Clarke’s home studio. The brunette couldn’t seem to stop blushing every time she thought back to how she had almost lost herself in the blonde’s body.

Over the past few days Clarke had also invited their friends to come over as much as possible so that Lexa could become reacquainted with them all once more, while also hoping the jar any memories. Lexa had grown quite close to the constantly bickering group of adults, seeming to enjoy her self more and more each day. She was certain that Clarke had seen the change in her demeanor, if her smile each time someone brought up a random story about herself was anything to go by.

But, somewhere in the back of her mind, Lexa still felt lost. Lost because she knew these people, that shared multiple stories about their many adventures from college to the present, but she still didn’t _remember_ them. And that’s what frustrated Lexa to no end. Every time a new story found floated from out of her friend’s mouths she couldn’t help the fact that it sounded so much like something she would do, but she also couldn’t help the fact that she just couldn’t _remember_ doing it.

She tried each and every day and still she came out with nothing.

She _tried_ to remember.

But to Lexa, it seemed her memories were a lost cause.

Lexa had initially been scared of the joyous light dimming in Clarke’s eyes, but she never took into account the fact that maybe her own light was dimming as well. The many stories that Clarke had told her as they laid next to each other in bed at night made her heart squeeze painfully in her chest with each intimate detail the blonde gave her. Lexa had been so concerned about hurting the others around her that she didn’t realize she was hurting as well. Sure, she had her fears, but her fears and her pain were two different things. Lexa was hurting because of the fact that she still couldn’t seem to bring any of her damn memories to the surface about the loving people that surrounded her day in and day out. Especially Clarke.

But she pushed that all aside.

She didn’t care about her pain. Not if it meant that those around her were happy. Maybe then, in the end, she would be happy too.

* * *

Lexa walked out of the bathroom dressed in a women’s fitted suit and a pair of black heels. If there was one things she liked about being some top shot CEO, it was definitely the clothes. Oh, and the house. Can’t forget the house.

Lexa checked her reflection in the mirror above the dresser one last time before grabbing her purse from the bed and making her way downstairs. Through the week her and Clarke had fallen into a morning routine of sorts. She would get ready for work while Clarke made breakfast and while they ate they chatted about their plans for the day and other small things. As Lexa walked downstairs and into the kitchen the sweet aroma of pancakes wafted into her nose.

“That smells really good,” Lexa said as she walked to stand beside Clarke.

The blonde was still dressed in her pajamas consisting of a loose t-shirt and, thankfully, and pair of nike shorts. Clarke flipped over a pancake before looking up at her and giving her a smug smile.

“That’s because I’m the best damn cook in this house. Everything I make smells good.”

“Cocky, aren’t we?”

“Very.”

Lexa shook her head as she busied herself with pulling out plates and cups for orange juice. She and Clarke had become much more familiar with each other. Well, at least Lexa became more familiar with Clarke. Talking with the blonde came easier to her know and she wasn’t quite as nervous as she used to be around her wife. Even so, the small kisses that would pass unsuspectedly between the two would still send a blush creeping up Lexa’s neck.

After Clarke finished the rest of the pancakes she thankfully grabbed the plates from the brunette’s hands and placed three on each plate. She also reached over and grabbed a handful of fresh strawberries from the container next to the stove and placed a few around the pancakes.

Clarke handed Lexa one of the plates with a soft smile,“Here you go. The strawberries are from the farmers market. I know how you like them to be as fresh as possible.”

“Thank you, Clarke.”

Making their way to the island both women each took a seat right next to each other on one of the many stools. As they ate they fell into light conversation about their busy day ahead.

“I remember you said you had to take Octavia somewhere today. Anywhere special?”

Clarke paused with her pancake full fork in midair as the brunette’s words reached her ears,“Uh, no. Just a little shopping. Maybe get some lunch. Raven’s coming along too so I’m pretty sure it’s going to be an eventful day.”

Noticing the blonde’s hesitation in her answer the brunette grew suspicious but decided not to point anything out,“Oh, okay.”

“What about you? I’m pretty sure you have a busy day at work. With trying to fall back into routine and everything.”

“Yeah. It’s been a little tough but with Anya’s help it’s been getting a lot easier. We’ve got a board meeting this afternoon that I’m not looking forward to at all. I’m still lacking in the whole ‘future plans for the company’ department and now I’m supposed to explain it to a bunch of guys in suits,” Lexa mused before taking a bite of a strawberry.

Clarke rested a hand comfortingly on her shoulder,“That’s why you have Anya. She’s not going to let you go in there blind. She’ll be right by your side to help you through all of it. If you’re not ready just let her take over. No one’s going to look down on you for it, Lexa. I mean, you lost your memories. You can’t just pick up from where you left off.”

Lexa searched Clarke’s eyes and gave her a gentle smile at her words. This had become the norm for them. Almost everyday there was something Lexa was nervous about and Clarke always seemed to be there to push that away and replace it with new found confidence. Emerald eyes couldn’t stop themselves as they flickered down to the velvet pink lips of Clarke, who unconsciously darted her tongue out to run it across her bottom lip. Lexa felt her body gravitate towards Clarke’s, suddenly both aware of the lack of space between them. Right as their lips hovered over each other’s, barley a breath between them, the sound of Raven’s shout caused them both to jump apart.

“We’re here, princess! Where are yo—,” Raven stopped as saw the blushing couple who looked at everything but each other,“Am I interrupting something?”

Clarke cleared her throat before turning in her stool to look at the Latina,“No. Lexa and I were just talking about our plans for the day. Where’s Octavia?”

“Raven decided to leave me in the car and lock me out. You can walk home, now,” Octavia said as she pushed Raven from the kitchen entrance, finally making her appearance.

“It’s not my fault you move like a turtle. Next time you should try and keep up.”

“Bit me,” Octavia snapped which earned her a wink from Raven before she looked over at Clarke,“Well, judging by your state of dress I’m guessing you’re not ready to leave.”

“Sorry. My stomach was eating itself with hunger and I had to make a good breakfast! Just let me clean this up and get changed and we can leave,” Clarke said as she picked up her now empty plate.

Octavia stalked over to the blonde and took the plate from her hands,“You just worry about getting dressed. I’ll clean this up. Rae, take her upstairs.”

Raven began pushing a protesting Clarke out of the kitchen and up the stairs causing Lexa to giggle softly. Octavia quickly began cleaning their mess from breakfast, asking Lexa if she was finished with her plate.

“Yeah. I should be going. Anya will be waiting for me to help go over the notes before our meeting. I’ll see you later, O.”

Octavia threw a quick goodbye over her shoulder as she continued to wash the dirty dishes. Deciding that she didn’t want to leave with out telling the other two women goodbye, Lexa pushed her way up the stairs and towards the bedroom. As she neared the room Lexa heard hushed whispers coming through the cracked door.

“Why haven’t you told her yet, Clarke? I’m sure she’ll be more than excited. Maybe a little lost at first but it’ll grow on her once you tell her everything,” Raven said quietly.

“It’s just not the right time yet, Rae. Were making so much progress and I don’t want to push her away by telling her too early. Just promise me you won’t let anything slip. She’ll be angry if she hears it from someone who’s not me,” Clarke shot back.

“I promise, but you need to tell her. It’s going to be pretty obvious pretty soon. I mean what with your be—,” Raven was cut off by a shush from Clarke.

“Hush. She might hear you. Sound travels really easy in this house.”

Not hearing anything pass between the two girls the next few moments Lexa waited just a tad bit longer before rasping her knuckles against the door and pushing it open. She was met with a wide eyed Raven sitting on their couch glancing back at her with Clarke standing in front of her now fully dressed in a pair of white shorts and navy blue v-neck.

“Hey, just wanted to let you know I’m heading out. I’ll be home later this evening if everything turns out okay at the office.”

Clarke made her way over to the brunette and pulled her into a hug before placing a chaste kiss to her lips,“Thanks for letting me know. I’ll see you when I get home. How does shrimp Alfredo sound for dinner?”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll call you before I leave the office. Bye.”

Clarke gave her one last kiss before letting her pull away from her,“Bye.”

Lexa made her way down the hallway and back down the stairs before shouting out a ‘goodbye’ to Octavia and making her way out the door. As she hopped into the Escalade, finally cleared by her doctor to drive, she couldn’t help but think of the unspoken words that she knew lingered on Clarke’s tongue.

_I love you._

Lexa knew the woman desperately wanted to tell her every time she left in the morning but alway held herself back. And Lexa was thankful for that. She wasn’t fully sure if she was ready to say that to Clarke, no matter how her body and mind reacted to the blonde.

At least, not _yet_.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Clarke)**

After saying goodbye to Lexa, Clarke and Raven had made their way back down to the kitchen so they could help Octavia finish up before they took their leave. After turning off all the lights and making sure everything was locked up the three women made their way to Octavia’s SUV and hopped in so they could make their way towards the city. Clarke listened silently to the lyrics of Maroon 5’s Cold as she tried to prepare herself for the appointment ahead.

If felt strange not bringing Lexa with her to the OBGYN for a check up on their child. She knew it was only her to blame for her wife not being present because she simply hadn’t told her yet. But, to her, it never seemed like the right time to tell her. Every time her mind wondered to the subject all she could see was Lexa hightailing out the door never to be seen again. Honestly, Clarke was ashamed of herself for not giving the brunette the credit she deserved. She knew, memories or not, that Lexa would never truly leave her to raise this baby on her own.

_She just knew it._

As her thought process dwindled down she felt Raven place a hand on her shoulder from the back seat,“You doing okay, princess?”

Clarke looked back at her and softly nodded her head,“Yeah. Just thinking about how weird it is that Lexa isn’t here, but I know that’s my doing. It’s not her fault.”

“You know she would be here if you would have told her already. I’m not pressuring you or anything but the longer you wait to tell her the more likely it will be that she may be upset or angry,” Octavia said while concentrating on the road ahead of her.

  
“I get it, O. I do. But I just can’t seem to find the courage to tell her. Every time I work myself up to do it I end up chickening out in the end. I’m scared of her reaction. That she won’t want the baby, but I know that’s just my inner self being an idiot.”

“And you’re right. Memories or no memories Lexa wouldn’t leave you to do this on your own, Clarke. But if she does, we’ll be sure to smack some damn sense into that hard ass head of her’s,” Raven said confidently.

“ _If_ that happens, you won’t be alone, Clarke. You’ll have all of us and Anya would never leave behind her nephew or niece. We’re going to help you through all of this, and hopefully Lexa will too,” Octavia said as she reached a hand over to grasp Clarke’s.

“Thanks, you guys. I know I can always count on you,” Clarke said through watery eyes.

“Don’t you dare cry, princess. You’re going to make Octavia cry and then we’ll all be a big mess of tears,” Raven said, pretending that she wasn’t wiping a stray tear from her own eyes.

“Too late, Rae,” Octavia said quietly as she glanced over to Clarke for a split second.

All three women laughed as the SUV suddenly filled with the sound of sniffling noses as they tried to control their tears. The rest of the ride was spent talking, mostly between Octavia and Raven, about how excited they were to see Clarke’s ultrasound. As her two best friends continued to chat happily Clarke let her hands wonder over the small curve of her baby bump with a smile.

**_“Maybe I can tell her tonight. I don’t know why I’m so scared. I know she’ll love you just as much as I do.”_ **

Clarke let her thoughts wander for a moment, visions of Lexa’s bright smile lighting the room as she received her surprise news, and couldn’t help it when she smile doubled in size.

_Tonight_.

She was finally going to tell Lexa she was pregnant.

* * *

“Okay, this is going to be a little cold.”

After her examination with her obstetrician, Dr. Patel, Clarke eagerly waited as she started up the ultrasound machine. Octavia and Raven stood happily by her side each holding onto her left hand as they watched the middle aged doctor pour the gel onto her stomach. Clarke held her breath as Dr. Patel gently began to roll the probe across her lower stomach. She heard her friends short intakes of breath as her little Bean suddenly appeared on the screen.

“And there’s your baby, Mrs. Woods. Let’s get a few pictures and I’ll take a closer look so I can tell you about how far along you are,” Dr. Patel said with a kind smile.

As the doctor began pushing multiple buttons on the machine Clarke’s eyes stayed locked onto the screen. Her little Bean seemed just a tad bigger than her ultrasound the night of the crash. Her heart swelled as it truly and utterly hit her that she was growing a child inside of her.

_Her and Lexa’s child._

_Their’s._

Dr. Patel finished messing with the machine and turned back to Clarke,“Okay, we’ll have those at the front desk waiting for you before you leave. Now, let’s take a closer look at your little baby.”

The obstetrician once again began turning a few knobs and pressing some buttons on the ultrasound machine before sitting up straighter in her seat and looking closely at the screen. A few minutes passed in silence as the small group of friends let the doctor closely examine the black and white image of the baby. Clarke’s heart began beating rapidly in her chest when Dr. Patel just continued to stare at the screen with scrutinizing eyes. Right as Clarke thought she was about to combust in the silence the ebony haired doctor turned off the screen and turned to her with a smile before handing her some paper towels to wipe the gel from her stomach.

“Well, Mrs. Woods, it looks like you’re about nine weeks along. Everything is looking normal and your baby is completely healthy. There is, however, one question I would like to ask.”

“What question?” Clarke said nervously.

“You and your wife conceived this child with your eggs and her artificial sperm, correct?”

Clarke nodded her head as she remembered jotting down that ‘little’ piece of information on her paperwork,“Yes. We both agreed that we wanted the child to be apart of us both and that was one of our only options. Why? Is there something wrong with it?”

“No, not at all. It’s just, with it being such a rare case and there not being a full background on the side effects during the pregnancy I would like to see you in here at least twice a month instead of just once a month.. That way we can keep an extra eye on you and the baby and make sure everything is running smoothly through the duration of the pregnancy.”

Clarke let out a small breath of relief,“Uh, yeah. I think I’d be more comfortable with that, too.”

“Good. Now, let me just write you a prescription for your prenatal vitamins and we’ll get you on your way,” Dr. Patel said before scribbling something down on the prescription pad next to her and handing it to Clarke,“There you go. Your pictures will be at the desk and the receptionist will set you up with your next appointment. I hope you ladies enjoy the rest of your day.”

Clarke placed the prescription in her purse as the doctor walked out the door. Raven and Octavia helped her sit up from the bed and helped her readjust her shirt. After she hopped down from the bed Clarke began making her way out of the room, followed closely by Octavia and Raven. The females giggled excitedly behind her as she walked up to the front desk and was greeted kindly by the receptionist.

“Hi, Mrs. Woods. How was everything?”

“Everything’s doing really good. The baby’s strong and healthy,” Clarke beamed.

“That wonderful news. Okay, it looks like Dr. Patel wants to see you two weeks from now. Does the 20th work for you?”

Clarke went over her mental calendar for a moment before nodding,“That sounds perfect. It’s actually my free day.”

“Good. So, we’ve got you down for the 20th at one o’clock. Just let me grab your sonograms and you’ll be all done here,” The woman said before riffling through a stack of folders.

Clarke waited a few moments, Raven and Octavia still huddled closely in excitement, as the woman finally reached her folder. Her heart fluttered when she saw the gritty black and white images sitting inside the folder. Sure, she already had a sonogram hidden somewhere in her underwear drawer, somewhere she knew Lexa would never go at the moment, but any picture of their child would make her heart beat wildly.

“Here you go,” The woman said as she carefully handed them over to her.

Raven and Octavia were up against her back as soon as the pictures were in her grasp. The women, even though they had already seen the ultrasound in person, cooed happily at the pictures. Clarke shook her head and thanked the receptionist before pushing her best friends away and making her way out of the doctor’s office. Deciding that she wanted to get her friends off her back as they walked to the car she handed the sonograms over to them. Octavia and Raven began cooing once more before picking a little argument with each other about who was going to the best aunt and godmother.

Octavia had handed the pictures back to Clarke as they entered the SUV and buckled up. As Octavia drove out the parking lot, still arguing about who was going to be godmother, Clarke stared helpless at the photos. The pictures did little to help her as she tried to imagine just how little Bean would look. Would he or she have Lexa’s eyes? Her eyes? Maybe blonde hair with green eyes or brunette hair with blue eyes? To be honest, Clarke could care less who the baby looked like. As long as it was healthy and theirs.

As Octavia drove them towards one of their favorite restaurants for lunch, Clarke became lost as she envisioned what little Bean would look like. Flashes of a small child, giggling happily as Lexa chased he or she around their yard, flittered through her mind. Maybe, just maybe, this little baby would be the key to helping her with Lexa. All that was left to do now, was tell the brunette that she was going to be a mother.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Lexa)**

Lexa let out a tired sigh as she pushed through the front door. The day, putting it lightly, had been hectic. Even after being prepped by Anya for almost an hour, she had still been no where near ready for the board meeting. Right before they walked in, Lexa had pulled Anya to the side and explained that she wasn’t ready. Anya stated over and over that it was fine and that she would take over for Lexa. The brunette had felt useless during the meeting. Not only had she not been able to present but she couldn’t seem to follow along with anything that Anya and the, as Lexa liked to call them, stuffy business suit guys had gone over. Everything had just been scrambled in her brain as she tried to keep up.

After that it seemed like it only continued to get worse. Numbers needed to be gone over, a jammed printer need to be fixed, reports need to be revised… the list was endless. By the time Lexa was finally able to take a breather she had realized that it was almost six. She had to get home for dinner with Clarke. Lexa had quickly packed her stuff and stopped by Anya’s office to offer her a goodbye before making her way to the elevator that would take her to the parking garage. As she walked to her car she gave a quick call to Clarke saying that she was heading home and that she could start dinner.

The blonde was overjoyed, stating that she was starving and couldn’t wait to chow down on the shrimp Alfredo, before telling Lexa to be careful and drive safe and ending the phone call. That had been almost forty minutes ago and Lexa was finally getting home. The amazing aroma of Alfredo wafted through the house and the brunette felt her stomach rumble in hunger. She quickly made her way towards the kitchen in search of Clarke.

Upon entering the kitchen she caught no sight of the blonde. Making her way towards the island Lexa spotted Clarke’s purse sitting open on the marble surface.

“Clarke,” Lexa shouted out into the quite house.

As she reached the island she glanced over Clarke’s open purse, only to notice a fuzzy black and white image sticking out near the top. Taking a quick glance around and, with no sight of the blonde, pulled the glossy paper out. Lexa’s heart stuttered as her emerald eyes gazed over the image. Clarke’s name was printed at the top, making Lexa know for sure that this was indeed hers. Yeah, she may have a few missing years of her life, but Lexa knew a sonogram when she saw one. She eyed the fuzzy dot in the center, one she knew to be the baby that was growing inside of Clarke.

Her heart rate increased as thought after thought buzzed around her mind. How? With who? As far as Lexa knew she didn’t have the capable equipment to help Clarke make a child. There were other ways, such as IVF, to create a child Lexa suddenly remembered, but that wasn’t what seemed to be bothering her the most. The fact that Clarke wouldn’t tell her is what had her blood boiling. Surely she and her and discussed this before she lost her memories. Even though those said memories were still currently locked away why wouldn’t she tell her?

“Hey, sorry. I didn’t hear you come in. I was just changing. You wouldn’t believe the mess I had with—,” Clarke started as she walked into the kitchen only to see Lexa still staring down at the sonogram.

Lexa glanced up at the horrified blonde, a fire blazing deep in her eyes,“You’re pregnant?”

Clarke’s mouth opened and closed as she tried to find the right words to explain the current situation. Panic flashed in her ocean blue orbs as Lexa’s nose flared wildly like they did when she got angry. Both woman continued to gaze after each other. Silence hanging heavily in the air between them.

_Well, so much for telling her over dinner._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, shit...that just happened. Clearly Lexa's feeling a little angry at the moment. How will Clarke be able to calm her down enough to explain the situation? What will Lexa's true reaction be once her anger subsides? 
> 
> Well, to find out, you'll have to wait until the next chapter! Until then!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> P.s. I would love it if you guys could check out my other story, Life's Memories, which is the sequel to Life's Priorities! There's only a few chapters up at the moment but I'm still trying to get it off it's feet and out into the world! Much appreciated! :)


	10. Our's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's reaction to Clarke's pregnancy secret. An unexpected phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys believe it? Already on chapter 10! The amount of feedback I've gotten on CM has exceeded my expectations! All of you are simply amazing for helping me get this far in the story! Without you all I wouldn't have a reason to write! 
> 
> Anyways, this is definitely one of my favorite chapters I've written so far, and you'll find out why. ;) 
> 
> Have fun reading!!

Clarke’s heart palpitated in her chest with agonizing force. Every thought that floated around her brain suddenly vanished when she walked into the kitchen to see Lexa holding her sonogram. The anger was clear in the brunette’s eyes, maybe even a hint of sadness, when she made eye contact with Clarke. She tried desperately to form any coherent words but it seemed all she could do at the moment was open and close her mouth in silent shock.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lexa said, light malice lacing her voice.

“I…I was going to. I just, I didn’t know how,” Clarke stuttered.

“You didn’t know how? All you had to do was tell me! You could have just sat me down and outright told me to my face! Yet you kept it a secret!” Lexa spat as she slammed the sonogram onto the counter.

Clarke jumped at the force and she felt the beginning of tears welling up in her eyes,“I’m sorry, I just, I didn’t know how. I was—.”

“How long have you known?” Lexa whispered harshly.

“What?”

“How. Long. Have. You. Know?”

Every word stung Clarke and only made her chest tighten more.

“Since the accident,” Clarke mumbled.

Lexa lowered her head and ran a hand across her forehead before letting it tangle in her brunette roots. By the deep breaths she was taking Clarke could tell that she was trying to calm herself down. To keep herself from exploding in anger any further. But it didn’t seem to help any.

“You’ve known since the accident and you didn’t once think that I deserved to know that you were pregnant?”

“I did! With everything that happened and you forgetting I was—,” Lexa cut her off once more.

“I don’t care about what happened! I don’t care that I’m missing a few years of my life! I deserved to know that you are carrying a child! I’m more than sure we talked about this before I lost my memories so I know this was a mutual agreement between us both to have one! Why didn’t you just tell me?”

At her last sentence all anger had faded from Lexa’s tone and was replaced by disbelief. Disbelief that Clarke would hide something so precious from her. Clarke felt the stirrings of guilt rising steadily in her chest.

“I was scared,” Clarke mumbled, clearly inaudible to the brunette.

“What did you say?”

Suddenly all her guilt washed away. Replaced by anger that was locked deep inside. Anger that she couldn’t contain any longer.

 _“I was scared!”_ Clarke screamed at Lexa, shocking her wife,“I was scared that if I told you too early that you would leave! That you wouldn’t want to be apart of this baby’s life! I know that I shouldn’t have thought like that because that’s not the kind of person you are but I couldn’t help it! All I could see was me telling you and you running away to God knows where and leaving me with a newborn!”

Lexa’s wide eyes roamed over Clarke’s face as she continued to let out her frustrations.

“I thought that with your memories gone that you would think me telling you I was pregnant was just me trying to keep you here. To stop you from leaving me. I didn’t want to put you in that position! I thought it over so _many_ times and each time was the same result, you leaving me, until today.”

Lexa’s eyes locked onto her ocean orbs as she whispered the last part,“What do you mean?”

“I went to the doctor today. That’s where that came from,” Clarke said as she pointed to the sonogram,“I couldn’t stop staring at it. Not for a moment. All I could see was you with our child. Just so happy and carefree. I decided way before then that I wanted to tell you tonight. That image that I saw only made me all the more sure that I was making the right decision in telling you,” Clarke said as a few tears slipped down her cheeks.

Clarke watched as Lexa blinked rapidly and sucked in a shuttering breath before turning around and picking up the sonogram once more. Lexa’s eyes glazed over as she stared at little Bean, wonder shining clearly in her eyes. Clarke took hesitant steps over to the brunette and took the sonogram from her hand before placing it down on the counter and taking her hands in hers.

“There’s something else you need to know,” Lexa stayed silent so the blonde could continue,“That is _our_ baby. No one else’s. That child is made completely of you and me.”

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed as she tried to understand,“What are you talking about? That’s not possible.”

Clarke nodded slowly,“Yes it is. You and I talked this over a lot before we made this decision. We decided that we wanted to try artificial sperm. We used my eggs and used your DNA to create artificial sperm. It took quite a few tries before it worked, but it did. We have our baby. Both halves of us made this.”

Clarke lead Lexa’s hand to gently rest against the clothed bump of her stomach. Lexa took in a deep breath as she felt where the baby rested peacefully. Clarke gasped slightly as Lexa’s hand maneuvered it’s way under her shirt to splay across her warm skin.

“So this baby is truly mine?” Lexa whispered.

_“Our's.”_

* * *

**Shift In POV (Lexa)**

As the word rolled off of Clarke’s mouth all anger completely dissipated from Lexa’s mind. Happiness, excitement, _love_ floated around in her chest. Words failed her as she tried to respond to Clarke. Nothing compared to the moment of finding out that she helped create something that she didn’t even know she truly wanted. At least something she didn’t remember she wanted.

Everything still confused her. Still made her slightly uneasy as she continued to try everyday to bring her memories forward. But this? This was something different. Her mind may not be what it was when she married Clarke but something deep inside her told her she wanted this. She wanted this with _Clarke_.

It both excited her and scared her.

She may want this but lingering feelings still floated in her chest. Feelings for _Costia_. With what was going on with Clarke she knew that she needed to see the woman and try to end everything. To get her thoughts clear and focus solely on the woman before her. She would _try_.

For Clarke’s and her baby’s sake.

Deciding that it wasn’t the best time to think about such things, Lexa turned her focus on the woman in front of her. She lifted her eyes from where they stared at Clarke’s belly and looked at the crying blonde. A smile lifted to her face as she cupped Clarke’s cheek gently.

“Our's,” Lexa agreed as she swept Clarke into a passionate kiss.

Tears mingled with their lips as more slid down Clark’s cheeks. Lexa couldn’t help the intense feelings that stirred in her body. Everything screamed at her to be with Clarke. To let her get lost in her body. That she deserved this moment of happiness. They _both_ did.

As Clarke broke apart from her lips to take in a gasping breath Lexa suddenly lifted her by the back of her thighs and onto the counter, careful not to sit her on the sonogram. A giggle burst forth from Clarke’s throat as her ass met the marble surface. She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck as the brunette settled between her legs and began trailing a line of fire hot kisses down her throat.

Wanting to feel more of her skin, Lexa reached for the hem of Clarke’s shirt and glanced up at the blonde for permission. At her nod Lexa didn’t waist any time as she tugged the shirt over her head before tossing it to the floor. Her eyes were met with a green lace bra, something that seemed to make her heart thud rapidly in her chest, and she let her fingers ghost over the clasp at Clarke’s back.

“You always loved when I wore green,” Clarke whispered into her ear.

Just those simple words had Lexa’s core surging with heat. This may be her first time, that she remembered, being with Clarke but her body knew how to respond to just the simplest of things from the blonde. The dainty fingers that laced in the baby hairs at the nape of her neck kept sending small lightening shocks down her spine, and _God_ , the way her slender legs wrapped around her waist drove her mad. But what caught her attention the most was the firm bump that rested against the flat expanse of her stomach.

Guiding her lips down the valley between Clarke’s breasts she continued her path until she was leaning down and brushing her lips against the blonde’s lower tummy. She felt Clark’s muscles tense for a moment before slowly relaxing as she placed gentle kisses to her unborn child’s resting place. Clarke’s fingers suddenly cupped her jaw and pulled her up to meet her lips in a searing kiss. Lexa snaked her arms around the blonde and let them lower to the curve of her ass.

She may still be slightly confused with everything buzzing around in her head, but she was more than sure that she wanted this with Clarke.

Clarke tore away from her lips, chest heaving, and locked her lust filled gaze with hers,“Take me upstairs.”

Lexa didn’t hesitate in the slightest as she pulled Clarke closer to her, encouraging her to tighten her legs around her was it, and lifted her from the counter. As she began leading them out of the kitchen and towards the stairs Clarke continued to place kisses along any reachable skin. Finally, after almost thinking she would accidentally drop Clarke due to the amount of pleasure the blonde was enticing from her body, they had reached the bedroom.

Lexa stood at the foot of the bed and gently lowered Clarke’s feet to the ground. The blonde’s lips were swollen, her cheeks flushed a brilliant pink as she stared at the brunette. Everything about her was beautiful in Lexa’s eyes. Her hands lifted from where they rested on Clark’s hips and ran up her back only to stop at the clasp of her bra. Her questioning gaze was met with a curt nod from the blonde and she quickly unclasped the flimsy material.

Clarke urged the green lace away from her chest as she slide the straps down her arms. Lexa watched, mesmerized, as her dusty pink nipples came into full view. Another wave of heat washed over Lexa as she let her hands hesitantly move from behind Clarke’s back to cup the firm mounds before her. Clarke’s head fell back with a moan and tightened her grip on Lexa’s hips.

With the pleasant sound spilling from the blonde’s pink lips Lexa surged forward and took a perky breast into her mouth. Clarke’s hands shot up to tangle in her hair as she ran her tongue around her nipple. Even she knew that a pregnant woman’s breasts were tender even during the first trimester. And she used that to her full advantage. As she switched over the the other breast, she felt Clarke begin to push her suit jacket off her shoulders.

“You’re wearing entirely too many clothes,” Clarke husked.

Lexa broke away from her little treat and began helping Clarke remove her upper layer of clothing. As she was about to start unbuttoning her shirt Clarke’s hands pushed her’s out the way and tugged the shirt out of her pants. Her breath hitched as the blonde tore open her shirt, buttons flying around the room, and pushed it off her arms. The only thing remaining on her upper half was her black cotton bra that she seemed quite fond of.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t rip this. It’s quite comfortable,” Lexa said as she reached behind her and unclasped the bra.

Clarke let out a husky laugh before snatching the material away from Lexa’s body and tossing it somewhere over the brunette’s shoulder. The instant the fabric was gone Clarke had pulled her back towards her, arms encircling her body tightly, and pulled her down for a battle of heated kisses. As their tongues battled for dominance Lexa began urging Clarke to lay back on the bed. She pulled away from her wife as her back fully met the bed and stared down at her.

Her blonde hair created a delicate halo around her head, like an angel fallen straight from heaven, and her blue eyes were clouded with lust. Her hands itched to take off the cotton shorts that were fitted snuggling against her hips and, as if reading her mind, Clarke leaned up to grasp her hands. She lead them to the waistband and hooked her thumbs onto the fabric before slowly pushing her hands down. As they reached mid-thigh Clarke leaned back on her elbows and allowed Lexa to remove the shorts the rest of the way.

After shimming the fabric down her pale legs Lexa began leading kisses up the inside of her leg, causing Clarke to fall back onto the bed with a slight bounce. Lexa softly bit down on the smooth skin of her inner thigh, a few inches away from her prized center, which spurred a throaty moan from the photographer. As she inched higher to the green lace of her underwear Clarke’s hands tightly gripped the sheets tightly, knuckles almost white, and arched her back off the bed. Moving to straddle her legs, Lexa allowed her mouth to hover over the most sensitive area of Clarke’s body, puffs of warm breath sliding along the thin material covering it.

Clarke’s hips bucked up, trying to find a source for release, causing Lexa to chuckle deeply,“Eager are we?”

“Just shut up and do it already,” Clarke huffed, hips still bucking.

A sly grin spread over Lexa’s face before she gripped the lace that rested against the side of Clarke’s hips and gave a sharp tug. The sound of ripping fabric filled the room causing Clarke’s eyes to fly open and darken deeper as she saw the shredded lace in Lexa’s hands.

“Those were my favorite. If it didn’t turn me on so much I would be so mad.”

Lexa laughed before capturing Clarke’s lips in a sweet kiss as she chucked the lace across the room. One hand slide up the blonde’s leg towards her center before veering off and splaying over her hip. Clarke let out a a displeased groan before breaking away and glaring at Lexa. Lexa gave her a challenging look before she suddenly found herself being flipped onto her back. Clarke straddled her hips, a smug smirk of her own tugging at her lips, and ran a few kisses over her jaw before standing from the bed.

Lexa sat up on her elbows and watched as the photographer reached for the button of her pants and began the process of removing them from her body. Lexa gasped as Clarke gripped both her pants and panties and tugged them sharply from her hips and down her legs. Once she was fully undressed Clarke dropped the pants to the ground and stared down at her. Lexa watched as her eyes dragged across her body, slightly lingering on the neatly trimmed patch of dark hair between her legs.

Deciding she had enough of watching Clarke stare at her, Lexa jumped from the bed and lifted Clarke back up once more. A happy squeak sounded from the blonde as Lexa spun them around and gently tossed her back onto the bed. As Clarke bounced against the mattress Lexa stalked over her body, taking a moment to place a tender kiss to her rounding belly, before sealing her mouth with a kiss. Clarke’s fingers snuck their way into her hair and gripped her roots tightly, trying to keep her as close as possible.

The brunette allowed her fingers to slink down Clarke’s body before suddenly coming into contact with her wet folds. Clarke broke away from the kiss, gasping deeply, as Lexa found her clit and began rubbing lazy circles. While placing kisses along her jaw, Lexa felt Clarke’s nails rake lightly over her back as she sped up her ministrations slightly. Trying to spur the blonde further Lexa slowly pushed a finger into Clarke, causing the woman to bite down on her shoulder softly while trying to stop the quivering of her thighs around her hips. Plump lips slid along Clarke’s throat as the room filled with the sounds of suppressed moans from both women. Heated skin was pushed flush against one another as Lexa added another finger causing Clarke to break away from her shoulder and throw her head back against the bed.

Lexa hovered over her and watched as she withered against the bed as she continued to pump her fingers into her at a steady pace, her thumb still rubbing at her clit. She could feel Clarke tightening around her fingers, her breath becoming labored as Lexa pushed her closer and closer to her release.

She slowed for a moment and placed a soft kiss against Clarke’s forehead,“Look at me.”

Blue eyes met emerald and that was all Lexa needed to speed up her pace once more. Clarke’s jaw snapped open with a gasp, her legs shaking once again, but she kept her eyes locked with Lexa’s. The brunette rested her forehead against Clarke’s, their breath mingling together as Lexa felt Clarke’s hand reach for her unoccupied one. Figuring out what she wanted Lexa interlaced their fingers together before lifting them above their heads and pinning them against the bed. Clarke’s other hand skimmed up and down her back, sending small jolts of pleasure down to her core.

Clarke’s fingers tightened around hers as Lexa gave a particularly hard thrust of her fingers. Feeling Clarke’s walls begin to flutter, Lexa sped up and quickly kissed her before pulling away to watch her crash over the edge. Clarke’s body began quaking, legs quivering madly around Lexa’s hips, and her back arched off the bed, eyes still locked with Lexa’s. The brunette watched her eyes darken before finally loosing their battle and drifting closed as she became lost in her release.

Lexa couldn’t tear her eyes away from the beauty under her as she eased her fingers from her center, causing little aftershocks to shoot up Clarke’s body. The woman simply glowed, and Lexa didn’t know if it was from her release or just her pregnancy and exquisite beauty. With their fingers still locked together Lexa pulled their hands down and placed a delicate kiss to the back of Clarke’s hand.

Clarke chest still heaved as her eyes opened once more to stare up at her,“I love you, Lexa.”

The words stilled Lexa’s heart for a moment. She knew that it would inevitably come from the blonde but she still hadn’t prepared herself enough for it. Even after what they had just done, Lexa wasn’t completely sure that she could say those three words just yet, and Clarke seemed to realize that.

“It’s okay,” Clarke said lazily,“I know you’re not ready to say them back just yet and that’s okay.”

Lexa gave her a small smile,“Thank you, Clarke. For everything.”

To emphasize her point, Lexa splayed her fingers across the woman’s belly and gently caressed it. Clarke smiled at her happily before nodding her head in understanding and pulling her down for a soft kiss. Forgetting about the words that seemed to plague her thoughts both women quickly became lost in the kiss as the air around them heated up once more. Lexa was ready to drag her hand down towards Clarke’s center once more until she suddenly found herself on her back, Clarke hovering above her.

“You didn’t think I would let you have all the fun, did you?”

The laugh that left Lexa’s lips quickly turned into a moan as Clarke began kissing her way down her body. Clarke hands tangled with her own as she settled herself between the brunette’s legs and looking up at her with a smirk. Before Lexa could throw a smug comment at the blonde her back was arching off the bed as Clarke’s lips found her center.

The rest of the night was spent with desperate moans, softy kisses, and gentle caresses as the women explored each others body’s. Hands slid across smooth flesh, teeth left small love bites as they became lost in the passion surrounding them. Before long, both Lexa and Clarke found themselves tangled with one another, neither allowing an inch of space between their skin as they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Lexa propped her head in her hand as she stared down at the sleeping blonde next to her. Her eyes traced over every curve of the blonde’s body before they came to a stop at the white sheet that covered from her waist down. They lingered there for a moment before flickering up and meeting the soft swell of her stomach. She lifted her hand and ghosted it along Clarke’s belly, careful not to disturb her. Her heart beat happily in her chest as she felt the firm flesh that protected their child from the outside. Lexa knew that she had a long way to go before everything would be completely normal with Clarke, but for this baby, for their baby, she would do her damn best.

Sighing softly, Lexa pulled her hand away and slowly removed herself from the bed. She walked to the bathroom and did her business before finding a silk robe in the walk-in closet and tying it around herself. Making her way out the bathroom she glanced once more over to check that the blonde was still sleeping, before making her way out the room and down to the kitchen.

While raiding the fridge for a bottle of water she heard the unmistakable sound of her phone ringing from inside her purse that sat next to the front door where she had thrown it after arriving home. Jogging quickly towards her purse, she hastily searched for the offending object, hoping that the noise hadn’t woken Clarke. Pulling the phone out with a hushed yell of triumph Lexa took a quick glance at the unknown number before answering it.

“Hello?” Lexa whispered as she walked back to the kitchen.

“Is Lexa there?”

Lexa’s eyebrow scrunched together for a moment,“This is her. Who’s calling?”

The person cleared their throat before speaking,“I’m sorry to be calling this late. But I called you in a spur of the moment kind of thing.”

“Who is this?” Lexa demanded, still slightly confused at the voice.

There were a few moments of silence before the person began to speak once more. It was then that everything that Lexa had been feeling, the happiness of Clarke’s pregnancy, the slight fear of about to become a mother, the anxiousness that her memories still hadn’t returned to her, crashed around her in suffocating waves.

“It’s Costia.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure you all saw that one coming from a mile away...So, Costia had, kind of, made her appearance. But let's skip that for now. That scene with Clexa, thou?? *fans self with hands* I did have a hard time writing it but I think it turned out pretty damn good. ;) Let me know what you all think! Oh, and just so you know, they're not done talking about all the 'secrets' they've been keeping from each other. I'll let you think over what that means. ;D
> 
> As always, you guys can reach me on Tumblr(@Clexa-15), ask me anything you like, as well as Twitter(@15Clexa)! I love connecting with all of you on a personal level and being able to hear what you all think about my stories so far!
> 
> Have an awesome day, lovelies! 
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> P.s. I currently have something in the works, something that I'm, and I'm sure all of you will be too, actually really excited about, but won't be giving any details until everything is settled. Just want to make sure I can time manage myself accordingly and can get everything I need to done. ;)


	11. Nervous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Costia makes her full appearance. Clarke struggles to understand what Lexa could have possibly been nervous about. Lexa and Clarke discuss last night's...events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took me a little longer than I had hoped. Had a few details that needed working on, but now it's ready for you all to read! Have fun, enjoy, try not to hate Costia too much. ;)

_“It’s Costia.”_

* * *

Lexa’s heart pounded in her chest as she sat in a booth at the back of a small Italian restaurant. After the unexpected call from Costia, Lexa’s whole world felt flipped upside down once again. Costia’s voice hadn’t been an unwelcome one, seeing as to how she was the one that wanted to get in touch with her, but it didn’t mean that it hadn’t threw her off. After a few short and choice words with the woman both decided it would be best to meet face to face and have their talk. After hanging up the phone, Lexa couldn’t bring herself to go back up to the bedroom where Clarke slept peacefully, unaware of what had conspired downstairs.

Lexa had felt a sickening feeling bubbling in her stomach since the phone call. Every time Costia’s name floated around in her head she could only think about what had happened between her and Clarke. Maybe it was too early for them to have done what they did, at least she that’s what she was thinking. She slept with Clarke only to get a phone call and agreeing to meet her ex all in the span of 24 hours. How fucked up was that?

Lexa worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she tried to calm the racing thoughts in her head. It wasn’t until the sound of someone clearing their throat that Lexa finally broke her gaze away from the glass of water she had been staring at and looked up. Her heart instantly stuttered. There standing before her was none other than Costia. Sure, she knew that she was coming, but Lexa knew that she wasn’t fully prepared to come face to face with the woman. At least not after what happened last night.

Costia was a petite woman, curves in all the right places, and slightly dark skin that rivaled that of Lincoln’s. Brown curly hair cascaded over her left shoulder giving everyone a view of her slender neck. Her deep mocha colored eyes shimmered brightly as she gave Lexa a soft smile while taking the seat across from her.

“It’s good to see you again, Lexa,” the smooth voice of Costia snapped her out of her fixation.

Lexa cleared her throat and gave her a curt nod of her head,“Likewise.”

Lexa cursed herself. Out of all the damn things she could of said and that’s all she could come up with? She didn’t know if it was the fact that she was nervous as hell or just that it was the amused expression that showed clear on Costia’s face. Straightening her back, Costia folded her hands together and sat them on the table before leaning forward and fixing Lexa with a serious expression.

“So, why all of a sudden did you want to meet?”

Lexa sucked in a deep breath before fiddling with the tips of her fingers nervously,“I don’t know if you’ve heard but recently I was involved in a car accident with a drunk driver.”

Costia snorted lightly,“Of course I heard. You do happen to be one of the most successful CEO’s in Seattle. It’s not everyday one of them gets in a serious accident. You were all over the news the next day.”

Lexa’s jaw clenched anxiously, Clarke definitely hadn’t told her that one,“Of course. I didn’t see any news coverage on it. Anyways, after I woke up from the accident I couldn’t remember anything after a certain point in time. That’s why I wanted to talk with you. I have some questions that I want you to answer for me.”

Lexa watched as Costia took her words in and nodded slowly,“I have a feeling where this is going. Go ahead and ask.”

“That weekend when I went out of town, I came back a day early and Anya said you were at a frat party. When I came over there and found you…what happened?”

Costia stayed silent for a few agonizing moments as Lexa squirmed in her seat. She wasn’t sure if the woman was trying to come up with some sort of excuse or just wanted to watch Lexa suffer. Right when Lexa thought she would die in her seat Costia sighed deeply and hung her head.

“When you found me I was sleeping with a guy that I had met that night. I’m not going to sit here and lie to you, not after what happened to you. I just couldn’t take the fact that you focused more on school and work and didn’t pay me any attention. I was a stupid and selfish person then, and I know that ruined what we had between us. I don’t expect you to forgive me, Lexa. I don’t. But I’ve wanted to make up for that night so long and I’ve never been able to.”

Lexa stayed silent, her throat tightening minutely at Costia’s confession. When Lexa made no sound Costia looked up at her and continued to speak.

“I’ve seen you with Clarke. In magazines, at gala dinners, charity events, and even seen you walking around the city a couple of times. I saw how happy she made you, Lexa. I didn’t want to ruin anything that made you happy, not after what I did to you. I knew my chances with you were gone so I decided to let you be, stay out of your life. As long as you were happy I was okay with everything. When I got the message with your information I thought that was you finally wanting to talk things over with me. At least to make things right between us, even though I know I don’t deserve that.”

Silence floated between the two for a few minutes, their waiter interrupting for a short time to give them drinks and take their orders. Lexa's eyes had never left Costia’s form and she felt everything she’d had ever felt about the girl come to the forefront.

“Why? Why would you do that to me?” Her voice was a bare whisper that Costia almost had trouble hearing.

“Like I said, I was stupid and selfish. I didn’t like the fact that you put something before me. I take full responsibility for what I did. This is by no means a way for me to try and get back in your good graces. I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry for the longest time. And that’s why when I got your info I called you. I thought it would be my only opportunity to do so. With the accident I didn’t know that you forgo…,” Costia trailed off for a moment as she thought over what she just said,“Wait, you don’t remember anything since that night?”

Lexa shook her head solemnly,“Not a thing. I’ve seen a few flashes of unrecognizable images and things but nothing significant.”

“You don’t remember Clarke?”

For more reasons than one, that stung Lexa’s heart.

“No. When I woke up she was just there and I had no clue who she was.”

“God, Lexa. I-I shouldn’t be here. This clearly isn’t something that should be happening right now,” Costia went to stand from her seat but Lexa’s hand shot across the table and grabbed her hand to stop her.

“No! Please, there’s still something I need to talk to you about.”

Costia hesitated for a moment before fixing herself in her seat and nodding for Lexa to continue.

“I didn’t just ask you to come here to talk to you about that night. There’ more to it. Costia, I…I think I still have feelings for you. When I woke up, you were one of the first things to pop into my mind. I wanted to see you, talk to you. Anya was telling me what happened the night of the frat party and I just couldn’t seem to believe her. My brain feels like it’s in two different places at once. Like I’m still back in college, in love with you, and then the other part feels like it’s here, my feelings for Clarke slowly coming out little by little. It’s making me all confused and giving me a headache. I thought talking to you would maybe help me put me on the right track, help me put you aside, but I think it’s only making it worse.”

Lexa glanced at Costia and could see her contemplating her words as she spoke.

“I undestand. There’s one thing I can offer you, Lexa.”

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed at her words,“What’s that?”

“If you’re really struggling between Clarke and I then why don’t I help you. I’m not saying we need to date or anything, just be platonic friends, and see where it goes. Stay with Clarke, treat her well, make her happy, and if she still isn’t the one you want, then talk to her about it. Then, if you still say you love me, I’ll be with you. But you have to promise me something.”

Lexa stared at her thoughtfully,“What?”

“Don’t think about me when you’re with Clarke. Think about nothing but her. Same as goes for when you see me. Only then will you know for sure who you really want to be with.”

“How is that supposed to make me know who I want to be with?”

“It will. Just trust yourself,” By the time she had finished speaking Costia was already standing from her seat and walking away.

“Wait, Costia! What about your food?”

Lexa huffed quietly as she slumped down in her seat, the woman not turning back to look at her. Right as Costia disappeared around the corner their waiter arrived with their food a confused expression crossing his features as he noticed the missing girl. Lexa gave him an apologetic smile as he set the food down.

“Can I get two to-go boxes please? And the check?”

The waiter nodded and made his way towards the back to grab everything. After a few minutes he arrived back with two black boxes and placed them on the table while handing Lexa the bill. The brunette slipped in her card before handing it back and beginning to box the two meals. After the waiter returned with her card and receipt Lexa thanked him for his service and gave him a tip before making her way out the restaurant, boxes in hand.

Maybe she could just give Anya the food.

Shaking her head Lexa got in the Escalade and drove back to the office to finish the rest of her work day. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too distracted by the events that had played out with Costia.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Clarke)**

After the almost sleepless night with Lexa, Clarke had awoken much refreshed than she thought possible. Her whole body seemed more relaxed then usual and her morning sickness hadn’t been as bad as it normally was, not that she had to hide it anymore. Even though she had awoken refreshed and relaxed her day was anything but. She had awoken to an empty bed and after some searching found Lexa dozed off on the couch in the living room, book laying on her chest. After shaking her awake and telling her to start getting ready for work she had started her normal routine of making breakfast. A short time later a fully dressed Lexa, freshly showered, returned downstairs.

She wasn’t sure if it was just her or something else but something had seemed off with Lexa. She avoided eye contact, fumbled over her words, and had coughed viciously on her water when she asked about her plans for the day. The brunette had mumbled out ‘nothing but the usual’ before quickly finishing off her breakfast and making a beeline for the door. Slightly confused Clarke just allowed the woman to leave, throwing out a goodbye, before she heard the door shut.

After cleaning from breakfast, Clarke got herself ready for her work day ahead. Thankfully she had a day booked with a few clients for some pictures. After she had climbed into the cab that she had called for earlier she couldn’t help but let her thoughts wonder over to Lexa’s odd behavior. Maybe she regretted last night? Maybe she hadn’t been ready for it? Maybe it was her, the ‘I love you’ that she had let slip out. As she arrived to her studio, Clarke pushed all thoughts from her mind and stepped into the brick building and allowed herself to be consumed with work for the rest of the day.

Clarke held up a stuffed elephant and waved it happily in front of the toddler as she snapped a few pictures. The baby giggled happily and clapped her hands, her melodious laughter bouncing around the studio.

“That’s it! Keep smiling!”

Clarke laughed happily as few snapped a few more pictures, the flash lightening up the swirling pinks and purples of the backdrop. The toddler dropped her hands in front of her and pushed herself onto her feet and wobbled slightly before making her way over to Clarke, hands stretched out in front of her as she reached for the elephant.

Clarke leaned down, careful of her camera, and handed the stuffed toy to the girl before lifting her in her arms. The baby cooed happily as she played with the toy causing Clarke to smile. The photographer wiped a little drool from the corner of the girl’s mouth as her mother walked towards them.

“I think we’ve got quite a few good ones. This little ray of sunshine did a wonderful job!”

Clarke tickled the toddlers belly making the girl laugh happily. The mother smiled as she watched Clarke interact with her daughter.

“You’re so good with her. Do you have any of your own?”

“Not right now, but soon. My wife and I are expecting our first one,” Clarke said as she allowed her hand to drift down to her tummy.

The woman gasped,“I guess a congratulations are in order! I’m happy for you! If by how well you handle her is anything to go by you’ll be a wonderful mother!”

“Thank you,” Clarke said before handing the girl back over to her mother,“Why don’t we head into my office and go over the shots and pick the ones you like the best.”

The mother nodded enthusiastically and followed Clarke to the large office.

About an hours later the happy mother and daughter duo were waving goodbye to Clarke as they walked out the door. Clarke sighed tiredly as she figured she’d set up the backdrop for her next session before taking a quick lunch break. She was having trouble putting up with solid white backdrop and almost dropped it before Bellamy came running inside her studio and took the heavy white cloth from her hands.

“I got it,” Bellamy said as he put the backdrop into place.

Clarke let out a breath before turning to look at man,“Thanks, Bell. What are you doing here?”

I was supposed to meet Echo for lunch across the street at that sandwich shop but she’s held up at work. Thought I would stop by and see if you wanted to join me.”

Clarke nodded her head thankfully,“A sandwich sounds really good right now. Just let me grab my purse.”

Bellamy chuckled as Clarke quickly disappeared into her office,“That little princess of your’s got you wanting to eat everything already?”

“Shut up,” Clarke said as she locked her office,“And I thought I was the princess?”

“For now, but once that little one is born I guess we’ll have to upgrade you to the queen,” Bellamy said he offered his arm to Clarke.

Clarke slapped his arm playfully before placing her hand in the crook of his elbow and letting him lead her out the door. He snatched the keys from her hand and locked it before she could protest. Bellamy handed the keys back with a smirk and began leading them carefully across the street to the small sandwich shop. They made small talk about their day as they ordered their food before taking residence at one of the many tables lining the large front window of the shop.

“So how are things go with Lexa?” Bellamy asked as he swallowed a piece of his turkey club.

Clarke blushed momentarily before schooling herself,“Things are fine. She slowly seems to be falling back into place with work and everything.”

Bellamy eyed her for a moment,“But what about things between the both of you?”

“Well…,” Clarke trailed off for a moment before sighing,“We kind of…slept…together last night.”

“It’s that a good thing?”

“I mean, it was for me, but when I woke up this morning she wasn’t in the bed. I found her sleeping on the couch reading a book. I could tell she was nervous during breakfast and when I asked about her plans for the day she said ‘nothing unusual’ and basically ran out the door. I’m beginning to think that maybe it was too early for her.”

Bellamy nodded slowly, taking everything in,“Too early for her, but not for you, right?”

“Yes, I mean she’s my wife. I’m not the one who lost my memories, not that I’m blaming her, but I’lll always want that with her. I’m just scared that I pushed her into it and in the process made her uncomfortable with me. I don’t know. I’m just confused,” Clarke said as she ran her hands down her face.

“Calm down, princess. You worrying isn’t good for that little one. Just talk to her when she gets home. That’s the best you can do. And if she was uncomfortable talk with her about it. If there’s anything I know about both of you, it’s that you both could talk through any problems that you’ve ever had. Better than most couples. Just talk to her, Clarke. Don’t just sit there and worry all day.”

Clarke gave him a small smile across the table,“I will. Thanks, Bell. You always seem to show up when I need help.”

“Well what are best friends for? I mean besides being awesome?”

Clarke laughed and threw a pickle that had fallen out her sandwich at him. Both adults chatted happily as they finished their meal. Before long, Bellamy was escorting Clarke back over to her studio just in time to greet her last clients of the day. Bellamy held the door open as they all entered and threw a smile and a nod at Clarke before disappearing down the sidewalk.

* * *

Clarke sighed deeply as she dropped her purse down on the floor next to the front door. Her last client had taken a lot out of her. The couple wanted multiple poses as well as different backgrounds and props. Needless to say she had been running around for more than an hour past their scheduled time, not that she wasn’t getting paid extra for it. When she had arrived home she wasn’t surprised to see the Escalade parked in the driveway, signaling that Lexa had gotten home before her. Something that was a rare occurrence. Closing the door behind her Clarke made her way towards the living room where she heard soft jazz music flowing through their stereo system’s speakers. Seeing no Lexa, Clarke finally caught a whiff of something delicious and began following her nose towards the kitchen.

Clarke entered the kitchen and saw Lexa stirring something around in a skillet on the stove. The smell caused Clarke’s stomach to rumble loudly. Clearly the sandwich four hours ago didn’t do her any justice. Clarke moved towards the brunette as she began dumping the skillet’s contents onto two separate plates, barely catching the sight of her coming to stand next to her.

“Hey. I was surprised you weren’t home before me. I decided I could cook tonight. I hope that’s okay,” Lexa said as she handed a plate to Clarke.

Clarke gazed hungrily down at the chicken stir fry,“Oh, I don’t mind at all. I’m actually kind of relieved you cooked. I don’t think I would have had the energy.”

Lexa laughed as she set the skillet back down and grabbed her own plate and followed Clarke out the kitchen and over to the dining room,“Good. At least I didn’t burn the house down. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. I had to call Anya a few times so I hope it tastes good.”

Clarke glanced at her for a moment before picking up her fork and taking a few pieces of the stir fry and quickly popping it into her mouth. As she slowly chewed she couldn’t contain the delightful moan that sounded from deep in her throat.

“Oh my god, Lex. This is amazing! I’m seriously going to need you to make more of this!”

Clarke quickly filled her fork once more and stuffed it into her mouth as Lexa giggled happily. As they ate in silence for a few minutes, Clarke could feel the noticeable difference in the air between them. It wasn’t as tense as it had been this morning before Lexa had left. The brunette almost seemed at peace, or she was just really good at covering it up. Something that Clarke had discovered her wife was quite good at during their last year of college. Clarke paused in her eating for a second and looked at the chewing Lexa.

“Hey, Lex. Can I ask you something?”

The woman stopped, fork in mid-air, and nodded as she placed her fork back on her plate,“Sure. Ask away.”

“This morning…I noticed you were kind of…nervous. Is it because of last night?” Clarke asked slowly.

Lexa pursed her lips, Clarke noticing the the shift in her eyes as she tried to look at everything besides her. Clarke grew even more nervous as the brunette continued to stay quite, obviously pondering over her next words carefully.

“I don’t want to say it was a mistake, but I think it was too soon. Do you understand what I mean? I wanted it, I did, but I think we should have waited a little longer. I know it’s different for you because even though I don’t remember our relationship you still do. And from last night, I could tell you craved it, _needed_ it. I just don’t want us to get lost in these feelings and things not turn out right in the end.”

“What? What do you mean not turn out right in the end? Lexa, you’re doing an amazing job. You may not remember anything yet but you’ve been working hard listening to stories and getting to know everyone again. You’re trying. That’s all that matters. I think in the end, even if you don’t regain your memories we’ll be fine,” Clarke said as she reached over and tightly gripped Lexa’s arm where it rested on the table.

Lexa’s eyes suddenly shifted to her hand, something flashing briefly in her eyes,“That’s just it. I’m scarred that I’ll be disappointing you by not being able to remember. That, somehow, I’ll let you and this baby down.”

“You won’t ever let us down. Not as long as you’re here with us. Helping this baby grow. Honestly…I would be…okay…if you didn’t want to be with me. Just as long as little Bean grows up knowing both of it’s mothers,” Clarke said as she looked down.

Lexa’s hand gently lifted her chin, forcing Clarke to meet her eyes,“I’m not going anywhere. At least not any time soon. I’m going to be here for you and this baby whenever you need me. I do have some things I need to work through but, maybe, we can work this out. See where it goes from here.”

Tears began to spring in her eyes at Lexa’s words. Clarke quickly nodded her head before letting Lexa pulled her close into a small hug. Both woman sat there, only the sound of Clarke’s sniffling filling the room, and just enjoyed each other’s embrace for the short time. Lexa pulled back and brushed a strand of blonde hair from her face.

“Little Bean, Clarke?”

Clarke laughed, tears finally vanishing, and began explaining her story of her fond nickname. What was unaware to Clarke was the inner struggle that the woman faced in front of her. The struggle of her heart tearing in two, fighting to get to either her or Costia. And if the blonde had been aware of her struggle she more than likely would have began fighting harder than what she would be in the next coming months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well....? Costia's full appearance wasn't awful. And that deal? How's Lexa going to handle that one? How long is it going to take Clarke to figure out what's going on? Will Lexa ever tell her?
> 
> Until next time! (where we will actually have a small time jump!)
> 
> There's also something I want to point out. This is technically not Lexa cheating. She simply accepts Costia's deal so she has a source to help her figure out her emotions. Yes, it's wrong that she doesn't tell clarke, at least not yet, but in her mind she simply thinks that telling Clarke may possibly change how she feels. If Clarke's constantly worrying over her with Costia it may put guilt on her and sway her emotions. This is purely her trying to find out what she really feels between these two women. This is in no way her cheating. There's going to be no kissing or sex. As Costia states, they will be platonic friends. Nothing more, unless Lexa wants that. And AFTER she has talked with Clarke will she then be with her. So please take this all into consideration when you think about this chapter! Thank you all so much! :)
> 
>  
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Also, don't forget to check out my other story Life's Memories, sequel to Life's Priorities! I think you'd all like it! Thanks! ;)


	12. Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five months pass. Lexa gets a surprise visit in her office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. The amount of feedback I got from you all was insane! Literally! I know last chapter wasn't one that you all liked, and there is one thing I need to clear up. I do understand to everyone cheating is different. Some see it as Lexa not cheating and some do. I respect that, I do. I fully support whatever opinion you all carry and I hope that my authors note at the end of last chapter didn't offend anyone. That's not what I intended that for. Anyways, I think you all will both like and hate this chapter. But just always remember, Clexa is endgame. And this story will end with them! I promise!
> 
> Now, without further ado. The next chapter of CM!!! 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

_Five months later_

Lexa sighed as she looked over a few papers that sat scattered around her desk. The past five months had been hectic and it seemed to make her brain even more scrambled than it already was. She had seen Costia only a handful of times, spending a majority of her time with Clarke, and it seemed like her emotions were finally winding down. During the five months Lexa had come to realize just what Costia meant when she asked her to not think of her when she was with Clarke and vise versa.

Every time Lexa was with Clarke, it seemed natural to just forget about Costia. To push her out of her mind and shut out all thought of her. But when she was with Costia, it felt wrong to not think of Clarke. Something in the back of her mind screamed at her and almost made her feel sick. She knew she was more than likely in the wrong for agreeing to Costia’s deal, even with hearing that the woman did indeed cheat on her, something she hadn’t yet brought up with the brunette, and desperately needed to.

Lexa knew that she needed to tell Clarke about her seeing Costia, knowing that what she was doing would hurt Clarke if she ever found out about it before she had time to explain. The unease that sat in the pit of her stomach only grew each time she saw Costia behind Clarke’s back. From the beginning, she thought she was making the right decision to not tell Clarke about Costia, but every time she saw the bright smile that stretched over Clarke’s face when she was around made her feel guilty. She also knew that, with her making the decision to see Costia, meant that she didn’t deserve to feel guilty. She deserved to wallow in the mistakes that she made, even at the cost of her own happiness.

Everyday spent with Clarke was a new ray of sunshine. Bright and happy. Clarke had filled everyday with memories, pictures taken over the years. Even going to far as to take Lexa to the place where they first kissed. And that’s what made Lexa’s stomach churn even more. Here was this amazing woman, helping her down the unfamiliar path that was her life, and all she did to repay her was see her ex behind her back. And to make matters worse, Clarke’s belly began to round even more. The soft glow of pregnancy shinning around her as she stared down lovingly at her tummy sent butterflies in Lexa’s own stomach.

This woman deserved more than what she was giving her. Something more than the pathetic excuse that was her wife, sneaking behind her back while she was pregnant with their child.

And Lexa was ready to give her that. Seeing Costia over the five months wasn’t what she was expecting. It was actually what she secretly hoped for. Even though her mind was still back in the past while her body was in the present, her feelings had done a complete 360. Every day she saw Costia, the feelings that she mistook for love, were merely that of a deep friendship. Something she wish she would have realized before getting herself into this mess.

And that’s what she wanted from Costia’s deal.

To figure out her feelings.

And trying not to hurt anyone in the process.

Even though she was unsuccessful with that last part.

* * *

Lexa glanced over a the digital clock that sat on the corner of her desk and silently thanked whatever god that it was finally time for her to go home. The majority of her time had been spent, not on work, but struggling with her thoughts and emotions between Clarke and Costia. Lexa now understood that she wanted nothing more than a friendship with Costia, the deep pulling need that drove her to Clarke much to strong to ignore. Something akin to…love. Maybe even love itself.

She was ready. More than ready to tell Costia that she wanted nothing more from her, that she was ready to completely and utterly put her mind towards Clarke and the baby. And nothing else.

Pulling the papers scattered around her desk into a neat pile, she quickly stored them in one of the many filing cabinets next to her desk. After shutting down her computer and making sure every thing was set for the next day, Lexa grabbed her purse and phone and made her way towards the door of her office. Right as she was about to grab the handle the solid wood door flew open. Lexa jumped back before the door could give her a good smack in the face, not that she didn’t deserve it, and looked at the culprit who entered her office.

Clarke stood before her, eyes strangely dangerous and equally upset, and what looked to be a newspaper in her hand.

“Clarke, what are you doing here?”

Instead of answering the blonde roughly shoved her in the chest, successfully knocking her a few feet back into the office. Clarke marched in and slammed the door shut causing a few picture frames that hung on her office walls to rattle. The blonde stalked towards her forcing back even further, her ass connecting with the edge of her desk. Clarke stood right in front of her for a moment before smacking down the newspaper on the glass surface behind her.

“This is why I’m here!”

Lexa craned her neck to the side and took in the front page article that filed the front page. The headline reading “CEO, Lexa Woods, caught with a mysterious brunette while her pregnant wife struggles at home.” A picture of Lexa and Costia walking around the park from the other day stared back at her while right next to it was a picture of Clarke, wearing a shirt that did nothing to hide the fact that she was pregnant, walking out of her studio. All the oxygen in Lexa’s lungs quickly deleted as she gazed over the newspaper. This was exactly what she wanted to avoid.

“What the hell is going on, Lexa? You get all pissy with me because I hide my pregnancy and then I find out you’ve been seeing _her_?! And from a newspaper no less! Not even from my own damn wife?” Clarke seethed.

Lexa stumbled over words, finally turning away from the newspaper,“No, Clarke. This isn’t what it looks like. We’ve only been—,” Clarke was quick to cut her off.

“Not what it looks like? To me it obviously looks like you’ve been seeing her behind my back!”

“I’m sorry. I-I have. It’s just that—.”

“Just that what? That you’ve been sleeping with her while you’re keeping me in the dark at home? Pretending that everything’s okay when it’s not? You’ve been lying to me Lexa! You’ve been seeing your goddamn ex behind my back! And for what damn reason? I know you don’t remember shit from before the night of the party but _this_?! You can’t use your damn amnesia as an excuse for this one!”

Clarke, please. Just listen to me. I’m not sleeping with her. I haven’t slept with her at all. I just…the day when I stormed out I found where Costia worked. I went there and left my information so she could reach me. That night after we slept together…she called me. We agreed to meet up. I had lunch with her the next day and we talked. That was it! I was so confused with my feelings that she gave me a deal. One that I really shouldn’t have accepted but I did anyway.”

Clarke stood silent, anger still rolling off of her in waves and waited for Lexa to continue. Lexa hastily explained what had transpired between the two that day. She flinched when she came to the part about Costia taking her back if she didn’t love Clarke. After her story, Lexa glanced up and regretted everything that she had every done in life, well not everything. Clarke’s ocean eyes filled with tears, a few spilling over and slipping down pale cheeks.

“So all this time, you’ve just been struggling with your feelings? That’s what brought you to her?” Lexa nodded slowly, dread filling her chest with each passing second,“Then why didn’t just tell me? I would have helped you, Lexa! I wouldn’t have stopped you from seeing her and working through your emotions because I know they’re probably a jumbled mess for you right now! Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Lexa hung her head,“I guess I thought telling you would make things more difficult to figure out. And I didn’t want to put more stress on you than necessary.”

“More stress? Seriously? Lexa, I’ve been stressed since I got two officers knocked on my door the night of your crash! I don’t think things can get anymore stressful for me than they are right now,” Clarke said as she walked away from Lexa.

Lexa watched Clarke pace around the office, taking notice of how one hand rubbed the side of her stomach carefully.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

The words stabbed through Lexa’s heart like a knife. Clarke’s back was to her, head handing down as she clenched her fists at her sides.

“What?”

Clarke whipped around, salty tears staining her cheeks,“I can’t do this. I’ve tried to do everything I can to help you remember or at least make you happy, but that’s clearly not working since you’ve been seeing Costia without telling me. You obviously still have some feelings for her that you don’t want me to know about, right? You still love her, don’t you?”

“No! That’s what I’m trying to tell you! These past five months that I’ve been talking with Costia, I realized that my feelings aren’t what I thought they were! They’re platonic feelings, nothing more! I just…I couldn’t seem to figure that out for myself, I guess. I was going to tell you about my seeing her. I was. Because I know now what I really feel, what’s been driving me insane when I’m not around you. I…I love you, Clarke. With or without memories,” Lexa slowly made her way over to Clarke and tried to wrap her arms around her only to be shoved away.

“No, I can’t. This isn’t just going to go away over a few choice words, Lexa. I get why you did it. I do. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have told me. I’ve been nothing but patient with you helping you out of this black void and all you did was go see Costia without telling me? This isn’t going to go away. Not that easily.”

Clarke gave her one last tear filled look before turning around and stalking out the door. Lexa stood there, frozen, unable to move her limbs to race after her wife. Her hands flew up into her hair and gripped her roots hard, eyes scrunched as she as she tried to fight off the flood of tears that began to well up. Taking a deep breath Lexa steeled herself and rushed out the door after Clarke, who was probably already on her way down the elevator.

Lexa rushed past the cubicles, zipping around corners and almost knocking into a few people. As she neared the elevators she could see Clarke standing in front of the metal doors it was who stood next to her that made her stop in her tracks. Anya pulled Clarke into a hug, sobs still racking her shoulders. They only pulled away when the elevator dinged, signaling that it had arrived. Anya pushed Clarke inside, saying a few things to her before the doors closed. Lexa’s throat tightened as Anya turned around, eyes locking with her’s and began stocking towards her, nostrils flaring in furry.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Lexa flinched as everyone’s eyes turned to them,“I knew you wanted to talk to Costia, but I didn’t think that you would do this bullshit!”

Lexa looked around the cubicles where everyone was poking their head out,“Anya, please. Can we talk about this in my office?”

“Why? It’s not like your face isn’t plastered all over the damn newspaper with Costia! Everyone’s going to know anyway. You know what? You deserve this. You deserve for everyone to know just how much you fucked up with the best damn thing that ever happened to you! And that baby? You so much as come near Clarke and little Bean without Clarke’s consent I won’t hesitate to hand you your ass in front of everyone,” Anya seethed.

Unable to reply, Lexa simply nodded her head. Everything had come crashing down around her within the span of only an hour. Clarke sure as hell didn’t want anything to do with her that moment, maybe not even ever, and Anya, she’d never seen her this mad at her before. But she understood why. She royally fucked up. Ruined the best thing that was in her life, and she didn’t need her memories to know that.

“Whenever you’re ready to get your head out of your ass and try to work things out, call me. Until then. I don’t want to see your damn face, not even at work. Clarke’s going to be staying with me until then. Maybe with her being gone you’ll finally realize all the shit that you did was wrong, even if you had good intentions,” Anya spat before walking away.

Lexa stayed rooted to her spot, eyes of her co-workers still lingering on her as she watched Anya disappear into the elevator. Everything flashed before her. Clarke leaving. Clarke crying. Crying because of her. Because she was selfish and thought she was doing what was right for herself and not thinking about what it could have possible done to hurt Clarke. As she turned around and walked back to her office, colors faded around her, blurred out to become deep grays and whites. Everything hurt. Hurt to a point that she cold barely hold herself up as she leaned against the closed door of her office. Tears that awaited in her eyes crashed down her cheeks in rivulets as she suck down to the floor.

As she sat on the floor, knees hugged to her chest, she could barely make out the sound of rain beating against her office windows as she allowed herself to be consumed with tears.

* * *

** Shift in POV (Clarke) **

Clarke watched the rain beat down on her window as Anya drove her to the house to pick up a few necessities that she would need. The moment she saw the newspaper sitting in a stand in front of the coffee shop, she had done a double take. It’s wasn’t abnormal to see Lexa’s face in the paper but it sure as hell was to see her with Costia. And the picture of her walking around Seattle pregnant didn’t make matters worse. Everything around her had stopped, her heart rate increased to a point that she was sure she was going to pass out.

Her shacking fingers had gripped the paper so hard, fear at what she was about to read evident in her eyes. Just reading the headline had caused her to see red. To go stomping down the sidewalk towards Lexa’s office building, not even caring that it was a good thirty minute walk from where she was. She had given a quick call to her next client, stating that she had a family emergency, agreeing to lower her price and book her for another day. She didn’t care about anything in that moment, just the fact that there was a pictures of a smiling Lexa walking in a park with her ex, smiling just as equally, right next to her.

Clarke took in a shuttering breath as more salty tears stung her eyes. From the corner of her blurred vision she could see Anya glance over to her. Her tears only stung further when she felt the older girl’s hand rest comfortingly on her shoulder.

“Hey, calm down. This isn’t good for the baby. Just breath and listen to me. I know she fucked up, big time. But you’ll both get through this. It may not seem like it right now but I know both of you will come out stronger together after this. I can’t tell you to stay with her or to fight for her, but don’t just give up on her so easily. I know it seems like she’s giving up on you, but that may not be the case. I can’t speak for her because I don't know everything that she’s thinking right now, and I’m pretty sure that in some messed up way she thought she was doing what was right, even though it was far from it.”

Clarke’s eyes peered over at the woman who gave her a soft smile,“I know. I…I just can’t face her right now. Not after what she did. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still love her. Is that bad?”

Anya shook her head,“No. You need time to clear your thoughts just as much as she does. I think some separation will do her a little good and put her in her place while she suffers a little for what she did.”

“Thank you, Anya. For everything. I know it’s not exactly fair to ask you to be on my side over your sister’s.”

“My sister is being a fucked up idiot right now. I don’t regret choosing your side over hers. You need me more than she does right now anyway,” Anya said as her eyes flickered down to her stomach.

On instinct, Clarke’s hands folded together on top of her belly and let them smooth down it’s rounding expanse. These five months had seemed so amazing to her. Lexa was supporting her, wanting to learn about different memories that they had shared together, and even went with her to every doctors appointment. Clarke could tell Lexa had been trying, at least she thought so.

“Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay for now. I’ll understand if she needs your help or something. I can’t ask you to stay mad at her for my sake. She’s still your sister, Anya.”

Anya scoffed loudly,“Please. What she did was wrong. I’m not mad at her just for you. I’m mad at her because she can’t seem to get her head out her ass, memories or not. She needs to work through her shit on her own. Maybe after that I’ll talk to her. I know it seems a little harsh, but it’s the best I can do for her right now. I’m not putting up with the bullshit any longer.”

“Any longer? What do you mean? You’ve known about this?”

Anya quickly shook her head,“Not her seeing Costia like she’s been. I…I knew she wanted to talk to her. I told her she should wait nine months. I thought maybe by then she would remember everything. I agreed to let her see Costia, once, no more. She said she just wanted to hear from her that she really cheated. Obviously, with how much they’ve been seeing each other, Costia either lied or Lexa just doesn’t seem to give a shit. Either way, I regret agreeing to it and I should have told you. I’m sorry.”

Clarke gazed over at the older Woods sister,“It’s not your fault. She made the choice, not you. And I respect that you wanted to keep her trust. Like I said, she’s still your sister.”

If Anya had anything else to say she didn’t voice it. The rest of the ride to the house was fairly quite. Only the sound of the rain and the radio filling the car as Anya drove. After a few more minutes of driving Anya pulled up into the driveway, thankfully no signs of the Escalade anywhere. Anya reached into the back of her car and pulled out an umbrella and handed it to Clarke.

“Here, you take this. I’ll just make a run for it.”

Clarke quickly shook her head,“No, it’s fine. I just need to grab a few things and I’ll be back. There’s no point in you getting wet just to stand and watch me. I’ll be right back.”

Without giving Anya time to protest Clarke quickly hopped out the car, opening the umbrella, and jogged to the door. Unlocking the door Clarke stepped inside, placed the umbrella next to the door and didn’t even bother to turn on the lights as she made her way up the stairs. Entering their bedroom, Clarke walked through the bathroom to the closet and went to grab a small duffel bag from the top shelf. As she reached up she felt a small pain in her side and reached a hand down to rub at it. She had been feeling a dull pain in her right side for a day or two but simply brushed it off as some growing pains.

Once again she reached up and grabbed the duffel bag. Walking around the large closet Clarke gathered as much as she thought she would need before walking out into the bathroom. After grabbing her tooth brush and a few other hygiene products she stuffed them into her bag and walked back into the bedroom. Setting the bag on the bed she made her way over to her bedside table to grab her phone charger. Before she opened the drawer her eyes caught the framed photo that rested on the smooth surface. It was one of her favorites. Her and Lexa were walking down a beach in Mexico when she decided to set up her tripod and get the perfect shot. There backs were to the camera, their hands tangled together as Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder, the sun setting to their left, casting hues of pinks and oranges across the sky. Even a few stars peaked through the dimming sky to their right.

That day had been magical and Clarke was able to capture the memory forever. Not that it helped anything. Anger quickly washed over Clarke causing her to pick the frame up and chuck it against the wall. The frame splintered, glass shattered and spread across the floor, and the picture laid helplessly on the floor. The blonde’s breathing quickened anger steadily rising in her bones. As she was about to grab her duffle from the bed a wave of nausea overcame her, sending her running straight to the bathroom.

As she hovered over the toilet and vomited up the contents of her stomach she heard loud yelling coming from downstairs. It was definitely Anya and Lexa yelling at one another. There was no mistaking their loud voiced. As the nausea finally died down, Clarke flushed the toilet and tried to stand up as best as she could. The sounds of the sisters’ yelling were growing steadily closer and Clarke knew she needed to get out out of the house. Before she could stand to her full height, a blinding pain burst to life in her right side, causing her to drop to the floor with a scream.

“Clarke?!” Anya’s voice came from the hallway.

As Clarke struggled through the pain, she saw Lexa and Anya run into the bathroom before seeing her lying on the floor, holding her side, pain etched into her face. Lexa was the first one to reach her, eyes wild with concern.

“Clarke? Clarke, look at me! What’s wrong?”

She tried her best to speak between grit teeth, huffing with each word,“Pain. In my right side. It hurts.”

By time the last word left her mouth Lexa was already lifting her from the floor, cradling her gently to her chest. Clarke’s arms wrapped around her neck as Lexa rushed them out the door, shouting to Anya to get the car started. Lexa, quickly and carefully, lead them down the stairs and out the front door, barely closing it behind them. As they stepped out into the rain, only one thought was floating through Clarke’s brain.

“Lexa, the baby,” Clarke sadly whispered.

“The baby’s going to be fine. You’re both going to be fine.”

They were in the car before Clarke could even comprehend what was happening. As her head rested in Lexa’s lap in the back seat, Anya speeding through the streets, Clarke met Lexa’s worried eyes. As her eyes slowly drifted shut, she could feel Lexa’s hands on her. One gently gripping her hand and the other resting gently over her tummy, lips mouthing soothing words to her as she drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope that made up for the last chapter and doesn't upset you even more. Your comments made me think about how I was taking this story and I decided to push Clarke finding out about Lexa seeing Costia forward a little, but don't worry it won't change too much in the story. ;)
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed it, and that you guys aren't too upset with me! I promise I will make this super fluffy in the end! Just for all of you! 
> 
> Love to all! :)
> 
> P.s. I have something in the works that will come out a little sooner than expected and I'm super excited for you guys to see it! Keep an eye out for any hints on my tumblr and twitter! (Links in profile!)


	13. All Comes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback. Anya and Lexa...talk. Lexa breaks down. We find out what happened to Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not much I can say here besides, Woah. You're comments have been flooding my inbox, some so detailed, it's hard for me to find a way to respond with the right words. As you can see, I still haven't answered to most of them, and not sure if I can at the moment. When I find the words I will. No comment is unwelcome. No comment is worthless. Your opinions are your own. And though I may not agree with some of them I still support your decision. Since were talking about comments...most of you have expressed your feelings with Lexa as well as with Anya. There's two things I'm going to say, and I hope this doesn't hurt anyone (because that's the last thing I want) but...Lexa is not going anywhere. SHE IS NOT DYING. Lexa will be keeping her pretty little ass with Clarke no matter what. And Anya. She is in no, way, shape, or form in love with Clarke. She's her sister-in-law. It's perfectly okay for her to help Clarke and offer for her to stay with her. It's what family does, at least mine does. Anyway, I hope that has cleared up some things. As for those thinking telling me to stick with my story the way I want it....trust me. I am. This story is going to play out how I've pictured it from the beginning. It's not changing. 
> 
> So, I hope you don't take offense to that little note, because that's not what it was meant for. It's meant to try and make things a little clearer since I seem to have not made them clear enough before. 
> 
> As always, enjoy this chapter! Keep following along with me, or not, because I know in the end you'll all be happy because, HELLO, Clexa is endgame! 
> 
> (Thank you to every single commenter on here. Every single on of you is appreciated and your thoughts are taken into my heart and processed so that I can try and respond to you in the nicest way possible while still being honest.) 
> 
> :)

Lexa sat in the hospital waiting room, elbows on her knees supporting her head, as they waited for any news about Clarke and the baby. Clarke had passed out only a few minutes away from the hospital, completely scaring the brunette as she desperately had checked for a pulse. It was there. Smooth and steady, and seemed to be the only thing keeping Lexa grounded. Her fingers never moved from their spot on the blonde’s neck until the nurses tore Clarke away from her and wheeled her back.

That was an hour ago.

There was no word from anyone. No nurse. No doctor. Nothing. And it was driving Lexa insane. If Clarke lost the baby, she only had herself to blame. Her and her _stupid_ mistakes. If only she had been able to figure out the jumbled mess that was her feelings, maybe then she could have saved Clarke from all this grief. From this pain. She knew that if anything happened to the baby, she might as well kiss Clarke goodbye, forever. A deep sigh, followed by the sting of tears, came from Lexa’s lips as she looked up and across the waiting room. Anya sat directly across from her, never making eye contact or so much as saying one word to her since they arrived.

When she had gotten to the house and found Anya waiting in the car for Clarke Lexa had all but pushed past her sister, trying to get to Clarke as fast as possible and explain everything to her. But Anya had simply tried to push her away, stating that Clarke needed time. When she had heard the scream, so filled with pain, her heart clenched, everything falling into the pit of her stomach in despair. Her feet moved of their own accord, brushing past Anya and carrying her fast than she ever thought possible to Clarke. The sight before her, Clarke clutching painfully at her stomach, face twisted in agony as she sat on the bathroom floor, had almost made her violently sick.

To think that she possibly caused Clarke too much stress and was the reason for her pain. For her possibly losing the baby. When Clarke whispered into her ear, fear for their child slithering deep within her words, Lexa could only see one moment in her head. A day with Costia, something she thought was a horrible thing to think about in that moment.

* * *

_Lexa walked slowly down the concrete sidewalk, Costia at her side as they talked quietly._

_“So, how are things between you and Clarke?”_

_Lexa glanced over at her with a confused smirk,“I thought you said I couldn’t think about Clarke while I was with you and vise versa.”_

_“I’ll let this slide. Just this once. How are things?”_

_“They’re good. Really good. Her and the baby are healthy and we’ve been getting along quite well. There’s still some times when I can tell that she’s struggling to help me remember. Almost like she wants to give up, and I can’t help but feel like I want to, too.”_

_“What do you mean? Why?”_

_Lexa glanced up at Costia before looking down at her feet as they walked,“Every time she shares a different story with me and asks if I remember anything, even small details, and I tell her no, I see this light in her eyes just get dimmer. I’ve seen this from the beginning and it hurts me to know that I caused that. I don’t want to cause her anymore pain than I probably already am if she ever finds out abou—.”_

_Lexa’s words trailed off._

_“If she ever finds out about you seeing me?”_

_Lexa’s head whipped up quickly to stare at the brunette,“How did you..?”_

_“It’s obvious, Lexa. We barely meet and when we do it’s almost always somewhere kind of private, at least no where Clarke would see us. Why do you keep it a secret from her? Why don’t you just tell her?”_

_“I don’t want to put any more stress on her and the baby than there already is. What would she possibly think if I went up to her and said ‘Hey, Clarke. I’m seeing my ex girlfriend so I can figure out my feelings and try to get a hold on life.’ Do you think she would respond well to that?”_

_Costia pursed her lips and looked up at the sky,“I think she would. From what I’ve seen from all the news articles and things about you both I can tell that Clarke loves you. Unconditionally. There’s no doubt in my mind. I believe that if you told her she would understand. Understand the fact that you needed to sort out your feelings and that you’re at least trying and not just running off with me to Las Vegas to get married.”_

_Lexa quickly nudged Costia’s shoulder before following her gaze up to the sky,“You really think so? I mean, what if she gets angry? I’ve been hiding this from her for five months. It’s not something that’s going to blow over so easily.”_

_Costia stopped their trek with a hand on her shoulder,“It’s not supposed to be easy, Lexa. You’re going to have to face the consequences of your actions, and I’ll face those with you because I’m the one that put you in this position, kind of. I offered and you chose so were both at fault. But if there’s anything I know, it’s that you and Clarke can work this out. Together.”_

_Lexa scrunched her eyebrows, confused, as she stared at the woman before her,“You knew.”_

_Costia’s only response was a soft smile._

_“You knew I would choose her. In the end. That’s why you made the rule about me only thinking about her when we were together. Because you knew I could so easily push you out of my mind….how?”_

_“There’s something I haven’t been honest with you about. And I”m sure it’s going to make you confused when I tell you,” Costia said with a deep sigh,“The night of your accident. We ran into each other. You were walking out the liquor store with a bottle wine when you accidentally bumped into me. You were in completely shock for a moment and then you got defensive, saying I needed to get away from you. I stopped you before you could walk away, begged you to hear me out, and you stayed. I explained everything about that night, just like I did at the restaurant. I didn’t want your acceptance for my apology, I just wanted you to know that I was sorry. That I made a stupid mistake. A selfish one.”_

_Lexa slowly took in the words._

_“And you surprised me, like you always do. You forgave me. Told me how my cheating drove you into the arms of the best thing that ever happened to you and that you would never take it back. Not for anything in the world. The way you talked about your love for Clarke. It was so deep and passionate, like nothing I’d ever seen come from someone in love. You said that you both were both destined to be together, driven into each other’s arms by fate itself. That Clarke finding you out by the fountain was meant to happen all along, and that our love only got tangled in it in the process. From the moment you said you met her it was like everything drifted away and the ocean in her eyes just lulled you into a sense of peace. Hearing you say those things, I knew that, in some fucked up way, me cheating on you that night drove you to the best thing for you. And in that moment, I was happy for you. All I wanted was to see you happy.”_

_Costia searched Lexa’s eyes for a moment before dropping down to stare at her hands, Lexa still as silent as ever._

_“When I saw the news on the crash and your amnesia I felt horrible. For you and Clarke. I wasn’t sure how far back you had lost your memories, it wasn’t until after I got your message that I was beginning to think that it was all before our break up. And when I went to the restaurant and talked, I knew I was right. When you told me you thought you still loved me, my heart broke for Clarke. It made me sick to think that I was causing her grief because you, her wife, was running to me after completely forgetting her. I made that deal with you because I wanted to help you Lexa. It may have seemed like I wanted to mend our relationship and get us back together but that was the furthest thing from my mind. I knew that, somehow, if I talked with you, hung out with you, that maybe you would slowly begin to realize that it wasn’t me that you loved. I thought that you never seeing me and talking to me would only cause your feelings to stay locked within your brain and still think that there was a possibility you loved me. I couldn’t have that. I knew I needed to help you work out your feelings and help you get through all this, even though it probably wasn’t the ideal way to do things.”_

_Lexa took every thing in, her heart beating rapidly,“How do you know I wouldn’t fall for you again?”_

_Costia gave her a soft smile,“Because you love Clarke too much. You may not realize it, Lexa, but every time we’ve met you’ve been talking about nothing but Clarke and the baby. You were so filled with joy and content with everything that I knew you wouldn’t fall for me. It was never meant to be. Life may have thrown you this curve ball but fate knew that you would get through it. With Clarke. This is just a simple obstacle that couldn’t be helped.”_

_Lexa’s eyes widened. It was true. Thinking back to the times when her and Costia had met every time Clarke was mentioned. It came so naturally to her, talking about Clarke and the baby. In that single moment, standing next to her ex in the downtown park, Lexa finally felt her emotions unravel. Become a straight line that lead her to nothing but the blue eyed beauty that was Clarke. Everything opened like a flood gate, all the emotions and feelings that were locked away, still swirling in the confused mess of her brain, spilling into her mind like a tidal wave._

_She loved Clarke._

_And she didn’t need her memories to know that._

_“Oh my god,” Lexa stuttered._

_“You finally realized it, right? That you love her. Every nerve in your body just calls for her. Haven’t you been feeling some kind of pull to her?”_

_Lexa nodded slowly,“I’ve felt..something pulling me to her. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it long enough to figure out what it was. It was just strange to wake up and not know who she, my wife, was. And then to feel something so strong for her? It just…It confused me to no end. That’s why I wanted to meet with you. I needed to work out my feelings between the both of you. That’s the other reason I took your deal. Sure, everyone tried to help by telling stories but no one seemed to actually listened to what I wanted to do. Anya’s only been harsh from the beginning, but I know in her own weird way it’s how she's dealing with this mess. Everyone else has just been pushing me to be this person that I can’t seem to remember. All they see is trying to help me get back to that point in life. To where I was before the accident. You were the only one that seemed to what to help me figure out what was going on through my head. All the confusion and swirling emotions. Granted, Clarke would have helped me had I told her, but that was my own mistake.”_

_Costia nodded slowly,“I guess nows a better time than any to tell Clarke.”_

_“I think so. I’m nervous as hell but I know whatever happens is because of my actions. I just hope that we’ll be able to work this out eventually. It’s not going to go away on it’s own.”_

_Costia offered her a small smile,“I’m here if you need me. We are still friends, aren’t we?”_

_“Yeah, I think so. There’s still some things we need to talk about, for instance the night of the party and out meeting the night of the accident, but I think we’re okay for now.”_

_Both women smiled at each other before continuing their walk down the park neither bothering to take notice of the camera that was pointed in their direction from across the park._

* * *

When she had seen the photo on the newspaper, Lexa automatically knew when it was taken. Her and Costia’s conversation was taking place during the time the photo was taken. The conversation that happened yesterday. And couldn’t seem to wait until after she had spoken to Clarke to be published. Apparently life decided to throw her a few more curveballs. But she knew she deserved it. And Clarke didn’t deserve to find out. At least not like that. Another sigh left Lexa’s lips as everything weighed down on her.

“Can you please shut up,” the annoyed voice of her sister floated to her through the empty waiting room.

Suddenly, every pent-up emotion came rising to the surface,“Do you have a problem with me? Because if you do why don’t you go ahead and say what it is!”

Anya stood from her chair, eyes gleaming dangerously at Lexa,“You want to know what my problem is? My problem is that you couldn’t seem to realize what kind of fucked up decisions you’ve been making from the beginning! You said you wanted to see Costia, as in once. Not over the span of five months and not even bothering to tell Clarke, or anyone else for that matter, in the process! You do realize what’s happening, right? Your wife and child are in the hospital for probably all the stress that you’ve been putting on them!”

Lexa angrily stood up and walked over to Anya so she was standing toe to toe with her,“I know what fucked up decisions I’ve been making! I know it was wrong of me to do that!”

Anya broke Lexa out of her words by shoving her back a little,“Then why the hell did you continue to see her?!”

Lexa was just about ready to reel her fist back when a tall body stood between the sisters, effectively blocking her path to Anya. Strong arms held her back as she tried to walk around Bellamy.

“Would you two stop? This isn’t the time for this! Clarke is back there possibly fighting to keep herself and that baby alive and all you two want to do is fight?!” Bellamy shouted.

Lincoln’s arms stayed locked around Lexa while Raven and Octavia held Anya back. But Lexa didn’t care how much Lincoln held her back. She continued to struggle against him.

“You know why I kept seeing her?! Because she was the only god damn person out of all of you that wanted to help me figure out what the hell was going on in my head! The only thing you all cared about was helping me become the Lexa you all knew for the past few years! Not even bothering to ask me how I felt or what I wanted! You all just kept shoving all these memories at me, not even giving me the chance to figure out a what the hell was happening! Costia was the only one that seemed to understand that I need help to get out of the place that I was stuck in! She’s the one that helped me realize that I didn’t even love her! That I've loved Clarke! From the beginning!”

Lincoln’s grip on her slackened, letting her fall to the floor in a heap, as everyone just stared at her in shock.

“None of you seemed to notice the dark place that I was falling into. I couldn’t get past anything. It was like everything was against me. I have a wife that I can’t even remember, but I still love, and I thought I still had feelings for someone who broke my heart, but also drove me to the best thing that ever happened to me. Didn’t you all think, for one second, that maybe instead of needing to remember I needed help getting out of the haze of confusion that had settled over me? I went from knowing everything about my life to knowing very little about it anymore. It was like I couldn’t figure out who I was.”

Everything was silent in the waiting room, no one making a sound as they contemplated Lexa’s words. Lexa could feel the hot tears that trailed down her cheeks, her nose sniffling every once in a while. The brunette stiffened when she felt arms wrap around her, pulling her into a comforting embrace. The familiar smell of Anya wafted into her nose and Lexa felt more tears sting her eyes as her own arms wrapped around the tall girl.

“I’m so sorry. I’ve been doing nothing but bitch at you,” Lexa let out a sort, bitter sweet laugh,“I didn’t realize what was happening with you. And I only made it harder by pushing you to be with Clarke. I didn’t know the kind of pain and confusion I was putting you through. I was…I was scared. I reacted out of anger. I couldn’t process that you forgot almost half of your life, Lex. I should have realize how much it took a toll on you since it affected even myself. I guess I was being to selfish to realize that until it was too late. I drove you to Cosita. I drove you into all this mess and it’s my fault that we’re in this hospital right now.”

Lexa pulled back, wiping tears from her eyes as she looked at her sister,“Why couldn’t you just see that I was lost? That I needed your help? All you did was take Clarke’s side. I get it. You wanted to protect her and the baby from my stupid feelings and harshness, but why couldn’t you just help us both? The only thing you did was yell and push me to Clarke without even asking what I wanted.”

“I-I don’t know, Lexa. I made some shitty mistakes, too. I see that now. I’m not sure why I took Clarke’s side. Maybe it was because I knew how much she was hurting because of everything. Somewhere in my mind I guess I knew the Lexa that you were before the accident wouldn’t have wanted me to let her suffer through this alone. Maybe that’s why I did it? I’m not sure.”

Lexa hesitated with her next words,”You don’t…love her? Do you?”

Anya fully pushed Lexa away, a look of disgust clear on her face,“God, no. Lexa! She’s your wife. My sister-in-law and just happens to be pregnant with my niece or nephew! There’s one thing I can tell you for sure right now and that’s that I wasn’t going to let her go through this alone. Like I said earlier. I just kind of knew that the you before the accident wouldn’t want me to let her do this alone. It’s like I could hear her telling me to help her when you couldn’t.”

Lexa sighed in relief, thankful that those thoughts were out of her mind and put to rest. Before she could respond a short woman with black hair walked into the waiting room and stared at the group of friends.

“Are you Clarke Woods family?”

Lexa quickly stood up and walked towards the nurse,“I’m her wife. Please, tell me if she’s okay.”

“I’m not fully covered on her status right now. I’m here to bring you to the doctor so he can talk with you.”

Lexa sighed deeply, a painful pressure settling in her chest. The nurse instructed them to follow her down the hallway and into a family consult room while they waited for the doctor. They sat in silence for a few moments before Lexa looked around at the group.

“I know a lot of shit has happened lately. But right now I just want to focus on Clarke. I know I probably have no right to be concerned about her after what I did but there isn’t time to talk about it right now. After everything has settled down, we all need to have a very long discussion.”

Everyone nodded as Lexa let the room fill with silence once more. The tension in the room was obvious to them all and no one could find the courage to say anything as they waited for the doctor. Right as Lexa thought the amount of tension would make the room implode the door swung open and Dr. Williams walked in.

“Hello, everyone,” the man said as he took a seat in the chair next to Lexa,“Given the circumstances I can’t say it’s nice to see all of you. Especially you.”

Lexa’s throat tightened as Dr. Williams looked over at her. The man was not only following up with her after her accident at her doctor appointments but was also the one that she had talked to about her confusion and emotions with, besides Costia. He seemed to be the only other person willing to listen and try and help her through it, as much as he could at least.

“How’s Clarke, Dr. Williams? And the baby…?” Lexa let her words trail off, to scared to finish them.

“Clarke and the baby are doing just fine. She had appendicitis and it ruptured before you brought her in. Luckily you got her here just in time. There wasn’t any time for it to do harm to her or the baby. Her surgery even went more smoothly than we thought it would. There were no hiccups in the procedure so now she and the baby are resting comfortably in her room.”

Lexa sighed in relief and let her hands run through her hair at the news,“Can I see her?”

“She’s still asleep form the surgery but you can visit her. One at a time, please. She needs as much rest and as little stress as possible. I’ll take you back there,” Dr. Williams said as he stood from his seat.

As Lexa stood to follow them she could see Anya clearly wanted to protest but kept quiet. Lexa knew that she was probably not making the best decision in seeing Clarke since the blonde didn’t want to see her at the moment, but she couldn’t help it. She needed to see her. Know that she was okay. As the doctor turned them around a few corners and down some hallways he finally came to a halt in front of a closed door. He held his hand towards the door, gesturing for Lexa to enter.

The brunette pushed open the door and slowly closed it behind her. The sight before her, in the dimly lit room, tore her heart in two. Clarke laid in the bed, slightly paler than normal, hair sprawled out messily around her head still fast asleep. All types of monitors and machines were on either side of her bed as well as her IV pole. Lexa took notice of the heart monitor, steadily beating with two constant rhythms. One just a little faster than the other.

Lexa made her way over to the bed, taking cautious steps as to not wake the sleeping mother-to-be. As she came to the edge of the bed she took notice of the hand that Clarke laid protectively over her belly, as if trying to shield any outside harm from her baby as she slept. Pulling over one of the chairs that sat close to the bed Lexa took a seat before taking Clarke’s other hand in her’s and gripping it firmly.

“I’m sorry, Clarke. I know it was your appendix but I did this to you,” Lexa said with shuttering words,“I’m not going to sit here and say that your appendix is the reason your laying in this bed, because it’s not. All the stress I knowingly put on you because of my selfish mistakes. That’s why your in here. It’s my fault. If anything would have happened to you or the baby…I don’t know what I would have done.”

“You’re an idiot.”

The words were so soft that she had barely heard them. Lexa’s head snapped up and took in the tired blue eyes that stared at her. Lexa jumped from her seat, hand moving to smooth a few strands of hair from Clarke’s face.

“Hey, how are you feeling? Do I need to get a nurse?”

Clarke shook her head before moving her head away from Lexa’s fingers,“No, I’m fine right now. What happened? I heard you say something about my appendix.”

Lexa audibly swallowed as she realized Clarke had heard what she said,“Your appendix ruptured. Anya and I got you to the hospital as fast as we could then they took you back for surgery. That was about two hours ago. They said everything’s fine with you and the baby. There was no harm to either of you.”

Clarke looked around the room for a moment, eyes lingering on the heart monitor,“Thank god. I don’t know what I would have done.”

Lexa watched as both of Clarke’s hands smoothed over her belly as if comforting the little soul that rested underneath. They sat in silence for a few minutes, only the sound of Clarke’s and the baby’s heart beat filling the room.

“You can’t blame yourself for this,” Clarke whispered.

Lexa looked at her with shocked eyes,“Clarke, no matter what the doctor says, you’re in here because of the stress I put you through.”

“No, I’m in here because my appendix burst. Not because I collapsed or something due to stress.”

“But look at what lead up to your appendix rupturing! You found out about my seeing Costia and that’s what caused it! I…I saw the broken picture on the floor. I knew you were upset more than I thought you were. When…when I saw you sitting on the bathroom floor in pain…I didn’t know what to think. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. I thought I had caused you to lose the baby, Clarke,” Lexa whispered the last few words.

“But you didn’t. That’s all that matters right now.”

Lexa’s eyes raked over Clarke’s form,“Clarke, about Costi—.”

“I don’t want to hear it right now. I need time. Alone. I need to think this over, Lexa. I know I said that this isn’t your fault, but it only made me think about what may happen if I don’t stay away from you for a bit. I think we both need some time to get our minds back in focus and figure a few things out. All this stress, I can’t do it. Not because I don’t want to try and work things out with you, but because I need to focus on the baby. I’m not letting little Bean get hurt because we can’t seem to get on the right page together and sort things out.”

Lexa slowly nodded, throat tight with sadness,“I understand.”

“This isn’t goodbye, Lex. This is just me needing time. Give me a few days and when I’m ready I’ll come to you. Until then, just…just don’t give up on me and I won’t give up on you. Okay?”

Lexa nodded hesitantly, taking in a deep breath as Clarke’s hand settled into her’s. She held on tight and silently prayed to every god that they could get through this. _Together_.

They, along with everyone else, had a lot of talking and making up to do in the coming time. But, as Lexa walked out of Clarke’s room, heart a little lighter knowing that the blonde hadn’t given up on her completely, she thought that maybe all the happened for a reason. Maybe this is what they all needed to give them a push in the right direction. Maybe they could finally work towards a happier future. One filled with love, understanding, and more importantly, _each other_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even going to say much here. There it is. Costia's roll. Revealed. That's it. Everyone's owning up to their shit and will be dealing with it soon enough. 
> 
> As always, Love to all! 
> 
> Until next time Lovelies. 
> 
> P.s. I'm going to be taking a little breather from this story. Not very long. A few days at most. I just need time to focus on my other stories and clear my head a bit before diving back into this crazy story. ;)
> 
> See you all soon! <3


	14. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note!

Hey guys! As most of you've seen, or written it in the comments yourself, a lot of people feel disconnected from Lexa's feelings because of the time jump. On my part, I take full responsibility to it and  now know that it probably wasn't the best course of action to take. And I want to make up for that. I'm giving two options here. Both of which, whichever one you all choose, I know will help you all understand her feelings better as well as give you more insight to what happened I've that period of time. I've already said one of the things in a few comments and that is "time travel" chapters. That's where we will continue the story from where it currently is while a few future chapters will be set back to a point and time during those five months. That's the first option.

 Second is, I know you probably won't like this one, I take down the chapters after the time jump as well as the chapter containing the time jump, and rewrite from there. I'm not doing this to please anyone, I'm simply doing this for those of you who are confused and need to see more to understand Lexa's feelings. I'm more than happy to do either one to hopefully get you more into the story while also making you love it in the process. 

So comment down below, let me know your thoughts, and after my break, I'll have the answer I need. Thank you all so much for your wonderful support, the amount of feedback I've been getting, whether it's good or bad, is FAR from what I was expecting. Seriously. You guys make my day when I open my email to new comments! I love you all! Keep them coming (good or bad! I can take it!) 

Until next time lovelies! ;)

xoxo


	15. What Made You Realize?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking, talking, and more talking. Feelings are shared and a few flashbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I didn't think I could hold out this long. It's been a good 11 days since I last updated CM. And I just want to say that I absolutely love your overwhelming responses to this story. I know most of this seems whacky and some of the characters don't seem like themselves, but that's why this is a story. Things aren't always quite like they are in the tv shows or books. Things change sometimes. But that's not saying that things won't go back to how they normally are. I know I've lost a few people with this story, with how much controversy is going on during this story which I promise will all be cleared up by the ending, and that's okay. You do you and I'll do me. Simple as that. :) As for the five month time jump (that I'm terribly regretting sometimes) I've decided to go with flashbacks (hence this new chapter that has a few) instead of rewriting. I've also given thought to maybe even posting a separate work that shows us what happens in the span of the five months (but that's a thing for another day). So, as far as everyone's feelings and emotions in this story, this chapter is no where near the end of their talk. There's still plenty that will be talked about later on down the road, so be prepared! And...that's it....I think I've covered most of what I needed to. 
> 
> So, for all you lovely people still reading, enjoy this new chapter that I know you've all been dying for (literally have so many messages and comments asking when I was posting next) and I'm going to enjoy my nice warm bed since I've been writing this from 7pm to right now (almost 3am)! I'll be waiting to read all your lovely or criticizing comments (both are welcomed!) 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

_One week later_

Clarke looked around the room, meeting the eyes of all of her friends before finally locking on the emerald gaze of her wife.

Two days after her surgery Clarke was finally cleared to be discharged from the hospital, much to her relief. The blonde had insisted to Anya that she wanted to stay in a hotel instead of staying with her, claiming that she needed time to herself to think. The past week her thoughts had been filled with nothing but her baby and what occurred over the five months. Clarke was so sure that Lexa was doing better. Getting to know her. Maybe even close to remembering certain things.

_But she was wrong._

Of course she was angry the first few minutes of seeing the newspaper article, but after Lexa’s explanation she felt her heart shatter. She couldn’t blame the brunette for seeking out someone who was familiar to her. Someone that wasn’t trying to change her. The walk from Lexa’s office to the elevator that day had made Clarke realize just how stupid she had been. She was pushing memories on Lexa without even caring if she was comfortable. She had pushed them onto her without even thinking if she wanted to hear them in the first place.

She realized that she had basically backed her into a corner and didn’t give her the option to voice if she even _wanted_ to remember. And it made her feel worse that Lexa had told her she loved her. Lexa, this beautiful, memoryless woman who she called her wife, still loved her even though she backed her into a wall and didn’t give her the option to voice her opinion on the matter of her memories. She took Lexa for granted. Tried to turn her into someone that she didn’t even remember, and maybe never wanted to. But through all that, Lexa still found a way to love her. How was still a mystery to her, something that she would need to talk to the brunette about.

But they had more important matters at hand. Those matters being the small group of friends that sat quietly in her living room as they waited for someone to speak.

Clarke’s eyes drifted to her lap where she fiddled with the hem of her shirt before letting a sigh pass through pink lips,“Someone’s going to have to talk eventually. This needs come out.”

From the corner of her eye Clarke could see Anya shift in her seat next to Raven,“Lexa…why didn’t you tell us about how you were feeling? Why did you let us continue to push things on you when you didn’t even want us to?”

Lexa’s jaw clenched as she met her sister’s gaze across the coffee table,“Everything in my mind was a mess. When you were all telling me stories from the past years I could see how happy each one of you were. Especially you and Clarke. I felt…selfish for thinking that I didn’t want to hear about who I was before I lost my memories. I didn’t want my happiness at the cost of all of yours’. I could already see how much pain I caused Clarke every time I couldn’t remember something she told me about. I couldn’t bare to tell her that everything you all told me only made me more confused. More…nervous. I thought I needed to make you all happy, but I only realized I was pushing myself into somewhere dark.”

By time the brunette was done speaking everyone was looking to the ground in shame.

“Then I got angry. I didn’t show it, but I was. I was being thrown into a life that I didn’t remember and none of you seemed to care that I might not want to remember that part of my life anymore. You just kept shoving memory after memory at me without thinking about how I felt,” Clarke watched with heavy eyes as Lexa fisted her hands tightly in her lap,“That why I took Costia’s deal. Even though she knew I was a different person than I was in college she didn’t treat me like I was. She let me be me. The person that I am right now. For the past five months, while you were all pushing things on me, she let me talk through my confusion. Tried to help me out of the dark place that I was. She never once tried to force anything on me. She just let my mind take it’s own path. Helped me figure out…,”Lexa slowly trailed off.

“Helped you figure out what, Lexa?” Lincoln asked quietly after a few moments of silence.

“Helped me figure out my feelings. I was so confused because in my mind I was still in love with Costia but my heart kept pulling me towards Clarke. I was stuck in two placed at once and she seemed to be the only one willing to help me out of it.”

Raven sat on the edge of the couch as she looked Lexa over,“How could we have helped you if we didn’t know how you felt? I know we were in the wrong for not seeing that something was clearly wrong with you, but it doesn’t help anything if you don’t talk to us, Lex. We would have understood that you needed to work things out. You weren’t selfish for not wanting to hear about a life you didn’t remember. If anything we were selfish for pushing it on you without even asking you about your feelings towards the matter.”

Clarke’s heart clinched at her friend’s words. She was right. They were selfish. She was selfish. After Lexa’s accident the only thing that Clarke seemed to care about was making Lexa remember. To remember their life. Their love. Their child. But she didn’t see what it was doing to Lexa. And it struck her. She had drove Lexa to Costia. All because she couldn’t see that something was clearly amiss with her wife’s feelings and emotional state.

“It was my fault,” Clarke whispered as she let squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears away.

She felt Octavia’s hand settle on her shoulder,“What was your fault?”

Clarke steeled her gaze and sifted it up to catch Lexa’s,“I drove you to Costia. It’s my fault. I basically pushed you to her because I didn’t see what was happening to you. I was wrong to be angry because you didn’t do anything wrong. You ran to the one person who wanted to help you through what you were dealing with because I didn’t. I see that now. I’m so sorry.”

Lexa was quick to stand from her position on the love seat and fall to her knees in front of Clarke. The brunette rubbed her hands soothingly over her knees as a few tears slipped from the corners of her eyes and down pale cheeks.

“Hey, calm down. It’s okay. We’ve all done some shitty stuff over the past few months. If anyone’s to blame it’s everyone one of us. There’s not one person innocent in this including myself. My memory loss doesn’t count as an excuse for the pain that I put you through by going behind your back and seeing Costia. I should have realized what that would do to you but I was too clouded by my confusion to care. I should have told all of you how I was feeling, but I didn’t. And I screwed up a lot of shit because of that. I hurt you and broke my sister’s trust at the same time. I…I told Anya I wanted to see Costia at least once. I thought seeing her once would help clear up any lingering feelings, but I kept seeing her. Even after she confessed to cheating on me back in college I still wanted to see her. She just… _listened_. I know you would have listened if I had told you how I was feeling, but I was stupid and I didn’t.”

Clarke sniffled as she listened to Lexa. Everything was just so fucked up. Everything was a mess.

“You aren’t the only one who drove Lexa to Costia,” Anya said quietly causing all heads to turn in her direction,“Like I told Lexa back in the hospital, I’ve been nothing but a bitch. I pushed her to be with you without even giving her time to process her feelings or emotions. I guess my wanting her to be with you only made her want to see Costia all the more, and I was right. You’re not the only person to blame, Clarke.”

A look of hurt flickered over Clarke’s face at the confession,“Anya…”

“But that’s not all I was angry about,” Anya said as she met Lexa’s gaze.

The brunette’s face scrunched in confusion,“What do you mean? What else were you angry about?”

Anya audibly swallowed and shifted her gaze to the floor,“The night of your accident, after you saw Costia, you called me. Told me everything that happened and what you said to her. I got angry. I was angry because you forgave her for breaking your heart. You _thanked_ her for breaking your heart. I just…I was so angry because you just let her off the hook for something that hurt you so bad. Yes, you had Clarke right after, but I could see what it did to you. I watched you for months. Drinking until you passed out when you thought no one was watching. Do you know how many times I carried you out of the bar because you had one too many and finally passed out in a booth? _Costia_ did that to you! She hurt you and I couldn’t bare to see you like that. When you finally starting letting Clarke in more I was so relieved to see you finally going back to who you were before Costia. Before the drinking. And after your accident, when you said you only wanted to see Costia, the rage I felt for her…I took it out on you. I’ve been taking it out on you this entire time because I couldn’t fathom why you wanted to see someone who hurt you so bad even if you didn’t remember it.”

Clarke’s eyes widened at her words. During the second day of her stay in the hospital Lexa had all but pushed her way through Octavia and Raven stating that she only wanted to talk to Clarke for a few moments only to end up staying two hours that seemed to stretch on for days. In those two hours Lexa had explained her talk with Costia, not skipping a single details, as Clarke listened with open ears yet trying to keep her face void of any emotions. So it didn’t come as a shock to her to hear from Anya about her little chat with Costia but the fight between the sisters was other news to her. She had sensed Anya’s overwhelming frustration with the woman and merely pushed it aside as her way of coping with what was happening around her, even if it didn’t seem like the best way. But now, hearing this, she finally understood the obvious anger that would come forth from the older Woods sibling most of the time Lexa was around.

Over the span of the five months Anya hadn’t been the best sister. While still being supportive as best as her seemingly careless nature would allow she had always given a cold shoulder to Lexa. Taking Clarke’s side at any little spat that may float between them which in turn made her feel guilty for causing a rift between them, but now she completely understood the hidden rage that laid beneath the older woman’s words each day. Not that she fully agreed with her anger though. She wanted nothing more than Lexa to have Anya’s full support and love but it wasn’t like she could force Anya to hand it over on a silver platter with a smile.

“What happened next, Anya?” Raven urged her gently as everyone waited for her to continue speaking.

Anya sighed softly as she looked at Lexa,“We yelled at each other for a few minutes. You even told me that it wasn’t like you accepted to be her friend or anything. Just that you forgave her because she drove you to Clarke. I…I was still angry though. I couldn’t stand the thought that you actually just forgave her so easily. After us yelling at each other for a good few minutes you said Clarke was calling and that we would talk it over later because you wanted a peaceful night with her. I was so angry that I just hung up. No goodbye. Nothing.”

Clarke listened intently and watched as Lexa’s face turned sour at the mention of their fight.

“When Clarke called me…even though she told me you were stable I still couldn't help but know that something wasn’t right. I just felt it. And when I got there and all you said you could remember up to was right before you found Costia cheating on you. The only thing running through my mind was that the universe couldn’t throw a bigger curve ball at us. When…when you said you loved Costia…I only thought about our fight and what she did to you. It brought anger out of me that I shouldn’t have unleashed on you. Not with the condition you were in, but I couldn’t help it. I was a royal bitch and wasn’t giving a flying fuck about how I could hurt you.”

Lexa stared at her sister deeply. The repressed feelings that she had been hiding rising in her chest with every little word. By the thickening of Anya’s voice when she got to Lexa’s accident the brunette could tell that her sister was deeply upset. The only thing that she could think of that would have upset the woman was that, not knowing Lexa’s exact condition before arriving at the hospital, the last moments she could have possibly had with her sister were of them fighting. Clarke could feel the air become heavy with the confessions, most of their little group deciding to keep silent as the sisters talked.

There was so much more that they had to talk about but, with the street lamps glaring through the living room windows, Clarke knew that it was time to wrap this up. The emotions were already running high and a good night’s sleep would have everyone refreshed and ready to talk more later. There was plenty of time to talk now that everyone was finally on a single level and ready to hear each other out.

“I think that’s enough for tonight. This,” Clarke said as she glanced between Anya and Lexa,“Has been more strenuous then we all thought. It would be best if we all gave ourselves the night to think and pick this up later.”

Everyone around her nodded, the emotional toll showing clear on their faces even though they all knew they had barley scratched the surface of their problems. But they would take this one day at a time. And, as Clarke said goodbye to everyone from the front door, she couldn’t help but smile at the fact that maybe, just maybe, they could all work through this together and finally be the family that they were meant to be. Clarke quietly closed the door, leaning against it with a small huff of air, before making her way back to the living room where Lexa patiently waited for her on the couch.

Clarke stood awkwardly in front of the couch, neither her nor Lexa making eye contact,“I guess it would be best if I left. Maybe we can talk again tomorrow.”

Before she could even take one step a warm hand was gripping onto her wrist. Looking back Clarke saw her wife’s emerald eyes peering up at her with a look of desperation.

“Stay. Please. Don’t leave on my account.”

Clarke swallowed past the lump that had formed quickly in her throat before looking down at Lexa’s hand that wrapped around her wrist. The warmth that surged through her fingertips was all to familiar and sent a tingle down Clarke’s spine. Staying might not have been the best choice in her head at the moment, but her body, and heart, screamed for her to stay. With a slow nod Lexa finally released her wrist and allowed Clarke to take a seat next to her on the couch.

Maybe staying didn’t seem like the best option, but if she were to look back five years from now, she would know that staying with Lexa was possibly what put them back into each other’s arms.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Lexa)**

Lexa’s breathing stuttered as Clarke took the spot next to her. Their knees brushed against one another as they shifted no the couch in the awkward silence. There was so much buzzing through her mind. Things she wanted to tell Clarke. So many things that she couldn’t seem to find the voice to express them.

“What made you realize that you loved me?”

Lexa’s heart froze. The simple words flowing from the blonde’s lips sent her into a mild state of shock. Out of all the things that they should be talking about, Lexa thought that this one was the furthest thing from Clarke’s mind. But apparently, as she had been for the past five months along with everyone else, she was wrong. Lexa could feel the blue eyes boring into her face as she struggled to form words, to best explain how her feelings had unknowingly surfaced over the five months time.

Suddenly shifting her body, Lexa faced Clarke and gazed into her eyes. Instead of speaking Lexa took the blonde’s hands and raised them in the air, palms facing towards her, before placing her own open palms against them. She let them rest there for a moment, watching as blue eyes skimmed over their touching fingers, before slowly interlacing their digits and keeping them in the air.

“Everything about you. I just didn’t know it until I realized how much you were on my mind. How I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” Lexa whispered.

Clarke stayed silent. Choosing to let the brunette continue instead of interrupting, in fear that if she did she would stop talking.

“Your laugh. It was like little bells ringing through my ears that I just couldn’t get enough of. Mesmerizing.”

* * *

_Tiny giggles came from the bedroom as Lexa made her way upstairs after a long day at work. She wasn’t overly surprised to not find Clarke lounging on the couch with her laptop editing pictures as she had been doing for the past few days. When the first giggle rang from upstairs Lexa raised an eyebrow and quietly made her way up the stairs._

_Now, walking down the hallway towards the bedroom, the giggles grew more frequent and louder. The bedroom door was wide open, inviting her in with the smell of lavender and roses. Taking cautious steps inside Lexa glanced around the empty room before seeing the bathroom door cracked open. As she made her way over she could clearly hear Clarke’s giggles and tried not to smile as she pushed the door open the rest of the way. But the sight before broke all concentration and had a bright smile breaking out over her face._

_Clarke giggled happily once more as she cupped a handful of bubbles from the tub and proceeded to blow them into the air, causing multiple bubbles to fall around her. The sound coming from her lips was magical, almost child like. Carefree and alive. Leaning against the doorframe Lexa cleared her throat as Clarke yet again blew more bubbles into the air._

_“Should I leave you alone with your bubbles? You seem to be having an awfully wonderful time together.”_

_Clarke jumped slightly at her voice, water splashing around the tub as she ducked a little lower into the warm water,“Jesus, Lexa! What have I said about sneaking up on me! You’re going to give me a heart attack!”_

_Lexa simply shook her head before making her way over to the tub, eyes catching the bright blush blooming along Clarke’s cheeks. Kneeling down, Lexa grabbed a handful of bubbles and pretended to study them closely._

_“I didn’t know bubbles were your guilt pleasure. You should have told me sooner.”_

_The brunette then blew the bubbles towards Clarke’s face, who quickly swatted them away with a contagious laugh. That started an all out bubble war. Clarke and Lexa’s laughter echoing around the bathroom as bubbles flew in the space around them._

* * *

Lexa looked over to Clarke, eyes shimmering at the happy memory, but simply stayed silent. And she knew that as her cue to continue.

“Your eyes. They give away so much. Just the amount of emotion they could hold. Something I knew I could become lost in if I stared long enough,” Lexa spoke as she lightly traced her fingers down Clarke’s temple.

* * *

_“Let’s go ahead and take a look at your little one.”_

_Lexa watched, anxiousness creeping into her chest, as Dr. Patel squirted a bit of gel onto Clarke’s rounding stomach and gently ran the probe across it. Her eyes darted from Clarke to the fuzzy image appearing on the screen. A few moments of silence passed before Lexa felt the air escape her lungs, a startled gasp that she wasn’t even sure was her own resounding through the small room._

_“There’s your baby. Perfectly healthy with all awn fingers and toes,” Dr. Patel stated to the couple._

_As Lexa started at the screen, the black and white image of their baby keeping her gaze, eyes mesmerized by what was to be the most precious sight, she felt the warmth of a hand clasp around her own and hold on tightly. Her emerald gaze lingered on the image of their child a moment longer before tearing away and meeting eyes with Clarke. The passion, fire, love that floated around her blue eyes astounded Lexa._

_The crystal blue shimmering with the faints of tears, happy tears, as her eyes stayed locked on Lexa. The eyes of her wife grounding her to the very spot she stood in as she felt the emotions that reflected in her blue orbs transfer to her. She felt every little spark of emotion. Felt the heady gaze of Clarke boring into her soul with such love she found it nearly impossible to contain._

_Those blue orbs just called to her. Put her at ease. But lit her afire at the same time. So mesmerizing._

* * *

Clarke’s hand found her’s and removed it from her temple. A pang ran through Lexa’s heart at the fear of overstepping some invisible line but it quickly diminished as Clarke interlocked their hands, resting them gently on her lap.

“Tell me more,” Clarke rasped.

Swallowing thickly Lexa’s eyes scanned over the blonde,“Your happiness. How contagious it is. When your just happy no matter what’s happening around you. The way you dance when you just can’t contain your happiness.”

* * *

_Lexa stepped through the threshold of the front door, lazily kicking off her shoes after a hard day at work. As she shrugged out of the blazer donned upon her shoulders the faint smell of cookies wafted through the air and she could barely make out the sound of music. Following the grumble of her stomach towards the enticing aroma Lexa made her way towards the kitchen, the music getting louder as she neared._

_Silently turning the corner into the kitchen Lexa paused in her stride at the sight before her. Clarke, wearing a simple grey shirt and blue jeans, had her back to her as she mixed something in a bowl, her body swaying in time with the music floating from the bluetooth speaker on the counter. Leaning against the doorframe Lexa watched, amused, as the blonde shimmed her hips to the beat before continuing to stir the bowl, her body still softly swaying. She watched on for a few more moments before walking over to the kitchen island and taking a seat at one of the many bar stools. Resting her chin in the palm of her hand Lexa simply stayed silent, a smirk plastered on her face, and continued to watch Clarke._

_The song drowned out, fading into a new one, more upbeat than the last, causing Clarke to swing her hips with more enthusiasm. Lexa could barely contain her laugh as the photographer began singing lightly, raising the spoon to her mouth as a makeshift microphone. Quickly composing herself Lexa decided that she had enough of letting her wife unknowingly embarrass herself. Chin still in her palm, Lexa loudly cleared her throat, causing the spoon in Clarke’s hand to clatter onto the counter as she whipped around, hand to her chest._

_“Dammit, Lexa! What the hell are you doing here?”_

_Lexa chuckled deeply,“Last time I checked I lived here.”_

_“Haha very funny. You almost gave me a heart attack!” Clarke said before picking up her discarded spoon._

_“Are you going to give me an encore? It was a pretty entertaining show,” Lexa said with a smirk._

_A large blush crept up Clarke’s neck as she glanced at the spoon in her hand and back to Lexa,“You wish you were only so lucky.”_

_“Come on. Just one more song,” Lexa urged as she stood from her seat and began making her way around the counter, advancing towards Clarke._

_The blonde quickly began backing up, spoon pointing at Lexa almost as a makeshift weapon,“Don’t even think about it Woods. You go back to your seat or I’ll give you a good swat with this spoon.”_

_“That’s no fun. I just want to hear you sing…and watch that thing you did with your hips,” Lexa teased._

_“No, no more singing. Or dancing. I didn’t know anyone was watching.”_

_Lexa noted the obvious happiness chipped into Clarke’s tone and felt herself smile as she still stalked towards the blonde. She watched the muscles under Clarke’s jeans tense before she suddenly rocketed from her spot and towards the kitchen exit, Lexa hot on her heels. Little jingles of giggles flowed through the house. Happiness floating around and coating every surface as the couple chased each other around the house, lost in their own little world. Happiness that Lexa hadn’t felt since waking up after her accident. And there was only one person to thank for that._

* * *

A small smile pulled at the corner of Lexa’s lips as she heard Clarke giggle lightly at the memory. Her hand, still tangled tightly with Clarke’s, tightened momentarily to grasp the blonde’s attention once more.

“There’s so many things that I never realized had me falling for you, things that I’m sure made me fall for you the first time around even if I can’t remember it. But, when I was with Costia, the day I realized how I felt, there was one thing that stood out from all the others. Something that just sent my heart blazing with so much love that I didn’t think was possible.”

Blue eyes narrowed in thought and Lexa smiled softly. Her eyes flicked down a moment before darting back up, her hand now resting on the swell of Clarke’s belly.

“You…talking to our baby. I-I was overcome with so much emotion. You whispered little words of love and just…everything sent all the nerves in my body afire.”

* * *

_Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed as the bright sunlight shone through the bedroom windows, casting early morning rays across her eyes. Not moving, the brunette blinked her eyes a few times to adjust to the light before fully opening them._

_“I can’t wait to hold you. Watch you sleep soundly in my arms.”_

_At first Lexa thought she was hearing things until her eyes drifted up and saw Clarke leaning against the headboard, hands rubbing soft circles on her rounding tummy._

_“I’m sure your aunt Raven and aunt Octavia will try to steal you from me, but mommy won’t let them have you. They’re too bad of an influence,” Clarke whispered, amused._

_Lexa’s eyes snapped shut as the blonde turned her head towards her, more than likely checking to see if she was still asleep. Hoping she wasn’t caught, Lexa waited until Clarke continued talking to open her eyes again._

_“And your momma…she may not remember everything right now but she loves you. So much. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know that I know about the little onesie she bought that says ‘Momma’s Little Warrior’ on the front. She already things of you as an ass kicker, but you have to prove her wrong. I need you wielding a camera or paint brush, not a sword.”_

_Lexa fought the smile from her face at the small laugh that past through Clarke’s lips, still silently watching, eyes never leaving the swell of her stomach._

_“Your sleeping so peacefully and you have no idea just how much everyone already loves you. But there’s no one who loves you more than your momma and I. Nothing will ever change that. You just keep growing and you’ll be able to feel all that love as soon as your born.”_

_Clarke lifted a hand to her mouth, placing a kiss to her fingers, before placing it to the top of her stomach. The gesture sent Lexa’s heart aflutter. No longer wanting to pretend that she was still asleep, Lexa slowly raised a hand to Clarke’s tummy and rested it over one of Clarke’s. The photographer’s head snapped in her direction, eyes wide, before slowly relaxing and letting a kind smile slide over her features._

_“How long have you been awake?”_

_Lexa’s thumb gently rubbed Clarke’s stomach through the fabric of her shirt before inhaling slowly,“Long enough to know that I’m pretty sure you won’t let me buy the baby a play sword to train with.”_

_Clarke threw her head back with a laugh, her tummy moving gently with her giggles. The morning sun floated around her causing the bright beams to make her hair a golden halo around her face. Lexa watched the vision of beauty as she continued to trace her thumb across her tummy, before continuing to listen as Clarke once again began speaking to their baby._

* * *

“Lexa…,” Clarke’s eyes were wide with the amount of passion coursing through the brunette’s tone as she spoke.

“There’s so much damn stuff that made me fall for you, but I couldn’t see that myself. I was stupid. I was selfish. I let myself be happy with you while also letting myself be happy with Costia. I never once thought about what it would do to you, to us, if you knew I was seeing her. And what’s even more fucked up is that while I was trying to figure out my emotions between the two of you, I couldn’t see that I knew the answer almost from the beginning. In the end it was Costia that made me realize how I felt about you. She knew, even before she met with me, how much I loved you, even if that feeling was buried deep inside me.”

Lexa worried her bottom lip, trying to spur herself to continue with her words.

“And that made me feel horrible. I…I let someone I used to love think that it might be a possibility that I could fall in love with her again. I took both of you for granted. I used you both to figure out my feelings without thinking of what it could possibly make both of you feel.”

Lexa’s head fell forward, her hair curtaining her view of the world around her. Her body jolted slightly as she felt a warm hand press against her cheek and urge her head back up. Raising her head slightly Lexa came face to face with a teary eyes Clarke.

“I’m not going to deny that I was angry with you seeing her behind my back, but don’t you dare feel ashamed for trying to figure out things. Yes, you could have come to me and told me you were struggling, but I should have seen it from the beginning. I was so keen on keeping you remember everything that I didn’t pay attention to how you must have felt or how confused it all made you. I wouldn’t have stopped you from seeing Costia if that would have helped you work things out. I just wish you would have told me,” Clarke said quietly.

“I know. I’m sorry. I never should have seen her behind your back.”

A small silence settled over the room for a moment,“Did you…did you sleep with her?”

Lexa’s eyes widened as she watched a stray tear slip down Clarke’s cheek. Chest hurting, Lexa wrapped her arms around the woman and brought her close as she wiped away the salty tear.

“No, no! Clarke, the only thing we did was talk. We always met in parks or like quiet restaurants. I never once went to her place or took her here. There was only talking. No kissing or-or anything!” Lexa rambled.

A sniffle sounded from the woman in her arms before she felt her snuggle into her chest,“So nothing happened? Not even a little kiss on the cheek?”

“No. I promise you, Clarke. Nothing happened,” Lexa said, understanding the blonde needed the extra reassurance.

“What about how you feel for her? That picture in the paper…you both looked so happy.”

Lexa gently pushed Clarke away and cupped both her cheeks,“Before that picture was taken we were talking about you. That smile that I had, that was because I finally realized what I felt for you and that I was finally going to tell you. Tell you everything. About my feelings, my seeing Costia. I knew that it would more than likely hurt you because I was seeing her behind your back but I didn’t want anymore secrets between us. I was ready to tell you everything because I knew I didn’t want to hid it any longer, no matter how much I had to work to make it up to you. You’re worth it. I have no feelings other than friendship for Costia. Every little ounce of love that I have goes to you and this baby…and maybe a sliver goes to our friends and my sister.”

That spurred a watery laugh from Clarke. Strong thumbs brushed away fallen tears as Lexa stared into the blue depths of Clarke’s eyes. Searching them for a moment the brunette hesitantly leaned forward and, when her wife made no move to pull away, connected their lips. Clarke sighed happily into the kiss and wrapped her arms tightly around Lexa’s neck, pulling her impossibly closer. Lexa’s own hands found their way to cupping the blonde’s jaw and tangling into golden locks. They allowed the feverish kiss to linger a few moments before slowly pulling away, heated breath mingling in the space between them.

“We have a lot more to work through, Lexa, but I have no doubt that we can get through this. Just, we need to not hid anything from each other anymore. No secrets, no holding back emotions. I tell you everything and you tell me everything,” Clarke said breathlessly.

“I think I can agree with that.”

Clarke’s tongue darted out to smooth over her lips,“Good. Same goes with everyone else. We still have a lot to work out with all of them and I’m sure that’s going to take quite a while before everyone isn’t moping around like little puppies, but we’ll get through this. We just all need each other.”

Lexa nodded, silently agreeing, before resting her forehead against Clarke’s and shutting her eyes. Maybe things were starting to look up. Yes, she had a lot of problems that needed to be resolved with her sister and friends, but for now she was content. So far everything was out in the open, letting the bitter sting of realization settle in. No longer being hidden behind coward emotions. Letting everyone think that nothing was wrong. Maybe now Lexa had a chance to move forward, finally almost free from the darkness that had surrounded her since waking up in the hospital.

And, as she sat there holding Clarke, another realization hit her. Anya had been right. If her memories never returned to her then she would make new ones. Now, thinking back to the five months filled with her friends and Clarke, she realized that she was already making new memories. Precious memories that she would hold dear to her heart, hoping that they wouldn’t disappear like the last ones. Protecting them at all costs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm emotionally exhausted after this. Just writing and reading all your thoughts (to which I still haven't answered your comments) has taken a lot out of me. But I'm so happy and so thankful to have so many of you reading and following along with CM. It means the world to me! Honestly! I know some of you don't like the direction that this story has taken so far or the way some of the characters have acted but I promise you it'll all be smiles and rainbows by the end! 
> 
> So I'm off to bed! I hope you all liked it and will be dying (not literally) to read another chapter, which hopefully won't take me as long to post as this one did! ;)
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> P.s. You guys can ask me anything on tumblr or tweet/direct message me on twitter! I always answer both! Links are on my profile! So come on! I love talking and answering questions! :)


	16. Pictures Worth A Simple Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A special event takes place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I'm back! So sorry it took me this long! I was away on vacation, and if you've read my other stories you've seen that I've had quite a bit happening at home! But I can never leave you guys forever so I'm back with a fresh chapter that you'll all hopefully love! 
> 
> Not too much happens in this chapter. I more or less leads up to what's going to take place in the following chapter. So be ready for that. 
> 
> I'm not going to babble forever because I know you've all been waiting for this! So have have fun reading!

“So how have things been between you and Lexa since our big talk?”

Clarke sighed deeply as she pondered over Octavia’s question. It’s been two weeks since the talk between all of them, and thankfully things had seemed to be a little bit better.

“Hard, but everything is working out. We communicate more and try not to keep anything a secret between the two of us. Lexa’s finally been spending some much needed time working things out with Anya.”

Raven made her presence beside her known with a small scoff,“If by punching each other is ‘working things out’. Lexa and Anya spend all their time talking over sparing session at the gym.”

Clarke couldn’t help the small shrug of her shoulders. Anya and Lexa had both decided that it was easier to communicate through sparring. Clarke had the opportunity to watch them one day. Fists flying towards each other, labored breaths panting out words as they spoke over their raised fists. She wasn’t necessarily pleased with their choice of ‘therapy’ but so far it seemed to be working for them seeing as to how the sisters hadn’t had a verbal argument since beginning their sessions two days after their talk.

“I know it doesn’t seem like the ideal way for them to work things out, Rae, but it’s working for them. They haven’t fought for two weeks and they’ve been talking a lot more. Lexa’s finally getting the support from Anya that I know she needs so I’m not going to ruin it by stopping their sessions.”

Octavia kicked a stone out of her path as they continued to walk around the city park,“I just find it hard to believe that Anya kept their fight a secret after the accident. I mean, I at least thought she would tell you, Raven.”

“I thought the same thing. She still hasn’t talked about it with me, though. Says she wants to fix things between her and Lexa before talking about it any more with any one else, and I respect that. While I may understand where she was coming from about being angry with Lexa accepting Costia’s apology, I didn’t agree with her harshness towards her. That wasn’t something I expected to come from Anya,” Raven said quietly.

“It’s not just Anya. It’s both of them. They have a lot to make up for before everything can start to feel normal again. We all do actually. Lexa isn’t more to blame than any of us. Sure she kept what she really felt a secret when she probably shouldn’t have but we didn’t do any better by realizing what she was feeling,” Clarke said as she walked between Octavia and Raven.

Clarke felt a hand rest lightly on her shoulder and turned to see Octavia giving her a soft smile,“And you’re no more guilty than the rest of us, Clarke. I know you still think you drove Lexa to Costia but in reality we all did it. Not just you. Don’t put all this blame on yourself.”

Clarke’s eyes dropped down to stare at her feet as she pondered her best friend’s words. Over the past two weeks she and Lexa had talked constantly about the fallout between them. From Lexa’s seeing Costia to Clarke not speaking or seeing her for a week. Lexa had clearly made sure that Clarke understood that it was not just her that had driven her to seek Costia’s help. Instead making her realize that it was a number of things that were beyond her control. Even then, Lexa had all but rabbled on about how it still wasn’t right for her to do what she did and how horrible she felt. Even going so far as to break down in tears in front of the blonde. Scared for what might happen between their freshly healing bond.

Clarke was quick to share the blame though. How could she be angry at her wife for trying to figure out her own feelings? At least trying to work out how she felt for her instead of just packing up and running away. Sure, she wasn't all to pleased with who she sought out help for, but she knew that, with Lexa’s fogged memory, that Costia was a strong being in her mind. Someone that she connected with on an emotional level. The night after their talk Lexa had explained everything that had occurred between the two women. What they talked about, the things they did… _Costia’s deal._ Everything.

And while Clarke had been silently seething in her seat, her fists tightly clenching the fabric of her shirt, she felt it all wash away when Lexa explained just why Costia made her that deal. The fact that the one woman that Lexa used to love, even though she cheated on her, wanted to do nothing but help her realize her love for Clarke had ripped any lingering anger from the blonde’s heart. How Costia had done nothing but listen to Lexa unknowingly babble about Clarke and the baby every time they met. How Costia had never even tried to put herself in a romantic situation with the brunette.

Every little thing that Lexa had explained to her about the situation with Costia made her feel terrible for all the malice thoughts that had floated around in her head. Granted, she still wasn’t pleased with the going behind her back, but that was something for another day. Now, everything was finally out in the open. The tension that hung unknowingly between them, filled with secrets and hidden feelings, quickly became lighter. Happier.

“Yeah, we’re all horrible friends for not realizing the shit that was going through Lexa’s head. Besides, you don’t need all that stress hanging on your shoulders with this future mechanic here,” Raven said the last part teasingly as she let a hand ghost over Clarke’s stomach.

Clarke smiled softly as she let her own hand raise to settle on top of her ever growing baby bump. She was now officially 21 weeks and desperately waiting to feel the little flutter of new life to begin moving in her belly. After her surgery she had quite a few check ups to make sure everything was going smoothly and there was no harm done to the baby. And at each check up Lexa was by her side, completely awe struck by the image of their child. When her doctor had asked them if they wanted to know the gender Lexa was quick to make the decision for them, quickly shouting out a ‘no’ before anyone could say anything else.

Lexa had given her a sheepish smile after her outburst and quickly explained that she would love for it to be a surprise, if Clarke was okay with it. The blonde had smiled gently and agreed fully heartedly that she too wanted it to be a surprise. After the talk Lexa had been more attentive to Clarke. Making sure she had anything she needed, didn’t work too hard, was always comfortable, etc. One of Lexa’s biggest concerns was making sure Clarke’s stress level stayed down as much as possible. While they talked over their problems daily, the brunette was quick to cut it off and save it for another day when she began to notice the tension settling along Clarke’s shoulders.

“I think you mean future ass kicker. If Lexa’s fighting is as good as Clarke says it is then this baby will be landing some serious right hooks when it’s old enough,” Octavia laughed out.

“Okay, enough about my baby kicking ass. Little Bean will be doing no such thing. Ever. And as for a mechanic…I’m not letting it anywhere near your shop, Raven. God knows you probably have a few explosives laying around just waiting to blow up.”

Octavia puffed out a feigned annoyed sigh while Raven simply rolled her eyes before meeting Clarke’s playful glare,“As if I would let my niece or nephew around explosives. I’m more responsible than that.”

“Sure you are, Rae, but let’s talk about something else. You have everything ready for your gallery opening tonight, Clarke?” Octavia asked as she lightly bumped shoulders with said blonde.

“Yeah, all the pictures are hung up and last minute details have been taken care of. All that’s left is the grand showing tonight,” Clarke said happily.

Throughout the mess that was her life, Clarke had found just the right amount of time to put together a gallery of her most prized photos. Finding the perfect space to host her gallery had been a tad tough but she had finally found the perfect venue willing to rent out the space to her for a few nights. This was to be her first showing and Clarke had all but stressed over every little detail during any and all free time that she had. From choosing from the millions of shots that she had to finding the perfect caterer, Clarke wanted to make sure that everything was perfect.

“I’m really excited to see it. I mean, I’ve seen a shit ton of photos that you’ve taken but I feel that this is going to be something different,” Raven said.

A small smirk appeared on Clarke’s face,“Maybe it will be. You’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”

Octavia let out a loud groan,“Come on, Clarke. You’ve been all secrets with this since you told us you were going to do it! Just tell us what your showing!”

“The only thing I’ll tell you is that no one’s ever seen some of these pictures before. Not even Lexa.”

“And how does Lexa feel about that?” Raven asked, annoyed.

“I’ve had to lock my home studio when I leave. I found her trying to snoop through my computer one day when she thought I was still at work. It’s safe to say that she’s as equally curious and annoyed as you both are. But it’ll be worth it in the end. Trust me.”

“Knowing you it’s probably pictures of Lexa, or embarrassing pictures of us all,” Octavia said with a roll of her eyes.

Clarke’s only response was a soft smile as they continued their walk through the park. She would neither confirm nor deny her best friend’s accusation, simply telling her once more that they would have to wait and see.

* * *

“Clarke, if you don’t hurry you’ll be late! I don’t think it’ll look good if the host of the event is late!”

Clarke rolled her eyes at Lexa’s words as she applied the finishing touches to her makeup. Her blonde hair was pulled up into an elegant bun, a few stray curls escaping to rest delicately against her temples. Her eyes were done with a smoky finish, making her blue eyes pop against the dark contrast. Giving herself one final glance over in the mirror, Clarke nodded in approval before making her way out of the en suite bathroom and into the bedroom.

Making her way over to the bed, Clarke quickly began removing her clothing so that she could slip into her new dress that she had purchased specifically for this special night. Right as she slipped her shirt carefully over her head, the cool air filtering around the room meeting her bare breasts, the door to the bedroom swung open, a rambling brunette walking in it’s wake.

“Clarke, Raven said if we aren’t out of this house in five minutes then she’s going to strangle—,” Lexa’s words quickly died in her throat as she lifted her head from her phone to lock gazes with an almost naked Clarke.

The blonde watched as a not-so-subtle blush crept it’s way up her wife’s neck and over her cheeks. Lexa’s mouth gaped like a fish a few moments before she quickly spun around, her eyes tearing away from Clarke’s body.

“I’m sorry. I thought you were dressed.”

Clarke simply giggled at Lexa’s shyness. The poor woman acted as if they had never seen each other naked before, let alone had sex. Besides the day that Lexa had found out Clarke was pregnant they hadn’t had sex. On occasion, they had seen each other naked over the five months but had never engaged in anything other than staring. But somewhere after their talk and Lexa confessing how she had realized she had fallen for Clarke once more, the brunette had become a blushing teenager every time her eyes had come into contact with a bare Clarke. It made the blonde both happy and frustrated.

More frustrated than anything.

Clarke wasn’t sure if she could blame her frustration on her sex drive alone or just the fact that she hadn’t been with Lexa since that day. Maybe she could blame both. Though seeing Lexa naked on occasion didn’t help anything either. But Clarke respected Lexa’s boundaries and understood that when she was ready she would come to her herself. Hopefully.

“Lexa, you don’t have to turn around. You’ve seen me naked before. Besides, I could use some help getting into this dress.”

Clarke grabbed said dress from the bed and held the red material out towards her wife as she waited for her to turn back around. She heard a soft intake of breath come from the brunette before she slowly turned around, emerald eyes locking onto her face in fear of traveling any further south. Lexa slowly made her way over to her and accepted the dress from her hands.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to get it on alone without messing up my hair,” Clarke said with a tiny blush.

Lexa stayed silent as she unzipped the back of the dress before carefully raising it to Clarke’s head, voicing for her to slide her arms through, and carefully maneuvering it around her hair. Clarke quietly watched as her wife worked the fabric down her body, the soft material hugging the swell of her tummy, giving her a more defined bump. She wasn’t necessarily happy to wear such tight fitting clothing but it made her heart flutter when her belly was so easily defined to show that she was growing a new life within her. A new member of their small family. But the dress wasn’t overly uncomfortable. The red, lace high-neck dress was one of her favorites that she had bought after finally accepting that she could no longer fit into most of her formal wear.

“Done. Not a single hair out of place,” Lexa commented as her eyes wondered over Clarke’s hair.

“Thank you. Now just let me get my shoes and we’ll be all set to go.”

Clarke quickly donned her favorite pair of heels before moving towards the mirror for one final check of her makeup. Once everything was in perfect order she turned to see Lexa leaning casually against the wall, phone in hand as she texted who she assumed to be Raven. She took a few moments to take in her wife. She wore one of her favorite fitted suits, Clarke failing to talk her into wearing the black dress that she loved to see her wife in so much, and red heels strapped securely to her feet. Her brunette hair ran down her back in soft waves, making Clarke want to tangle her fingers in the soft locks.

Clarke was brought out of her daze as Lexa pushed her phone into her pocket and pushed herself off the wall, eyes turning to met her’s,“You all set?”

“Yeah, I think I’m good. Are you?”

Lexa let out a little snort at her question,“Clarke, I was ready twenty minutes ago. You’re the one that takes the longest to get ready.”

Clarke simply rolled her eyes before making her way out the bedroom, Lexa following close behind,“I don’t take that long to get ready.”

“Yes, you do. You started getting ready two hours ago. Good thing you did or otherwise we’d really be late.”

“Not my fault your kid is pressing on my bladder and making me pee every five minutes,” Clarke huffed as she opened the front door.

“So it’s just my kid now? I thought it took two to tango,” Lexa commented, causing Clarke to blush, as she locked up the house.

“Don’t start with me Woods. You’ll lose. Trust me.”

Clarke was about to make her way towards their newly purchased car until she felt Lexa’s arm around her waist stopped her trek,“You’re going the wrong way.”

“No, I’m not. I’m pretty sure out car is over there.”

“We’re not taking the car tonight,” Lexa said as she gestured a hand towards the street in front of their home.

Clarke’s eyes darted around to see a black stretch SUV waiting patiently on the curb, the driver standing tall beside the rear. The blonde let out a tiny gasp as the door opened to reveal Raven, among all her other friends, waiting inside.

“You didn’t think we’d let you drive to your first gallery showing in that thing, did you? It may be new but it can’t beat this baby,” Raven said as she ran a hand along the black exterior.

Lincoln and Octavia both popped out from the sun roof, champagne flutes in hand, and gave them a little wave.

“Come on, girls! It’s time for Clarke to show us her beautiful work! Don’t want to be late!” Lincoln said before disappearing back into the vehicle.

Clarke turned to look at Lexa with wide eyes, a tiny smile adorning her face,“You did this, didn’t you?”

“You _really_ thought I was going to let you drive us? It’s a special night and you deserved to be chauffeured around for it,” Lexa said as she began leading her towards the awaiting vehicle.

Clarke couldn’t contain her smile as the brunette’s hand found it’s way to the small of her back and gently helped her into the black vehicle. Her friends greeted her with loud applause and a few whistles before handing her a champagne flute. Eyeing what’s inside the glass, Clarke was ready to give her friends a piece of her mind before Bellamy was quick to butt in.

“Lexa made sure we had nonalcoholic champagne for you before we even bought the real stuff for us.”

Lexa chuckled softly as Echo handed her her own glass filled with the liquid in question,“For us. If you can’t get drunk than neither can I.”

“Always the charmer, right Lex?” Anya commented from her spot next to Raven.

Lexa raised her glass and clinked it together with her sister’s before taking a sip,“Of course. What kind of wife would I be if I got drunk and let my pregnant wife have to carry me to our bed?”

Clarke blushed at the mention of their bed, Anya’s eyes teasingly darting to her’s, her snide comment becoming lost behind her own mouth full of champagne. The driver was quick to make sure they were all comfortable and ready to go before pulling away from the curb. It wasn’t long before the car was filled with soft music and the sound of her friends chatting the night away as they drove towards Clarke’s rented space. If things continued the way they were going right now, it just may be one of the best nights that Clarke’s had in a long time.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Lexa)**

Lexa watched from the corner of her eyes as Clarke nervously blew a stray strand of her from her face. They were only seconds away from pulling up in front of the large building that her wife had decided to rent. Lexa handed off her glass to Anya before shifting slightly closer to the blonde, grateful that her friends all seemed to be lost in their own conversation.

“Everything is going to be fine, Clarke. You’ve planned out every detail to perfection. I may not know what you’re show casing just yet but I know it’s going to be amazing,” Lexa whispered softly in her ear as the vehicle came to a complete stop.

Another nervous intake of breath filled the blonde’s nose before she nodded hastily,“You’re right. This night is going to be perfect. I triple checked everything this afternoon with my assistant and everything was fine. You’re right. I can do this.”

Lexa shook her head quickly and rubbed her wife’s leg comfortingly as the driver opened the door for them to step out. Lexa was the first out, quickly turning around to carefully help Clarke out of the tall car, their friends following behind a few short seconds later. A small crowd was already forming around the brick building, Lexa noticing a few of Clarke’s clients from some of the sessions that she had accompanied her wife on as well as a quite a few people from her office.

The brunette felt Clarke’s fingers slip between her’s in a firm grip and she lifted her eyes to give her a single nod, silently letting her know that she was ready if she was. Clarke quickly addressed the growing crowd and before long the doors were wide open and people were flowing inside, all eager to see the talented woman’s work. When the doors had swung open Lexa purposefully tried to walk forward, her own curiousness willing her to be the first one inside, but Clarke’s hand locked with her own kept her in place. The brunette threw her a confused stare as Clarke simply shook her head.

“No, let everyone else go in first. Consider this your punishment for trying to snoop through my things.”

Lexa’s shoulders slumped down as she turned back to watch everyone go inside. A few portraits were visible from the doorway, as well as a few waiters serving various drinks, but nothing that sparked Lexa’s interest. As soon as the last person breezed through the door Clarke finally began moving them forward eyes trained on Lexa the entire time. Said brunette stepped through the doors, coming to a stop a few pacing inside as she took in the large building.

Exposed brick stood out behind the hanging photos, strings of fairy lights swooped down from the high beam ceilings giving the entire room a soft amber glow. The atmosphere was calming yet electrifying at the same time. The warm light bounced perfectly off the photos, giving them the sense of almost being alive, bodies and landscapes simply standing still for all to view.

“What do you think?” Clarke questioned quietly as she looked around.

“It’s beautiful, Clarke. All these pictures are amazing. You really took all of these?”

“Every single one of them. Most of them are just little random piece and then they’re are a few that I specifically took for this showing,” Clarke said as she began pulling them around the room, taking in each piece.

“Oh, and which one’s are those? The one’s you didn’t want anyone to see?”

“You’ll have to wait and see. They’re in a special place and they’ll be the last ones you see tonight,” Clarke said with a playful tone as she continued pulling Lexa around the venue.

The process took a lot longer than Lexa thought, Clarke stopping at almost every photo to talk to people who were interested in buying her work or having their own pictures done. As Lexa waited patiently next to Clarke, only slightly listening to the conversation between her and one Lexa’s employees, she noticed a few people glancing in her direction and pointing her way, eyes lingering far longer than she was comfortable with. As Clarke finished talking to the man Raven and Anya came strutting over to them, both seeming a little tipsy with wine glasses in hand.

“Clarke, your pictures are amazing! I can’t believe you wouldn’t let us see them until tonight! Especially the ones of L-,” Clarke quickly cut off Anya with a firm shush.

“Not yet! She still hasn’t seen them!”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Take her over there!”

Lexa’s eyebrows scrunched together as the her sister and Raven disappeared around a corner,“What was Anya going to say?”

“I guess I can’t keep you from seeing them forever. Come on. I’ll show you what I’ve been keeping a secret from you. Just…promise me you won’t freak out.”

Nodding, Lexa allowed herself to be pulled along by her wife, mind still wondering what Anya was trying to voice. But as they rounded one of the corners in the back of the building she finally understood just what her sister was trying to say and why everyone seemed to be staring at her all night.

There were pictures of her.

Everywhere.

Lexa laughing joyously, pearly white teeth sneaking past pink tinted lips.

Lexa with her face buried contently in a large scarf, flakes of snow resting peacefully in her dark hair.

A side view of Lexa, shoulders bare and strong jawline unhindered by the view of her hair that was pulled up into a messy bun, only a few loose waves cascading around her shoulders.

The list went on.

There were about ten photos in total. All telling a different story. Each one filled with a different sense of emotion that Clarke was able to capture. Lexa stayed silent. Her green eyes roaming the many canvas as if trying to make sure her mind was really seeing herself. A dull ache began to form behind her eyes as they darted to each portrait, almost as if the images intensified the feeling.

But the last image to catch her vision sent bright lights exploding behind her emerald eyes, the dull ache in her head growing to a point of being almost unbearable.

A silhouette image of her and Clarke. Only a bout of light shining behind them, outlining their embracing forms as they came together in a sweet kiss. Drops of rain could be seen falling around them, almost looking as if a million stars surrounding their figures.

Through the bright lights a hazy cloud of images and muffled voices filled her head. Lexa could almost feel the silky lips of Clarke against her own as the visions intensified. Could almost feel the rain sliding down onto her body, soaking her clothes as she held her wife tightly against her. The last thing she remembered before a burst of white light filled her vision were three simple words, ones that unmistakably flowed from her own lips.

_“I love you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh...I'm so evil. As you all know, I'm a sucker for leaving you guys with cliff hangers so don't you dare think that's all you're going to get. You'll understand what Lexa sees in the next chapter! Although I'm sure you all already know what it is since I basically give half of it away in the ending! 
> 
> I hope you all liked it! Thank you all for your wonderful comments and trying to keep updated with this story! I'm sorry it's taking me longer than normal to update. It's been a little harder now that I have three ongoing stories that need to be updated, but I promise I'll never stop writing for you guys! 
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Until next time lovelies!
> 
> Let me know what you all think! Hit me up on twitter or tumblr! Tweet me or ask me anything! I'm always open for a chat! Speaking of chats...I'm trying to start a GC on twitter for my stories. A place where my readers can ask me questions, get sneak peaks, things like that. If you're interested in being apart of it find me on twitter (same username) and send me a dm and I'll be sure to add you! :)


	17. Memory In The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get Lexa's first full blown memory!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Surprise! You all thought it would be a little while until the next update, huh?! Well, I was feeling very gracious and decided to give all my lovelies what they deserve...ANOTHER UPDATE! 
> 
> God, I can't wait for you to read this. It's my absolute favorite chapter that I've written for this story so far! Just the imagery that I had in my head when I wrote this...it took my breath away just to picture these two wonderful women together like in the picture! 
> 
> Anyway...ENJOY! I know you all have been waiting for something like this to happen!

A silhouette image of her and Clarke. Only a bout of light shining behind them, outlining their embracing forms as they came together in a sweet kiss. Drops of rain could be seen falling around them, almost looking as if a million stars surrounding their figures.

Through the bright lights a hazy cloud of images and muffled voices filled her head. Lexa could almost feel the silky lips of Clarke against her own as the visions intensified. Could almost feel the rain sliding down onto her body, soaking her clothes as she held her wife tightly against her. The last thing she remembered before a burst of white light filled her vision were three simple words, ones that unmistakably flowed from her own lips.

_“I love you.”_

* * *

_“There! Pull over there! It’s perfect!”_

_Lexa pulled the car over to the side of the road where her very excited girlfriend was pointing to. The area was void of any trees, an open field save for a lone lamp post shinning brightly in the distance._

_“Clarke, you can’t be serious. It’s pouring down rain!”_

_The blonde in the passenger seat threw a wicked smirk over to the brunette before turning back to the camera in her hand,“I’m dead serious. I’m going to get this picture, Lex. Even if I end up getting sick in the process.”_

_Lexa sighed deeply in defeat. There was no getting between Clarke and her taking pictures. When an idea popped into her head there was no stopping her until it became a reality on her camera. The rain poured down on the windshield, almost mocking Lexa as she begrudgingly glared out of the car. She knew she should have just stayed home, but was guiltily drawn out of her apartment by Clarke who and quote ‘wanted to get the best shot in the rain ever’._

_“It’s not going to be that bad. We’re just going to get out, take the picture really fast and then we’ll be back in the car in no time!” Clarke replied as she pulled her tripod from the backseat._

_Lexa rolled her eyes before setting her glare back out into the rain once more,“Yeah, and we’ll get soaking wet in the process.”_

_“Come on, you act like you’ve never gotten caught in the rain before.”_

_“That was involuntarily! This is me actually getting out of the car and deciding to get wet!”_

_A soft sigh came from Clarke and when Lexa turned to face her girlfriend she was met with nothing but smooth pink lips. She blinked for a moment before pushing her mouth more firmly against Clarke’s, becoming lost in the kiss._

_They stayed there for a few moments before Clarke pulled away, leaving only a centimeter of space between them,“For me?”_

_Lexa automatically groaned at her words. Clarke knew that whenever she said those two simple words she was like putty in her hands. She would do anything for Clarke. Even deliberately get out of the car in the middle of a downpour for a single picture._

_The brunette flopped back further into her seat,“Fine. Let’s get this over with.”_

_Clarke squealed happily before double checking to make sure she had everything,“Okay, so this is going to be simple. We’re going to go out there and you’ll just stand in front of the light and I’ll take the picture. One and done!”_

_“Yeah…one and done,” Lexa groaned._

_Lexa shut off the car before getting an ‘all ready’ from Clarke and hopping out the car. The rain poured down around them, instantly soaking the white cotton shirt donning Lexa’s lithe frame. Thankfully her hair was pulled into a messy bun, only a few loose strands being plastered to her face from the rain. Lexa hurriedly moved towards where Clarke directed her to stand before turning around and watching Clarke fuss with the camera and tripod._

_“Okay, just a simple practice shot and then I’ll take the real deal,” Clarke shouted over the rain._

_“Practice shot? What happened to one and done?”_

_Lexa could barely hear Clarke’s giggle over the rain,“You seem to forget that I can never do a one and done. I only said that to get you out of the car!”_

_Lexa lifted her hands in the air as if to say ‘really?’. Clarke’s only response was a curt laugh before messing with her camera once more._

_“Just stand there and look cute like you normally do. Let me work a minute and then we’ll be gone. Back home and dry!”_

_Lexa huffed loudly, a few rain drops falling into her eyes as she posed the way Clarke had instructed earlier in the car. Turning sideway, Lexa lifted her eyes to the sky, gazing through the millions of drops of water to stare at the dark clouds gracing the sky. The brunette longed to see the stars dancing along the skyline, the moon shining brightly among them with it’s beautiful halo. Seeing the stars took her back to the night when she had taken Clarke star gazing for their second date as an official couple. The blonde had stayed almost silent the entire time, listening to Lexa whisper the names of the constellations as she pointed them out._

_“Something isn’t right. It’s just not what I pictured.”_

_Lexa’s head turned to the side to see Clarke pondering over her camera, hands running through soaked blonde hair,“What’s wrong?”_

_Clarke’s hands smacked down against the side of her legs before looking up at Lexa,“It’s missing something. I’m not sure what…Okay, I’m going to put it on a timer and I’m going to come and move you around a bit. See if I can get you into a better pose.”_

_Lexa watched a moment longer as Clarke fumbled with the black device before hitting a single button and running towards her. The blonde waisted no time, fussing over Lexa’s figure as she tried to get her into what she thought would be the right position. While she fussed, Lexa could only become lost in the being that was her girlfriend. When she concentrated on something her tongue would always stick out the side of her mouth and a little ‘v’ would form between her eyebrows. It was one of the many faces of Clarke that she had come to love._

_Love._

_It hit her like a train. The feeling railroading into her chest without a single warning. The emotions that had stirred deep within her from her first meeting Clarke rose to the surface, blazing like a wild fire threatening to consume her heart. She loved this woman standing before. With every once of her being. The faces she made, the way she dragged her out to do crazy things like take a picture in the rain at one in the morning. Everything._

_Before Lexa knew what she was doing, she was pulling Clarke’s body flush against her own. Her body set itself aflame as she felt the soft contours of Clarke’s body met her own, the rain becoming instantly cold against her skin, sliding down her body without any remorse. Clarke’s gaze locked with her own, lips parted in a soft ‘o’ and cheeks flushed with the lightest blush._

_“Lexa?”_

_The brunette’s only response was to pull Clarke’s lips towards her own, locking them together in a passionate embrace. Without hesitation, Clarke’s arms came up to wrap around her neck, her fingers instantly tangling in Lexa’s baby hairs that she loved so much, and Lexa’s finding purchase on her hips trying desperately to pull her closer. So lost in each other neither one of them paid any mind to the near silent sound of the camera shutter going off through the rain._

_Mere minutes pass but it seems like an eternity to Lexa. An eternity that she wouldn’t mind spending in that exact same spot. The rain continued to fall around them, a few drops landing on their lips as they pulled away from each other. Lexa raised a hand to Clarke’s cheek to wipe away a few rain drops, even as more simply collected in their place._

_“I love you.”_

_The words came so easily to her. Something that surprised her. She knew how she felt. Hell she had really only discovered her feelings moments ago as she stared at the woman in her arms, but in that moment, it felt so natural to say it. Like something was calling to her to let the words out._

_The only sound coming from Clarke was the sharp intake of breath that followed quickly after those three words. Lexa could feel her hands momentarily tighten at the nape of her neck before sliding around to gently cup both of her cheeks. No words were said between the two as blue met emerald, Clarke simply searching Lexa’s eyes for what she guessed was any sign of deceit. When the blonde found none her ocean orbs widened momentarily before becoming glazed over with unshed tears and her cheeks flushing an even darker shade of pink._

_“I love you, too.”_

_The words floated into Lexa’s ears, a bare whisper above the downpour of rain. Each word struck a cord in the brunette. Her body thrumming with every syllable, stoking the fire within her even brighter._

_“You do?”_

_Clarke nodded her head before bumping their foreheads together,“Yes, I don’t know when I started loving you…but I do. Hell, I probably loved you from day one and am just now realizing it.”_

_Lexa let a breathy laugh pass through her lips,“I think it’s the same with me. Just looking at you a minute ago…it just sort of hit me out of nowhere. Everything I felt for you just rose to the surface and I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stop the words.”_

  
_Clarke’s lips brushed against her’s, stilling her babbling tongue,“I’m glad you didn’t. I think it was the perfect time to say it.”_

_“You mean while we’re standing out in the rain at one in the morning?”_

_“Yeah, it’ll be a nice story to tell our kids some day,” Clarke giggled lightly._

_“Kids? Man, tell a girl I love her and she already expects us to have kids. Can’t we get married first?”_

_“Why, Lexa. Is that a proposal?”_

_Lexa shakes her head playful before pulling the blonde further into her arms,“No. I think I’ll save that for when we’re both nice and dry.”_

_“Agreed.”_

_They both shared one last kiss before pulling away from each other’s embrace. The rain had only slackened slightly, the sky still looming with the shadows of grey clouds. Lexa followed behind Clarke as she ran towards her camera no longer worrying about the way her wet clothes stuck to her skin. The blonde quickly grabbed the camera and folded up the tripod before pulling Lexa back towards the car._  
  
_Both women hopped in, Lexa instantly starting the car, and signed in happiness as the blast of warm air hit their soaked bodies. After throwing the tripod on the backseat Clarke pulled up the camera roll on her device. Lexa watched quietly as she scrolled through the a few pictures she had taken earlier in the day before finally landing on the one of Lexa._

_“I like it, but I don’t love it,” Clarke said as she examined the photo closer._

_“We can try it again,” Lexa suggested._

_“No, I should still have one from when I put the timer on…let’s see,” Clarke hit a few buttons, stopping when it finally landed on a single picture,“Lexa….”_

_Lexa’s eyes darted over to her girlfriend who’s eyes were wide, gleaming with something akin to wonder,“What is it?”_   
_Clarke locked gazes with her before holding out the camera to her,“Look.”_

  
_Lexa grasped the camera in her hand and pulled it away from Clarke before letting her eyes dart down to the picture. Her breath escaped her lungs as she took in the magical image. The light shinning brightly in the distance outlined their forms perfectly, showing nothing but the mere outlines of their bodies as they hugged each other close, locked in a passionate kiss. The rain fell around them, the light bouncing off every single drop, creating the illusion of stars dancing around them._

_“Clarke, this is…,” Lexa couldn’t even find the words to explain the breathtaking photo._

_“It’s beautiful. It’s probably not the best word to explain it but it’s the only one I can think of right now.”_

_Lexa dropped the camera into her lap and pulled Clarke into a fierce kiss. One that spoke of her love and passion for her girlfriend. Their lips moved together in perfect sync, a few moans becoming lost in a tangle of tongues. Trying to gain control of herself, Lexa pulled away, and rested her forehead against Clarke’s, gently cupping her jaw._

_“I don’t care how you explain it. It’s the best damn photo I’ve ever seen.”_

_Clarke pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, trying to keep herself from breaking into a full blown grin,“Well, thank you. Now, as much as I would love to sit in this car and make out with you all night, I think we might be a little more comfortable back at your place in warm clothes.”_

_“Hey, don’t look at me. It was your idea to take pictures in the rain. I was perfectly happy back home in bed.”_

_Clarke grabbed the camera from Lexa’s lap before pulling away from her completely,“Maybe next time I can just take some pictures of you in bed.”_

_“Oh? And would I be wearing any clothes in these photos?”_

_Clarke’s eyes darted over to Lexa, her blue orbs darkening slightly,“If I have anything to say you won’t. Who knows…maybe I can take some tonight.”_

_That was all Lexa needed to hear before she was pulling back onto the road. The car sped cautiously down the highway, Clarke’s sensual laughter filling the car as they made their way back home._

* * *

Everything seemed to buzz around her. The bright white light slowly fading away to be replaced by worried blue orbs. Her ears rang, blood rushing in through them in waves, the sounds of panicked voices muffled beneath them. She could barley concentrate on the woman above her let alone everything else moving around. The dull ache that had formed in her head had risen to a steady pounding. One that made her dizzy if she tried to dart her eyes around too quickly.

“Lexa! Lexa, can you hear me?”

Emerald eyes slowly locked into place with the concerned eyes of her wife.

_Clarke._

Seeing her face so suddenly sent the resurfaced memory back into the forefront of her mind. She could still feel every little rain drop that had dropped against her skin. The feel of Clarke’s lips against her’s, warm and silky to the touch. The words that she so lovingly whispered against the blonde’s own lips.

“I remember it.”

Her words were hoarse. As if she had just crawled through a desert for two days with no water. The words also felt foreign on her tongue. Her ability to remember anything had seemed so dim to her own self. Just saying she remembered something, _really_ remembered something, was such a shock to her. Maybe that’s why she ended up on the floor where she currently laid, her head cradled atop of Clarke’s legs.

“Remember what, Lex? The picture?”

Clarke’s voice was hopeful. Desperate even. Lexa’s heart stuttered as she continued to gaze at her wife. A tear ran down Clarke’s cheek, dripping from her jaw and onto Lexa’s cheek who did nothing but ignore it in favor of nodding her head slowly. The blonde’s lips trembled before her eyes squeezed shut causing a few more tears to trail down her face. Lexa wasn’t at all surprised when Clarke’s lips suddenly descended onto her’s. This moment…Lexa didn’t realize how much she wanted it. _Craved it._

The light that had flickered deep in Clarke’s gaze never dimmed as it did when she told her she couldn’t remember anything. It grew. Burst with life, hope, at Lexa’s words. Hope that things would be okay. That maybe she could regain her memories after all. Even if things were always going to be uncertain with her memories, Lexa found herself praying silently, to whatever god was out there, that she would remember everything someday.

If not for herself, then for Clarke.

_She deserves it._

“The hell happened?”

Anya’s voice startled Clarke away from Lexa, officially breaking them out of their kiss. Lexa’s head turned to the side to see her sister running towards them, Raven and the rest of their friends a few paces behind, pushing through the steadily growing crowd. The brunette took notice of a few of the people standing around holding a phone to their ears, more than likely calling for medical assistance, and she inwardly groaned at the thought of possibly being carted off to the hospital.

Her inner pout was cut short as Anya plopped down on her knees next to her and was instantly checking her over for wounds, the slight buzz that she was feeling earlier disappearing when she first spotted Lexa on the floor.

“It’s okay, Anya. I’m okay. Better than okay,” Lexa told her slowly, the pounding in her head making her wince a little.

“Lexa, I turn around and your on the damn floor! You can’t just tell me you’re okay! Did someone call an ambulance?” Anya stated before looking around at the crowd.

A few onlookers nodded, someone yelling out that they were on their way already. By the time Anya’s eyes shot back down to her Lexa could hear the sirens in the distance, gradually growing closer. Sighing deeply, Lexa let her head fall back onto Clarke’s legs, the motion automatically making her head throb in pain. Not even a second later Clarke’s fingers were threading in through her hair, rubbing soothing circles over her scalp.

“She remembered something, Anya.”

Clarke’s words were so quiet that Lexa herself almost missed them. Anya’s eyes widened, a few startled gasps coming from their friends around them, before looking down at her sister.

“You really remembered something?” Lexa nodded slowly,“Well, it’s about damn time! Did you have to faint to remember it? You couldn’t just stand there like a normal person?”

A smile tugged at the corners of Lexa’s lips. Anya’s words were teasing. The harsh tone in her voice no longer present as it had been the past few months. Maybe their little sparring sessions were helping after all.

“No, I just had to make a scene. Wouldn’t be as much fun if I didn’t, right?”

That earned her a light slap on the arm from Anya and a round of chuckles from the rest of her friends. As their soft laughter died down the sound of the paramedics rushing into the building captured Lexa’s attention. Everyone quickly moved away to make room for them to reach the brunette. It took some persuading from Bellamy for Clarke to leave her position on the floor next to her wife before she finally moved away for the men to do their jobs.

Lexa answered the routine questions that the paramedics normally asked as they took her vitals, her eyes wondering to a nervous Clarke who held on tightly to Raven and Octavia’s hands. A few minutes passed before Lexa heard one of them ask her if she had any accidents or injuries that may have caused her to faint.

“She was in a car accident a few months ago. She had a concussion which caused her to lose some of her memories,” Clarke blurted out,“When she woke up she said she remembered something.”

Lexa smiled gratefully at the blonde. She could hear the underlying uncertainty in the blonde’s voice. She knew what that meant. Clarke was scarred that she had been hearing things. That Lexa truly didn’t remember that special night between them. The brunette held out a hand, silently calling for Clarke to walk over to her and grasp it firmly. Her wife moved without hesitation, instantly dropping her friends hands and taking Lexa’s, one of the paramedics moving out of her way instantly.

“I remember…you dragging me out of bed at one in the morning. You wanted to take a picture of me in the rain. God, I was crazy to actually allow myself to agree to it,” Clarke let out a watery laugh, her hand gripping Lexa’s even tighter,“I didn’t want to get out of the car but you convinced me to do that too. As soon as we stepped out the car we were soaked. You step up your camera and did god knows what while I stood there like a fool just watching you. When you had me look up into the sky…all I wanted was to see the stars. They always reminded me of when I took you star gazing on our second date as an official couple, which I don’t really remember the details of.”

Clarke’s eyes shined brighter than Lexa had seen them in a while. The true happiness of her soul shinning through without anything to hinder them. The lingering sadness pushed away as she listened to every word that slipped from her wife’s mouth.

“You didn’t like your ‘practice shot’…I remember you pushing some buttons and then you were standing in front of me, trying to pose me how you liked. You had that look on your face, the one that you get when you’re trying to concentrate really hard. Your tongue sticks out the side of your mouth and you get this little ‘v’ in between your eyebrows,” Lexa lifted her hand and smoothed her thumb between the the blonde’s brows,“The cutest face you ever make. And…while I stared at you…it hit me. I loved you. With everything I had.”

Tears were now sliding down Clarke’s cheeks, everyone around them growing silent as they watched the passionate display between the lovers. No one daring to say a word as Lexa spoke, some of their eyes darting of to the photo hanging proudly on the wall as they listened to the story unfold. Lexa’s thumb brushed under Clarke’s eye to catch a falling tear.

“Then I just pulled you into my arms and kissed you. There was so much love there…so much it overwhelmed me and…,” Lexa searched Clarke’s eyes for a moment before continuing,“That was the first time I told you I loved you. I couldn’t help it. It just came out. I don’t remember anything before or after that night…but I know I didn’t regret it. Not after hearing the same words come from you.”

Lexa took in a deep breath before pushing herself up, Clarke and the paramedics both telling her to stay down, but their words went unheeded. The brunette sat up fully with their help, the pain in her head having eased a little, and pulled Clarke into a hug, letting her wife’s head rest on her shoulder so she could whisper quietly in her ear.

“There were some other things mentioned after that, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for everyone to hear,” A sharp gasp left Clarke’s throat, her arms tightening around Lexa’s body at the words,“I fell for you, Clarke. Not once…but twice. I didn’t think it was possible to just love someone so much, but there’s no denying how I felt that night. And there’s no denying how I feel now. I know we still have something to work on together, things that haven’t been discussed yet, but…I want you to know that I…I love you. More than anything.”

Lexa couldn’t stop the words from leaving her lips. _Didn’t want to_. She wanted Clarke to know how she felt. The love for the blonde that consumed her entire being and just screamed for her to hold the woman tighter in her arms. To never let her go. Not again.

“I love you, too, Lexa,” Clarke’s head nuzzled deeply into the crook of her neck, a few sniffles becoming muffled in her suit,“So damn much.”

Lexa’s gaze lifted up, her eyes catching the her friend’s, who’s own eyes were a little wet with tears. Anya embraced Raven tightly, watching the scene intently unfold before her very eyes. Lexa gave her a curt nod, and Anya quickly swiped at her eyes before nodding back, the happiness for her younger sister evident in her eyes.

As Clarke pulled away and placed a quick chaste kiss to her lips, Lexa thought, in that moment, that maybe they could overcome all the odds that seemed to be against them. With a little help from their friends and some much needed talking, they could get through this.

They _would_ get through this.

_Together_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES! BEAUTIFUL! And I'm not just saying that because I wrote it! ;) I hope you all liked Lexa's first memory, but it's certainly not the last! 
> 
> If any of you want to see the photo that inspired the memory I'll be posting it on my tumblr shortly! (I tried so hard to find one similar to it with two females and couldn't find one I liked! *rolls eyes*) Anyone here good at manips? lol 
> 
> So, follow me on tumblr, twitter (totally realized yesterday that my username on twitter is not the same as here! lol it's @15Clexa *sarcastic* big difference, I know) message me, tweet me, ask me anything! I'm open to everyone! 
> 
> Until next time! 
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> xoxo


	18. More Than The Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events leading from Lexa's regained memory. And a little...unwelcome surprise at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait! Life has been...well, life. It sucks. But I'm never one to leave you all hanging for long! I stayed up especially late for you all to finish this for you wonderful readers! (if there's any mistakes in previously mentioned events or grammar I blame it all on droopy eyes XD) 
> 
> This is mainly a filler chapter that will help lead up to what's going to come in the next chapter...and I'm telling you right now it's gonna be a bit big. So be prepared! Get those brilliant minds ready to read and enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

The night hadn’t turned out just how Clarke had expected it to.

_No, it didn’t._

It turned out better.

So much better than she could have dreamed.

Here she was, sitting on her gallery floor, in the arms of her wife.

Her wife, who _remembered_.

Maybe not everything, but something. Something special to the both of them. The first time they had told each other that they loved one another.

Clarke didn’t care as the whispers around them grew…all she cared about was being in Lexa’s arms. Feeling the brunette’s hands caress her back. Listening to her softly murmur words of comfort into her ears as she sobbed.

Nothing else in that moment.

_Just her and Lexa._

At least until the paramedics were basically tearing them apart to finish checking over Lexa. Even then, Clarke barely pulled away from her, leaving one hand wrapped tightly around Lexa’s and staying on the floor right next to her. The two men were quick to try finish up with Lexa, obviously feeling the brunette’s sudden unpleasantness at having her wife pulled away from her.

“You said you regained a memory when you passed out, right Mrs. Woods?” One of the men asked her as he scribbled down a few things on a notepad.

“Yes. The…uh, photo there I guess triggered it,” Lexa said, a finger pointing towards the large portrait.

Both men glanced over at Clarke’s picture before turning back to each other and nodding. The man asking the questions, his last name ‘Moore’ as engraved on his badge, turned back to Lexa.

“Did you experience any symptoms before you passed out? Headache, nausea, hot flashes?”

Clarke watched as Lexa nodded her head,“A headache. It was pretty dull, really just more annoying than anything…but when I saw that picture it just…my head felt like it exploded.”

Nodding, Moore wrote down a few things before closing the notepad and patting Lexa on the knee,“Well, it seems like you had a vasovagal response. It’s when your vagus nerves are overestimated from physical or, in your case, emotional overstimulation. It’s nothing serious. A lot of people experience it one time or another.”

The other paramedic, ‘Owen’ written on his own badge, also turned to Lexa after packing a few things back into his bag,“You should be fine tonight, but we suggest giving a call to your doctor in the morning for a check up, just to be safe.”

Clarke barely even registered the sigh of relief that escaped her lungs as Lexa turned to her with a comforting smile and a short nod before turning back to the men,“Thank you. I’ll be sure to give him a call in the morning.”

Both men quickly helped them both off the floor, making sure Lexa didn’t feel lightheaded as Moore helped steady her on her feet. And with reassurance that she was fine, they were out the door. Everyone around them still looked a bit worried but, once they realized that everything was fine, they slowly began walking around the gallery once more. Anya was the first one by Lexa’s side, questions flying off her tongue as she pulled her sister into a hug, the rest of their friends not far behind.

Clarke stayed glued to Lexa. Their hands not once coming undone from their entanglement as their friends surrounded them. Question after question was shot off at the brunette who tried to answer them as best she could. Details about her memories shot off her lips, Clarke staring at her the entire time she talked about it. In this moment, it seemed as if the Lexa she knew before the accident was back. She was radiant, happy. Not the awkward little thing she had been when meeting everyone for the ‘first’ time after the accident.

It sent her heart leaping, bounding in happiness at the sight.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of talking, Anya had shot a glance over to Clarke before smiling and pulling Raven into her side and speaking,“I think that’s enough for tonight. I’m sure you and Clarke have a lot of talking to do. We don’t want to keep you from that.”

Her wife’s gaze shifted over to her’s, her emerald eyes seemingly a little darker than normal, before turning back to her sister,“Yeah, there’s a lot to go over. I think we’ll take our leave a little early. If that’s okay with you, Clarke?”

Clarke could only nod her head, the events still making her feel as if she was on cloud nine. After a few rounds of goodbyes with their friends, Clarke, with Lexa in tow, made her way around the gallery and thanked everyone for coming before they took their leave. Clarke wasn’t at all surprised when Lexa hailed a cab, informing their driver to wait for their friends and tipping him a considerable amount before they left.

The ride home was silent. The unspoken words between them filling the air with an almost tense calm that was ready to burst at any moment. Their hands had never strayed from each other’s through the rest of the night, and still stayed locked together as they rested on Lexa’s thigh. When they stopped at the curb of their house, Lexa handed the man some money before hopping out and helping Clarke step from the vehicle. It was a rush of legs. Lexa practically jogging up to the door, although very careful not to go to fast with Clarke, and unlocking it.

And before Clarke knew what was happening, her back was against the door, legs wrapped securely around her wife’s waist as they stood in the dark entrance. This definitely wasn’t what she had expected when they walked in, but she wasn’t complaining. The overwhelming emotions flooded in her chest, the heat in her core also rising as she felt Lexa’s lips lower themselves to cover the lace covered skin of her neck.

“God, Clarke. I can hardly explain how I feel right now. Everything I felt for you that night…and what I feel for you now…It’s all rising to the surface. It’s consuming me,” Lexa whispered as she dragged her lip’s back up to Clarke’s.

Clarke’s chest heaved as she stared at Lexa, her lips tingling as they brushed softly against the brunette’s,“Then tell me. Tell me everything that you remember, Lexa. Tell me how you feel. I want to hear it.”

Lexa pulled back a bit, her eyes searching Clarke’s ocean orbs, before a tiny grin pulled at her lips. With hands firmly gripping her thighs, Lexa pulled her wife from the door and made quick work of the stairs before making a beeline for their bedroom. Once they were inside and standing next to the bed, the brunette slowly lowered Clarke’s feet to the ground, her hands traveling up and finding purchase on her hips.

“Everything about you drives me crazy,” Lexa started, her eyes boring into Clarke’s,“Your face, your hair, your body…everything. But the way it makes me feel…Clarke, that memory…it was like I was barely scratching the surface of my feelings for you when I told you I loved you for the ‘first’ time back in my office that day.”

Clarke felt a tiny stab of pain from the mention of that day but was quick to push it aside, opting to instead leave it for another day. She could feel Lexa’s hands slowly making their way up her back, inching closer and closer to the zipper of her dress with every word. Before long the brunette was slowly dragging it down to reveal the expanse of her back.

“I remember the way the rain hit my skin, made it cold. And then you came over, all concentrated and trying to figure out how to pose me,” Lexa’s lips slinked down the column of her neck as she pulled the dress down to sag at her shoulders,“Everything hit me then. How much I loved you. Every fiber of my being was telling me you were the one. The one that I wanted to spend my life with. I couldn’t ignore it any longer.”

Clarke let out a strangled moan as Lexa nipped at her pulse point before soothing the spot with a gently rub of her nose.

“I pulled you against me,” For emphasis, Lexa pulled Clarke’s hips even further into her’s, careful of her growing belly,“Just like this. My whole body burned, ached for me to just _tell_ you how I felt. You had this beautiful blush on your cheeks and your mouth formed a little ‘o’…just like your doing now.”

On instinct, Clarke bit down on her bottom lip before feeling Lexa’s thumb gently brush against it, urging it from between her teeth.

“And then I kissed you. Pulled you impossibly closer to me. I just let everything go. I gave into my feelings. My feelings for you that just completely made myself lose control,” The brunette’s lips were centimeters away from her’s now, and green eyes locked with mesmerized blue,“And then I kissed you.”

Clarke could feel the intense passion that threatened to overflow from Lexa and into her very own being as their lips crashed together. Lexa made quick work of sliding her dress off her arms and letting the fabric hit the floor with a soft thump. She could feel the goosebumps form along her skin as Lexa’s fingers ran up her sides, carefully skimming over the swell of her tummy, before coming to a stop right below her breasts. Before she could even think of what she was doing, Clarke was already pushing her wife’s jacket from her shoulders and letting it carelessly fall to the floor before reaching for the buttons of her shirt.

Lexa’s clothes quickly joined Clarke’s dress on the floor, leaving Lexa standing in only her matching bra and panties and Clarke only clad in her panties. Both just took a moment to simply stare, eyes racking over soft flesh and ghosting fingers across each other. Clarke’s eyes wondered Lexa’s body once more, before meeting her darkened gaze, a slight feeling of unease in the pit of her stomach.

“Lexa…are you sure about this?”

Strong hands found her hips and once more pulled her flushed into the body before her, lips teasing at the shell of her ear,“I’ve never been more sure of anything. I want this, Clarke. I want _you_. Here. Now. I may not remember everything right now, and I’m not sure I ever will, but I know how I feel about you. I know last time I thought it was a bit early but I’m sure of this. I’m sure of _us_. I love you and I want nothing more than to show you how much I do.”

The emotions welled up in Clarke’s throat and a few tears threatened to spill from her eyes. This was what she had been waiting for since that night they were together after Lexa’s accident. Her body craved to have Lexa. Craved to have her ravishing her body with her love. She had never brought up the subject after that night, too scared that she would make her wife uncomfortable and drive her further away. So, now, hearing that Lexa simply wanted to be with her, to have her, sent her heart pounding. Made her core burn with a desperate need that only her wife could sate.

“Then you have me,” Clarke whispered against Lexa’s cheek.

The brunette didn’t hesitate to once again sweep Clarke from her feet and leading them the rest of the way to the bed. When Lexa gently laid her down onto the bed and hovered over her, the only thing Clarke could do was marvel at her beauty. The way the moonlight fluttering across the room casted a hazy glow over her skin and hair. The way her eyes held a certain longing that she knew all too well. Her kiss swollen lips.

Everything about Lexa Woods was beautiful.

And Clarke didn’t once try to stop herself from switching their positions, greatly surprising Lexa when she straddled her panty clad hips. The blonde’s eyes stretched over the woman’s form, marveling in the taunt skin and soft abs that clenched below her. She let her fingers skate across the skin and smiled softly as she felt Lexa’s own fingers rub across the curve of her own belly. They both smiled at each other, the simple pleasure of enjoying feeling each other’s skin sparking between them.

_And that’s when she felt it._

Twin gasps filled the room and shocked eyes darted down before meeting once more. Clarke was frozen, waiting to see if what she had felt was merely her imagination.

_And there it was again._

“Did you…did you feel that?” Lexa rasped into the dark room as she slowly sat up.

Clarke nodded dumbly. Her eyes darted back down, unbelieving that she had truly felt what she did,“Yeah…yeah, I did.”

Her reply was faint. The words barley registering in the own ears as they both sat still and quite, waiting for the moment to happen again.

_And again._

“Lexa. Oh my god…Little Bean kicked! He kicked!”

Pure joy flooded her chest at the kick. Her thoughts of imagination only running wild washing away as she felt the firm pressure for a third time. Clarke wasn’t surprised when Lexa had remained silent. The brunette’s hands quickly soothing the spot where she had felt their baby kick. She continued to stare at the blonde’s belly, eyes shimmering with unhindered wonder as she waited for the baby to kick once more. But what shocked Clarke the most was Lexa bending forward to place her lips gently against her bare skin and being to quietly whisper.

“Hi, Little Bean. I’m your momma. God, I just want to see you right now. So I can kiss your little cheeks, count all your tiny fingers and toes. I just want to…hold you. I want to you to look up at me with those big blue eyes that I know you’ll have just like your mommy’s. God, I can’t wait until your born.”

The words pulled at Clarke’s heart. The tears from earlier that had threatened to fall now streaming down her cheeks as she gently tangled her fingers in Lexa’s hair as she continued to whisper to their baby. When she felt like her heart could bare no more room for the sweet words from her wife’s lips she tugged sharply at the roots of brunette hair and guided Lexa up until she could pull her in for a searing kiss.

“I love you, Lexa. The way you talk to Little Bean…God, what are you doing to me?” Clarke asked breathlessly against Lexa’s lips, her emotions and physical needs climbing to greater heights than she had known possible.

Plump lips found the tip of her nose in an innocent kiss before dipping down and tracing a heated trail along her exposed collarbone. Hands found her ass and pulled her further onto Lexa’s lap, her growing belly meeting the flat expanse of Lexa’s.

Sweet, whispered words against her skin.

“What I’ve been doing since the beginning.”

And lips found purchase to needy flesh. A tangle of limbs falling to the bed in a passionate embrace. Neither knowing where one ended and the other began. But they couldn’t seem to care. _Clarke_ didn’t care. Lexa’s words rang through her ears like chiming bells. The pleasant sound floating inside her entire being, filling her with unhindered happiness.

She wasn’t sure what beginning Lexa spoke of. The beginning that Lexa had suddenly remembered only mere hours ago, memories of their precious embrace captured for all to see soaring through her mind…or the beginning that she didn’t remember. The beginning that they still hadn’t spoken of.

The beginning that had started in the August rain, two college students not even expecting to find each other in the bitter downpour.

The beginning that, if Clarke had anything to say about it, would one day sit permanently in the back of Lexa’s mind. Forever a memory that she could pull forward to reminisce over the fate that had unknowingly weaved it’s way between them. The fate that would pull them tightly together and keep them there, even with all the hardships they faced.

And, here in Lexa’s arms, Clarke was sure that one day all their hardships would dwindle away and they could be _happy_. Happy with their lives, recovered memories or not. Happy with their child that they would welcome into the world _together_.

With Lexa hovering over her Clarke allowed her hands to weave into brunette locks and pull her forward, their foreheads bumping softly,“Make love to me. Make new memories with me tonight…for the rest of our lives.”

Lexa’s lips met her’s in a passionate embrace, the heat flaring between them as their hands explored supple flesh. One word…one desperate word that Clarke had hung on to since Lexa’s awaking at the hospital, was husked from Lexa’s lips. The one word she drew hope from.

_“Together.”_

No more words were needed. Only the fiery feel of each other’s love wrapped securely around them was required. Skin brushed across skin. Sharp breathes filled the quite room as sensitive nerves were overwhelmed. Highs crashing to new heights with silents screams. Soft moonlight bathing two passionately embraced bodies that explored one another like the night was their last.

 _Love_ filled the room. Floated around like a hazy mist that spritzed across heated skin and settled sweetly into welcoming pores.

_Everything was perfect._

* * *

A cold brush of air against her bare chest had Clarke’s eyes blinking open sleepily. She rubbed gently at her eyes to remove the haze that had settled in them before she felt a soft hand caress her belly. Looking down, Clarke could see Lexa leaning on her elbow, face aligned perfectly with the curve of her tummy. She smiled happily before letting a hand fall onto the top of Lexa's head and weave her fingers through the tousled waves.

Lexa looked up at her, suddenly sheepish,“Hey, I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

Clarke shook her head slowly,“No, I was just a little cold. What are you doing up?”

“I’ve been in and out of sleep. I stayed up after I felt Little Bean kick again. I’m surprised you haven’t felt her yet. She’s been restless for a good few minutes,” Lexa said before giving the swell one last gentle stroke and moving to lay next to Clarke.

Th blonde was quick to roll on her side and place her head against Lexa’s chest so she could listen to the steady beat of her heart under her ear. Lexa’s arm wrapped around her and her other hand settled unconsciously back onto her belly. Clarke could only smile at the gesture, the brunette’s protective nature shinning through at the small habit. During the five months, even though they were never intimate, Clarke, more often than not, found herself awakening in the middle of the night to Lexa’s hand reaching across the space between them to rest comfortably against her belly.

Of course, Lexa had touched her belly on more than one occasion, although hiding the movement with quick hugs and helping hands. Clarke had simply kept her smile to herself and let Lexa think she knew none the wiser of the fleeting skimming of fingers.

But this…this was something different.

This was Lexa openly caressing her bump with feather light touches because it was her’s to protect. Her’s to love and care for no matter the circumstances. And Clarke’s heart flipped at the thought. She knew that Lexa was truly apprehensive at first at the fact that the baby was truly theirs. Half of both of them. But Clarke could also tell, as time wore on, that Lexa simply didn’t seem to care anymore. Every day that passed Clarke would realize the little things. How Lexa slowly went from saying ‘the baby’ to ‘our baby’. How detached she had seemed at the first doctors appointment before finally seeing the little life on the ultrasound and becoming instantly mesmerized. How she had only given small comments during baby shopping to throwing everything they needed and more into their shopping cart. How after a rare long day at work she would come home to find Lexa curled up on the couch with a ‘what to expect when you expecting’ book resting on her evenly rising and falling chest.

“You really love him. I can see it in your eyes and the way you smile when you talk to him and how your hand always seems to stay attached to my belly, even when we’re asleep,” Clarke said faintly, her eyes dropping just a bit as she nuzzled deeper into Lexa’s chest.

A small chuckle shook at Lexa’s chest,“Yes, I love _her_ very much. So much more than I ever thought possible, and I haven’t ever seen her yet.”

“You’re totally wrong, Woods. It’s going to be a boy,” Clarke said lazily as she felt herself beginning to drift into the warm confides of sleep,“And we both love you, too. To the stars and back again.”

And right before Clarke could fully fall under the spell of sleep, she felt Lexa place a light kiss to the crown of her head,“And I love you both. More than the stars themselves.”

* * *

“How about Sophia for a girl?”

Clarke watched as Lexa scrunched her nose up on the other side of the couch before shaking her head,“No, too common. We need something unique.”

The blonde laughed as she scratched yet another name from the baby name list,“Okay, killjoy. No Sophia.”

Sundays had become a routine over the past few weeks. Clarke and Lexa would laze about and simply talk to one another in the comfort of their own home. Rarely seeking the outside world unless Clarke felt too cramped and needed a breather in the fresh air. They always seemed to find their same spots around noon, though. Clarke propped up against the arm of the couch, legs stretched across it’s length while her feet rested in Lexa’s lap unconsciously massaging said feet. Normally they would curl up and watch a good movie but the past two Sundays had been dedicated to narrowing down baby names.

“Carter for a boy?” Clarke asked, unsure.

She got the reaction she was silently hoping for when Lexa finally shook her head after a few moments. Thankful to cross that name off the list her eyes racked down the other names adorning the paper, wondering quietly if their child’s name rested somewhere among the organized columns. Before she could voice another name, a loud knock from the front door startled both Lexa and Clarke from their relaxing atmosphere.

Clarke looked quizzically at Lexa who simply shrugged her shoulders before carefully moving Clarke’s feet from her lap and standing up,“I’m not expecting anyone. Are you?”

“Not that I know of. It’s probably Raven or Octavia looking to drag me out shopping for more baby clothes,” Clarke said as Lexa slowly walked out the living room and towards the front door.

Clarke settled back against the couch and picked up the list of baby names once more. She scanned the paper a bit before a particular name caught her attention.

“Well, that’s definitely not happening,” Clarke said as she crossed out the name.

Right as she was about to dive fully back into the names, the sound of steadily rising voices had her up and off the couch in seconds, paper forgotten not the coffee table. The voices only grew louder, Clarke wondering if it was because she was getting closer to the front door or just the fact that the voices elevated themselves.

“I told you I need to see her, now!” A curt feminine voice sounded.T

“And I told you if you want to see my wife you’ll lower your voice and ask politely. I’m not letting you near her with all your seething anger. It’s not good for—.”

“Lexa, who is it?” Clarke said before Lexa could finish her sentence.

Lexa whipped around, jaw locked tightly in anger as she met Clarke’s gaze. But Clarke had stopped all bodily function as she saw the woman standing behind Lexa. Her heart leaped in her chest overcome with sudden bouts of concussion and… _anger_. The very person that she never thought she would be ready to see ever again. The very person who’s name she had just crossed off the baby name list.

_Abby Griffin._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoah...wait. Did I just throw that at you?...Oh, yes I did. Abby's here...and it doesn't seem like Clarke's pleased to see her, as well as Lexa. 
> 
> Next chapter we'll see just why Clarke seems so shocked and angry to see her mother...a whole twist I'm sure none of you saw coming. lol 
> 
> (And that scene with Clarke's belly. I absolutely swooned...I imagine this in my head so much when I hear the words 'Clexa baby'. They totally deserved this. 
> 
> As always, until next time Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	19. Mother Dearest...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby, Clarke, and Lexa have a little talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than I originally planned...but you know how writer's block can be, right? It's a totally pain in my ass. lol :) Anyways, not too much happens in this chapter it'll be the next chapter where we'll learn a lot more about the drift between Abby and Clarke. :)
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> And another thing, there is cheating mentioned in this. I know you all have different views on the whole cheating debacle, and that's fine. I understand and respect all your opinions. But the last thing I want to see is readers arguing in the comments. I want this to be a place where everyone can express their opinions freely without fear of being called out or anything. That's not me saying you shouldn't say what you think about other's opinions that's just me saying 'let's keep this nice and peaceful.' You can start a debate with others without it turning into total warfare. ;)

When Lexa first opened the front door, the last thing she was expecting was to have a woman, with an eerie resemblance to Clarke, sneer at her as if she were the devil himself. She also didn’t expect for the woman to demand that Clarke come to the door, anger unmistakably laced in her words and obviously directed towards her. Lexa’s mood had instantly swapped from peaceful and calm to confusion and pure anger.

“I told you I need to see her, now!”

Lexa stood her ground, knowing that she wasn’t going to let this woman anywhere near her pregnant wife. For all she knew, with the anger that practically seeped off the woman, she could potentially harm Clarke…and Lexa’s inner mama bear wasn’t going to have any of that.

“And I told you if you want to see my wife you’ll lower you voice and ask politely. I’m not letting you near her with all your seething anger. It’s not good for—.”

“Lexa, who is it?”

Lexa spun around to see Clarke standing a few feet behind her, eyebrows knit in confusion at what was taking place. When the blonde’s eyes snapped over to the woman standing in the doorway Lexa could see the clear exchange of emotions that crossed over her face. The most dominate being anger.

“Mom? What the hell are you doing here?” Clarke demanded, still rooted to the spot where she stood.

 _ **“Mom? Holy shit,”**_ Lexa thought as her gaze shot between the two women.

Abby tried to cross the threshold of the door only for Lexa to snap from her inner thoughts and block all further access into the house,“No. I told you, you aren’t getting near her until you calm down.”

“Obviously you still don’t remember everything, but I’m her mother. I have a right to see my only daughter,” Abby said as she leered at Lexa while trying to move past her once more.

Lexa’s hand shot out and placed it as gently as she could manage with her overwhelming emotions against Abby’s shoulder,“I don’t care who you are. You _are not_ going near her and _my_ unborn child without taking time to calm down. You’re way past upset, I can tell, and if you keep getting more upset than there’s no telling what you’ll do. You could lash out, overcome with anger. So the only way you’ll get any closer to Clarke than you already are is if you take some deep breathes and talk in a calm manner and ask me if you can see her again.”

A soft gasp came from behind her and when Lexa turned to make sure Clarke was okay all she could see was her standing with her hands protectively holding her belly with wide eyes. Lexa knew that her possessive comment about their baby might have shocked her wife a bit…but she couldn’t help it. No one who could cause possible harm to Clarke or their baby, family or not, was going to be around either of them. Not if she had any say in it.

When Abby let out a scoff she turned back and narrowed her sights back onto the woman,“Clarke, she can’t be serious. Tell her I’m not going to hurt you! You know I would never lay a hand on you or your baby!”

Eyes shifting back to the blonde Lexa watched as she inwardly struggled for a moment before dropping her hands at her sides and balling them into fists, knuckles turning white,“Lexa’s right. I don’t think it’s good for the baby if you’re around while you’re so angry. I…I don’t know why you’re here—well actually I have a pretty good idea as to why—but I think it’d be best if you left for now and came back once you’ve calmed down.”

Lexa wouldn’t deny that she was surprised at her wife’s decision, but when she caught sight of the slight shake of Clarke’s shoulders and the unmistakable glaze of tears in her eyes she knew that something was wrong. Where her hand still rested on her shoulder, Lexa could feel Abby tense up as she let out a near silent gasp and let her emerald orbs wonder back onto the older woman.

“No! I’m not leaving until you tell me what the hell has been going on here!” Abby quickly shoved Lexa’s hand away before reaching into the purse on her arm and pulling out a crinkled newspaper,“I have to find out that my daughter’s wife has been _cheating_ on her through some newspaper that I just happened to find sitting in the lounge at the hospital? Also finding out that you’re pregnant with my grandchild?!”

Unexpected rage boiled in Lexa’s chest at Abby’s words, her heart pounding heavily in her chest. For some unknown reason her body’s reaction to the older woman’s presence had been nothing but anger and a hint of sadness. Lexa couldn’t remember just exactly what had occurred between them before she lost her memories but she was sure she would be finding out soon.

Lexa’s rage was pushed aside as she saw Clarke shoot from her spot and start taking fast pace steps towards her mother. Seeing the obviously uncontrolled anger in her wife’s eyes, the brunette quickly moved away from Abby to grab ahold of Clarke to keep her from getting any closer. The blonde struggled against her, desperately trying to reach the older woman.

“You do not have the right to call yourself this baby’s grandmother! You lost the right to be apart of my life and my baby’s the moment you cut off all ties with me when I got engaged to Lexa! What, did think just because you saw that headliner in the newspaper that you could come walking back into my life? To say I told you so? Is that why you’re here?”

Clarke’s words made Lexa feel as if she had hit a brick wall. She was the reason that Abby apparently wasn’t in Clarke’s life anymore? A mess of jumbled thoughts piled into the brunette’s brain as she tried to will her mind to remember _something_ as to why Abby, apparently, didn’t like her and didn’t want her in Clarke’s life…but nothing cam to her.

“I’m not here to say I told you so! I’m here to make sure that _she_ ,” Abby seethed as she pointed an accusing finger towards Lexa,“isn’t causing harm to you or the baby! With this article I’m more than sure you’ve been under a lot of stress, and that’s not good for you or the baby! Why are you even still with her, Clarke? She cheated on you! God, almost half of the country knows she cheated on you and yet here you are with her!”

Clarke stopped struggling against Lexa immediately. The brunette’s throated tightened and she wondered if her wife agreed with her mother. With the silence that wrapped around the room her worry only increased…at least until Clarke began to let out a deep chuckle.

“I’ll be the first one to admit that not everything has been ideal for the past few months,” Clarke began, her hands reaching up to where Lexa’s rested on her hips to pull her closer,“But you have no idea what’s really been happening here, do you?”

Abby’s face twisted up into confusion at her daughter’s words,“What more is there, Clarke?”

“You obviously didn’t read the entire article, right?” When Abby only shook her head in negative Clarke merely chuckled once more,“Then that means that you didn’t read the part where Lexa was in an accident five months ago and lost all memory of me. She doesn’t remember meeting me, our first date, asking to marry me, or me calling her to tell her I finally got a positive pregnancy test.”

On instinct Lexa’s hands ran over Clarke’s tummy,“Clarke…”

“The last thing that Lexa remembered when she woke up in the hospital was her walking into a party to surprise her old girlfriend, Costia, the one that’s in the newspaper,” Clarke said as she lowered her gaze to the floor.

Lexa’s looked up from her wife to meet the hardened eyes of Abby. Her chest ached with every word that came from Clarke’s mouth. She could almost feel the lingering sadness that was laced between each syllable and all she could think about was that she was the cause of it.

“Lexa didn’t make the best decisions after her accident,” Clarke continued,“At first she only wanted to see Costia, but Anya convinced her to at least try and remember what we were - what we _are_. Things were awkward at first, to say the least, but we worked through them. Not long after the accident Lexa found out I was pregnant and things seemed as normal as they could be for the next five months. That’s when I saw the newspaper…the one you have. I was so _mad_ that I went to Lexa’s office and did nothing but yell at her for seeing Costia behind my back. I barely gave her any real time to explain before just exploding. It wasn’t the fact that she saw Costia, because I understand she had her reasons…it was the fact that she didn’t _tell_ me. That she kept it a secret.”

Lexa’s fingers flexed against Clarke’s belly, sorrow filling her chest as Clarke continued to share with her mother about the events that had taken place. From Lexa’s declaration of love that day in the office, to Costia’s deal, and down to her fainting and remembrance at Clarke’s gallery the night before. Abby had let out a small series of gasps during the reveal, each one almost like a punch to Lexa’s chest. When Clarke finished her story they stood there in silence, allowing the older woman time to process the new information that drifted into her ears.

“Why tell me all this? Is this supposed to help me forget the fact that Lexa basically cheated on you?” Abby commented.

Clarke’s hands pushed Lexa’s from her body before calmly making her way towards her mother and standing a few inches away from her,“No, it’s not. The reason why I told you all of that is because I want to make _one_ thing _very_ clear to you.”

Lexa could see back falter back a step at the harshness in Clarke’s voice, her voice trying to hide the shakiness that it held,“And what’s that?”

“That Lexa loves me,” Clarke said confidently, body standing tall and proud at the confession,“She- _we’ve_ -made some mistakes that neither one of us are proud about…but all of this that has happened as made me realize that. No matter how much we’ve gone through it always ends with Lexa being by my side. She had her reasons to see Costia, them being that she was lost and none of us were smart enough to see that so she did what she thought would help her find her way.”

Lexa chose the moment to make her presence still known to both women,“You all can’t blame yourselves for that Clarke. I should have told you how I felt instead of just hiding it.”

Clarke turned to Lexa with understanding eyes,“We’ll talk about that later, Lex. Okay?”

Lexa hesitantly nodded her head before Clarke turned back to Abby.

“But I guess what I’m trying to say is that no matter what obstacle gets in her way…Lexa always seems to remember the love that we have. I may have began to lose hope after some time, but she always surprises me. She did such little things that slowly convinced me that her feelings for me were still inside her. Even after seeing Costia for those five months…I was sure that Lexa had only remembered her love for her old girlfriend, but I was wrong. She surprised me yet again. The only thing that came from her was her telling me that she didn’t feel what she _thought_ she felt when she first woke up in the hospital. Her love for Costia wasn’t that of a lover but of a friend. So, I have no doubt in my mind that Lexa will _always_ love me…just like I’ll always love her.”

With a tight throat and shaky hands Lexa made her way over to Clarke and wrapped an arm around her waist and pulling her close. The love that she thought couldn’t grow any deeper for the blonde swelled in her chest like a balloon. Growing so large that she thought it might surely burst. While their eyes locked to share a silent message between them Abby fumed in her spot.

“So that’s it? Everything she’s done, the going behind your back, is just forgiven?”

Lexa spoke up before Clarke could,“No. I’ve still got some making up to do for that one, but we’re working on that together. We’ve agreed no more secrets between us and we’re trying to communicate more than we were.”

Abby sucked in an angered breath,“Clarke, you can’t be seriou—.”

“No, mom. I don’t want to hear it anymore. Yes, Lexa made some mistakes but so did I. She’s not the only one to blame here. So, I’m not going to let you continue to stand here and place the blame on just her. We’ve got a lot more talking to do, but that’s between us,” Clarke said, her own arm coming to wrap around Lexa,“Now, is there something else you want to talk about or is that it?”

The older woman looked taken aback for a moment before sighing,“I guess there’s no changing your mind on the matter then. I actually wanted to sit down and talk with you, Clarke. I want to be apart of your baby’s life…if you’ll let me.”

Lexa’s eyes flickered to Clarke’s face and watched as she contemplated the offer.

“I can’t give you an answer to that yet. I’m sure Lexa has a lot of questions right now so I need to answer those before I can say yes or no. I think it’d be best if you left for now and I’ll contact you later, okay?”

Abby knew it wasn’t necessarily a no but it also wasn’t close to a yes either. Lexa watched as the older woman struggled a bit with her words before slowly nodding and giving them a small smile.

“I understand. I’m staying at the Four Seasons until Friday. When you’re ready just call the front desk and they’ll connect you to my room.”

Clarke nodded silently, arm tightening even more around Lexa as her mother turned to walk back through the open door behind her. When she crossed back through the threshold Abby turned back and gave them anther soft smile.

“I’ll be waiting to hear from you, Clarke. Goodbye.”

And with that Abby had fully walked away from the door and towards the parked car that sat on the curb in front of their house. Neither Clarke nor Lexa moved as they watched the woman climb into the vehicle. With a wave from the window, Abby finally drove off back towards the city allowing the couple to breath a little easier. Removing her arms from around Clarke’s body Lexa made her way over to close the front door before locking it and turning back to look at Clarke.

The blonde had curled into herself, hands clutching her tummy and shoulders shaking silently. Automatically thinking something was wrong with the baby, Lexa ran over to her wife and covered Clarke’s hands with her own.

“Clarke, is something wrong with the baby?” Lexa asked quietly as she lifted Clarke’s chin with a gentle fingers.

When the blonde’s eyes met her’s Lexa could see the tears that streamed down her face. The brunette’s heart clenched painfully in her chest as she pulled her wife into her arms, hands running comfortingly over her back.

“Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

A few sniffles came from Clarke before she spoke,“Her just showing up. Lexa, we were doing so good and then she had to come in here and bring everything back to the surface. I know we haven’t finished talking everything over but is it too much to ask for just a few days of not worrying about that? For us to just relax and focus on us and the baby for a change?”

“I know. I know. But there’s some things we can’t control, Clarke. If I could have helped it she wouldn’t have stepped foot in this house.”

“It’s not your fault, Lexa. I should have known that she would have ended up hearing about what happened sooner or later,” Clarke whispered before pulling back and looking up and her wife,“I’m guessing you have some questions about what I said earlier, right?”

Lexa gave her a serious look, pulling her body closer to her own,“We don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to. I know that was stressful to you. I can wait until you’re calm enough to talk about it.”

“Okay. How about an early dinner and a movie and then we’ll talk it over?” Clarke asked as she nuzzled into Lexa’s chest.

Lexa placed a kiss to the crown of her head,“Sounds perfect to me. Now, what are you and Lil Bean craving?”

Clarke laughed as she leaned back and looked at Lexa with a bright sparkle in her eyes,“How about spaghetti and pickles?”

Lexa grimaced at the combination but smiled none the less,“I think I can make that happen.”

Clarke giggled happily before beginning to pull her wife towards the kitchen. Lexa couldn’t help the smile that broke over her face at the the sound of the blonde’s happiness. She could still see the unwavering tension that had risen in Clarke’s body from Abby’s appearance but knew better than to press the topic on her. She wanted her wife to talk to her when she was ready, no matter how badly she wanted to know just what had caused the rift between the mother and daughter.

And who knows, maybe Lexa’s decisions would be what finally wiped away the seemingly obvious feud between the tiny family. She just hoped that what ever happened in the end, that it would be what was best for Clarke and their child.

And maybe for herself as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...? Don't kill me. I know I basically left you all on another cliff hanger, but I couldn't help it. ;) 
> 
> Okay, I've got some news. For my other story, Shattered Reflections, I'll be doing a double posting this time. That means the update for LM and CM will be pushed back a bit and maybe not be until later in the week, a little later than I originally planned. This isn't me taking a break from my other stories, this is just me trying to get SR running a bit more smoothly so I can get it off it's feet and start it on it's path to becoming something that I hope will be good! I'm off work, surprisingly, until Wednesday for some unknown reason so I hopefully will have time to give you all another update for CM after the two updates for SR!
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! :)
> 
> Oh, and can someone make a comment about Lexa's mama bear self coming out on Abby's ass so I can totally gush about it with you? XD


	20. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby's problem with Lexa is revealed...(there will be more on this in later chapters as well!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I've taken so long with this new chapter! I have a cold that's literally kicking my ass...so if this chapters completely messed up....I'm blaming my sickness induced brain. 
> 
> I had a tough minute with this chapter...trying to put the right wording into everything, but I think it's come out pretty good! Anyway, can't wait for you all to read! 
> 
> Enjoy!

Clarke watched nervously as the credits to some Netflix movie rolled across the TV. If she was being honest, the blonde didn’t even remember the name of the movie let alone what it was about. The nerves that sat in a knot in her stomach only seemed to grow as the credits finished rolling, giving way to the Netflix home screen.

Not once did she think that she was about to explain to her memory impaired wife just why she and her mother weren’t on speaking terms. Before the accident Lexa had known every detail about the fall out she had with Abby…and she didn’t like it one bit that she had to be the one to repeat it all. Lexa always understood that she felt uncomfortable talking about her mother and rarely pushed the subject on her unless she thought absolutely necessary.

And Lexa seemed to remember the uncomfortable feeling that she always felt when talking about Abby.

That’s why they were still sitting silently on the couch, neither one willing to speak the first word of the inevitable conversation.

“I’m going to wash these up,” Lexa said quietly as she stood from the couch, grabbing their plates from the coffee table as she went.

Clarke watched hopelessly as Lexa disappeared through the living room’s threshold towards the living room. Moving to the edge of couch, the blonde rested her elbows against her knees and let her head fall into the palms of her hands. Everything was going good…better than she had expected it to with everything that has happened. But now, it seems like they’ve taken two steps forward only to take four steps back.

After Abby left everything had been fine…perfect even. They had cooked dinner together, Clarke sneaking her fingers into the sauce when Lexa wasn’t looking only for the brunette to catch her and pin her to the counter with a kiss as ‘punishment’. But as they started the film and ate with just a few whispered words did Clarke begin to notice the changes forming between them because of the unexplained situation.

She could feel the obvious awkward tension that had settled between them during the movie. Lexa sat a little further away from her on the couch than normal, her hand occasionally brushing against her thigh being the only contact throughout the film. And Clarke had pretended that she didn’t catch Lexa sneaking curious glances towards her, her mouth opening only to snap shut as she tried to bring up the subject. But thankfully she never did.

Thankfully her mind somehow told her it wouldn’t help Clarke to bring it up before she was ready.  
  
Clarke let out a deep sigh as she suddenly felt hands kneading at her shoulders. She let her body relax as Lexa’s fingers eased out the knots that had formed under her skin from the day’s events.

“We don’t have to talk about it, Clarke. I can see how it’s making you feel. You’re stressed and tense…it’s not good for you or the baby,” Lexa said as she leaned over the back of the couch, arms moving to drape around her growing belly.

Clarke leaned back into the warmth of her wife and let her eyes flutter close,“Yes, we do. You need to know what happened between my mother and I. It’s only fair because, no matter how much I hate it to, it involves you.”

A moment of silence passed between them.

“Am I the reason you don’t talk to your mother?”

The words wrapped around Clarke’s heart and squeezed painfully on the sensitive organ.

_Yes and no._

Yes, Lexa was _one_ reason that she no longer spoke to Abby…but she wasn’t _the_ reason.

Clarke turned around to face Lexa, making the brunette remove her arms and stand up once more,“I…it’s hard to explain, Lex. You’ll understand once I tell you everything, but I want you to know that you are _not_ the full reason why I don’t talk to her. I made that decision on my own and technically she did to.”

The blonde could see the somewhat confused look on the CEO’s face and knew that it was going to be a long night.

“This is going to be a draining talk. Let’s run a bath and talk there.”

Lexa, still slightly tense and confused, nodded before moving around the couch to help Clarke to her feet. As she lead her up the stairs towards their room, Clarke’s thoughts became a jumbled mess as she tried to find the best way to explain the situation to Lexa. Every way she pictured only seemed to end up with the brunette blaming herself…and that was the very last thing she wanted to happen.

When they finally entered the bathroom Clarke realized that she had only suggested a bath because she was stalling. Stalling the inevitable conversation that she would have to have with Lexa. In the back of her mind, Clarke had thought the early dinner and movie would have been enough to settle her fears enough for her to tell her story…but it wasn’t. Still, she could not quell the bundle of nerves that sat in the pit of her stomach and she feared that she may find herself empty it’s contents into the nearby toilet.

Her emotions must have been easily shown on her face because once Lexa had turned on the water in the tub and spun around to face her, the brunette’s eyes filled with remorse.

“Clarke…,”Lexa began only for her wife to shake her head.

“Don’t. This needs to be done. I’m…I’m not worried for myself…I’m worried for you. I don’t—,” Clarke pursed her lips before dropping her head to stare at the ground,” I don’t want you blaming yourself when I tell you. When you first found out you did…blame yourself that is. It didn’t take me long to help you figure out that it wasn’t you, but now…I know you’re not really who you were before so I’m scared for who you are now -that I won’t be able to convince you that you did nothing wrong.”

Soft fingers slid under her chin and forced ocean eyes to gaze into emerald,“Clarke, I can’t guarantee what I’ll feel but I’ll do my best to listen to everything you have to say. With the way your mother acted around me earlier I can tell it’s nothing good and…I don’t know if it’s my subconscious or something else entirely but everything is just screaming at me that it’s my fault.”

“ _No_. It’s not, Lexa. This is one thing that I _will not_ let you blame yourself for. I chose this. Not _you_.”

Lexa’s eyes clouded in confusion once more, her mind obviously not believing that Clarke was the reasoning for her no longer speaking to Abby. Clarke only responded with a deep sigh before pulling her wife close and beginning to pull at the hem of the white t-shirt that hugged her frame. The only sound that filled the bathroom was the water pouring out the faucet and the light rustle of clothing as the couple undressed each other.

As Lexa slowly unbuttoned _her_ shirt and pulled it from Clarke’s shoulders the feeling between them wasn’t one of sexual desire but of comfort. Comfort of being in each other’s presence with such familiarity despite the unsettled tension between them. Clarke reveled in this feeling. Wanted it to stay wrapped around her body for as long as possible and never let go. But she knew it wouldn’t last long…not with the discussion about to be held between them. She would try her best to keep it from evading them and leaving nothing but frustration and guilt in it’s passing.

Finally, both naked as the day they were born, Lexa carefully helped Clarke lower herself into the bath before finding the spot behind her. Bathing together had been a regular thing between them before Lexa’s accident and Clarke missed it greatly. Sure, the brunette had found herself sitting on the edge of the tub while Clarke bathed more than once over the past five months but never actually hopped in with her. So when Lexa pulled her back to rest against her chest the blonde let out a shuttering breath at the all too familiar feeling.

The feeling of home.

Of safety.

_Of love._

Nothing compared to being wrapped in Lexa’s arms while the warm water encompassed their bodies, washing away every worry that clung to their skin.

But once again, Clarke found herself stalling. Fingers dancing along tan thighs and flicking at the bubbles that surrounded them. She didn’t want this peace to end. To become overwhelmed with the tension that had lingered between them downstairs in the living room. Didn't want to see the guilt that she knew would more than likely rise in Lexa’s eyes.

She wanted to become lost in this time. To stop and capture this memory, to hold forever dear to her heart. But she knew in order for them to move on, to try and put this behind them or at least work it out, she would have to give the brunette her story. Her last memory that she shared with her mother before removing her from her life.

“My mom…Everything happened right after got engaged,” Clarke began quietly.

Suddenly, in that moment, Clarke wished she could trade places with Lexa.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Lexa)**

Brunette curls spilled over a soft pillow. The owner’s head turned swiftly to the side, said curls tumbling down to frame a sharp jawline. Slender fingers clenched onto the cotton sheets, their grip desperate to find a solid anchor to keep them grounded. Long black lashes fluttered against high cheekbones as emerald eyes danced wildly behind closed lids. Pink lips mumbled incoherent words that grew in volume with each passing second.

“It’s my fault,” The words were muddled with sleep but were clear as day to anyone who may have been awake in the room.

Colorful images danced behind the closed lids of the brunette. Flashes of her dream - _her memory_ \- making her toss and turn in the large bed and thankfully not waking it’s other occupant who slept soundly beside to her.

* * *

_Harsh whispers drifted down the hallway of the beautiful restaurant as Lexa searched for her girlfriend, well fiancé now, and her mother._

_Almost two years after graduating from college with the love of her life, Clarke, Lexa had finally proposed. Surrounded by their friends and family the brunette had sunk down to one knee in front of a sea of people in the restaurant and poured her very soul to the woman. She got the expected reaction from Clarke when she pulled out the ring that had once been her mother’s - a simple oval shaped diamond with a single band, nothing too flashy. Blue eyes filled with tears, pale hands covered her mouth as a gasp slipped past her lips, cheeks rosy with love._

_And Clarke said **yes**._

_Even before Lexa could utter any words._

_But that didn’t stop her. She stayed where she was, her heart pounding against her chest because she already knew the answer, but still she spoke. Spoke the words, the emotions, that the blonde before her made her feel. The unconditional love she felt every moment she was with Clarke. The world around them became dark, no one else had mattered. And as she continued with her words, tears welling in her eyes and threatening to spill over, Clarke had dropped down to the floor with her. Familiar hands found her own and held on tightly, their eyes never leaving one another._

_And once she had let every word flow from her heart and straight into the ears of the woman she loved, Clarke had launched herself into her arms shouting ‘yes’ as many times as she could.. Silky lips didn’t hesitate to claim hers as their friends around them, and the occupants of the restaurant that had grown quiet, bursted into cheers. Congratulations filled the space, hands patted their backs but still they did not pull away from each other._

_When they finally pulled away, Lexa slipped the ring onto Clarke’s finger, her smile lighting up like a thousand suns when it fit perfectly. Her mother’s words rang in her ears as she stared at the simple piece of jewelry adorning her finance’s finger._

* * *

**_“This ring has been in your father’s family for generations. It is said that this ring is magical. That it will reshape itself to fit perfectly to the finger of your one true love when it is handed down to you. Anya has no wish for it so it’s only right it goes to you now, Lexa.”_ **

_Of course, being almost eleven at the time, Lexa had a hard time believing such a story. She had spent a better half of her day after her mother had handed her the ring staring at it and hoping to see some sort of movement as it reshaped itself. But after so much staring she had grown tired and fallen asleep, the ring sitting beside her on her bed._

_And when she had awoken hours later, something had seemed different about the ring. Young mind running wild, she had done nothing but grabbed the piece of jewelry and ran to her mother. Lexa’s breath had all but stopped when she grabbed her mother’s hand and tried to slip the ring onto her finger…only for it to no longer fit. Her mother had smiled softly at her and ran her fingers through wild brunette curls._

**_“You’re true love is out there somewhere, Lexa. Just waiting for you to put that ring on their finger one day…I only hope I can be there for such an event.”_ **

_A few days after being given the ring, Lexa’s mother had passed away. No one besides her father knowing about the creeping of cancer that had settled wrongfully into her lungs. As Lexa stood next to her mother’s coffin, Anya holding her tightly and their father behind them, her hand had closed into a fist, the ring sitting loosely on her finger…unknowingly waiting for the day that a beautiful blonde would waltz into her life._

* * *

_Lexa had sadly at the memory. She remembered the disbelief she had felt when her mother had first told her the story. And then remembered the sudden rush of astonishment when she found the ring no longer fit her mother and was instead curved to fit her true love. Lexa wouldn’t lie and say she was hesitant to call Clarke her true love, honestly never thinking she would find that special person, until one certain day. The blonde had found the ring when pulling out a shirt to borrow from her drawer and had found the little velvet box. And when Lexa walked in, fresh from her shower, she had stopped when she had seen Clarke gazing lovingly at the ring that sat perfectly on her finger before quickly removing it and apologizing._

_And Lexa could only kiss her, all hesitance drifting from her mind as she relived the image of the ring on Clarke’s finger._

**_A perfect fit._ **

_“Mom! You can’t be serious! You’re being ridiculous!”_

_“Lexa was brought from her swirl of memories by the sound of her fiancé’s annoyed voice._

_“I am, Clarke! I can’t let you do this to yourself!”_

_Coming to a stop before an open doorway, Lexa poked her head just slightly around to see Clarke and Abby standing alone in what looked to be a private party room. Lexa kept silent as she watched Clarke pace in front of her mother who just leaned against the large table in the center of the room, arms crossed and anger etched into her features._

_“Can’t let me do what, mom? Be happy? Live my life the way I want to?”_

_“You won’t be happy with her! Lexa isn’t good for you! You’ll be getting yourself into nothing bu—,” Clarke was quick to cut her off._

_“Not good for me? Is this really because she won’t make me happy or the fact that you don’t think Lexa and I can support each other?”_

_“No! I’m saying this because if you marry her you’ll be putting yourself right into her debt! She’s got God knows how much out on student loans and still no job offers!” Abby said hotly._

_Clarke pinned her mother with a hard glare,“Does it really look like I care how much debt Lexa is in? Not that it’s any of your business to begin with. And Lexa’s had plenty of job offers but she’s turned them down in favor of starting her own company! I’ve told you this before, mom! When will you listen?”_

_“Clarke, even though I didn’t like the idea, I supported you when you wanted to get a degree in photography…but this? I can’t sit back and let you get married to someone who barely has any means of an income and is in debt. You’ll be ruined before you can make it to the honeymoon!”_

_Lexa’s world felt like it had shattered around her. She, of course, had noticed that Abby hadn’t been the most thrilled when Clarke had announced they were dating. And the older woman wasn’t at all pleased when, after graduation, she had confessed to trying to start her own business. Thinking about it now, Lexa realized that Abby didn’t share in the buzzing excitement after her proposing to Clarke, opting to steal her daughter away for a quiet moment which lead Lexa to go search for them._

_She could also tell that over the course of her and Clarke dating that the mother daughter duo had become tense around each other. Sometimes family dinners, which Lexa attended on occasion, would be filled with curt sentences and silence, barley a giggle escaping anyone’s lips._

_“All you care about is money and reputation! You fought with me for the longest because I told you instead of wanting to be a surgeon I wanted to open up my own photography studio! You wanted nothing but to be able to brag to your co-workers what wonders your daughter was doing in the medical field!” Clarke huffed out,“You wanted me to get married to Wells because he was some big shot lawyer and you thought that if my career choice fell through then he would be there to support me!”_

_Lexa could see Abby’s face turn into one of shock, almost as if Clarke wasn’t supposed to know that valuable bit of information._

_“Yeah! I know about that! I overhead you talking on the phone with Wells’ mom a few months ago! How you said that **when** this thing between Lexa and I ended that you would set us up together!”_

_“Clarke, you weren’t suppo—.”_

_“Wasn’t supposed to hear it? Well, guess what? I did! I know this is all started the moment I introduced you to Lexa! You disliked her from the beginning because she didn’t come from money or a powerful family name! I could see it every time you looked at her! And it only got worse when she **trusted** you enough to tell you how many student loans she had to take out so she could follow her **dreams**. And yet all you did was silently detest her,” Clarke seethed, inching closer to her mother with each sentence._

_“Sweetie, please. I only want what’s best for you,” Abby tried to reason._

_“What’s best for me is Lexa! I don’t care that she may have years of debt to pay off or the fact that she doesn’t have a job while trying to start her own company, which you would know is actually going really well if you actually talked to her instead of giving her the silent treatment,” Clarke snapped,“Lexa is and always will be the best thing for me. She supports me unconditionally in every thing I do, unlike some people who quietly wait for me to fall on my ass like they expect me to. Well, that’s not going to happen! My **fiancé** is going to be the best goddamn CEO in all of fucking Seattle and I’m going to open the best fucking photography studio in downtown!”_

_Lexa knew how Clarke could get when she started raising her voice, defending what was her’s to protect. Heart swelling, the brunette was just about to make herself known when Abby deeply chuckled._

_“She’s going to ruin you, Clarke. It may not be tomorrow or next year…but she will. I’m not going to let my only daughter do this to herself,” Abby fixed Clarke with a deadly glare,“I don’t give her my blessing, not that she had the decency to ask in the first place.”_

_The brunette could see Clarke reel back a bit, possibly shocked by what her mother had repeated a second time that night. And, like always, the blonde shocked her when she simply shook her head and laughed._

_“You really think I care about your blessing right now? I don’t even know who you are anymore…not after this. First you hate Lexa because of who she **isn’t** , and don’t try to argue because you know it’s true,” Clarke quickly cut off her mother who was ready to argue,“Then you think that just because she’s in debt with no current job that she’ll ruin me. Oh, and we can’t forget about how you were planning to set me up with Wells when you **know** how much I love her…and you **still** think I’d care about your blessing?”_

_Abby’s eyebrow scrunched in anger,“You should care about my blessing! You know how much your father cared about giving his blessing to whoever wanted to marry you! He handed that right down to me before he passed away!”_

_“No! You don’t get to use him like that! You know he would never deny his blessing to someone that loves me like Lexa does! Especially for your **pathetic** reasons! He may not be here today but I know in my heart that he would approve of Lexa! Because she’s smart, beautiful, caring, and so much more! But more importantly because she loves me and puts me before anything!” Clarke’s sniffled a bit before raising her head high and squaring her shoulders,“Just like I’m about to do for her.”_

_When Abby gazed upon her daughter in confusion, Clarke only seemed to stand taller. Becoming her own rock to lean on. To support the decision that she desperately didn’t wan to make, but was going to anyway._

_“I don’t want you around if this is how you’re going to be. I’m happy with Lexa and that will never change. We could be out on the streets for all I care and I would still stay by her side just like I know she would do for me. I don’t care about if she has money or if she’s the poorest person on the planet. All I care about is **her**. I care about is who she is as a person and how much she loves me…that’s all that matters. She can ‘ruin’ me as much as she wants but it won’t change how I feel about her,” Clarke whispered harshly to her mother._

_Abby fumed quietly in her spot, each word like an added blow to her ego. And when she saw the older woman about to open her mouth once more to retort, Lexa could no longer keep herself hidden. When her body was no longer hidden behind the doorway, Abby’s gaze instantly flickered over to her’s, Clarke’s back to her unaware of her presence until she spoke._

_“I may not be in the best place financially right now, but I can assure you that I would never ‘ruin’ Clarke,” After the first word left her mouth Clarke had whipped around and stared at her with wide eyes,“Yes, I’m in debt, but it’s nothing that a few years of hard work can’t handle. No, I didn’t have a family that came from money, but I had two parents who gave me everything they could and more…and would still be trying their damn hardest if they were still here.”_

_Clarke was instantly by her side at the mention of her parents, never having talked to anyone about them besides the blonde herself and their closest friends._

_“My dad did everything he could to try and put Anya and I through college before he passed away. And everything he did helped because, in the end, I graduated, even if I had to take out some loans, and I’m soon to be starting my own business that you seemed so worried won’t be worth anything,” Lexa could feel the confidence that she had spent so many years building rising to the surface,“And I’m damned sure that my company will be **the** best. If there’s anything I learned from my parents while growing up, it’s that the Woods family doesn’t quit. I’m not going to give up just because someone tells me I don’t have the means to start my own company. There’s always a way…and I seem to have had no trouble finding my way. Nothing is set in stone right now but my company is underway and will be rising in the next year or so, I guarantee that, but if you’re too blind to see that I’m not lying…then that’s your problem.”_

_Abby huffed angrily, her fists clenching at her sides, knuckles white in their grip. Right as the older woman was about to reprimand the brunette for her words, Lexa was quick to hold up a hand to stop her._

_“And even if my company was to fall through, I wouldn’t put Clarke in that position with me. I would, and will be, the first person to make sure that her name is no where near the debt that I owe. My plan isn’t to drag her down with me into some depressing hole where we have no money or home. My plan…is to support her, give her what she needs to pursue her passions and the careers she’s chosen, and to make sure she succeeds in life. And I know it’s the same way she feels for me. We support each other, which you would see if you weren’t so quick to put us down. The last thing I wanted to be was rude to you, Abby, but now I see that can’t be helped,” Lexa carefully removed herself from Clarke’s arms and moved to stand in front of the older woman,“I don’t care what you think of me, what you **thought** of me. I may have wanted your blessing before asking Clarke to marry me, but now I see that I wouldn’t have gotten it anyway…not that I would have needed it. As long as I’m sure that it’s **Clarke** who loves and wants to marry me, then I don’t care what anyone else says. The goddamn president of the United States could say he disapproves of our marriage and I still would’t care. Because it doesn’t matter what you or anyone else thinks. It’s what that woman —that gorgeous creature who has done nothing but love me— thinks. And what she thinks…is that she loves me.”_

_At this point, Lexa could feel the waves of anger rolling off of Abby. She could see the older woman holding herself back, obviously aware that she had no arguments left and would only further embarrass herself if she continued. And just when she thought Abby’s anger couldn’t grow anymore than it already had, Clarke chose that moment to appear at her side._

_“It’s not what I think,” Clarke whispered, eyes blazing into hers as she ignored her mother,“It’s what I know. I’ve known since the beginning, since I saw you standing at the fountain in the rain, that I loved you. I didn’t know it then, but I do now. I love you more than anything, Lexa…nothing will change that.”_

_Her world spun around her. The simplest of words making her feel weightless…making her feel **loved**. She had what she wanted in life. She didn’t need some fancy company to make her happy. Because Clarke did that. She would be fine with flipping burgers for the rest of her life if it meant Clarke’s love for her stayed eternal. But Lexa was determined to show Abby that she could, and would, provide for Clarke. Would care for her like no other out there. Support her and give her everything she ever desired. She would start her company, turn it into the biggest one in Seattle and share her success with the world. Show other’s, Abby in specific, that just because she was in a little debt and didn’t come from a family with money that she couldn’t make a name for herself._

_But as she thought about her success, Lexa realized one thing. She wouldn’t do it for others._

_No._

_She would do it for herself._

_She would do it for Clarke._

_For their future._

_Together._

_And everything seemed to be sealed in fate when Clarke pulled her down for a sweet kiss. Filled with the passion that burned between them. The love that they held for one another. Neither cared that Abby had stormed from the room and the gesture…and neither could care that it would be the last time that they would hear from her._

_Clarke would be upset for the next few weeks, but that would slowly sink away as she realized that she didn’t need someone who only thought that she was doing wrong in life…even if it was her own mother. And Lexa had her bouts of guilt, expressing through worried lips that Clarke’s broken relationship with her mother was her own fault, and the blonde would shush her. Telling her that it was **her** choice to shoo her mother from her life. That it was **her** decision to keep loving Lexa and supporting her without someone at her neck telling her that her fiancé was no good for her._

_It was **Clarke**._

_Not **Lexa**._

_Clarke had been very sure to wipe that all from Lexa’s mind, knowing that even if the smallest of slivers of guilt remained that she would start blaming herself once more._

_They got around it. Their lives continued without the dragging weight of an unsupportive family member. They became successful. They showed all those who doubted them that they succeeded in anything they did._

_Because they had each other._

_Because they supported one another._

_Because, in a world filled with dark corners and lurking shadows, they would always find their way._

_**Together**._

* * *

Lexa sprung up from her spot on the bed, a strangled but quiet gasp slipping from her lips and into the darkness of the room. Elbows resting atop raised knees, Lexa threaded her fingers through her hair as she tried to slow the wild pace of her heart. It wasn’t a dream that she had experienced… _but a memory_. The exact memory that Clarke had shared with her not too long ago while they sat huddled together in the warm bubble bath.

Her dream had followed the exact path that Clarke had so delicately explained. Stating each word that was uttered from both her and her mother like she had lived the memory over and over again. And yes, Lexa had felt that overwhelming guilt take her once more…the same guilt that she had felt during her memory.

And once again Clarke driven away the guilt. Climbed into her lap and kissed away the horrid feeling until there was nothing left but the overlapping feeling of love. Whispered words of endearment drifted between the two, the water grown cold long ago as they became lost in one another. Something that seemed to happen more often than not.

Lexa had finally ushered them both from the tub when she had spotted the goosebumps forming along Clarke’s arms. From there she carried Clarke to their bed and continued to let the blonde kiss away any lingering guilt…not that she was complaining.

Clarke was right when she said the talk would be draining…but Lexa hadn’t realized how drained she was until that very moment. A soft sigh brushed through her lips before letting one hand drop down so she could rest her head fulling in the other and turn to gaze at Clarke. Thankfully her shooting from the bed hadn’t roused the woman who was currently cuddled deeply into the blankets, bare back to Lexa.

A crooked smile formed across Lexa’s lips as she studied the smooth, pale skin of her wife’s back. From this angle the brunette wouldn’t believe Clarke if she said she was pregnant, the blankets doing justice in hiding the soft swell that rested underneath them. And in that moment Lexa knew that what she had felt in her memory would stay true. Memories restored or not she would always support and care for this woman beside her. Would do anything to see her succeed in life. To see her give birth to a beautiful baby…and she wouldn’t give it up for the world.

A Woods never quits.

And this Woods was damn well going to make sure that the blonde sleeping quietly next to her…would have the world… _and Lexa herself_.

With a headache forming, most likely from the memory conjured in her sleep, and too tired to process any more thoughts Lexa shifted back down into the bed. Slender fingers found their respected home across Clarke’s belly, splaying out to try and touch as much of the surface as possible, while her nose nuzzled into the steady pulse under the skin of the blonde’s neck. One thought lingering in the back of her mind as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep…one filled with dreams of silky lips and blue eyes that pulled her into a trance.

_“I will support her decision. Whether she wants to work things out with her mother or not…I will always support Clarke in every decision she makes. No matter how much Abby dislikes me, we’ll work it out. For her… **For us**.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know...this could have been like ten times better. Well, it was ten times better in my head, but having a cold and a migraine for two days straight while working didn't help my situation! But at least I got you all a new chapter! :)
> 
> If by any means, this chapter makes NO sense...don't be scared to tell me. I'm fully ready to rewrite this because I feel like it's no where near what I wanted to give you guys...so no harm done if you think it needs rewriting. lol. 
> 
> As always, until next time Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> Oh! and how awesome is Clexa Kru?! Best Fandom 2017!!! Keep it up guys! We'll be an even stronger Kru come 2018!!! Thank you to everyone who voted! You guys are simply amazing! :)
> 
> ALWAYS CLEXA


	21. A Little Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of sparring and a green monster called jealousy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a few days since the last post but you know how life gets! So many distractions **cough** twitter **cough**....ANYWAY, this is mainly just a little filler/fun chapter before we get back into the whole Abby debacle! So, enjoy! Read to your hearts content, and let me know what you think! :)

“So you’re telling me she just randomly showed up at your front door and demanded to see Clarke? Not even a ‘sorry to hear what happened you’?”

Lexa shook her head quickly and muttered a ‘nope’ as she dodged a punch from Anya. Both were currently engaged in one of their weekly sparring sessions at a downtown gym not too far from Lexa’s office building. The blue mats shifted under their feet as they stepped forward to throw punches or deliver kicks while the other dodged and hoped to not get hit. Lexa was thankful for these weekly get togethers with her sister. It helped take the edge off the ever swirling emotions that were currently present in her head. And with Abby’s surprise arrival it was definitely a much needed distraction.

“She was all but ready to push me out the way to get to Clarke. I didn’t want Abby around her when she was so angry so I told her she couldn’t see Clarke until she calmed down,” Lexa said through short pants as she dropped down a bit to try and deliver a punch to Anya’s gut.

The older woman deflected the punch and delivered two of her own,“I’m guessing she didn’t take that very well, huh?”

“Not one bit. Clarke wanted her to leave until she calmed down but she wasn’t having it. She found the newspaper with Costia and I on it and started going off. Of course, Clarke got mad. I had to hold her back so I could keep her away from Abby.”

Anya smirked a bit before throwing her weight into Lexa and knocking her onto her back while she towered above her,“She’s still the same spit fire she’s always been. I remember when we all went out to a bar and she all but almost knocked out a guy for calling you a 'fucking dyke'. She’s protective of you no matter what’s happened between you.”

Lexa covered the small smile that showed over her face by quickly knocking Anya’s legs from under her by swiping her left leg behind her foot. The older woman landed on the mat with a grunt and Lexa took that opportunity to hover above her and pin her sister’s hands down.

“Looks like I win,” Lexa said with a smirk.

“In your dreams, sis.”

The brunette’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion only to feel Anya’s legs wrapped around her hips and quickly flip them over. She rolled her eyes as Anya pinned her own hands above her head and gave her a triumph filled smirk.

“I never lose. Maybe next time.”

Lexa chuckled a bit as Anya stood up and held a hand out to help her up. She gladly took it and let out a tired breath once she finally got back to her feet. She followed her sister over to a bench that held their bags and water bottles. Grabbing a towel and her water Lexa took a seat beside Anya.

“So what happened after that?” Anya asked hesitantly.

Lexa sighed as she recalled the events and slowly began to give a detailed explanation to her sister. She could see Anya’s hands clench as she mentioned Abby accusing her of causing harm to Clarke and the baby. How her eyes soften a bit as she listened to Lexa tell her about how Clarke defended her. The brunette even went so far as to go over her dream/memory that she had experienced the same night…the dream that she didn’t even wait five minutes after waking up the next morning to tell Clarke.

“I’m glad you’re finally getting some more memories back. Even if they are shitty one’s like that,” Anya whispered.

“They’re not shitty. Yes, they aren’t some of the best but…I really didn’t pay any attention to what happened with Abby. All I can seem to focus on when I think about it is how Clarke defended me, didn’t give up on me. And god, Anya, I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing it is to even remember just _part_ of how I proposed to Clarke. I don’t remember the entire thing completely, most of the proposal is just blurs and colors…but I remember slipping that ring onto her finger. I _remember_ that.”

Lexa put down her water bottle and turned to find Anya staring at her, a rare soft smile etched into her features,“Good. I’m glad you aren’t letting Abby get to you and I’m glad you’re not letting what she said make you think less of yourself. What Abby said that night was completely wrong of her. She shouldn’t have put you down like that and I know I’m not one to talk because I haven’t exactly been the best sister as of late.”

“I know, Anya. But you’re trying now, it’s okay. That’s all that matters.”

“No, it’s not,” Anya sighed,“Look, we still have to talk about it some more but I don’t think now it the time. Not with all this mess with Abby. I think you need to get that settled first, okay?”

Lexa stared straight ahead and nodded her head in agreement. They stayed like that for a bit until she felt Anya’s hand settle onto her shoulder.

“For what it’s worth, she was wrong about you. You made Clarke stronger. You both made each other stronger. I know it hasn’t been the easiest few months of your life but I know that you and Clarke can get through this. You’re going to have your drawbacks, there’s no doubt in that…but you have each other. That’s what matters. As long as both of you are together I don’t think anything in the world can stop you both. And I’m really happy that you have someone like that in your life.”

The brunette covered Anya’s with her own and gave her a warm smile,“Thanks, An.”

The older woman’s hand squeezed her shoulder a bit before quickly removing it and standing back up,“Okay, enough mushy shit. Time for another round.”

“Actually, I should be going,” Lexa said as she took a look at the clock on the wall across the room,“I’m meeting Clarke at her studio for lunch. Her next session should be just about done by time I get there.”

“Fine. Go have a romantic lunch with your wife,” Anya said as she waved her off and took a sip of her water.

“Speaking of wives…when are you going to pop the question to Raven?”

The sound of Anya’s coughs filled the gym as she choke on her water. Lexa watched, amused, as her sister beat her hand against her chest and took in a few deep breathes. Once Anya was able to control her breathing she turned to fix Lexa with a glare.

“Really? Did you think it was funny to just watch me choke?”

Lexa, a wide smile on her face, simply nodded,“Yeah, kinda. Wasn’t the reaction I was expecting but still funny.”

When Anya’s glare deepened it only caused Lexa to break out into a fit of laughter. As soon as she felt her laughter was dying out she felt a hand push against her shoulder causing her to tumble off the bench and onto the floor behind it. With a small groan Lexa looked up to see Anya hovering over her with a smug smirk.

“That’s what you get for being a smartass. I’ll see you later.”

Lexa stayed on the floor as she watched Anya pick up her bag and head for the exit. She shook her head once she could no longer see her sister and picked herself up. Situating herself back onto the bench Lexa pulled out her phone to send a quick text to Clarke.

**Lexa: Just got done at the gym with Anya. Getting a shower and picking up the food. Be over there soon.**

Lexa placed her phone down on the bench and began gathering her stuff. As she pulled out a towel and a pair of clean clothes, ready to take a shower in the gym locker room, her phone buzzed signaling an incoming text. Unlocking the phone, Lexa smiled softly when she saw a text from Clarke.

**Clarke: Awesome! I’m starving! I’m still working with this next client but I should be just about finished once you get here…oh, and don’t shower. I like it when you glisten with sweat. Makes your abs look incredible. ;)**

A rosy blush crept its way up Lexa’s neck and to her ears as she read the last part of Clarke’s text. It wasn’t the first time she had told her she liked to see her all sweat. The first time being when she stopped by the gym last week in the middle of her and Anya’s sparring session with a surprised lunch. Clarke had all but pulled her aside to a empty hallway and pushed her up against the wall, whispering about how good she looked with sweat all over her. Lexa chalked it up to being the pregnancy hormones.

_Yup, totally the pregnancy hormones._

With orders from her wife to forego her shower, Lexa stuffed her towel and clothes back into her bag and zipped it up. Picking up the bag, she took one last look around to make sure she had everything before taking her leave. Once she reached her car she threw the bag into the back seat before climbing into the driver’s seat. Starting the car and buckling her seatbelt she grabbed her phone to send one last text to Clarke before backing out of the parking lot.

**Lexa: Anything for my lovely wife. Just don’t blame me when you lose all train of thought once you see this fine specimen that you married.**

Chuckling to herself, Lexa placed the phone onto the center console and began to back her car from its parking spot. As she drove towards the restaurant where she would be picking up her and Clarke’s lunch Lexa’s phone vibrated once more and she smiled knowing that it was a text from Clarke.

It wasn’t until almost ten minutes later, when she finally parked her car in the restaurants parking lot, that she finally picked up the phone to read the text.

**Clarke: Just get your sweaty ass over here. Your child is craving pasta and it’s driving me insane. And maybe if you’re sweaty enough I’ll give you a _special_ treat. ;)**

Eyebrows jumping with slight surprise, Lexa couldn’t stop her heart from beating wildly. Since they have been communicating more her and Clarke have seemed to almost fall into that honeymoon stage. Flirtatious texts, teasing, soft caresses under the table in public. It was like they couldn’t seem to keep away from each other. Lexa knew it was because Clarke was finally beginning to feel more comfortable around her. She knew that in the beginning she was scared to say a certain thing to her or get too close into her personal space..but after the night of the gallery opening they could barely keep their hands to themselves when they were together.

And with Clarke’s pregnancy, her sex drive was nearly impossible to keep up with. With it being only a week since the night of the gallery opening, two days since Abby’s arrival, every night was spent tangled in their bed. Lips ghosting across heated skin, chests heaving with heavy breathes, legs intertwined…fingers moving against the most private of places. Not a night had gone by that she didn’t end up feeling Clarke’s lips brush against her’s in an almost desperate need. A desperate need to know that the woman under her was real, was _here_ , with her and _alive_. Slowly remembering. Slowly becoming more aware of the love they shared.

Lexa read over the text once more, her body beginning to heat up as her eyes skimmed over the words. She forced herself to stuff her phone back into her pocket as she made her way inside the Italian restaurant to pick up their to go order. Five minutes later and arms filled with two carry out containers Lexa made her way back to her car and began the drive to Clarke’s studio. And no, she did not turn on the heat to make herself even sweatier than she already was.

_She totally didn’t._

* * *

Lexa could feel a bead of sweat roll down her spine as she opened the door of Clarke’s studio, arms carefully juggling the containers of food. Walking into the large building she took a brief look around before searching for Clarke. The walls were made of a deep brown brick, the high ceilings gave way to exposed beams, the floor a simple smooth concrete. The wall to her left housed three large portraits - a family of three laughing happily against a grey backdrop, a mesmerizing scene of a rainy Seattle street, and…

_What?_

Lexa walked closer to the last picture and squinted her eyes as if trying to make sure she was really seeing what was handing right in front of her. A picture of Lexa herself. She was sure of it. A deep grey backdrop rested behind her. Her body turned to the side, the only source of light in the picture behind her, highlighting the outline of her body. Even with the bare minimum light in the picture Lexa could still see the swirling lines of her tattoo on her upper bicep, the sharp curve of her jaw, the slender curve of her neck, the baby curls that were exposed due to the high messy bun she wore. And what caught her eye the most were the little speckles that surrounded her frame. You had to be close enough to see them but Lexa was sure she would spot them from miles away. To her they shone like stars…the same stars that had donned the picture at Clarke’s gallery. And Lexa wondered just how many pictures Clarke had laying around that included the special little details that meant so much to them.

The portrait was so dull…yet so alive at the same time. From her posture, the lighting, and the barely there stars…everything called to Lexa. She could practically feel the emotions coming from the picture itself. The emotions that Clarke felt for her. This portrait hung in the most public place of her studio…it was so intimate yet…she knew only she could feel it. Only she could feel the intimate feeling of love that poured from the very image.

A giggle brought her out of the little trance that she had quickly found herself in. Turing around Lexa spotted an open archway on the far right wall, a few flashes could be seen bouncing off the walls. As she made her way towards the archway she could hear the happy voice of Clarke and she wondered how she could have missed it when she walked in.

After passing through the arch, Lexa caught sight of Clarke standing in front of a large back drop. A few lights surrounded the back drop, giving the perfect lighting for the photographer as she repeatedly pressed the shutter. Lexa smiled as she realized the source of the giggle came from a little boy giggling happily as he stood in front of Clarke, chest devoid of a shirt, only a pair of dark wash jeans on his little legs.

“Over here Matthew! That’s it! Nice big smile!” Clarke laughed as she took a few pictures.

The little boy quickly became distracted by Lexa’s sudden appearance, his curious face trying to peak over Clarke’s shoulder. Lexa’s eyes darted over to a man sitting in a chair against the wall to her left and gave him a kind, apologetic smile, realizing that it was the boy’s father.

“What’s suddenly got all your attention buddy?” She could hear Clarke say.

The man stood up as he gave her a returning smile,“I think you have a visitor, Clarke.”

Lexa suddenly bristled at the way the man so casually used her wife’s name. She never thought just someone she didn’t know saying Clarke’s name could cause a spark of jealousy to rise in her chest. And it didn’t help that she knew that Clarke was basically alone with said person for a unknown amount of time. Emerald eyes hardened before they turned to look back at Clarke. The blonde quickly picked up the little boy before turning around and meeting Lexa’s gaze with a bright smile.

“Hey, Lex! I didn’t expect you for at least another ten minutes. Guess you were in a hurry, huh?”

She could hear the slight teasing in Clarke’s voice but that still didn't quell her emotions. She didn’t know why she was suddenly feeling so jealous, and maybe a little angry, about the man simply calling Clarke by her first name. She couldn’t begin to explain where it was all coming from. Lexa knew that it was stupid of her to think that there may be something between Clarke and the man…but there was something in the back of her mind that she couldn’t control. That little green blob called jealousy.

Lexa quickly snapped out her thoughts as Clarke began walking towards the man,“Uh, yeah. Traffic wasn’t that bad and our food was ready before I even got there.”

“Awesome. Well, just let me finish up with Caleb and Matthew here and I’ll be ready to close up for lunch.”

Lexa nodded dumbly as she watched Clarke hand Matthew back to the man - _Caleb_ \- and motion for them to follow her. She blushed a bit when Clarke gave her a quick wink before disappearing past her…only to steel herself when _Caleb_ gave her another small smile. Not wanting to come off as rude she responded with her own tight lipped smile before turning to watch them disappear through the archway she had entered through moments ago.

Deciding she would rather wait in one of the many chairs in the main part of the building Lexa made her way out of the studio room. After taking a seat on one of the chairs she noticed an open door that she hadn’t spotted when she first walked in. Leaning forward a little she could just barely see a long desk, Clarke sitting right behind it and _Caleb_ and Matthew looking over her shoulder as she pointed to something on the computer that sat on her desk.

She could feel her skin simmering as _Caleb_ happily placed a hand to Clarke’s shoulder, a overly large grin spreading across his face at whatever he was looking at. This was not the same kind of anger or possessiveness that Lexa had felt when Abby showed up at their door. No, this was the anger that she felt when someone was encroaching on what was _her’s_. Yes, Lexa got a bit possessive of Clarke with Abby, but she didn’t have to worry about the older woman stealing Clarke’s _love_. She didn’t have to worry about her stealing her affections and using them as their own.

But she sat silently, eyes still trained on the two adults and toddler huddled at Clarke’s desk, and patiently waited until they were done. About fifteen minutes had passed before Clarke was finally leading her two clients out of her office and towards the front door. Before they walked out Clarke gave _Caleb_ a quick hug and tickled Matthews now clothed belly, spurring a laugh from the little boy. She waved them goodbye as they disappeared out the door and down the busy Seattle sidewalk. Lexa stood from her seat as Clarke locked the door to her studio and flipped over the sign to now say ‘Closed’.

“I’m sorry. That took a little longer than I thought. Matthew just takes the cutest little photos and Caleb can never decide which ones he likes best,” Clarke explained as she made her way over to Lexa.

The brunette stayed silent as Clarke greeted her with a quick kiss to the cheek and grabbing one of the food containers from her hands. She followed closely behind as the blonde walked back into her office, oblivious to the silence that lingered with Lexa. Before taking at her desk, Clarke quickly pulled a chair from the corner of the decent sized room and placed it next to hers. She patted the empty surface, silently offering for Lexa to sit down next to her. Having nowhere else to sit the brunette silently made her way over the the chair and took a seat.

Clarke couldn’t have been lying when she said she was starving. She nearly inhaled the food when she finally got the container open, only stopping to let out a few choice moans at the flavor. Lexa, on the other hand, sat back in her chair and moved her food around on her plate, barley taking three bites. And, once she was done eating, Clarke immediately noticed.

“Lexa, what’s wrong? You’ve barely said anything since you got here and you haven’t touched your food,” Clarke said worriedly.

Lexa huffed, her anger rising as she remembered the way Caleb’s hand so familiarly sat against Clarke’s shoulder,“Nothing. Just not hungry, I guess.”

Not taking that as an answer, Clarke quickly removed the fork from Lexa’s hand and pushed her food away before moving to sit on her lap. Lexa’s hands instantly found purchase on the blonde’s hips, scared that one day she would tumble off, and held her tightly against her. Warm fingers tangled in her hair and rubbed gently against her scalp causing a slight moan to involuntarily rising from her throat. She could feel Clarke's nose move against her temple, brushing against the almost dry sweat that still lingered there.

“I know something’s wrong. It wasn’t that text was it? Did it make you uncomfortable?” Clarke whispered.

Lexa shook her head, hands tightening their grip a bit,“No. No, it’s not that. It’s just..”

“Just what, Lex?” Clarke asked as she sat back to get a better look at Lexa’s face,“What else could it be? Everything seemed okay over the phone before you got here.”

The brunette sighed deeply knowing there was no way for her to get around this conversation.

“Who was that guy?” Lexa asked hotly, her anger spiking once more.

“Who? Caleb? He’s a regular client. He comes in a quiet a bit over the year,” Clarke explained.

Lexa scoffed,“Of course he does.”

“Lexa…,” Clarke started as she raised a single eyebrow,“Are you jealous of Caleb?”

The brunette grumbled a bit before glancing up at the blonde through dark lashes,“He used your first name like he’s known you for years. He touched your shoulder. That’s like the one place that everyone touches when they’re trying to come on to you! It starts out with a simple shoulder touch and then…BAM they’re hands are suddenly everywhere they _shouldn’t_ be. And his son was _right there_! In his arms! While he so casually touched you!”

Once her little rant was over Lexa fully lifted her head so she could accurately gauge Clarke’s reaction. What she didn’t expect was to see her wife smiling in amusement, teeth biting down onto her bottom lip to keep a laugh from slipping out.

“You think it’s funny?”

“Yes, and I’m sure Caleb’s _husband_ is going to find it even funnier,” Clarke said before finally letting her laughs escape her.

Lexa stuttered, the retort that she was ready to fire back dying on her lips. Clarke’s laughter only grew when she caught the fish out of water look that consumed her wife’s features. The brunette could feel the blush rising to her cheeks as she realized that she had misjudged the situation before even letting Clarke explain it.

“God, you should see your face! It’s priceless!” Clarke giggled, her eyes watering from the intensity.

Her blush was quickly replaced with a glare as she watched Clarke continue to laugh,“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. Not like I knew he was married to a _guy_.”

“Not my fault you didn’t see the wedding ring on his finger,” The blonde was able to say as her laughs began to subside.

Lexa snorted,“Like marriage stops some men from making a move on beautiful woman.”

“You think I’m beautiful?” Clarke whispered with a small smile.

“Of course. The most beautiful woman in the world,” Lexa said as she nuzzled her nose into Clarke’s neck.

“Flattery isn’t going to make me forget this one, Lex,” Clarke commented as she pushed her away,“Now, tell me what was running through that pretty little mind of your’s while you waited.”

Lexa sighed before beginning to explain the overwhelming emotions that had churned through her body while watching her wife interact with Caleb. The blonde listened intently, her fingers absentmindedly playing with a few strands of Lexa’s hair as she talked.

“I just…I know _I_ shouldn’t be the one getting jealous of you getting attention from other suitors. I mean after what I did with Costia I think I deserve to feel a litt—,” Clarke quickly covered Lexa’s mouth with her hand, successfully cutting her off.

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. It is completely normal for you to get jealous if you don’t like how close someone gets to me. This has _nothing_ do to with what happened between you and Costia. That’s a completely other story,” Clarke said before lowering her hand away from Lexa’s mouth,“Lexa, I don’t want you to feel guilty for having completely normal emotions that every married person would feel. What I want is for you to know that you can always talk to me about anything that makes you uncomfortable or unsettles you. That’s what were trying to work towards, remember? Better communication. If you didn’t like the way Caleb touched me then tell me and I’ll be sure to make it very clear to him that he should refrain from doing so. Okay?”

Lexa nodded slowly, her brain processing everything her wife had just said,“You’re right. I should have just talked to you about it first before going on like that. I judged before I knew the full story and I know I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s okay, Lex. You’re not the only one who’s done that,” Clarke whispered, silently recalling that day in her office,“It’s something _both_ of us need to work on, and we can do that together, okay?”

The brunette nodded and once again pulled Clarke closer to her so she could bury her nose into the crook of her neck. She took in a deep breath, the sweet sent of Clarke filling her nose and calming her racing emotions. They stayed like that for a few moments before she felt Clarke’s hands pushing against her shoulders. As she leaned back a pair of soft lips caught her’s for the briefest of moments before pulling away.

“As much as I would love to just sit here with you all day, I have two more clients coming in before I officially close today. And we still need to talk about one more thing before you leave,” Clarke said as she stood from her desk and walked towards a filing cabinet on the far left wall.

Lexa leaned against Clarke’s desk, her hand picking up the blonde’s camera and turning it on before playing with it a bit,“Oh? And what is it we need to talk about?”

Her wife rummaged around in the cabinet for a moment before producing a bulging folder and placing it on to of the cabinet. Lexa lifted the camera and angled it towards Clarke as she raised a hand to rub her growing belly, completely oblivious to the camera pointed in her direction. Lexa pressed the near silent shutter, capturing the perfect picture before Clarke turned back towards her. Clarke raised an eyebrow at her wife before moving back over to her and stealing the camera from her hand.

“Who’s supposed to be the photographer here?” Clarke said as she placed the camera back onto her desk and giving Lexa a small smirk.

The brunette only rolled her eyes as she pulled Clarke against her,“I think I’d make a pretty good part-time photographer. What do you say? Hire me?”

Clarke playfully smacked at her chest causing Lexa to chuckle deeply.

“I guess I’ll stick with running my own company then. Now, you said we needed to talk about something before I leave.”

All playfulness left Clarke’s features as she slumped against Lexa,“I know I probably shouldn’t but…I want to try and work things out with my mom. For the sake of the baby at least. I don’t want to keep Little Bean away from his only grandparent, even if she hasn’t been the best person in our lives.”

“I understand, Clarke. I…want to try to. I want to work things out between Abby and I. I don’t want there to be a rift between both of you anymore. I want you to have a relationship like every mother and daughter should have. And despite the things she may have said about me back then, and I know none of it was ever true, I do want her to be apart of Little Bean’s life, too,” Lexa said as she brushed back a few locks of golden hair.

Clarke smiled softly, her ocean blue orbs searching Lexa’s face with wonder,“How lucky was I to find someone like you? Most people would probably just scoff at the idea and walk away. But not you. You don’t care what she thinks of you and even if she treats you like shit you still want her to be apart of our child’s life because you know that’s what’s _best_ for him. God…where did you come from Lexa Woods?”

Overwhelmed by the few simple words her wife had spoken, Lexa chose not to respond. Instead, she just pulled Clarke closer to her, a hand rising to rub across her growing tummy, and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. They still had a while to go with some things but it seemed like every obstacle that the came across, they were able to get through it. And Lexa knew that as long as she had Clarke by her side she would be able to get past any obstacle that life threw in their way.

Even if that obstacle was in the form of one, Abby Griffin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another chapter down! Thank you to all my amazing readers! You guys are awesome! So, next chapter we'll be seeing Lexa and Clarke finally sit down with Abby and try to work things out! Let's hope all goes well. ;)
> 
> A big thanks to everyone who has commented/ left kudos! You guys are truly amazing! :)
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> xoxo


	22. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa, Clarke, and Abby finally talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, guys...I AM SO SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING! Things have been crazy around here! Work hours picked up and bit and on my free time I was running errands for everyone and somehow ended up taking an unexpected, but nice, trip to Texas! And while things have been crazy I've also had a bit of writer's block for this chapter. So literally, I'm so so sorry if this chapter sucks ass. This is literally the best my muddled brain could think of and finally finish before another week passed. Abby's explanation in this chapter is totally petty, but *shrugs shoulders* what can I say? After all this Abby drama is a little more settled I think I'll be able to get passed my writer's block for this story and do some good work with it. I already have a few more future chapters planned (one that involves a bit of angst so be prepare *insert devil emoji here*)! 
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you all like this because I think it's by far the worst chapter I've written...but it's okay. I'll make up for it in future chapters!

Clarke fidgeted with with her shirt nervously, her blue eyes scanning the crowded restaurant. After another day of putting it off Clarke had finally upped her nerves enough to call her mother and tell her they were ready to talk. Lexa had clung to her hand the entire phone call knowing that the blonde was still slightly angry…but she knew deep down that she was nervous as well. The thought of actually trying to work things out with Abby had sent her more than once to lose the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

If she was being honest, Clarke wasn’t sure why she was nervous. Why her nerves outweighed the anger. Maybe it was because, deep inside, she was afraid of once again losing her mother if things went downhill again. She wasn’t sure if she could take that again. Or maybe it was the thought of putting Lexa through that again…she didn’t want her wife to have to experience any of what had occurred with Abby ever, let alone twice.

Clarke’s stomach flipped when she spotted a light haired brunette strutting towards their table, only for it to flop back into place when she realized it wasn’t Abby. A deep sigh billowed from her lips as she tried to calm the swirling nerves in her belly…but to no avail. Just when she thought she would need to bolt to the restroom a warm hand was placed over her belly while another loosened the grip that was attached to her pants. Blue eyes darted up to meet soothing green, Lexa’s face etched with slight worry.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Clarke,” Lexa said lowly,“But if you’re still not ready we can leave. We can call Abby and tell her we need more time.”

She wondered if Lexa used ‘we’ instead of ‘you’ for Clarke’s benefit or her own. But she was glad for it. It meant they were doing this together.

Clarke shook her head, determined,“No, I’m fine. Just a little queasy. Nothing to it. I - _we_ \- need to do this. The sooner the better.”

The brunette’s eyes scanned over Clarke as she pursed her lips,“Are you sure? You don’t have to push yourself to do this if you aren’t ready, and I don’t want you adding any unnecessary stress to you or the baby.”

“I’m okay, Lexa. I just need to take some deep breathes and clear my head. My nerves will only grow the more we put this off. No matter what idiotic things my mother has said or done I want to put it behind us and start fresh…even if it’ll take a bit to push the anger away,” Clarke’s hand tightened around Lexa’s,“Are _you_ ready for this?”

“I’m ready if you are,” Lexa said seriously with a curt nod,“Just as you said, it’s going to take some time to look past the things she’s said and done but it’ll do nobody any good if our family is divided.”

Clarke nodded, silently agreeing with her wife’s words. Her gaze fell down to stare at Lexa’s hand that still rested on her belly, her thoughts drifting back to the night that she had all but lost her mother, a soft anger bubbling in her chest along with a hint of sadness. Warm fingers cupped her chin and slowly lifted it to meet a vast green forrest.

“Whatever happens here today…it doesn’t mean that we have to suddenly be all cheery and close with Abby. This is just us telling her we’re willing to try and work things out, for the baby. It’s going to be a little hard, there’s no telling if you or I can work past what happened, but the least we can do is try,” Lexa breathed out as she searched nervous blue eyes.

The younger woman could only muster a simple nod at her wife’s words. Clarke didn’t expect for her overwhelming anger that she had felt for her mother for so many years to be replaced by so many other emotions.

Nervousness.

Anxiousness.

Fear.

_…So many emotions._

And those emotions came to a screeching halt as a flicker of light brown caught in her peripheral. Blue orbs, now devoid of any emotion, broke away from Lexa to take in the form that was Abby Griffin. Her mother was striking in a simple outfit of fitted pants and a light sweater, jacket draped over her arm likely for the chilly November air that blew through the city. She was the picture of sophistication…yet Clarke could see right through her mother.

The way her shoulders were set back with tension, her fingers tightly clenched into fists, her eyes ghosting across their features before drifting down to the ground below her feet as she walked. All in all, Clarke knew her mother was nervous. Maybe even a little scared. And that had Clarke’s chest easing up, but only a bit…at least until her mother finally reached their table.

Lexa stood up, almost too formally, and shook hands with Abby,“It’s nice to see you again, Abby.”

“Likewise, Lexa,” Abby said thickly before letting her eyes move over to Clarke who was still seated in her chair,“Clarke…how are you?”

“I’m doing fine,” Clarke said curtly.

She could feel Lexa’s eyes on her as the words flowed from her mouth. Clarke knew that she said she wanted to put everything behind her but she couldn’t stop the rush of hostile emotions that flared up when her mother spoke. Just because she was ready to work things out didn’t mean she wasn’t still a tad bit upset.

While her gaze was still fixated on Abby, Clarke watched as her mother locked eyes with her wife before giving her a short nod and taking her seat. She felt Lexa’s hand brush against her back in a soothing gesture as she settled back into her own seat. Not once, in the short awkward silence that settled around the table, did Clarke’s eyes leave her mother. She couldn’t lie and say that she didn’t think that Abby would return to her old arguments the minute they started their discussion and, even though she didn’t let it show, it left a small chip of pain in her heart.

The cluster of emotions that had been invading her since she woke up came back with a vengeance. First nervousness, then sadness, a little panic, and last but not least, anger. Somewhere in the back of her mind she tried to chalk it up to her pregnancy just messing with her hormones but she knew that wasn’t the entire reason she was feeling this way. But all the emotions just elevated one in particular.

Fear.

Everything came back to fear.

Fear of possibly losing her mother once more if things went bad.

Fear of making Lexa experience her mother’s pathetic excuses again while in such a vulnerable state.

_Everything was fear._

Clarke hadn’t even noticed that their waiter had appeared to take their orders and had to be nudged softly by Lexa when the young man asked what she would like. Once the waiter left with the choice of food their table was one more left in a state of awkwardness. Beside her Lexa sipped on a glass of wine, Clarke agreeing with her that the brunette might need at least one glass to get her through the lunch, while Abby sat back in her chair simply studying the two women before her.

“So…,” Lexa drawled out awkwardly,“Um, how’s your day been so far, Abby?”

And Clarke couldn’t repress the chuckle that passed through her lips at her wife’s horrible way of trying to start their conversation…and what surprised her was the almost twin sound that came from Abby. The blonde’s giggle cut short as she met her mother’s slight smile, a bit taken back that she had even reacted to Lexa’s question.

“So far my day’s been pretty…uneventful, but I’m sure that’s going to change here soon,” Abby’s eyes darted between the couple.

From the corner of her eye, Clarke could see Lexa’s head turn slightly to stare at her and the blonde knew that her wife had no clue how to respond. And neither did Clarke. Was she just supposed to bring everything to the forefront. Completely skip over any type of discussion and just to demand to know why Abby really didn’t want Clarke to marry Lexa? Because in Clarke’s mind that was the only way to do it. She just wanted to know _why_. Why her mother didn’t want her and Lexa together. Why she didn’t want her daughter to be with the person that made her happy.

_So she asked._

“What was the real reason that you didn’t want me marrying Lexa?”

A small intake of breath came from Lexa and Abby’s eyes widened at the unexpected question. The noises of the restaurant suddenly died out around them. They were thrown into their own little mix of swirling emotions and awkward stares. No one said anything for the next few minutes, simply letting the tension rise between them in an uncomfortable manner. Clarke could see Lexa pick up her glass and take a helping sip, and she silently wished that she too could have a drink but figured her wife would make up for both of them by time their lunch was over.

“Well?” Clarke said as she leaned forward in her chair, hand reaching for her glass of water,“We came here to talk things over. So why not get straight to the point?”

She could feel Lexa’s eyes boring into the side of her head as she took a sip from her water, her own eyes gazing over the sparkling glass to stare at her mother. Abby’s head dropped down a bit as she fumbled with her hands that rested in her lap. Clarke could tell that her words had stirred something up in her mother. Abby wasn’t one to fidget, always looking poised and regal, but now she squirmed in her seat under Clarke’s gaze.

“I…It’s complicated,” Abby whispered.

“Then explain. We’ve got until three o’clock and then we have to leave. That gives you a good three hours to make things less complicated.”

Lexa’s hand found rested on her thigh under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Clarke darted her eyes over to her wife, giving her a swift nod before turning back to her mother. Abby was now watching the silent exchange between the two, her lips in a grim line. Clarke wasn’t sure what had come over her. Going from one emotion to another was starting to make her head swim but one thing was very clear in her mind. She wasn’t leaving this table until she got a straight answer from Abby, even if she had to force it out of her.

“Explain to us why you didn’t want me marrying Lexa, and don’t give me the ‘you’ll be pulled into her debt’ bull. I want the _real_ reason. Once you’ve explained everything then we’ll start talking about you being in our baby’s life,” Clarke said as her hand found Lexa’s and gripped it tightly for security.

Abby looked around the restaurant a bit before settling back onto Clarke, eyes shimmering,“After your father passed away…you were all I had left, Clarke. For all the years after his death you were always next to me. You were growing up to be such a beautiful woman. Then you met Lexa.”

Clarke looked over to said brunette when she felt her hand stiffen in her’s.

“Even though I didn’t see you as much as I used to after you left for college, I saw you even less when you began hanging out with her. Your weekends that you would spend at home soon became weekends spent with Lexa. Even a few holidays you spent with her. I…I felt like I was losing you, Clarke. Like you were slipping through my fingers just like your father did,” Abby said quietly as she stared down at her hands.

The blonde pushed back her tears,“What about Wells? Why did you want me to marry him so bad?”

Abby huffed sadly,“That was a last resort. I thought since if you married Wells then I would see more of you. You know he lives around the block from me and works at the towns best law firm. I just…I thought that if you married him I would see you more. Before your graduation you were talking about moving to Seattle with Lexa and that’s when I really started to realize that I was really losing you.”

Clarke watched her mother closely. Abby’s reasonings for her not wanting her daughter to marry Lexa were indeed petty…but they were the truth. She could see it in her body language. The way her shoulders were hunched. How her eyes were slightly dull. Her hands wringing together in her lap. Abby was scared to lose her and did everything she could to keep her close, but only lost her in the end anyway.

“Mom…you could have talked to me about this,” Clarke stressed,“It wasn’t like I was just going to abandon you and never talk to you again after I married Lexa. I know that I wasn’t speaking to you as much as I used to when I first started college but that was because Lexa and I were developing our bond. After things settled I’m more than positive that I would have talked and visited you more. And I’m sure if you would have at least asked, Lexa wouldn’t have had a problem with just you and I just having a few weekends to ourselves.”

Abby met Lexa’s gaze across the table before darting back to Clarke’s.

“You shouldn’t have just assumed that after I married Lexa that I wouldn’t have ever talked to you again. You’re my mother. I would have understood how you felt if you just would have told me instead of making up pathetic excuses like that. Your using Lexa’s debt as a reason was beyond low and something I never expected of you,” Clarke stated, barely holding back tears,“And it hurt me when you said you wouldn’t give her your blessing to marry me just for that pathetic reason.”

“I realized my mistakes the day I showed up at your front door,” Abby muttered as she wiped away a stray tear from her cheek,“I saw the way Lexa stood up for you, protected you from me even though I wouldn’t hurt you…how she caressed your belly like your father used to do to me before you were born. I was too blind by my selfishness to realize just how _good_ Lexa was for you. She’s makes you smile brighter, almost brighter than before your father’s death. Your eyes dance when she’s talking to you. She’s gentle with you like she’s afraid to break you. All those things I was able to notice in the ten minutes I was at your front door and I was too blind to see them all those years ago. The way you both are around each other…it’s how Jake and I were together.”

And Clarke’s tears began to fall. She had to quickly shoo them away when the waiter arrived with their food. Silence passed between them as the young man place their respected dishes in front of them before making a hasty retreat as if sensing the tension around them. None of them moved to touch their food, much to enwrapped in their conversation to be hungry at the moment.

“I’ve been sitting in my hotel room beating myself up because I finally realized that I was trying to keep you away from the best thing that’s ever happened to you. All because I was too stupid and thought that I would lose you for good if you married Lexa. It was a ridiculous reason and I don’t even know why I used that as my excuse…I guess it just seemed like the best one at the time,” Abby said, her gaze shifting between Lexa and Clarke,“I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but I just want you both to know that I’m sorry. That I was stupid and selfish and was only thinking of myself. I don’t really know what was running through my mind then.”

Clarke was ready to respond…but Lexa beat her to it. She watched as her wife’s hand reached across the table to settle on Abby’s hand that now sat on top the table. Shocked eyes jumped up to clash with shimmering green.

“It’s okay, Abby. You were scared of losing Clarke. Even though I would never intentionally keep you from seeing her I can understand that your mind was just running on instinct. A mother’s first instinct is to keep her child close and not let anyone else near, and that can heighten when they lose someone very close to them,” Lexa said calmly,“And while it wasn’t the best decision to make I know that you only did it because you thought you were losing Clarke just like you lost Jake. From the very beginning I was able to tell how strong of a bond you and Clarke shared. I know that Clarke and I talking about moving to Seattle only made you even more scared…but you could have talked to us. You could have expressed how you felt without having to go to the unnecessary lengths and lies. Did you honestly believe that I would take you from her completely?”

Clarke watched her mother process Lexa’s words. Her heart stuttered in her chest when Abby slowly shook her head.

“No, I didn’t. In the back of my mind I knew that I wan’t going to lose Clarke completely to you but the selfish part of my brain outweighed the sensible part of it. Honestly, I think I was just taking it out on you because you were just… _there_. You were the one that was always there when those selfish feelings rose to the surface and they just turned their attention on you,” Abby said before locking eyes with Lexa,“I can’t say how sorry I am. I know I made you feel like you were the reason that Clarke and I went our separate ways and I’m sick with myself for doing that. I just hope somewhere down the road that you can forgive me for it all even though I probably don’t deserve it.”

Lexa turned to Clarke and gave her a hopeful look. The brunette had basically taken the words straight from Clarke’s mouth. There were still some things that needed to be worked through a bit but for now…for now they were going to be okay. It would take some time for things to be normal but they could finally start working towards mending their relationships. And Clarke was finally feeling all the emotions rushing out her body, replaced with content and happiness. Her anger still simmered a bit in the back of her brain but she pushed that aside for right now. She knew that wouldn’t go away for a bit and decided right now wasn’t the time to deal with it.

Right now she just wanted a decent lunch with her wife and mother.

One that was spent talking, laughing, and her mother’s infamous horrible jokes.

For the next hour and half, they slowly made their way through their lunch. It was a bit awkward at first, trying to find a simple topic for them to discuss, but they finally settled on talking about the baby. Abby was enthused to listen about the baby growing in her daughter’s belly and Lexa was more than happy to tell her _everything_. And Clarke was simply happy to sit back and watch.

It was strange to see her mother and her wife talking so…easily with each other. Before their conversations would be nothing but curt answers and stiff eyes, but now they both smiled brightly, eyes dancing merrily as they talked about the baby. Clarke realized just how much she missed her mother. Her anger through the years had kept her from truly realizing just how much she missed Abby being a constant in her life. She was practically the only family that she had left, besides Lexa of course, and, as her anger slowly dimmed, she felt how much she missed her.

And now, watching the two most important people in her life finally laugh together, Clarke knew just what lengths she would go to to make sure this stayed a reality forever. This was how she saw everything in the split moment that Lexa asked her to marry her. She pictured her mother pulling Lexa happily into a hug, welcoming her into the family, tears sliding down her cheeks as she lead Clarke down the aisle in place of her father. And though none of that happened, she was at least happy that at some point in her life she was able to see them finally share a bonding moment. One that wasn’t obscured by false judgments and lies.

_One that was real._

And Clarke felt the need to ask her mother one question. A question that she didn’t think she would be asking her mother until they talked a bit more…but she couldn’t help herself.

“Mom? How would you like to see your grandchild?”

Abby’s eyes tore away from Lexa and settled on her daughter, slightly shocked,“What do you mean?”

Before Clarke could respond Lexa’s caught her attention,“Clarke, you’re sure?”

“Yeah, I want her there,” Clarke responded before turning back to her mother,“I have a doctor’s appointment today. They’re going to be doing an ultrasound. I’d like it if you came with us. If you want to.”

A large smile cross over Abby’s features, her eyes welling with unshed tears,“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Both women were up and out of their seats before another word could be said. Clarke sighed in relief as her mother’s arms wrapped carefully around her, being mindful of tightly she squeezed her. She didn’t care how they looked to the people around them, faces covered in tears and noses sniffling lightly. In that moment she only cared about how it felt to be back in her mother’s arms…and it felt as if she never left. Her arms still felt like the one’s that would wrap around her when she was a little girl, fighting off the nightmares that plagued her five-year-old mind.

It felt like _home_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, that was horrible right? Rushed and totally weak...at least to me. But I at least hope you all enjoyed it a bit. I'm going to take my sleep deprived brain and hop into my bed and wait for all your amazing comments like I know you all like to leave. I cherish each one and they give me a reason to write! 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> xoxo
> 
> P.S. I don't know how many of you on here read Shattered Memories, but just today I sent in my submission for the Bella Book Deal that's been going around on twitter. I entered chapter 7, the one that everyone seemed to like the most, and completely freaked out when I hit the send button. My heart was literally, and still is, pounding thinking that someone who can give someone a book deal is reading part of my story. Total freak out moment. Completely. Lol. But, fingers crossed that things go well, even though I'm sure I'm up against some of the best writers out there! Good luck to anyone that's reading this that has entered! 
> 
> xoxo


	23. Unexpected Findings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby tags along with Clarke and Lexa to Clarke's doctor's appointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter here guys! While writing this chapter I've decided that, while I'm still going to give Lexa plenty of her own flashbacks, I'm going to give Clarke a few of her own. One will definitely revolve around her father and all that happened with him since we've talked about him a bit in this story. So there's going to be background on that. Maybe next chapter...? Still debating! :)
> 
> And thank you all for being so patient with me! Work has been crazy since stepping up in my position. (I don't even have a day until NEXT Thursday...yeah.) So I'm trying my best to juggle work, life, and writing because I WILL NOT stop writing until these are finished!!! It just may take a little bit more time to update, but I'm working as often as I'm able. 
> 
> It doesn't help that I've started new story...(Which is due for an update) *sheepishly rubs back of neck* Anyway, check that out if you'd like! It's a bodyguard AU, From The Very Beginning. It's got quite a plot to it that I think a lot of you are going to like. It's not going to really be revealed until little later in the story. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm going let you all read as I know you've been waiting! Enjoy, and remember kudos and comments are always appreciated! I love hearing from you all!
> 
> xoxo

Abby, on the inside, was the perfect picture of excited. Her mind screaming and clapping happily as she waited to see her first grandchild via ultrasound. She had been more than shocked when Clarke asked her if she wanted to join them. Yet her mind debated. Was it right for her to intrude on such a moment after the way that she had treated both Clarke and Lexa? After she just walked out of their lives for what she realized was such a petty reason?

But her mind had pushed the thoughts away instantly, not wanting to miss the opportunity at hand. Abby had been itching to see her daughter, in person, as soon as she saw the newspaper. When she saw the small swell of Clarke’s belly and the word ‘pregnant’ plastered along in the headline she knew that nothing was going to stop her from seeing her daughter. Abby knew there was a great chance that Clarke wanted nothing to do with her at all…but it seemed her petty mind thought that Lexa’s betrayal would have the blonde running back into her arms. Telling her how she should have listened to her in the first place.

But how wrong she was.

Clarke absolutely clung to her wife. Nuzzled up to her side, fingers interlaced, whispering quietly to one another as they made their way into the doctor’s office. Abby thought that maybe her daughter would at least talk to her a bit more since inviting her to the appointment but the rest of their meal and the car ride here had been a lot more quiet than she anticipated. Surprisingly Lexa was the one that spurred most of the conversation. More than likely noting the tension that still lingered in the air between the mother and daughter. But she didn’t mind too much, not as long as she was at least in Clarke’s presence, and now accompanying her to an ultrasound to see her grandchild.

Silence, a little more comfortable this time, still flowed between them as they secured a few seats in the waiting room. Abby watched as Lexa walked up to the desk and ran through the check-in process for her daughter. She watched the way the brunette quickly filled out any necessary information on the form before thanking the receptionist and walking back towards them. Abby couldn’t say she wasn’t shocked that Lexa filled the information out so quickly and easily, not even hesitating on any line…especially with her memory loss. Obviously she’s come to almost every one of Clarke’s appointments…enough of them that she remembered every little bit of information that needed to be filled out.

Abby’s mind wondered in the silence. Her mind running through every thought in a matter of seconds. She had been wrong about Lexa. About everything. Trying to keep Clarke away from her had to have been the stupidest thing she’d ever done. Just from the little time they’ve been together, she could tell that even with memory loss, Lexa would always care and love Clarke. There was no doubt in that…and now she could finally see it. Realized it in the somewhat fifteen minute drive to the doctor’s office.

It was the little things. Lexa helping Clarke from her seat as they stood to leave. Holding the door open, not just for Clarke, but both of them. Helping her daughter into the car even though she insisted she didn’t need any but only ending up lightly giggling as the brunette closed her door. Lexa reaching across the center console, grabbing Clarke’s hand, and pulling it up to kiss the soft skin of her knuckles. The light laughs they shared as they talked about anything and everything. And one thing that stood out to Abby the most…the way Lexa’s hand drifted over to graze the side of Clarke’s growing belly, the blonde’s own hand following close behind as her wife began tracing random patterns along it.

Abby remembered being the same way with Jake. Feeling helplessly in love and praying that no one ever took it away from her. She saw the love that she felt for her husband reflected in her own daughter’s eyes. And it almost made her physically sick to think that she was selfish enough to try to take that away from her. Felt horrible for not being able to see just how much the woman sitting next to her made her daughter feel. She realized then and there just how much she had to make up to Clarke. Weeks, months…realizing just how strong Clarke felt for Lexa, maybe even years.

But it wasn’t just Clarke who she had to make it up to. It was also Lexa. She judged the woman much too early. Gave an opinion on her that had been completely wrong from the start. Doubted that she could take care of her daughter when she obviously could. Part of her petty mind wanted to say that Lexa only worked as hard as she did just so she would be able to shove it in Abby’s face in a few years time but she knew that wasn’t true. Abby knew that everything that Lexa did was for her family. Was for Clarke and their unborn child. Lexa wasn’t a petty person…not like Abby had been.

“Mrs. Woods?”

The sound of the nurse and Lexa standing to help Clarke from her seat had Abby shaking her head to clear it of the little world that she had become lost in. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed but by judging how empty the waiting room was now it had to have been a good fifteen minutes. She follows behind the couple silently, waited off to the side as Lexa helped Clarke remove her shoes so the nurse could record her weight, and continued to follow silently as the nurse lead them to a room. Her eyes trailed over Clarke’s back, arms wrapped around Lexa’s arm as she leaned her head against her shoulder, more than likely tired.

She was a bit startled when her eyes moved a little higher and were caught by an all too familiar blue. Ones that were twins to her late husbands. Clarke gazed at her for a second before giving her the tiniest of smiles and turning her head back to it’s previous position on Lexa’s shoulder. Abby’s heart warmed a bit as Lexa placed a kiss to the top of her daughter’s head, whispering something in her ear that caused Clarke to nod her head.

“This your exam room,” the nurse said as she pushed open the door and allowed the three to walk in,“Mrs. Woods, if you’ll just remove your clothes and put on this gown, the doctor will be in shortly after.”

The woman handed a paper gown over to the blonde before quietly taking her leave. Abby stood awkwardly in the corner of the room as Clarke threw a look in her direction. She watched, surprised, as Lexa began helping Clarke from her clothes and into the gown. Abby knew her daughter wasn’t normally one to be shy about her body. She proved that the moment she started running around their backyard naked when she was five. In front of a group of her mother’s female co-workers at brunch. But she couldn’t see how Clarke was still comfortable with Lexa seeing her, let alone touch her, after everything that had happened between them.

Granted, she didn’t know the full story, Abby knew that something big had happened between them. Judging by the headline in the newspaper and her own reaction, she knew that her daughter’s own reaction couldn’t have been too far off from her own. Mother like daughter, of course. That was one thing that Abby knew Clarke inherited from her. Her anger and ability to hold a grudge.

But this…this was different. She expected Clarke to want Lexa no where near her body as she changed. She remembered one of Clarke’s old flings back in her high school years that had cheated on her. Her daughter wanted no part of him, didn’t even want to be in the same school as him. So, she imagined that either Lexa was some sort of miracle worker or there was more to the story than the newspaper let on. Of course, she held a lack of belief in miracles so she went with option number two. Newspapers weren’t always the best source of information. Abby wished she could have gotten that threw her head before storming into her daughter’s home like she did earlier that week.

“How are you both so at ease with each other?”

The words blurted from her mouth before Abby had any chance to stop them. Lexa had just helped Clarke up onto the table, their hands holding onto each other, and both turned to look at her. Clarke eyed her for a moment before looking down at their hands. She brushed her thumbs over Lexa’s knuckles for a moment before looking back at her mother.

“Lexa and I still have a lot to work on, things we still need to talk about, but we both agreed that we would try to keep things light and happy at least until the baby is born.”

“Even though I’ve been the cause of some of it I don’t want Clarke under anymore stress than she’s been. Especially after the appendix incident,” Lexa said seriously.

“Appendix incident?”

Abby watched as Clarke looked up at a sheepish Lexa before turning back to her,“The day I found out about the, uh, newspaper…a lot happened. I was home packing a bag when I kind of just…burst. I threw a picture frame across our room and then I felt nauseous. I ran to the bathroom, thinking it must have just been the stress, but then there was a harsh pain in my stomach on the right side. I…I thought it was the baby. I thought I lost it. I woke up in the hospital later that day after the surgery. There weren’t any complications, the doctors just wanted me to rest for a bit. I, uh, I decided it would be best to stay by myself for a few days where I could just think about what was best for me and the baby.”

“And I understood that it was her decision to decide what was best for her and the baby then,” Lexa cut in before Abby could respond,“Though I may have spied a bit through our friends about how she was doing. I couldn’t sit back and not try and find out about her condition after the surgery and everything that happened. I went crazy until we all finally sat down and talked a few things out.”

Clarke picked up from there,“After our talk and everyone left Lexa and I had our own private talk. Things that really don’t need to be discussed right now…but a few days after that we had a small fight which we were able to calm down from enough to talk it out. We thought it would be best if we just stayed as happy as possible as to not stress the baby. Little Bean comes first right now. It may not be ideal to just push everything down and pretend like it’s all fine and dandy but it’s what’s best for him. He comes first.”

“Him?” That was the only thing that Abby held onto as everything hit her.

Lexa scoffed,“Don’t listen to her. We don’t know the gender yet and Clarke keeps changing her mind every two seconds about what she thinks the gender is.”

“I do not,” Clarke huffed as she rubbed her belly,“It’s like every two _days_. At least I don’t fight over it like you and Anya do. You get so upset when she says it’s going to be a boy.”

Abby couldn’t stop the small that tugged at the corner of her lips as Lexa lightly flicked the tip of the blonde’s nose before muttering a ‘yeah, yeah’. She remembered her and Jake were just like how Lexa and Clarke were now. Much like her daughter, Abby traded between genders almost every week, never settling on one her entire pregnancy. And Jake was completely convinced that it was a boy, bragging to his friends about how he would be bringing his little boy to the ball park and teaching him to be the best baseball player in the nation.

But he couldn’t have been any more happier watching his clumsy five-year-old baby girl try and lift a bat as she stood on home plate. Nor did he ever care about the many teasing jabs his friends gave him once Clarke had been born. He tried to keep a pout on his face in front of everyone but Abby was one of the only people to see how Jake really looked at their daughter. With such awe and love. She knew from the very first moment that she saw him holding Clarke that he truly wanted a little girl. Someone for him to protect and give all the love in the world to.

She hadn’t been able to see threw Jake but she could see through Lexa. She could see the longing for a little blonde haired, green eyed little girl floating around her eyes. And she knew that Clarke really wanted a boy. Anytime the topic of babies had come up in a conversation after Clarke’s second year of high school the girl had her mind set on having a boy. With his middle name being Jake. Clarke thought her mother hadn’t been listening when that slipped out since she obviously didn’t notice the tear that streaked down her face before she left the room. Or at least she didn’t say anything.

It was safe to say it was going to get quite interesting once the baby’s gender is revealed.

Suddenly there was a soft knock on the door before a middle aged woman walked through the door.

“Hi, Dr. Patel. It’s good to see you again,” Clarke said happily as the woman stopped near the exam table.

“Likewise, Clarke. I hope everything has been going okay these past few weeks. And Lexa, it’s nice to see you again.”

Lexa pushed out a hand and grasped Dr. Patel’s firmly in greeting,“You as well. And everything’s been pretty fine besides her cravings.”

Abby watched as the three talked so openly with each other. Laughing and teasing Clarke about her strangest cravings that she made Lexa create in the middle of the night. Dr. Patel began moving around the room as they continued to talk, grabbing all the necessary supplies for Clarke’s examination and ultrasound. Abby inspected everything the doctor picked up, looking for any messed up medical instruments or making sure it was all cleaned properly.

“And this is my mother, Abby Griffin,” Clarke’s voice pulled her away as she tried to discreetly look over the ultrasound machine.

“It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Griffin,” The doctor said as she held out a hand.

“Same to you,” Abby said as she quickly clasped her hand around the woman’s.

“Her mother is also a doctor,” Lexa slipped in.

Dr. Patel’s eyebrows rose at the information,“OBYGN?”

“Surgeon,” Abby replied with a soft smile.

“Ah, you have quite the job. Must get some interesting stories from that.”

Abby chuckled lightly,“You’d be surprised at what someone will swallow without thinking that once it moves into their intestines that it may tear something.”

“Not everyone thinks like a doctor, mom,” Clarke teased from the exam table.

“She’s got a point,” Dr. Patel laughed before turning to look at the blonde,“Okay, how about we get started so we can get a look at that growing baby.”

Abby sat as silently as she could in the corner as Dr. Patel began the routine exam on her daughter. It was a little odd, watching someone give her daughter an exam while her wife stood at the head of the bed holding her hand, but she quickly got over it in turn of listening to everything the doctor said. She was able to keep her two cents to herself the entire time and breathed a sigh of relief when Dr. Patel was done and ready to move onto the ultrasound.

This, she would just sit back and marvel at.

She watched as Clarke jumped at the cold gel on her belly follow quickly by the older woman placing the prob over it and moving it around. Abby slowly stood from her seat, eyes glued to the screen as it was filled with the form of her grandchild. Her feet moved her to the side of the bed next to Lexa, her eyes not once leaving the screen. The noises around her drowned out. The medical knowledge in her head shifting forward as she looked over the baby.

Two hands, two feet, a little fuzzy shaped nose, and….

Abby gasped. Her hand flying over her mouth as her years of medical training unknowingly helped her discover the one thing her daughter and wife playfully argued over. Everyone looked at her, eyes glossy with tears as she still stared at the screen.

“You see it too?” Dr. Patel asked kindly.

Abby could only nod. Fearful that if she removed her hand from her mouth in that moment that she would reveal everything to her daughter and Lexa. She could barely see Clarke shift on the table as she looked over the screen herself.

“What does she see?” Clarke asked eagerly.

“Your mother seems to have figured out the gender on her own.”

Clarke and Lexa shared a gasp, eyes flying to the woman.

“Mom, really? You can never keep a secret! You’ll be telling Lexa by the end of the day!”

Abby was finally able to tear her eye away from the screen, the initial shock slowly leaving her body,“I’m sorry. I wasn’t really thinking while I was looking and I just…it just happened. And I won’t tell Lexa. Unless she wants to know or you want to know.”

“We want to wait until Little Bean is born to learn the gender,” Lexa replied as she brushed a strand of Clarke’s hair behind her ear.

Dr. Patel nodded silently before turning back to the screen,“Then let’s get some pictures and we’ll get you on your way.”

Abby’s eyes drifted back to the screen, taking every little feature the baby was willing to show in it’s curled up form. She could just image Little Bean’s tiny fingers already curling around her’s and scrunching up it’s face just like Clarke had done when she was born. And she surprisingly found herself hoping that the little eyes that would look up at her in a few months time would be a wild green like Lexa’s. Filled with the same love that the brunette stared at Clarke with. Meant only for Clarke.

And she couldn’t stop the smile as she thought that maybe a little bit of that love could be saved for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too much there but I will make up for it in the next chapter!!! Promise. I just wanted to get a little something out to you all since you've been waiting a bit and have been so patient with me! Thank you all for that! Until the next update, if I have anything written I'll try to post some sneak peaks on my tumblr so keep an eye out! ;)
> 
> I'd also like to point out that just because everything seems to have fallen into a sort of normality with Abby she's still not completely off the hook for everything. This was just an attempt to make things a little lighter for a chapter. And we still have some making up to do between everyone else as well! I haven't forgotten! :)
> 
> Until next time Lovelies!
> 
>  
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Completely forgot to mention that I do know that with Clarke and Lexa going with the option of artificial sperm that scientifically their baby is supposed to be born a girl.....BUT this is fanfiction. I'm still debating on boy or girl, but I already know what I'm leaning towards and I think you'll all be surprised. Maybe....lol.


	24. Leather Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has a little talk with Anya. Clarke pulls out a special leather 'book'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited about this one. The interaction between Lexa and Anya in this chapter is something I've been waiting to write and I can only hope I did it justice. And I as well hope that the rest is good! I've been waiting to write quite a few things that have come up in this chapter and I can't wait to see all your responses to it! 
> 
> Oh, and let's see if anyone can find the foreshadow that I added in here. (It's so obvious and you guys are probably gonna want to kill me.) ;)

“You’re joking right now, right?”

Lexa looked between Raven and the rest of her friends as they all sat around in their living room. It was the day after Clarke’s little reconnection with her mother and both women had decided that it was best to share with their friends about Abby slowly coming back into their lives. Last night Clarke had explained to her that everyone probably wouldn’t react too well about her mother working her way back into their lives, not after how she had left Clarke in such a mess after their engagement.

And apparently she was right.

Clarke sighed heavily next to her,“No, Raven, I’m not joking. We talked it over and she explained why she did what she did. And before you say anything, no that still doesn’t make up for the fact that she just walked out of my life. She’s still got a long way to go before I fully forgive her. I just don’t want my baby growing up without knowing it’s only grandparent.”

Raven huffed lowly as she leaned back in her seat. Everyone else around them stayed silent and just let the news sink in. Lexa could see Octavia struggling to keep her own opinions from spewing out her mouth at the mention of Abby. Ever since Clarke began explaining what had occurred at their lunch the petite brunette hadn’t stopped bouncing her leg.

“Then that’s great, Clarke. I hope you’re able to work everything out with Abby,” Lincoln said calmly, which spurred both Raven and Octavia to fix him with glares.

“Lincoln!” Octavia growled as she hit his chest.

“What? There’s nothing more we can do than support Clarke in her decision. Am I happy about it? No, not really, but that’s not going to change her mind. You know that, O. The most we can do is support her and if Abby does something as fucked up as last time then we’ll all be there for her just like last time,” Lincoln said seriously.

Lexa could see the fight quickly leaving both Octavia and Raven. She had expected more of an argument with the two women but was surprised to see their shoulders slump in defeat not even two seconds later.

“Fine,” Raven mumbled,“I support you, Clarke. But if she so much as makes you cry I swear I will make sure they never find her body.”

Clarke chuckled lowly,“Thanks, Rae…I think.”

Lexa glanced over at her wife and notice that she was still waiting for a response from Octavia. The brunette continued to stare down at the coffee table in silence before she was nudged by Lincoln. She huffed quietly before sitting up and meeting Clarke’s gaze.

“Are you sure about this, Clarke? I don’t want to see you go through what you went through last time.”

“I’m sure, O,” Clarke said confidently,“I think everything will be okay this time. If not…I have all of you to be here with me, and I don’t think it’ll be as hard as it was the first time around if it comes to it.”

Lexa wanted to scoff. She may not remember how hard it had been for her wife to practically lose her mother the first time but she knew that the blonde would take it even harder if it happened a second time. Clarke had at least explained to her that after her mother had left her she spent more than a week holed up at home crying her eyes out, pushing everyone else away, even her. It had taken all of their friends gathering at their apartment and dragging Clarke out of their bed to get her back on her feet. It had taken a few weeks but the blonde had slowly started to become herself again, but after that the topic of parents was a sore spot for her.

“If you think this is what’s best for you and your baby then we support you, Clarke,” Bellamy spoke up from the love seat as he pat Echo’s leg who was nodding in agreement.

“Thank you. I appreciate it Bell, really,” Clarke smiled.

Lexa watched with a happy smile as the friends began talking about her latest ultrasound, the topic of Abby slowly falling away but knowingly needed to be discussed just a little more. The brunette let her eyes roam over her friends for a few moments before she me Anya’s eyes. The older Woods sister nudged her head down towards the kitchen before she was up and out of her seat.

Lexa turned and placed a kiss to Clarke’s temple before leaning down and whispering in her ear,“I’ll be right back.”

* * *

Lexa walked into the kitchen and slowly took a seat next to her sister at the island. They sat in silence for a moment before she felt Anya’s gaze flicker over to her.

“Are you okay with all of this?”

She couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t stunned by the question. Ever since waking up in the hospital it was like her sister was a different person. Always defending someone else over her and arguing with her every chance she got, but now…now Anya was slowly falling back into the protective sister that she remembered.

Lexa nodded,“Yeah. I just want her happy. And if her working everything out with Abby is what it takes then I’m okay with that.”

“Her excuses were shit, Lexa. How can you be okay after hearing them?” Anya growled.

“I guess, if were being honest…I kind of related to her.”

Her sister spun in her chair and fixed her with confused eyes,“What are you talking about?”

Lexa nervously wrung her hands and stared down at them,“After dad died, you remember how I was almost always with you? Showed up wherever you went?”

“Yeah,” Anya chuckled,“I remember you suddenly popping up just as I was about to invited that pretty little red head into my apartment. You were a real cock block that night.”

Lexa didn’t try to suppress her own laugh,“I’m not sorry about that one. She was a bitch. Anyway…after dad passed I guess I started feeling like Abby did. With mom and then dad, I was scared that you would be next. I saw you going on dates, always keeping yourself busy because I know that’s how you cope…I just saw you disappearing and I was selfish because I was always sure to ruin as many dates, keep you away from work as much as possible, always study with you. It felt like you were slipping through my fingers even though you weren’t.”

Lexa looked up at her sister who now stared at her with wide eyes.

“I can’t say that I wasn’t angry with Abby for leaving Clarke like that, but after hearing her explanation, albeit as shitty as it was…I related to her. I know what it’s like losing someone and fearing that you’re going to lose someone else you love. It’s the worst feeling in the world and you do everything you can to keep that person as close as possible. I get out of mine when I met Costia and realized that you weren’t going anywhere, but I guess Abby still has her fears,” Lexa finished.

Anya said nothing, just continued to stare at her. Lexa grew nervous with her confess as the silence wrapped around them. She hadn’t been expecting to reveal that bit of information to her sister today let alone at all, but it seemed wrong to hide it from her any longer. It also made her chest feel a little lighter now that Anya knew. It made her feel just a little closer to her.

She didn’t expect what came next. The arms wrapping around her and pulling her from her seat. The warm nose that pressed into her shoulder as hands rubbed up and down her back in comfort. The shaky breath that tumbled from her sisters lips.

“I’m sorry,” Anya whispered,“I’m sorry I didn’t see it before. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

Lexa was quick to wrap her own arms tightly around her sister,“You have nothing to be sorry for and you were there for me. Yeah, you complained a few times here and there but you never shut me out. You didn’t push me away and say you were too busy. You always made time for me. Don’t you dare apologize for that.”

But still Anya let the words tumble from her mouth once more,“I’m sorry.”

And it hit her. Anya wasn’t just talking about not seeing how she felt then…she was apologizing for _never_ seeing it. For not seeing how she really felt when their father died and for not seeing how she felt when she woke up after her accident. The words hurt her. Stung her heart because she knew that this broke her sister. There were only a hand full of times that Anya ever apologized to her like she was doing now so Lexa knew that this was serious for her sister.

Lexa pushed her back and settle her hands on her shoulders,“Hey, look at me. I know that we haven’t exactly been in the best place with each other lately but that’s okay. We make mistakes but we work past them, okay? I don’t want to dwell on the past forever. I want us to move forward and make things better between us. When everything is settled and we’ve got everything out in the open, maybe then we can come back and talk on this if you really want…but for now I just want us to focus on the present. What’s here and right now.”

Anya hung her head and Lexa knew it was to hide the tears that welled up in her eyes,“Yeah. Okay. I’m still sorry. I should have noticed it, Lex. I should have noticed it all. You’re my sister and I can’t even tell how you’re really feeling.”

The brunette lifted her fingers to her sister’s chin and slowly lifted her so she could meet her eyes.

“It’s okay. You’re making up for it now. Slowly but surely. And you can’t place all the blame on yourself. I should have spoken to you about how I felt. We’re equally to blame, okay? We’re sisters. We share it all.”

Anya chuckled and rolled her eyes as she nodded her head. Lexa laughed along with her and pulled her into another hug. She reveled in the feeling of her sister’s arms wrapped around her. She was instantly transported back to when she was four and she would run into Anya’s arms after she returned from school. It made her feel warm inside every time she leapt into her arms. There was always that special love that she held for her sister that welled up in her chest each time her hands rubbed along her back. That same love swelled in her chest now, like it did so many years before. It was then that Lexa knew that everything would be okay between them.

Everything would work out in the end.

* * *

“I love them all but I’m so glad they’re gone. They wore me out,” Clarke sighed as she lounged back against the arm of the couch.

Lexa shook her head as she moved Clarke’s feet so she could sit. She lowered her feet into her lap before grabbing one and beginning to gently massage it. The blonde moaned low and Lexa could feel her heartbeat increase at the sound.

“God, I love when you do that. It makes everything feel better,” Clarke sighed as she sunk impossibly further into the couch.

“Well, at least I know I’m good for something around here,” Lexa teased as she rubbed a little harder.

Clarke fixed her with a suggestive smirk,“You’re good for way more than just one thing, Lex.”

Lexa slowly put her wife’s foot down and maneuvered her way up so she could hover above her, careful of her rounding belly. Brunette curls fell around Clarke’s face like a curtain and had the woman giggling as it tickled her cheeks.

“And just what ‘things’ am I good for, Clarke?”

The blonde bit her lip playfully before reaching up and tangling her fingers into Lexa’s hair so she could pull her down for a heated kiss. Lexa moaned low in her throat as she began to devour her wife’s lips, the sweet taste of strawberry chapstick meeting her tongue as she brushed it along her bottom lip. Tan hands traced up wide hips before they began to push the fabric of Clarke’s shirt up to expose her sides and tummy. She ghosted her hands along her pale skin, knowing full well how ticklish the woman below her was. She danced her fingers just below her ribs and felt Clarke begin to squirm and giggled under her.

“Lexa, you know that tickles.”

The brunette smiled as she traced a few kisses down the column of her throat,“Which is exactly why I do it. I love hearing you laugh.”

Clarke only panted in response as Lexa lightly nipped at her pulse point before suckling at the sensitive skin there. She could feel the blonde’s stomach press into her’s as she arched her back from the couch. The brunette smirked against her skin as she slowly but surely began to make her way down to the skin that was left exposed by the ‘v’ of Clarke’s shirt. Just before she could place a playful nip at the valley between her wife’s breasts Clarke was pushing at her shoulders.

“Lexa, wait. I forgot I have something I want to show to you,” Clarke said excitedly.

She playfully growled before sitting up,“Right now? It can’t wait a few hours?”

Clarke was already off the couch by time she had asked her question.

“Nope, and it’s cute that _you_ think you could last a few hours,” Clarke said as she strut out of the living room,“Just wait there!”

Lexa sighed in frustration, her body begging to have the blonde back under her. But she let Clarke go and get whatever had her so giddy to show her. She had a feeling that it would either have the tips of her ears burning in embarrassment or her heart thumping in excitement. She hoped for the latter.

Clarke was only gone for a handful of seconds before suddenly reappearing, a large book like object in her hand. A wide smile played over her wife’s features as she took her seat back next to Lexa.

Lexa arched an eyebrow as Clarke just stared at her in excitement,“Are you going to tell me what that is or do I have to guess?”

The blonde wiggled in her spot a split second before thrusting the book over to Lexa,“This is something we would always look at when we were just home alone and wanted to look back at everything. I know you don’t want anyone putting pressure on you to be someone you don’t remember but I thought you might like to take a look at some of the things that happened during the years that you’re missing…you don’t have to if you don’t want to though.”

Lexa watched Clarke nervously worry her bottom lip between her teeth as she stared down at her hands. Jade eyes shifted down to the large book that sat in her lap. The cover was a rich leather, a tree branching out branded onto the front. The brunette ran her fingers over the cursive ‘G’ and ‘W’ that sat in the bottom right corner. A flash of golden wrapping paper and the sound of a soft gasp filled her mind. The smell of peppermint and cedar wood tickled her nose as the image quickly faded away.

“You got that for me for Christmas about two years ago,” Clarke whispered next to her.

“I…I saw a little flash of it. Golden wrapping paper. I could hear your gasp in my ears, smell the peppermint and the tree…,” Lexa mumbled, her fingers still tracing along the leather book.

Clarke’s hand found her’s atop the book. Her head snapped up and she instantly spotted the tears that had welled up in her eyes. She knew that telling the blonde what she had seen would spur some emotion and it made her feel a little guilty that she still hadn’t revealed the other little flashes that she’d had over the past months since waking up in the hospital.

 _ **“After this…I’ll tell her. I’ll tell Clarke everything I’ve seen,”**_ Lexa thought to herself as she lifted a hand to gently wipe a stray tear from Clarke’s cheek.

“Come here,” Lexa whispered as she tugged the blonde into her arms and leaned back against the couch.

Clarke fit easily in her arms even with the added cargo of their child. The brunette ghosted her hand over her wife’s growing abdomen for a moment before moving to fix the book in her lap. Once comfortably settled she wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders and moved her so she was snuggled into her side, head resting on her shoulder as they looked down at the leather book.

“Let’s see what my brain is missing out on,” Lexa said as she opened the book.

The first picture that her eyes laid upon had her heart racing, throat clenching with sadness. There they both were, Clarke in a gorgeous white gown and Lexa in a white form fitting suit, standing in a large archway, the night sky glistening behind them. The stars almost seemed to dance the longer she stared.

“I made you sneak away with me so I could take this. It was a little hard trying to grab my camera and tripod out of the closet in that dress,” Clarke giggled,“A few minutes after this Octavia came running up to us saying that we didn’t hire a photographer just for me to run off and take my own.”

Lexa let out a little bubble of laughter,“Why did we hire a photographer when you’re the greatest one in all of Seattle?”

Clarke blushed and shrugged her shoulders,“Octavia made a good point when she said that I couldn’t get married and take pictures at the same time. It took me almost four months but I finally found someone I trusted to take them.”

“Only you would take four months to pick someone to take pictures.”

“Funny. You said that same thing to me after I finally told you I chose someone.”

Lexa only shook her head, the corners of her lips curving into a smile, and turned the page. There were dozens of pictures, each slot filled with various images and people. She could see their friends mingled into each one, a few just of her and Clarke. There were also of few of her own face as well as Clarke’s which had her wondering who took the one’s of her wife.

“Most of the one’s of me you took. I do have to say, you’ve had to have picked up a few things from me over the years. You’re not too shabby with a camera,” Clarke said as she pointed out a picture of herself.

Lexa’s eyes danced with wonder as she stared at the picture. Clarke was wearing a beautiful sundress, her blonde curls flying around as she twirled around. Her feet skimmed around the sand beneath her feet as she spun, the water of the ocean splashing around her feet where she stood, the bright sun casting golden rays onto her figure.

“I told you, you should totally hire me,” Lexa mumbled as the initial shock of her wife’s beauty died down a bit.

Clarke chuckled next to her, a hand swatting her leg gently,“I’ll see if I can fit you into my payroll.”

Lexa continued to glide through the book. Different events played over each and every picture. Some of backyard barbecues and all the way to fancy gala events where she saw herself and Clarke dressed to the ten’s. Their friends continued to poke and weave their way into a few pictures but most remained of her and Clarke. One of her favorites in particular was the one of them together at a county fair, the lights of the ferris wheel a blur behind them as Lexa pulled Clarke into a sweet kiss. She let her fingers linger over that one longer than the rest. The sense of complete happiness and unyielding love flowing through her veins as she sketched the picture into memory.

The next page hit her with something…unexplained. Only one remained, the rest of the slots waiting to be filled with more pictures. It was the same one that sat on the desk in Lexa’s home office. Clarke peaking over her bare shoulder and giving her that dazzling smile. But it wasn’t the picture that had her feeling the way she was when she saw it. No, it was the bright flash of light behind her eyes. The sound of tires screeching against pavement and the crunching metal that filled her ears.

A flutter of golden locks peeking into her vision before fading away.

A single white rose falling into shattered glass.

“Lexa!”

Lexa was pulled from the…she didn’t know what to call it. Clarke’s hands were like fire on her cheeks. Her chest was heaving as her lungs tried desperately to pull in air. Her blood was ice in her veins, fear settling deep and swirling around. She could feel her eyes were wide, the jade coloring disappearing behind blown pupils.

 _ **“What the hell was that?”**_ Lexa asked herself as she calmed her breathing.

“Lexa? Tell me what happened. What’s wrong?” Clarke asked, worried.

“I-I’m not sure, Clarke,” Lexa said, not letting her eyes drift back down to the picture,“I saw…something. I don’t know how to explain it.”

Clarke searched her eyes before whispering,“Was it another memory? It couldn’t have been something good if it spooked you like that.”

“No,” Lexa shook her head as she looked into blue eyes,“I don’t think it was a memory. This was something…different.”

Clarke closed the book in her lap, something she was thankful for, and slide it onto the coffee table before grabbing her hands. One became tangled in her own and the other was placed softly onto her wife’s belly. Her fingers grazed the bump lovingly, her heart instantly calming down, and she closed her eyes. Clarke allowed her a few minutes of silence and just feeling her securely under her fingers as she calmed herself down further.

“You can tell me what you saw, Lexa,” Clarke said.

“I didn’t see too much,” Lexa began,“I heard the sound of tires squealing, metal crunching, and saw a bright flash of lights. And then I saw…”

She wasn’t sure how to explain the blonde hair that she saw. It obviously belonged to Clarke and she didn’t want to worry her by filling her head with some sort of vision, but she knew that she couldn’t keep it from her.

“I saw blonde hair and then it disappeared,” Lexa continued,“A white rose falling into shattered glass…and then you pulled me out of it. That was the last of it.”

Clarke face was etched with worry, the little spot between her brows furrowing.

“Maybe you should go see Dr. Williams tomorrow. Do a follow-up with him and explain that you’ve been having some visions.”

Lexa slowly nodded and she knew that now would be the right time to tell her wife of the other flashes that she’d had.”

“There’s something I need to tell you, too,” Lexa started slowly as she locked eyes with Clarke,“I’ve had other flashes…but these were memories, I think.”

The blonde stared at her for a few seconds, her mouth slightly ajar,“What?”

“I’ve had a few short glimpses of memories. There was one back when I was in the hospital. It was just a blur of colors and some woman behind a camera who I’m pretty sure was you. And then I had one about the time I took that photo. The one that’s in my office. I just saw you laughing and then looking over your shoulder at me before I took the picture,” Lexa explained,“I’ve seen a few other things but they haven’t been as significant as those two.”

She’d seen other flashes in her sleep recently. Some of their friends, of her sister she never remembered…of Clarke. They were tiny things, more or less someone talking or letting out a small giggle before it was gone. Something she hadn’t felt she needed to share just yet.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Clarke whispered.

Lexa swallowed thickly, her pulse hammering in her chest,“I…I didn’t want to get your hopes up. I didn’t want you to think that I was slowly regaining my memories when there’s still a possibility that they may not come back.”

Clarke’s fingers tightened around her’s,“Lexa, I want you to know that you can share anything with me. I want you to share everything with me, if you want to that is. I understand that just because you see a few little things doesn’t mean that everything is coming back to you. I get that, but I don’t want you to think that hiding those things isn’t going to hurt me. Because it hurt that you didn’t share it with me but I understand why you did. Just…next time it happens, when you’re ready, tell me about it. I don’t want you to think that you have to sit through what may be confusing flashes by yourself. You can share anything with me.”

The brunette stared at her wife with glossy eyes,“I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I thought I was protecting you.”

Clarke’s hands were instantly on her cheeks again and pulling them together so their foreheads touched,“Hey, stop. Don’t apologize. It’s okay. You told me when you were ready. That’s all that matters. It hurt a little that you kept it from me so long but I’m happy. I’m happy that you’ve been getting little pieces back. Maybe you won’t remember everything but maybe you’ll remember a few things. I can live with that. Just as long as you’re here with me I’m okay.”

Lexa could only nod before she pushed forward and brushed her lips against Clarke’s. The kiss was sweet, innocent. Filled with promises that her too jumbled mind could’t quite comprehend at the moment. They stayed there. Hands brushing along arms and tickling down sides as they lazily kissed. Everything seemed to fall into that moment. The pictures, the flashes, the perfect way Clarke felt against her lips.

But still, in the back of her mind, that one little flash replayed over and over. The bright lights, blonde hair, the white rose. It had her heart ever so slowing sinking into the pit of her stomach, like it wouldn’t hit the bottom until her vision was finalized and happening before her. It had her hands clammy and her pulse skipping a beat, the back of her neck prickling with sweat. She tried to will it away. To just let herself get lost in her wife as she slowly lowered her back into their previous position.

But she kept hearing the crushing metal in her ears. The bright lights shining behind her closed eyelids. The sound of squealing tires.

And then nothing.

Just silence.

_Darkness._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to point out that there will be more talking between Octavia, Raven, and Clarke and Clarke's decision to have her mother back in her life. There will also be another scene with Lexa and the photo album so don't be disappointed that I didn't add too many details about the pictures in it! And I'm sure by now you've all notice the foreshadowing that I add so be prepared for that even though it won't come until a little later. 
> 
> And here's something I want to throw to you all...
> 
> I've decided that I'm going to add another time jump. It's not going to be as huge as the last one, maybe a month or two at most. It's only to get the story rolling where I need it to go after I've set everything in place. It's still going to be a few more chapters before that happens and I'll definitely be leaving you guys off at a much better place than I did the last time I did the other time jump. I'll also be giving you guys a head's up on when to expect it. But I still have quite a list of things that still needs to happen before I do that, especially a special scene that I've been dying for you all to read (one that I've pretty much written because I'm an impatient little bean.) and can't wait to get that out to you all hopefully sooner than planned! 
> 
> Anyway, I'm rabbling again. I hope you all liked it! I can't wait to wake up to the kudos and comments that you all leave! They fill my heart with joy when I see them waiting for me! Every single one is greatly appreciated! 
> 
> Oh! And I've finally worked up a mood board for CM! (as well as for SR!) You all can check it out on my tumblr as well as my twitter! (Links in profile!) 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	25. These Feelings That I've Hidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking. Hidden feelings. A little flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I honestly don't know how long it's been since I've updated this and I am so sorry. Everything that's happened...well, I can just honestly say that this is the one story that requires my FULL attention and I just haven't had the energy or time to give it my all. But I'm back and here with you all now. 
> 
> I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my Author's Note (which by the way has been deleted). I really appreciated everything you all said. I even took screen shots of the comments so they didn't disappear when I deleted the AN. 
> 
> Also, I don't know if any of you saw the...I'll call them 'strange' comments on the AN or my responses to them. (And yes, I even took screen shots of those) I just want to say that for anyone who did read them that I'm sorry if anything I said in my responses offended any of you in some way, even the people that I directed them at. I'm not one who likes controversy but I wasn't going to sit back while someone called me a 'Lexa hater'. Nuh uh. Not this girl. 
> 
> Anyway. I'm doing much better now. My minds in a better place and writing as helped with everything. This update took me a little longer than I thought because I get horrible writer's block with this story. So, this is what I'm saying now. If there is something you'r waiting to see or WANT to see then, please, send me your thoughts or ideas to my tumblr. Tell me where you want to see this story go and I will give your thoughts my all and try and do them justice. 
> 
> Anyway, I've babbled enough. Please. Enjoy. You all deserve this for being so patient and sweet with me. 
> 
> I also want to point out though that this chapter may be a little sensitive for some. We do talk a little about 'cheating' in this one. Literally it's all a jumble mess that I put together on three hours of sleep but I had to give you all SOMETHING. ;)

_Bright lights._

_Tires squealing._

_Metal crunching._

_A white rose._

_Blonde curls._

_“Clarke…”_

* * *

Lexa bolted up from the bed with a strangled gasp. Her head fell into hands as she tried to calm her ragged breathing, her forehead slick with sweat.

It’s been the same dream for the past week. Hearing the same horrifying sounds. The rose. The blonde hair that she didn’t doubt for a second were Clarke’s. And every single time she was startled from her sleep. Though, this time she did hear her wife’s name whispered in her own voice.

Green eyes peered over to the sleeping body next to her. Clarke’s ribs expanded with each even inhale and exhale. A sight that had Lexa’s heart easing from it’s momentary panic. The blonde laid on her side, hand resting gently over her belly. Her shirt had risen in the midst of her tossing and turning to get comfortable and Lexa could now see the pale skin that laid beneath.

A small smile formed over her lips as she settled back down into the bed, her head propped up in the palm of her hand as she stared down at Clarke. Her other hand carefully brushed over the exposed, firm skin. Careful not to wake her, Lexa leaned down closer and ghosted a warm kiss where their child rested.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you or your momma,” Lexa whispered,“I haven’t been the best as of late but I’ll never let anything hurt either of you. I promise.”

A firm kick pressed against where her hand now rested, almost as if the baby had been waiting to respond to her voice all night. Lexa broke out into a smile and quickly tried to soothe the movements that followed as Clarke began to stir in her sleep.

“Shhh. You don’t want to wake your momma, do you? She needs all the rest she can get,” Lexa quietly shushed the baby.

“How can she when the two of you are having your own little conversation at two in the morning?”

The brunette smiled sheepishly as Clarke’s raspy voice reached her ears. She peered up to see hazy blue eyes staring up at her softly.

“Talking to the baby helps them feel attached to you after they’re born. It’s all in the book, Clarke.”

The blonde rolled her eyes,“You and that damn book. I’m going to hide it if you keep referencing to it every time we talk about the baby.”

Lexa moved from her position and curled along the blonde’s back, pulling her close and leaving one hand to draw soothing patterned over her wife’s tummy,“You love it when I reference the book. I can see it in your eyes. You don’t have to pretend with me. Besides, I’ve seen you reading it a few times. Don’t try and deny it either.”

“You caught me,” Clarke responded with a low, sleepy chuckle.

As soon as the little laugh left Clarke’s lips Little Bean pressed a foot to Lexa’s hand once more.

“He likes your laugh,” Lexa said softly, but didn’t earn a response,“Clarke?”

An even exhale of breath was all she got in return. Blue eyes had once again disappeared under delicate eyelids and pink lips parted softly in sleep. Lexa allowed her eyes to trace over the sleeping form of her wife, trying to commit the image to memory.

_Tires squealing._

She shook her head. Cleared the sound from her mind.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to either of you. I swear.”

A soft press of what felt like tiny fingers to the palm of her hand was the last thing she remembered as she finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Clarke)**

“There! You feel it?”

Clarke smiled brightly as she moved her friends hand around her belly where Little Bean was currently kicking. Octavia’s eyes widened, her own smiling almost as dazzling as the blonde’s.

“Oh my god! He kicked! He kicked!”

The mother-to-be giggled at her best friend’s child-like response but was happy to see her overcome with such joy. After seeing Lexa off to work that morning, making sure she remembered her appointment with Dr. Williams later that day, Clarke had called Octavia and Raven over for a much needed girl’s day. The friends currently were lounging on the couch in the living room, the blonde squished between the two women. Their little gossiping circle had been broken as soon as Clarke felt the baby begin to move.

“Hey! What about Auntie Rae? She wants to feel, too!” Raven bellowed as she pushed Octavia’s hand away and replaced it with her’s.

Clarke rolled her eyes as the two friends began to bicker back and forth about who’s turn it was to feel Little Bean kick. More than likely because of the increase in volume the baby sent a somewhat sharp kick to the blonde’s ribs causing her to winch and push away Octavia’s hands.

“Okay, I think that’s enough feeling. You’re both getting too loud and he’s trying to play kickball with my ribs,” Clarke complained as she rubbed at her stinging side.

Both women pouted like scolded children as they moved back to their previous positions on the couch. Clarke’s ran her hands soothingly around her belly to try and calm Little Bean down as they continued to chat gossip about anything and everything.

Raven took a sip from her glass of wine as she gazed pensively over at Clarke,“So…how are things with Abby?”

She couldn’t say she didn’t see it coming. Clarke knew that Octavia and Raven still weren’t entirely comfortable about Abby’s reappearance even though they just put on happy faces for her.

“As well as they can be, I guess,” Clarke sighed,“Everything went smoother than I thought it would during our lunch and the doctor’s appointment.”

“But?” Octavia urged her to continue.

“ _But_ …since then it’s been a little awkward. We didn’t really get a chance to see each other a lot before she had to go back home. She calls but all our conversations just seem to fall flat. I know she’s trying and so am I but some things are harder to work on than others.”

Raven swirled her wine around in her glass thoughtfully,“She hasn’t tried to convince you that Lexa is still bad for you?”

Clarke sighed deeply at the Latina’s question,“No, Rae, she hasn’t. Mom’s been more supportive of us since the talk and I’ve told her her reasonings for why she did what she did. Although sometimes it’s still hard to wrap my head around it Lexa has told me that she kind of related to her in a way.”

After their time with the photo album Lexa had confessed to her about her conversation with Anya and just how she felt. How she had understood just what her mother felt at the time…not that she still wasn’t a little upset for Abby’s way of handling the situation.

“Related to her? How?” Octavia questioned, confused.

Clarke began to explain everything to her best friends. From Lexa’s father passing to her sudden attachment to Anya. How the brunette had come to realize that there wasn’t too much of a difference between how she felt and how Abby felt. The talk between them had been one of realization for Clarke. She was sure that there wasn’t anything, other than the love they both held for her, that both women would be able to relate to. It was in that moment that she saw the similarities of how both her wife and mother handled their emotions.

“I never knew that. Anya’s never said anything,” Raven commented quietly.

“Anya didn’t know either, until Lexa told her the other day.”

Octavia shifted uncomfortably on the couch,“Lexa is good at hiding her real feelings, huh?”

The blonde could feel the subtle ache beginning to form behind her eyes. It seemed every unwanted conversation was popping up today.

So much for a relaxing girl’s day.

“O, please, not now,” Clarke said as she slowly got to her feet.

“I’m not trying to bring up anything painful, Clarke. I just want to know if you’ve both been working things out instead of hiding from each other,” Octavia said as she followed behind her.

Raven wasn’t too far behind,“Maybe this is a conversation for another day.”

“Why?” Octavia pushed,“If everything has been as fine as they make it look then there shouldn’t be too much to talk about.”

Clarke held in the deep huff that she wanted to release. She decided to ignore her friend in turn of walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. She felt instant relief as the cold liquid slid down her suddenly parched throat. With a calming breathe Clarke finally turned around and addressed Octavia and Raven, who eyes her curiously.

“What?”

Octavia’s eyes shifted over her form before looking down at her hands,“If everything was okay between you two you would have said something already. Instead, you’re just avoiding the question.”

“Are you both doing okay? For real?” Raven finished for her.

Clarke’s heart rate increased slightly as she looked between her two best friends. Nothing had prepared her to be cornered in this moment by them. She stayed silent even though she knew it wasn’t the best way to react to the questions. Instead, Clarke began to busy herself around the kitchen. Doing little things here and there, the silence deafening around her.

As she wiped down a perfectly clean counter a hand resting on her shoulder startled her. She slowly turned to see Raven gazing at her worriedly, Octavia right behind her.

“Clarke, talk to us,” The Latina softly urged.

The ache behind her eyes grew and she knew that she couldn’t get out of the conversation at hand. With a deep sigh, Clarke threw the towel down on the counter and plopped down heavily into one of the stools at the island.

“I…I feel horrible,” She whispered.

With her face cradled in her hands Clarke failed to see the worried look exchanged between Octavia and Raven.

“Why, Clarke?” Octavia asked softly as she took a seat next to her.

Clarke closed her eyes and tried to quell her emotions.

“We promised to be open with each other. Lexa opened up with a few things that she’s kept to herself and I felt a little hurt because of it. But what I’m keeping from her…I don’t deserve to feel like I did.”

Raven rubbed soothingly at her back,“What are you talking about, Clarke?”

The blonde sniffled a little as she reigned in her tears,“Lexa told me that she’s been having a few flashes, memories. Nothing too big. She opened up to me about that the same night she told me about her talk with Anya. Since then I’ve felt horrible. I-I still see the picture of her and Costia around in newspapers and magazines. I know and trust that what Lexa told me is true, that they only talked. I don’t doubt that at all. This has nothing to really do with Lexa but about other people.”

“Clarke, what _are_ you talking about?” Octavia stressed, confused.

“I still see the picture, O! I see what other’s say about them! I know Lexa isn’t going anywhere, that she’s not going to go back to Costia, but I can’t get over what everyone else says! It’s all I see when I walk past the news stand every day during my lunch!” Clarke shouted,“It’s been a while but that picture is still around! People still talk about it! I’m still having a hard time dealing with it. It’s not anything to do with Lexa or her possibly leaving me—it’s the gossip! The people putting words to a picture that is nothing more than friends talking!”

Raven leaned against the counter,“So, you feel horrible because you’ve been keeping how you really feel about all the new’s gossip from Lexa?”

“Yes,” Clarke sighed,“It’s a horrible thing to be worried about considering all that Lexa’s been going through and everything else that’s happened but my brain just can’t stop thinking about it. Its like everywhere I turn it’s there and someone is talking about it!”

Before either friend could respond the clearing of a throat behind them had the friends whipping around. Lexa stood behind them, hands secure in the pockets of her pants, her eyes solemnly locked on Clarke. Blue eyes widened in slight horror.

“Lexa…,” Clarke whispered.

The brunette stepped forward and eyed her two friends,“Octavia, Raven, do you mind?”

Clarke gave them a curt nod when they looked to her. She knew that this conversation was going to be inevitable now, more than ever, and she’d rather it just be her and Lexa. Both women silently slinked out of the kitchen and into the living room to gather their things. Jade eyes stayed locked on her and neither one of them moved unit they heard the front door click closed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

The words that she had spoken the week before were repeated in Lexa’s voice. Her hands, palms clammy, wrung together in her lap as she stared at her wife. Lexa took calm steps towards her and when she reached her she gently cupped her cheek.

“Why’d you keep this from me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry. I know we agreed to tell each other everything, and that you’ve told me about the flashes, and that I felt hurt because you kept them from me…but I don’t deserve to have felt that way. Not when I hid this from you, and I understand if you feel hurt. I do. I just…I couldn't stop from feeling this way. I see it and my mind just thinks about everything that everyone says. I’m not scared of you leaving me for her, Lex. I’m not. I never was. It’s just what everyone says. The things they say about you, about me and her. I hear it. I hear them whispering and —.”

Lexa cut her off with a lingering kiss. Clarke let out a breathless gasp when she pulled away and rested her forehead against her’s.

“Calm down, Clarke. Breathe. It’s okay,” The brunette soothed her as her hands ran up and down her arms.

“You’re not upset?”

“Upset? No. Hurt? A little, but that’s to be expected. I don’t want you to feel that you don’t deserve to feel hurt by what I kept from you just because you kept something from me as well. We feel what we feel and that’s okay. You felt hurt and I feel hurt but that’s understandable,” Lexa explained calmly,“I do wish that you would have told me how you felt and I’m sorry that you weren’t able to tell me when you were ready, that I overheard you, but I’m not going to feel guilty for knowing now. I can help you with it, Clarke. Just trust me.”

Clarke sighed as Lexa pulled her into her chest,“I do trust you. So much. It’s just what other people decided to tell the media that I don’t trust. I hate that they think that you talking with her means you were cheating on me. Even if she is your ex that doesn’t mean that you can’t talk to her.”

“That’s just how some people see things, Clarke. I talked to her behind your back and some people view that as cheating and some don’t. And that’s okay. They are entitled to their opinions and freedom of speech that allows them to spread gossip, but you and I know the real truth and that’s what matters. I’m not going to believe something I see plastered on a magazine before I talk to you about it first,” Lexa said.

The blonde cringed as she recalled their debacle in her office the day she first saw the picture,“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say how sorry I am for that. I jumped to conclusions and didn’t give you time to explain.”

Lexa’s hands rubbed circles on her back,“I know. I know. We make mistakes and we learn from them, Clarke. We better ourselves from them.”

Clarke wasn’t upset that Lexa didn’t tell her that it was okay. That she didn’t need to feel sorry. And she didn’t _want_ her to tell her that it was okay. The blonde knew that she reacted out of anger and didn’t give Lexa time to explain before blowing up in her face. She didn’t deserve nor did sh want for Lexa to just act like it never happened because it did and she wants it to be a remembrance for her to always talk everything out before jumping to conclusions.

“We’re really bad at telling each other everything, aren’t we?” Lexa said teasingly as she nuzzled her nose into blonde waves.

A weak giggle tumbled from Clarke’s lips,“Yeah, we are.”

Lexa pulled her tighter into her chest,“But we’ll work on it. We’ll do better.”

“Both of us,” Clarke agreed as she leaned back and smiled lightly at her wife.

The brunette gave her a smile of her own before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.

“Now, I want you to explain to me how you feel about all the gossip and the picture.”

Clarke began to shake her head,“Lexa, I—.”

A long finger stopped any further words to come from her mouth,“No. We’re going to talk this out. You’ll tell me how you feel about the gossip and I’m going to tell you how I feel about these flashes I’ve been having. We’re going to start talking about everything, for real this time, and we’re going to sleep peacefully because we _really_ aren’t hiding everything from each other.”

Clarke knew there was no arguing when Lexa brought out her ‘commander’ tone. Instead, she just nodded and allowed Lexa to lead her to the living where they would begin their much needed, and long, talk.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Lexa)**

_“What the hell do you mean you ‘just forgave her’? She fucking broke your heart, Lexa!”_

_Lexa rolled her eyes angrily as she listened to her sister over the car’s speakers. This talk defiantly went down hill a lot faster than she thought it would. She had expected her sister to be a little more happy and relieved that she forgave Costia and put it behind her. No longer holding on to the past._

_“I know that, Anya. I was there, remember?”Lexa huffed,“But running into her tonight…I realized how much I just wanted to settle things and put that all completely behind me. My forgiving her and letting her go was the best thing to do.”_

_“Yes, you deserved to put it behind you, but she didn’t Lexa! Costia didn’t deserve your forgiveness! She broke you! You didn’t see how I saw you! You acted like everything was okay until you got your hands around a bottle of alcohol! You just drowned it all away at night when you thought no one else was watching! But I was! I was there!”_

_Knuckles turned white as hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. Lexa pushed away the memories and slurring words and blurry vision, the taste of stale alcohol on her breath the next morning. Her nostrils flared and the muscles of her jaw clenched as she remembered the rolling of her stomach as she ran to the bathroom each time._

_She pushed it all away. Left it all alone._

_“It’s over, Anya. I already forgave her and that’s all that’s going to be said on the matter. I’m happy with Clarke now and nothing is going to change that.”_

_“You forgive her but I don’t. I never will! If I ever see her I won’t just sit back and act like she’s not the person who broke my little sister’s heart in the cruelest of ways!”_

_“I’m not asking you to!” Lexa said as her rage began to boil over,“It’s not like I want myself or you to be friends with her! You know why I forgave her? For real? I forgave her because she drove me to Clarke. I thanked her because if she hadn’t done what she did then God knows if I really would have ever met Clarke! I’m with her now because of Costia!”_

_She could hear Anya scoff over the speaker when she spoke the word ‘friend’. Lexa knew that her sister probably wouldn’t be too happy about her talk with Costia but she didn’t expect this type of reaction._

_Just when she was about to continue her argument her car’s screen showed an incoming phone call._

**_-Clarke-_ **

_“Look, An. Clarke is calling me. We’ll talk about this more later. I just want a peaceful night with my wife and then we’ll discuss this face to face. Okay?”_

_The only response she got was a dial tone. She wasn’t too worried thought. It was much like her sister to just hang up when she was mad. There had been more than one occasion where she was given the dial tone mid argument. Pushing it to the side, she quickly answered her wife’s incoming call._

_“Hey, babe. I’m on my way home now. I’m about twenty minutes away. I’ve got us some wine and I though we’d have a nice relaxing dinner at home and-,”She was quickly cut off by Clark’s excited voice._

_“It’s positive, Lex!”_

_Her heart raced. It couldn’t be._

_“What’s positive?”_

_“The pregnancy test! I’m pregnant! We’re going to be mothers!” Clarke squealed happily into the phone._

_Lexa’s heart rate elevated. A loud gasp was pulled from her lips and she tried to control herself from stopping the car in the middle of the road and jumping out to dance with joy._

_“Are you serious right now, Clarke?”_

_“Dead serious! We’re going to have a baby!”_

_The brunette threw her head back and sent a gracious thank you to the gods above,“Holy shit, babe! Oh my god, Clarke, I can’t even process this right now! I guess we’ll have to find something other than wine to celebrate with!”_

_Clarke’s voice lowered into a husky tone,“I’m sure we can think of something, Lexa.”_

_The blood in her veins became heated,“God don’t speak with that voice, Clarke. You know what it does to me.”_

_“Yes, I do. Now gt home so I can cuddle you with the little one sitting in my belly.”_

_“Okay, okay. I’m almost there. About another fifteen minutes.”_

_“Okay, I’ll see you at home. Be safe,” Clarke said lovingly._

_“I will. I love you, Clarke. We’r egging to have a baby!” Lexa shouted joyously._

_“I love you, too, Lexa. And we are! It’s finally happening!”_

_“Bye, babe. I’ll be home soon.”_

_“Bye, Lex.”_

_Lexa pressed the end button on her steering wheel, officially ending the call. In her complete excitement over the news her hands beat happily at the steering wheel. The car’s horn sounded a few times and she was happy no other cars were beside her to glare at her unnecessary use of it. Her smile stretched across her face, her cheeks burning with the intensity of it. Images flashes around her eyes. Clarke’s belly rounding and helping to bring something so precious into their world. Beautiful blue eyes gazing up into her’s for the first time. Little giggles sounding in her ears as she chased a little wobbly toddler across the backyard._

_And just as a flash of Clarke gently rocking a little newborn raced through her mind, bright headlights filled her vision. Screeching tires drowned out the sound of her wife’s soft humming. Her head cracking harshly against the window and steering wheel had her almost missing the bright smile that Clarke looked up at her with._

_“Clarke.”_

_Her name was a whisper on her lips. A last reminder before blood seeped into her vision and everything bled into black._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That flashback thou....ohhhhh. Don't kill me. ;) You'll get more later. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! And don't forget to send those ideas to my tumblr! Seriously, I'm running on fumes here people and I really would like to know what you all want to see out of this story!! :)
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies. 
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> Xoxo


	26. Just Let Me Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa just needs to feel...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have terrible writer's block and I'm hopping this chapter will hold you guys over until I'm able to get the next one started and get us right back on track to the plot. As mentioned in a previous chapter I told you all I would warn you when the time jump would pop up...well it's coming. Soon. Probably about two or three chapters away just depending on what I can get done in the next chapter. And this does mean that CM will be getting closer to the end. There's still a lot to be made up for but don't worry. I'm going to try and cover it all as best I can, but I really want to start moving on towards the big climax I have planned. ;)

Blue swallowed her vision.

Those same horrifying sounds that she kept hearing growing louder and louder with each passing second.

Red.

 _Blood_.

Both her’s and Clarke’s.

Her memories and visions blended together. Melding and making it nearly impossible for her to decipher which had been a reality and which had been imagined in her head. Sometimes she would see herself in the drivers seat, fading in and out of consciousness, almost like her memory but not quite. Sometimes she would hear her wife’s breath fading away and being replaced by that eery silence that was so consuming it had her shooting out of her sleep completely soaked in a cold sweat.

Then last night…last night was the first time that she had seen Clarke cradling a bloody baby bump. And that itself sent her mind into a tangle of nerves and horror. She couldn’t shake the image.

She couldn’t shake them.

The memory.

The nightmare.

“You okay, Lex?”

Anya’s voice sent her visibly jumping from her leather chair, glasses sliding down to the tip of her nose and hands knocking over the lukewarm cup of coffee as she tried to balance herself. The dreams and vision flittered on the edge of her vision as she locked eyes with her sister. She could see that damn white rose falling helplessly into a pile of shattered glass as Anya looked over her with worry.

Lexa shook her head and cleared her throat to gain some type of control back to her mind,“Yeah, I’m fine. Just zoned out a little, I guess.”

“If you’re so fine then why is Clarke calling me asking to keep an eye on you?” Anya asked as she held her phone up to show Lexa, messages from the blonde on display,“What aren’t you telling me, Lexa?”

The brunette sighed deeply as she massaged her temples. It had been another two weeks since the dreams started. Since she regained the memory of her crash. Lexa had taken up Clarke’s advice and had visited Dr. Williams a number of times to discuss the sudden onslaught of visions that she couldn’t explain. But most of what she got was something along the lines of ‘it’s common for some people with head injuries to experience hallucinations and delusions’.

What a _big_ help that had been.

Lexa had told her sister and friends about the memory but kept the visions a secret. She didn’t like seeing them let alone having to explain them in detail to everyone. Not when she was more than sure that they involved Clarke getting hurt…or worse.

“Hello? Earth to Lexa!”

A pair of fingers snapping in her face pulled her from her haze. Jade eyes set into focus on Anya’s face as she pushed her hand away from her face.

“What, Anya? Don’t you have some work to do?”

Anya took a defensive stance, hands on her hips and eyes baring down on her,“Not until you tell me what’s going on with you. Are you and Clarke having problems? Was it another memory? A bad one?”

She figured there was really no more keeping it from her sister. Not with those eyes boring into her own.

“No, Clarke and I are fine. We’re working through everything as best as we can,” Lexa said as she moved to grab some tissues to clean up the spilled coffee,“And it’s not a memory per se.”

The older sister carefully sat down in one of the chairs in front of Lexa’s desk,“Not a memory per se?”

The CEO threw the soaked tissues in the trash, trying to avoid eye contact with her sister,“Yes. Dr. Williams said it’s more than likely just hallucinations or delusions. It’s nothing too serious.”

“I think it’s pretty serious if the dark circles under your eyes are anything to go by. You look like you haven’t slept in a week, Lexa,” Anya said firmly,“Tell me about it. Maybe it’ll help.”

Lexa pinched the bridge of her nose as the visions bled into her mind once again. There was a pounding in her head with each sound. With every flash of bright lights. Every little speck of blood.

“It’s almost like my memory from the crash. Except I’ll see or hear Clarke next to me. I’ll see her blonde hair. See bright lights everywhere. A white rose. And I’ll hear metal crunching and I know it’s a crash. That were in a car. It seems like it gets worse every night. There’s always something new about it,” Lexa whispered hoarsely as she cradled her head,“I haven’t gotten the chance to tell Clarke yet since she left for work before I woke up, but last night the newest thing I saw was her cradling her stomach…there was so much blood. I don’t…I can’t just explain that to her over the phone.”

“Then go talk to her,” Anya said as she stood from the plush chair.

“What?”

The oldest Woods sister walked around the large desk and pulled Lexa up by her arm and began pushing her towards the door,“Take a lunch break. Go take your wife to eat and tell her about last night’s dream. You need to talk to her about it all even though I’m sure both of you already have, but you look like you’re about to pass out. Seeing her will do you some good since you didn’t get the chance to see her after waking up from that. It’ll set your mind at ease when you see her.”

Anya was right. Not seeing Clarke that morning after such a horrifying vision was probably why she felt like she would succumb to darkness at any moment. She needed to see her wife, feel her skin under her hands and feel her warmth. Feel their baby kick at her hands they skimmed over Clarke’s belly. She needed to be reassured that Clarke was living — _breathing_.

With renewed determination Lexa briskly walked towards her office door, no longer needing Anya’s support to push her forward,“You’re right. I just need to see her with my own eyes. I’ll be back later.”

And with that Lexa was out of her office and walking towards the elevators with a sense of determination. The entire walk she could feel Anya’s eyes locked onto her back causing a warm loving feeling to settle in her heart. After stepping into the elevator and turning around Lexa was able to meet her sister’s encouraging gaze from across the floor. There was a fleeting nod of encouragement from Anya right before the doors slid shut in front of her.

* * *

The ‘closed’ sign that hung in the door of Clarke’s studio didn’t deter Lexa one bit. The spare key that the blonde had given her was slipped into the lock and she was pushing her way inside before anyone walking on the sidewalk could glance at her twice. A little chime that her mind never registered before sounded through the studio as she quickly locked the door but it still didn’t stop her strut towards Clarke’s office, determination clear in her walk. A little rustling sounded from the office right before Clarke appeared through the door, eyes downcast at the folder in her hands.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how you got in but I’m closed for the next hour.”

The click of her heels against the concrete floor should have been more than enough to give her away to her wife seeing as to how she heard it almost every other day but it didn’t seem to faze her. Lexa was a little concerned that Clarke still didn’t look up from her folder as she got closer and closer…she would definitely have to talk to her about her safety.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, but was literally only five seconds, a pair of annoyed ocean eyes peered up at her.

“I told yo—Lexa? What are you doing here?”

A smirk overtook her features as she came upon the blonde, hands quickly pulling the folder from her wife’s hands and throwing it carelessly to the ground. Clarke gasped, pink lips parting deliciously with the sound, before they were swallowed by Lexa’s. Dainty fingers clasped to the sleeves of her jacket as she began moving Clarke backwards and further into her office. The door was slammed shut by her foot and Lexa quickly spun them to press her wife against it, lifting her up and urging her to wrap her legs around her waist.

The feelings that raged in her chest had been building since she had awoken that morning. And it only took Anya pushing her out her office while giving her words of encouragement to realize them for what they were. She wanted - _needed_ \- to feel Clarke’s skin under her. Soft. Warm. _Alive_. She needed to have her withering under her and just knowing that with each desperate heave of her chest her heart was beating along inside it. Lexa needed to hear those little moans the blonde breathed out every time she nipped or licked a certain spot -feel them against her neck as she pushed her over the edge with everything she had.

And, _god_ , did she need to have her hands running over the growing swell of her stomach. Feel the flutter of life under the firm skin and let her heart flutter right along side it. The movement a reassurance that her dreams were just…dreams. That Clarke and their child were still living, breathing, and here with her. She needed both of them to wash away the sounds and images of her dreams, visions -to replace them with nothing but their essence.

She was going to get what she needed.

Right now.

“Lex,” Clarke mumbled breathlessly as she broke away from her lips.

She didn’t respond instead trailing a fiery line down her neck and over exposed collarbones, thankful for Clarke’s choice in shirt. Pale hands moved over her shoulders, into hair, tangling with a solid grip and trying to find leverage to ground herself from the sudden onslaught of heated kisses. Pale fingers tugged at her baby hairs when she nipped softly at the sensitive spot where Clarke’s neck met her shoulder -a shudder following quickly behind the sharp tug.

“Lexa,” Clarke pulled at the nape of her neck, successfully breaking her lips away from her skin to look into her eyes,“Not that I’m not happy to see you but…what’s gotten into you? What’s this about?”

With the waver in her wife’s eyes Lexa knew that Clarke could feel, probably taste, the emotions that swelled in her chest, on her lips, in her eyes. She learned early on after their talk that Clarke seemed to be more in-tuned with her emotions, paying attention to every little detail that she could and learning more about the little ticks that easily have her away when she was hiding something.

A creased forehead fell onto Clarke’s as jade eyes disappeared behind clenched eyelids. Hands danced along blushing cheeks and swollen lips, drifting down to a rounded stomach and straining to feel any movement.

“Just…,” Lexa breathed into the tiny space between them,“Just let me have this. Let me _feel_ you. Let me know that you’re here. And I’ll tell you after.”

She could feel Clarke’s worried eyes on her. Feel her eyebrows furrow against her skin.

“ _Please_.”

That last plead was all it took before the blonde was nodding against her and pulling her back to her lips.

Lexa wanted this to be something to remember; something her mind would wonder back to and feel nothing but love. But…she also wanted it to serve as a remind for the sweltering heat that settled low in her belly. The one that could only be caused by Clarke. Lexa wanted to become lost in the feel of Clarke squirming against her, the warm blood flowing through her veins that made the perfect flush bloom across her skin in the midst of passion. She also wanted to let loose the wild beast that roared to just bring Clarke over the brink of ecstasy over and over and over again.

_She wanted to feel the unbridled emotions._

_The pleasure._

_The love._

Her slightly chilled fingers snuck their way under Clarke’s shirt, the woman retreating from the cold flesh by instinct, and working it off her body and into a heap on the floor. Lexa’s hips pinned Clarke to the door, mindful of her belly, as her hands moved along the arch of her back in search for the clasp of her bra. Once it was found and discarded with her shirt the rest of her clothes were gone in a blur. The brunette’s mouth clamped down over the swiftly beating pulse on Clarke’s neck and sucked lightly which earned her a breathless moan and bucking hips.

Lexa’s hands went back to cradle her thighs before moving them away from the door and towards Clarke’s desk. Intense blue eyes filled with lust and love fluttered open to stare into her’s as she lowered her carefully onto the desk. Without breaking eye contact Lexa let her hands roam over the expanse of milky thighs barley skimming around the heated area between them -teasing. But she didn’t tease for long. The urgency to feel all of Clarke against her, withering, was almost overwhelming and she found herself pushing two fingers inside her wife in a single stroke.

_“Oh, god.”_

Blonde hair tumbled around bare shoulders as Clarke’s head fell back and mouth open in a needy moan. Deft fingers curled perfectly inside her and Lexa could feel her walls flutter around the slender digits signifying her impending orgasm. But she didn’t want it to end so soon. Instead she let her fingers curl once more before leaving the blonde empty and wanting with a frustrated sound. A small smirk played at the corner of her lips as Clarke’s needy eyes met her’s.

“Why’d you stop?”

“Don’t worry, _Clarke_ ,” Lexa said as she slowly fell to her knees before her, eyes catching the drop of her wife’s jaw,“I’m nowhere near done with you yet.”

And as her mouth sealed over Clarke’s clit, tongue swirling around and disappearing over and over again before she could make her tumble over the edge, the blonde fell back against her desk. Ribs expanded with every harsh breath and Clarke didn’t seem to care about any of the files or other things that littered her desk that she knocked over in search of something to hold onto.

_“Fuck, Lexa. I love you.”_

And that’s what she needed - _longed_ \- to hear as she finally pushed Clarke over the edge.

Clarke’s hips rolled and bucked against her mouth. Back arching off the desk and hands fisting in her hair with a loud cry.

She barley gave her time to recover before standing and hovering over her as best she could, letting her fingers skim across her heated flesh. A heart beat wildly under the fingertips of her right hand while her left felt the subtle movement of their child. Clarke’s thighs still trembled from where they were now locked around her hips and pulling her own still clothed hips against her. Lexa could feel the deep shudder that shot through the blonde’s body when the rough material of her pants met her center.

Clarke rose onto shaky elbows and sighed contently when Lexa leaned forward, hands finding purchase on the desk beside her hips, and bumping their foreheads together. Black swallowed the majestic blue that Lexa became mesmerized by time and time again and she felt a little pride at knowing it was because she was still coming down from an orgasm that she caused.

The blonde let out a breathless chuckle as she rose one hand to brush away a knotted strand of brunette waves.

“You going to tell me what this is all about now? Or are you still nowhere near done with me yet?”

Lexa had hoped that she wouldn’t bring it up again until she was ready to discuss it but she knew that Clarke was worried about her.

“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke,” Lexa husked,“And no, I’m not done with you yet…but, I guess before I continue to have my way with you I can explain it to you.”

The CEO helped her wife sit up onto the desk and rested her hands onto her hips as Clarke swung her arms over her shoulders. Blue eyes wondered over her features trying to find any hint of shifting emotions and Lexa couldn’t help but become lost in them.

“The dreams -visions- you know they’re getting worse,” Lexa whispered and Clarke nodded slowly,“Last night I had another dream. You…you wer-.”

Lexa’s lips trembled breathlessly as she tried to will away the tears that stung behind her eyes. Gentle fingers cupped her cheeks and wiped away the stray tear that escaped and poured down towards her jaw.

“Hey, it’s okay. Just breath,” Clarke gently urged.

“You and the baby. There was so much blood, Clarke. It would’t go away. I couldn’t get it out of my head. You weren’t there when I woke up and I just couldn’t reassure myself that you were okay. Anya convinced me to come over and take you to lunch. Said seeing you would probably calm me down a bit,” Lexa rambled.

Clarke silenced her with a kiss. Her skin tingling against her’s and making her pull her further into her body.

“I’m fine,” The blonde insisted as she brought one of her hands to rest against her belly,“We’re fine. Healthy and craving some damn blueberries for three days straight.”

And Lexa laughed. A small giggle working it’s way into an emotion-filled laugh as she ran her hands all along Clarke’s body. Thighs, belly, shoulders, cheeks. Just feeling her and laughing. Letting the images that plagued her be washed away by the smiling and warm life that was before her.

There was still something in the back of her mind that nagged at her. That told her to be on watch, but her mind was much too tired today to worry about it right now. Instead, for the rest of the day, she would just let the thought of Clarke being safe and alive keep her going. Keep her strong.

And when laughs turned into innocent kisses which soon turned heated, Clarke was pushing her back and eyeing her playfully.

“As much as I love being in this position with you I still have pictures to work on and you have to get back to work.”

With a squeal, Clarke was pulled flush against her body, center once more meeting the fabric of her pants.

“Fuck work. It can wait. I’m sure Anya doesn’t expect me to come back anytime soon. Besides, I’m the boss. I can leave when I want,” Lexa replied as she pulled her jacket and shirt off her frame in one swift motion.

Clarke’s pupils became blown once again as her eyes raked over Lexa’s body, thighs clenching around her hips as she came to her abs. Lexa wasted no time in attacking Clarke’s neck with her lips, knowing it was the perfect spot to get her riled up as fast as possible since it was a sensitive spot for her. To her surprise the blonde was quick to push her away before hopping down from her perch and pushing her down into the leather chair behind her. Clarke straddled her hips, a smirk on her face, and Lexa locked her hands to her hips to make sure she wouldn’t fall.

“You know,” Clarke said as she skimmed heated breathes along Lexa’s jawline,“You could’ve at least brought some food with you since you plan on ravishing me for as long as possible. I’m going to need all the extra energy I can get.”

Lexa rolled her eyes playfully before shifting her hands down to Clarke’s ass and squeezing roughly, making her ground her hips down with a deep moan.

“I think I’m a little hungry for something more than food,” Lexa purred against her ear before pulling the lob gently between her teeth.

The blonde’s head lolled back and she couldn’t stop the gasp or involuntary buck of her hips at the action.

“Well our kid wants blue berries. No blue berries. No sex.”

A perfect brow quirked in challenge. Lexa was swift in maneuvering her hand between them and giving a long stroke through Clarke’s soaked folds and circling around her clit. Clarke shuddered against her and wrapped her arms tighter around her neck for support, hips undulating and begging for her to continue.

“You were sa-.”

“If you finish that sentence and don’t keep doing that then you really won’t be getting anything,” Clarke growled.

Lexa shook her head and laughed before continuing her ministrations against her wife’s center. Before long Clarke was withering away on top of her. Lips begging and sloppily meeting skin as she moved against her fingers. Lexa allowed this moment to fill her memory. To remember Clarke’s flushed cheeks, the way her fingers tangled in her baby hairs and pulled her close. How her eyes held her’s as she was pushed over the brink. The body racking gasp that stole her breath as her hips bucked against her again and again. How after she came down from her high she could feel that flutter in her belly against her own flat stomach.

She committed everything to memory and urged away the vile ones filled with blood and horrid sounds.

 _This_ was what she wanted to see in her dreams. Clarke wrapped around her, cheeks rosy, lips swollen, and chest heaving.

Blue eyes filled with happiness and love -adoration.

Not the lifeless ones that would hopefully no longer haunt her in her sleep.

"I love you, too, Clarke," Lexa finally whispered against the skin of her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, basically just a lot of fluff and stuff. I guess that's what comes out of me when I have writer's block. Idk. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed! 
> 
> Have any questions or have something you'd like to see happen in CM or one of my other stories then send me an ask on Tumblr (https://clexa-15.tumblr.com/) I'll answer it as soon as possible! :)


	27. Your's. Our's. Together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT**  
> PLEASE READ!
> 
> This is a VERY important chapter, basically a part of the one you've all been waiting for. Now, before all of you go crazy and start thinking 'is it almost over?' well no, it's not. I still have a good few chapters up my sleeve saved for you all. I promise that I will address everything that needs to be addressed. I've just decided to do it in a different way than originally planned because I like this new way my weird brain came up with. 
> 
> So, I know you've all waited long enough for this, basically since the first chapter, but keep in mind this is not the end. Not yet. It's only the beginning.

_Two months later…_

_It happened faster than she ever thought it would._

_The familiar sounds of tires squealing and glass shattering. The feel of the shards cutting into her skin. The airbag deploying in front of her. Metal twisting and crunching as the car rolled once, twice, before landing with a heavy jerk. Smoke from the destroyed engine filled her lungs and sent her into a coughing fit. Her vision hazy and bloody as she tried to keep her eyes open._

_No._

**_This isn’t happening._ **

_Lexa’s body reacted with a jolt, groaning as her rips protested at the movement but fought past it. Only one thing on her mind. One person._

_“Clarke?”_

_Her head still swam as she shifted her gaze to the passenger side, the shattered windshield catching her attention for a split second. The brunette could see the hood of their car bunched up and jagged, pieces missing and torn apart. But she didn’t let it concern her for long, instead going back to the only thing that mattered._

_“Clarke?” Lexa repeated, a little louder._

_And when her eyes finally landed on her wife, Lexa knew that her vision had been something more. Had been a warning. Her heart broke at the sight before her. No longer able to beat regularly as she choked on smoky air. Green eyes stung and watered and Lexa wondered if that too was from the smoke or Clarke._

_“No, no, no. You’re not going to do this,” Lexa sobbed out as she removed her seatbelt,“I’m not going to let you go like this.”_

_Elegant blonde curls were matted with blood and Lexa could almost taste the metallic smell that lingered around them. Clarke’s head was lulled to the side, eyes closed and unresponsive, hands limp beside her belly. And that’s when Lexa’s eyes caught the rest of the signs from her visions, her nightmares. A wilted white rose lay in her lap, a slow dribble of blood dropping against it’s smooth petals and staining it red. Lexa’s heart stopped altogether when she saw where the blood was coming from._

_A piece of shrapnel shallowly embedded in her lower stomach._

_Lexa felt her world crashing down around her._

* * *

_Earlier that day…_

“Clarke! Have you seen my suit jacket?” Lexa called out as she picked up a stray article of clothing laying on their bed, huffing when it wasn’t what she was looking for.

A head of blonde curls peeked out from the bathroom door and Clarke chuckled lightly at her wife’s agitated expression.

“It’s in the closet. I steamed it to make sure all the wrinkles were out.”

Lexa’s shoulders dropped in relief at the information but she quickly straightened up when Clarke rolled her eyes and disappeared back into the bathroom. Already in fitted suit pants and a simple button down the brunette followed her wife inside the well lit room. Clarke was leaning over the built in vanity applying a light coat of lipstick before checking over her hair one last time. Lexa made her way up to her, eyes raking down the expanse of her back and down to her panty covered ass.

“Eyes up, Woods,” Clarke called.

Green met blue through the mirror and Lexa blushed slightly when she noticed the smirk on Clarke’s face. Deciding to be a little daring, she closed the remaining distance between them and wrapped her arms around her wife’s expanded belly. Blonde curls slid over her shoulder as Clarke’s head fell back with a content sigh as Lexa began rubbing her tummy. As if sensing it’s other mother’s presence, the baby gave a strong kick which caused the couple to smile brightly.

“She knows when you’re here,” Clarke whispered,“She always seems to start kicking right before you come home from work.”

Lexa smiled,“Yes, _he_ does, doesn’t he?”

“I’m not having this discussion with you again,” Clarke murmured.

The brunette chuckled as she dropped a kiss to her wife’s neck. They had been back and forth the past two months arguing about the baby’s gender. Lexa was pretty sure that Clarke had a bet going with all of their friends to try and prove her wrong.

“We’ll save it for later then.”

Lexa removed herself from the blonde and walked towards the closet in search of her suit jacket. She could hear Clarke groan as she pulled the fabric over her shoulders and fastened the single button.

“Tell me again why we’re going to this event and not just staying home?”

She reappeared from the closet to see Clarke stepping into her dress and beginning to pull it up her body. Lexa quickly ran over and helped her move the fabric over her body, careful to make sure her legs didn’t get trapped lest she trip. With a huff, Clarke finally pushed her arms through the short sleeves and turned to peek over her shoulder at her wife.

“Zip me up?”

Lexa shook her head as she pulled the zipper all the way up until it rested just below the base of the blonde’s neck. She pressed a gentle kiss there before reaching over to grab Clarke’s shoes from the bathroom counter and bending down to her her situate her feet inside.

“We’re going because it’s a charity event hosted by _my_ company. I don’t know if investors would be very pleased if the company’s own CEO and family didn’t attend,” Lexa said with a smirk.

Clarke grumbled above her. Something along the lines of ‘stupid investors’ working it’s way into her ears. Lexa laughed as she secured the little strap around the blonde’s ankle, noticing their slight swell, and stood up, slowly dragging her fingertips up her calf as she went.

“Are you sure you’ll be comfortable wearing heels all night?”

“I’ll be fine,” Clarke stated with a light bite to her lips at the feeling,“I’ve got backup’s in the car if anything.”

Lexa smirked softly,“Good. Don’t want you to sit at a table all alone and miss being able to schmooze all the investors. They absolutely fawn over you whenever someone brings you up and they will tonight.”

The blonde rolled her eyes, clearly not at all enthused about the potential chats with the many older men.

“Why do they fawn over _me_?” Clarke whined.

“Because you’re you, Clarke,” The brunette said as she pulled her into her arms,“Everyone at the office fawns over you. Not just investors. Besides, you are carrying my heir.”

Clarke eyed her with a dark playfulness,“ _You’re_ heir? What happened to _our_?

The CEO bumped her nose against Clarke’s playfully before letting her eyes settle on her’s.

“ _Our_ heir. _Our_ Little Bean,” Lexa whispered lovingly.

Her hands caressed the large swell of her wife’s belly, still somewhat unable to process that two more months had already passed since the beginning of her nightmares. They had eased up enough for them not to consume her like they had in the beginning thanks to sessions with Dr. Williams and opening more and more with Clarke and her friends. Each day made them better. Things were finally falling back into place between her friends and family…well as much as they could with most of her memory still locked away.

Everyone respected her feelings more than in the beginning. They respected that she wasn’t the exact Lexa from before the accident, though there were only subtle differences, and learned to not force anything on her that she wasn’t comfortable with. Anya was a more supportive figure in her life than before. Having her sisters back in many arguments, whether playful or serious, and also being there for her more. Sparing sessions every Sunday morning filled with talks about their week and a bunch of random things that neither remembered after knocking each other down to the mats.

Lexa’s life was finally becoming whole again, even with the missing memories.

But there was something wrong.

Something she could see in Clarke’s eyes and had accidentally seen on a few occasions.

There was more than once when Lexa had returned home from work to find Clarke sitting on the couch or lounging in their bed staring at old pictures of them. One time listening in on one of the blonde’s phone conversations that was surprisingly with, of all people, her mother.

* * *

_Lexa stepped through the front door, finally shedding her jacket after a long day at work. She was ready to find her wife, strip, and jump into a warm bath before heading off to bed and driving off into the night._

_“Clarke?” The brunette called out into the silent home._

_With a crinkled brow Lexa made her way towards the living room, ear trained for any sound of where Clarke might be. As she grew closer to the threshold of the living room she could hear her wife’s voice grow in volume. It wasn’t until Lexa was leaning against the wall outside the archway that she could clearly hear Clarke._

_“I know I’m being selfish, mom, but I just…I want her to remember.”_

_Green eyes widened as she couldn’t help but peer around the corner and stare at the back of Clarke’s head, just barely able to see corner of a photo album around her blonde curls._

_“I don’t want to change who she’s become now, albeit she’s not totally different, but…I want her to remember. I want her to remember marrying me. The carnival we went to during our last semester of college. Our honeymoon,” Clarke whispered brokenly,“Is that really selfish of me to want?”_

_Lexa shook her own head, wanting so badly to tell Clarke, ‘No, I want that as well. More than anything. I want to remember us completely,’ but she stayed locked in place._

_“I get that but I don’t want her to feel like I’m forcing her to be her old self. The one she doesn’t remember. I know if the roles were reversed she wouldn't force it on me,” Clarke said, a few tears streaming down her face as a moment of silence passed,“You know, never mind. Thanks for listening mom. I’ll be sure to send you a copy of the ultrasound as soon as we get it.”_

_Clarke apparently didn’t wait for a response by how fast she ended the call and tossed it to the other side of the couch. Lexa backed away from the corner, back completely flush against the wall once again as she searched the floor under her feet, as if she would find the answer to how to deal with this new problem laying there. When nothing spurred in her mind the brunette thought the best course of action would be to wait for Clarke to come to her. Wait for her to be ready._

_Mind made up, the brunette steeled herself as she waited a few moments before pushing off the wall and greeting Clarke with a warm welcome. Showering hugs and kisses to both her wife and their child and hoping that somehow Clarke could read her mind and just talk to her already._

* * *

Lexa knows that if she would have made her presence known that day that she wouldn’t see the lingering sadness whenever she looked at her. She wanted to bring it up so many a times but felt that it would ruin the happiness that they had built…if it was even real happiness. In a way, it was. To finally be fully together. Talking things out, going on weekly dates, working on things for the baby. It felt…normal. Like she was meant to do it all along, despite her accident and missing memories.

A light tap to her face had her jumping in her spot.

“Hey,” Clarke laughed,“Where’d you go just now?”  
Lexa laughed it off and shook her head,“No where. Just thinking about how beautiful you look in this dress.”

The dress _was_ breathtaking. A beautiful blush colored evening gown with a lace bodice with intricate eyelash edging, a long silk skirt beautifully draped down a rounded bell. Clarke never looked more beautiful. Simply glowing as any soon-to-be-mother should be.

“I guess I’ll have to thank Octavia for picking it out. I couldn’t make up my mind between this one or the red one.”

The CEO growled softly, pulling Clarke back into her chest as much as she could.

“The red shows too much skin and it’s too cold. This keeps you covered more,” Lexa spoke as she trailed a finger down a lace covered collarbone.

Clarke smirked,“Well, it’s a good thing I ended up wearing this one then, isn’t it? Can’t have anyone but you seeing all of m—.”

Lexa couldn’t wait any longer. Pressing her lips up against Clarke’s urgently like she needed her to breathe. It was the same urgency that she’s had for the past two months. It was never ending to her. Being able to feel Clarke under her, against her, and know that she was there. Lexa had mostly overcome her fears of her nightmares but it made everything better to just have Clarke _here_ —with her, in her arms. It made it more _real_.

Just when she was ready to trail a hot line down her wife’s throat, slowly gathering the silk skirt in her hands, Clarke pushed against her chest. Lexa moved back with a short whine and couldn’t help but feel a little smug at how breathless she made the blonde.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” Clarke rasped,“Anya will be ringing you at any second to make sure we are leaving. She’ll have both of our asses if we’re late because _you_ couldn’t keep your hands off _me_. And as much as I would _love_ to keep this going I really don’t feel like listening to her all night.”

Lexa huffed dejectedly.

“Fine. But as soon as we get home,” The CEO let her hands slide down to Clarke’s ass and give a little squeeze while nipping lightly at her jaw,“You’re all mine.”

The blonde’s head fell back, a moan escaping her throat at the feel of Lexa’s teeth grazing her jaw.

_“Your’s.”_

* * *

The ride to the event venue was a lot more fun than Lexa thought it would be. She pictured Clarke huffing like a child in the front seat already stating that she was ready to be home but instead got a very excited Clarke. A complete opposite of the woman that was getting ready in their bathroom earlier. She asked questions like ‘who would be there’ or ‘what charity are you supporting again?’ or ‘what kind of food are they serving? I hope there’s red velvet cake’.

Lexa couldn’t stop her chuckles at the last question.

Just before they pulled to the front of the venue Lexa reached a hand across to rest over Clarke’s belly, the blonde still adamantly chatting away because it was normal for her to do such a thing while driving. A strong kick was delivered to her hand, just in the same moment as a flashing image of a bloodied hand passed through her mind. _Her bloodied hand._ She shook it away deciding not to let the images and flashes get to her tonight. Lexa was determined to have a nice night with her wife and friends while helping raise money for a good cause.

The brunette pulled the car to a stop just outside the lavish venue. Paparazzi swarmed on either side of a long red carpet outside the passenger side of the car, desperately waiting to get a picture of the next high profile couple to appear. Lexa sent a quick glance to Clarke as the valet attendant moved around to open her door. The blonde gave her a reassuring nod, letting her know that she was ready.

A few weeks back Lexa had finally gave into doing an interview for a few magazines and online articles to put a stop to all the gossip and rumors involving Costia. Lexa had made it quite clear that, despite her previously hanging out with her ex lover and her lost memories, she still very much loved Clarke. She even went as far as to announce that she hadn’t seen Costia for months, not since Clarke’s appendix scare to be exact. The reporters had a field day with her but most were kind and understanding. Especially when she spoke of her missing memories and how they took a tole on her in the beginning and just how she was working through it all day by day.

In the end, most rumors were put to rest. There were still the few sleazy websites or gossip magazines that still tried to turn her statements into something they weren’t but her lawyers were quick to put a stop to them as fast as legally possible. All in all, the gossip side of things had settled way down and now most of anything of her in the news was either her closing a new business deal or getting prepared to welcome their newborn.

A light squeeze to her hand had Lexa moving out of the car and over to Clarke’s door. The camera lights flashed behind her, bounced off the black exterior of the car. She could just see and hear hints of her accident as she opened Clarke’s door. It felt like it would consume her unit she felt a warm hand slide into her own and one resting on her cheek. The wild forest of her eyes met with vast ocean orbs and Clarke smiled at her brightly.

“I’m right here with you.”

Lexa took a deep breath and helped her wife from the car,“Let’s do this.”

Once they were fully out of the car and finally making their way towards the entrance of the venue the paparazzi swarmed them. The sounds of shutters filled the cold evening air, bright flashes bounced off their forms and question and after question was thrown at them. They posed for a few minutes much to the delight of everyone around them. Lexa found that she couldn’t take her hand off of Clarke’s stomach no matter how hard she tried. It was like it was there to protect their Little Bean from any potential harm. The reporters and cameramen cooed at them as they kept walking and Lexa made sure that Clarke didn’t trip on the skirt of her dress, going so far as to hold it up a bit as she stepped through the threshold of the entrance.

“Well,” Clarke stated with a huff as hired doormen helped them from their coats,“That wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. They were pretty reasonable with the questions. I don’t think I heard Costia’s name at all.”

Lexa giggled with a shake of her head. She knew that Clarke wasn’t bitter towards Costia. Clarke could never really hate anyone and there was no way that she could hate Costia after what she had told Lexa. The blonde made it better by joking about it and Lexa figured it was her way of coping and not making things awkward.

“No, it wasn’t. I may not remember going to any other events but my mind half expected it to be much worse than it was. I’m glad I was wrong,” Lexa stated as she began moving them towards the main room that would be used to host the charity event.

“Me too,” Clarke said with a smile,“Now let’s go find Anya before she thinks we’re late.

They crossed over to a vast room filled with men, women, and a few children. The ceiling was high, exposed beams strung with warm glowing lights. Tables lined with sides of the room surrounding a large dance floor with a stage just to the opposite wall of the entrance where a live band played softly. Men in suits lingered together around the tables, shaking hands and clinking glasses of scotch in greeting.

Lexa caught a break in the crowd just to the right of the stage and saw Anya along with the rest of their friends all huddled together and chatting happily. To her surprise Abby sat among them, talking quietly with Octavia and Raven, which had Lexa stopping short for a moment. She was sure that the two friends were still a little upset with Abby, even after the little talk that they had during Abby’s last visit. They had settled their feelings but had expressed to Clarke’s mother that they were, and quote, ‘watching her every move and had a lot of shit to make up for’.

“I invited mom,” Clarke whispered as they made their way towards the rowdy bunch,“I thought it would do some good to come to an event and just hang out with everyone. Get a little more comfortable around each other.”

“Well it seems to be working. I’m really surprised that Octavia and Raven are talking to her and not glaring daggers at her instead,” Lexa chuckled.

Clarke pat the arm that she was wrapped around with a laugh,“Trust me, it’s all an act. They are just waiting for her to slip up. One wrong word or move and they’ll tear her apart.”

“You make them sound like viscous tigers or something, waiting for their prey to fall into their trap.”

“That’s exactly what they are,” Clarke winked,“But I’ll make sure they’re on their best behavior. Can’t have investors thinking we run a wild pack.”

The CEO laughed and pressed a quick kiss to her wife’s temple as they finally reached their friends. Everyone stood from the table and went around with greetings, everyone having to touch Clarke’s stomach at least once. As they took their seats a waiter walked up to their table and Lexa was quick to order two nonalcoholic drinks for the both of them. While they waited, Anya went over a small list of investors that Lexa needed to charm in order to pull them in for future business deals. Clarke talked contently with her friends and mother about Little Bean and other random little things.

Once drinks were served, they talked for a few more minutes as more guests started to arrive. Soon, Lexa announced that they needed to start making their way around to greet the guests and investors. Clarke took a final sip her drink before being lead away by her wife towards a ground of older men and a few women. Families walked all around them, participating in a few of the games that the event hosted as well as visiting the long dessert bar in the far corner of the grand room.

Lexa was quick to introduce them to the group of men and women, each one fawning over Clarke and her belly just as Lexa stated they would. Conversation was surprisingly easy with everyone and Lexa found herself falling into a joyful conversation surrounding the topic of their charity. The investors were easy, eating out of the palm of her hand in minutes and Lexa felt it had something to do with the bright smile and glow that surrounded the woman standing next to her.

Clarke was smiling and laughing away with a few of the men and their wives, falling into easy conversation and keeping it going without any awkward pauses. That’s when the brunette realized that her wife would never need to schmooze anyone. Just her smile alone was enough to pull even the hardest investor and that was simply proven by the older man that stood in front of the blonde laughing away.

Abe Harris was a high profile investor, someone Lexa had apparently been trying to impress since before her accident if Anya’s information was anything to go by. And here he was, laughing and joking around with her pregnant wife while she stood watching. It took her a few moments to realize that they had both turned to her and she quickly snapped away from her thoughts.

“I’m sorry. What was that?”

Abe chuckled softly and offered his hand out to shake and Lexa took it swiftly.

“You’re wife is absolutely lovely Mrs. Woods. She’s told me a lot about your company and the greet things you’ve done. I’d like to schedule a meeting with you and see about maybe a possible partnership…if you’re interested?”

If she was interested? Of course she was! Harris Inc was just the company she needed to be able to branch out and start an international business.

“Of course, Mr. Harris. I’ll have my assistant call your’s in the morning to set one up.”

“Perfect. I’ll be seeing you here soon then. It was nice talking to both of you.”

They exchanged quick goodbyes and Harris made his way towards his table where his family sat. Lexa felt her increased heart rate calm down as she turned to Clarke with wide eyes.

“I don’t know what you did but I love you,” Lexa stated, winded.

Clarke laughed loudly, carefully fixing the brunette’s suit jacket and smoothing out a few creases.

“I didn’t do anything really. He asked about your company, I gave him the information, talked about his family and our family for a minute and then he suddenly wants a partnership with you. That’s it.”

Words died in her throat and all Lexa could do was pull Clarke close and cover her mouth with a kiss. A soft moan floated through the kiss as the blonde clung to her, teeth nipping at her bottom lip with need. After a few heated moments Clarke pulled away with a gasp and Lexa quickly buried her face in her neck, hiding her smile from her.

“Anymore of that and I would have been dragging you to the bathroom with me,” Clarke chuckled causing Lexa to hold tighter,“Seriously though. Our child has been pressing on my bladder for the past two hours and I really need to go or there’s going to be a mess on the floor.”

Lexa quickly pulled away from the blonde,“Want me to come with?”

“No, thanks. If you come with me we won’t be leaving the bathroom for at least twenty minutes.”

Lexa stepped back into her space and eyed her hungrily.

“You really think I can’t make you come in less than twenty minutes?”

The photographer bopped her nose teasingly,“No. I _know_ you can. I, on the other hand, like to take my sweet time with you.”

The CEO’s mouth hung open, eyes glazed, as Clarke pulled away and began making her way towards the bathroom, hips moving with a little more sway than normal. Once her wife disappearing down the hallway Lexa pulled herself back together, pulling at the neck of her button up as a sudden heat flashed through her body. Deciding to take a little break from talking with business men, she walked over the the dessert table and scooped up a few chocolate covered strawberries onto a plate along with a few blue berries because she knew Clarke still craved them.

Just as she was turning to go back to the table Lexa nearly crashed into a person passing right behind her. Small hands steadied her arms and she was thankful that she didn’t drop anything or get chocolate all over her suit.

“I’m sorry. I should have been watching where I was going,” Lexa said before looking up and her eyes widened,“Costia…what are you doing here?”

Mocha colored eyes widened slightly as she met Lexa’s gaze.

“Uh, a…a friend invited me. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“My company is hosting the event,” Lexa drawled out slowly.

They stood there for a moment, the awkward silence filling the space between them and making it feel suffocating in the large space.

“I’ll, uh,” Costia stammered,“I’ll just leave.”

“Wait,”Lexa reached out and caught her arm,“I don’t want us to act like we can’t be friends, Costia. I know what you did was for me and I appreciate that even though I still don’t completely get it, but that’s besides the point. You helped me when I needed it most. I’m not going to pretend like you didn’t.”

“But you’re friends, Clarke….I’m sure they wouldn't be too thrilled for me to be apart of your life even if it is as just friends.”

“Well, if they aren’t then they aren’t my friends. I’ve explained to them that you helped me when I needed it when they didn’t. And Clarke…I know she isn’t mad at you. I think she just needs to talk to you and work out a few things first.”

Costia peered down to the floor, feeling shuffling just under her dress.

“If she wants, I would like to talk to her too. Explain everything and maybe make amends with her.”

Lexa smiled,“I think she’d like that. Everyone else though may take a little longer.”

“That’s fine,” Costia whispered as she looked up and met Lexa’s eyes.

“Okay, well Clarke’s in the bathroom right now so I’ll talk to her an—.”

“What the _hell_ are you doing here?!”

Both Lexa and Costia instantly reacted to the booming voice of Clarke coming from just outside the grand room’s entrance. The CEO dropped her plate to the table and ran towards the sound of her wife wondering just who had pissed her off enough to cause a scene. By time she made it out the room a small crowd as already making it’s way towards the noice.

Lexa looked on in confusion as she noticed Clarke standing in front of a shaggy brown haired man dressed in a suit. The man looked a little confused but also frightened as Clarke stalked towards him on angry heels. The brunette reached her in just enough time before her wife could back him fully into the wall behind him.

“Clarke, what’s going on?” Lexa asked as she gently pulled her back.

“He’s what’s going on! He’s the one that caused your accident and he has the _audacity_ to show his face at _your_ company’s event!”

Lexa’s heart stammered for a minute, finally able to understand why Clarke was so upset. Despite her wife’s protests Lexa had decided not to pursue the driver that caused her accident, even though he still ended up going to court anyway. At the time, she hadn’t cared about pressing chargers or anything because she had woken up confused and not who she was two hours ago. Going into a court room to see the man’s sentence was the las thing on her mind at the time.

“What I want to know is how you even got in here in the first place!” Clarke huffed out angrily as Lexa continued to hold her back.

“He’s with me.”

Both women turned to the right to see Costia walking towards them to stand at the man’s side.

“C-Costia?” Clarke asked, her voice just a tad lower.

By this time, Lexa could see Anya, thankfully, ushering everyone away from them to give them as much privacy as possible.

“Who is he to you, Costia?” Lexa asked as she turned her attention back to the two in front of her.

Costia’s eyes flittered back and forth between her and Clarke before meeting the man’s gaze and taking his hand in her’s.

“He’s my husband.”

Lexa reeled for a moment, completely thrown off course. The world was _much_ to small right now.

Clarke said nothing, probably just as stunned as she was and Lexa worried for a split second on how much stress she was probably feeling right now. She needed to get this over with and calm her down as soon as possible.

“Your husband?” Clarke whispered.

Costia nodded her head slowly,“Yes. We’ve been married for four years now. The, uh, the night of the accident we had a really bad fight. Matt had been drinking and he left before I could stop him.”

The story was quick and to the point. Sharp. Lexa felt herself getting flung further and further into the haze of confusion.

“You didn’t find out through the news…,” Lexa murmured with realization,“You were at the hospital that night.”

Obviously catching the tone in her voice Clarke looked at her in confusion. So much confusion.

“What do you mean, Lex?”

Lexa searched for her words,“I didn’t think to tell anyone because I thought it was just a dream but when I was in the hospital room that night, right after you left, I saw…I saw Costia. She said that she was sorry and at that time I didn’t really know what it meant but now…”

Everyone turned towards Costia who’s head was downcast.

“You were really there that night, weren’t you?” Lexa asked.

“Yes,” Costia nodded,“When I heard your name from the police officer I couldn’t help but think it was partially my fault. Even more so when I overheard the doctor talking about memory loss. If I hadn’t started arguing with Matt then he wouldn’t have been driving drunk and you wouldn’t have been in an accident.”

“But, that night, I ran into you outside the liquor store…?”

Matt shuffled next to Costia,“She was looking for me. It’s the one I always stop at to get our favorite vodka for special occasions.”

Everything that didn’t seem like it needed to fall into place was. Little bits and pieces were being set into place and finally shedding light for Lexa.

“You didn’t want to meet her just because of what happened back in college. You thought doing what you did would help make up for the accident too…didn’t you?” Clarke whispered.

“I didn’t want forgiveness if that’s what you’re asking. I wanted to help. I know that it was kind of twisted, the way I did it, but like I told Lexa, I thought her being around me would make her realize that it’s not me she was in love with,” Costia explained,“To be honest…I didn’t really think there was any love between us before I cheated.”

“What?” Lexa asked, a little shocked.

“It’s not that you weren’t caring, Lexa, because you were. So much. But I know there wasn’t _love_ there, I could feel it. You loved me but you didn’t _love_ me. You cared for me. I guess my younger self just acted out of spite because I didn’t want to believe that you had fallen out of love with me and just did the first stupid thing I could think of. Which, at the time, was sleeping with the first guy I found. I felt horrible for what I said afterwards, but I just…I don’t know. In the end, I just wanted to try and help make up for all the shit I’d put you through. I didn’t want forgiveness or anything. I just wanted you to be happy because, even though I hurt you in an unimaginable way, I still cared for you.”

And Lexa could hear the sincerity in her voice, could see it in the tears that had gathered in her eyes. But she wasn’t sure she could fully wrap her head around _everything_ she had just been told. At least not in the span of the next few minutes. And just before she could let everything settle into her mind, she was thrown another curveball.

Clarke moved swiftly, surprisingly too fast for Lexa to stop even with her pregnant belly slowing her down slightly. Lexa tried to cry out as the blonde reached her but it only died on her tongue as Clarke pulled the woman into as best of a hug as she could manage. The brunette could hear Costia’s breathing stutter and almost stop all together before her arms were wrapping around her wife and dropping her head into her shoulder. They stayed there for a few moments, rubbing backs and letting a few tears fall before Clarke pulled away.

“I know there’s a lot more we need to talk about but…,”The blonde looked back at Lexa before turning back to Costia,“If she can forgive you then I can. You helped her when she needed it. I know that you’re not in love with each other but you still care for one another. I don’t want to keep someone like you out of her life. She deserves a friend like you.”

Costia gave her a watery smile, nodding slowly as she listened. With an almost motherly hand, Clarke brushed a tear away from Costia’s cheek before turning to Matt.

“You, on the other hand, I’m still having a bit of trouble with. I just need some time. I can see that you’re sorry for what you did —that you didn’t mean for it to happen. It was a stupid mistake but we all make some of those once in a while, right?” Matt nodded silently and Lexa could just see the anguish pouring from his features,“Just give me some time and I’d like to talk with both of you again when I’m ready.”

Costia and Matt nodded quietly as Clarke moved back into her arms.

“I think I need to go home,” Clarke said to Lexa,“I’m not feeling too good.”

“Okay,” Lexa whispered with a quick kiss to her forehead,“Little Bean okay in there?”

“Yes. Just tired and a little nausea. Nothing to worry about.”

Lexa turned back to the other couple, both watching them carefully.

“I guess we’ll let you know when we’re ready to talk.”

“Of course,” Costia nodded,“I’m sorry we ruined your night.”

“Well,” Clarke started with an air of teasing,“I’m leaving earlier than planned so it’s not quite ruined.”

Everyone laughed lightly and Lexa pulled her closer by her hip to whisper in her ear.

“If I’d known any better I’d say you planned this.”

“Please,” Clarke waved her off,“All I would have had to do was give you two seconds of puppy dog eyes and you would have carried me out of here without a second thought.”

Lexa rolled her eyes,“Right. Well, enough of that. Let’s get you home. I want to grab your mother first to follow us. Ask her to give you a little check up to make sure you don’t have elevated blood pressure or anything else we need to worry about.”

“Okay. Goodbye Costia, Matt. I’ll text you or call another day. I’m fully set on talking to you more later, just tonight…I don’t think I can handle anymore.”

“Clarke,” Matt called out before they turned around, holding out a single white rose to her,“I’m sorry. For everything.”

Clarke slowly accepted the rose with a small smile and Lexa didn’t pay attention to just what she was really holding.

Everyone said their goodbyes, albeit a little bit more awkwardly than before. Lexa was surprised how much had come out in the open, how much they had to talk about, and how easily it had been for Clarke to come mostly to terms with it…Costia at least. Pushing it aside for the time being Lexa moved them back into the grand room and spoke with Anya about covering for her and taking her place before grabbing Abby, after a quick explanation, and talking their leave.

* * *

The car was mostly quiet besides the soft tune of the radio playing in the background. Clarke sat in the passenger seat, both hands resting on her tummy and rubbing soft circles.

“I can’t believe that all happened,” Clarke whispered.

The brunette hummed in agreement, eyes flittering back and forth from the road to her wife, knowing that she didn’t want to talk about that anymore.

“Clarke…?”

The blonde rolled her head against the headrest to face her,“Yeah, Lex?”

Now felt like the best time.

“A while ago…I overheard a conversation you had on the phone with your mother,” She could hear Clarke’s voice hitch,“You were upset about wanting me to remember and feeling selfish for doing so. I know all this has happened and it’s giving you a lot to think about but I just want you to know that…I want to. Remember that is. And even though I don’t want to change the person that losing my memories has made me I’d still like to remember everything about us. Because in the end…I love you and that’s all that matters.”

Lexa met her gaze quickly and could see the tears shinning in her eyes before turning her gaze back to the road. Clarke sniffled a few times and wiped at her face before laughing.

“Stupid pregnancy hormones. Stop making me cry, Lexa,” Clarke whispered,“And I love you, too. We both do.”

The brunette smiled happily and reached a familiar hand over to Clarke’s belly. Her heart jumped impossibly faster when she felt the strong movement there.

“I told you she knows when you’re around or when you’re touching her. She was completely still until you touched me.”

“Because I’m her favorite mother,” Lexa teased, carefully looking at the headlights on the opposite side of the road.

“Yeah, okay. I’m the one that’s carrie her for almost nine months. I should be her fav— _ **Look out!**_ ”

It happened faster than she ever thought it would.

The familiar sounds of tires squealing and glass shattering. The feel of the shards cutting into her skin. The airbag deploying in front of her. Metal twisting and crunching as the car rolled once, twice, before landing with a heavy jerk. Smoke from the destroyed engine filled her lungs and sent her into a coughing fit. Her vision hazy and bloody as she tried to keep her eyes open.

No.

_This isn’t happening._

Lexa’s body reacted with a jolt, groaning as her rips protested at the movement but fought past it. Only one thing on her mind. One person.

“Clarke?”

Her head still swam as she shifted her gaze to the passenger side, the shattered windshield catching her attention for a split second. The brunette could see the hood of their car bunched up and jagged, pieces missing and torn apart. But she didn’t let it concern her for long, instead going back to the only thing that mattered.

“Clarke?” Lexa repeated, a little louder.

And when her eyes finally landed on her wife, Lexa knew that her vision had been something more. Had been a warning. Her heart broke at the sight before her. No longer able to beat regularly as she choked on smoky air. Green eyes stung and watered and Lexa wondered if that too was from the smoke or Clarke.

“No, no, no. You’re not going to do this,” Lexa sobbed out as she removed her seatbelt,“I’m not going to let you go like this.”

Elegant blonde curls were matted with blood and Lexa could almost taste the metallic smell that lingered around them. Clarke’s head was lulled to the side, eyes closed and unresponsive, hands limp beside her belly. And that’s when Lexa’s eyes caught the rest of the signs from her visions, her nightmares. A wilted white rose lay in her lap, a slow dribble of blood dropping against it’s smooth petals and staining it red. Lexa’s heart stopped altogether when she saw where the blood was coming from.

A piece of shrapnel shallowly embedded in her lower stomach.

Lexa felt her world crashing down around her.

“Oh, god,” The brunette panicked,“Okay, okay. Just breathe, Lexa. You need to stay calm for Clarke.”

A sharp stab of pain entered the side of her skull causing a sudden blindness to take over her.

* * *

_“You’ll catch a cold if you stay out in this rain much longer.”_

_Wet green eyes peered up and was met by equally wet ocean eyes. They pulled her in, held her tightly and Lexa knew there was something about this girl before her. Something that she was meant to be apart of. But she stayed silent._

_“Are you okay? You shouldn’t be out in the rain like this,” The blonde said, placing her camera down and pulling off her jacket and draping it over her shoulders._

_“I can’t take this. You’ll get soaked,” Lexa protested._

_The girl smiled softly, warmth dancing in her eyes and warming Lexa to her very core,“I think you could use it more than me right now.”_

* * *

“Clarke! Lexa! Oh my god! Call an ambulance! Now!”

It took Lexa a few seconds to slowly come out of the pain only to recognize Abby’s voice. She’d forgotten that she had the blonde’s mother follow them, thankful now more than ever that she had.

“Clarke! Can you hear me? Lexa?” Abby called, the sound of glass crunching under her feet as she ran up to the car.

“Abby!” Lexa cried out,“I’m fine but Clarke needs help!”

Abby appeared at the shattered passenger window, eyes widening in horror at her daughter’s state. She leaned over the window edge, careful of the glass, to examine the shrapnel in Clarke’s stomach closely while taking in a few key details.

“Dammit. She’s hemorrhaging. The placenta must have detached. The baby could be in distress.”

Lexa’s heart and body stopped at the sight of blood on the lower part of Clarke’s dress. She also noticed the airbag in front of the blonde which was a little too close for Lexa’s comfort.

“Abby, the airbag.”

“I know. It could have hit her and caused some damage. Right now, my main concern is how deep the shrapnel is and keeping her heart going,” Abby rushed as she felt along Clarke's neck before moving her gaze out the busted windshield to where a few people were beginning to gather,“Is the ambulance on it’s way?!”

A few people nodded as they made their way over, trying to figure out how they could help. Time seemed to stop for Lexa. There really was nothing more they could do until the bus arrived. They had no supplies or anything to help Clarke.

A deep groan next to her had Lexa moving in her seat. Sitting up and lightly grabbing at Clarke’s face to keep her head steady at Abby’s command.

“L-Le-Lexa?” Clarke hissed, her hand trying to reach out to touch her painful stomach with a sharp cry, only to be stopped by her mother.

The brunette’s heart broke as she listened to her wife cry out in pain.

“I know, Clarke. I know it hurts but the ambulance is on it’s way. We’re gonna get you some help. Just keep talking to me, okay? Focus on me.”

Glassy blue eyes met her’s and Lexa instantly became worried at the amount of fog that covered them.

“I…I lo-ove you,” Clarke sighed with a bare minimum smile,“So m-much.”

Once again, that white hot pain flashed across her mind. The blindness following quickly after.

* * *

_“I love you. So much.”_

_Lexa grinned, her eyes drifting down to the woman sitting next to her, their eyes meeting and the distant sound of a shutter capturing the moment forever behind them._

_The sun set ahead of them. Beautiful hues of pinks and golds painting the sky and the surface of the ocean. Waves crashed, the sound of rolling water falling onto deaf ears as Lexa concentrated on nothing but Clarke next to her._

_“And I love you, my wife,” Lexa said with a gentle kiss._

_“Mh,” Clarke sighed,“Say it again.”_

_The brunette toyed with the ring that rested on Clarke’s finger._

_“I love you, my wife,” Lexa said as she drawled every word out with a kiss._

* * *

“Lex?”

Lexa was thrown back into the silent chaos by Clarke’s soft question. She quickly saddled up as close as she could to her and ran her lips carefully over her cheek.

“I love you, my wife,” Lexa whispered.

By the dopey smile that covered Clarke’s face the brunette knew that she couldn’t comprehend the severity of her words. The fact that she was somehow remembering.

“Lexa? Are you okay?” Abby called.

The brunette met her eyes for a split second before turning back to Clarke, her mind easing slightly as the sound of the sirens grew closer.

“I’m fine. Please, just focus on Clarke.”

“You’re bleeding.”

“ _I’m fine_ ,” Lexa ground out,“I’m moving and breathing. Focus on _her_.”

A little begrudgingly, Abby turned her full attention back to her daughter, checking her pulse once more. Clarke’s eyes were heavy, barely open, from what Lexa could see and she prayed for her to stay awake just a little while longer.

“It hurts,” Clarke groaned, the hand in Abby’s hold squeezing tightly and tugging, trying to get to her belly.

“It’s going to be fine, Clarke,” Lexa whispered as the ambulance and a fire truck stopped a few feet away from the car,“They’re coming. We’re gonna get you out.”

The brunette carefully placed her fingertips against Clarke’s belly away from her wound. She tried not to let her mind worry when she felt no movement. She needed to be strong for Clarke right now. She pulled her hand away...her bloodied hand and all those images rushed back to her from earlier today.

A deafening sob escaped the blonde’s lips.

“She didn’t move, Lexa. She always moves when you touch me. Why isn’t she moving? Wh…why?”

Clarke’s words slowly died down, her eyes drooping almost completely closed.

“Hey, no! Clarke stay awake! They’re right here! They’re going to help! Just keep your eyes open!”

“I’m t-tired. Sh-she won’t move. I just w-want to sleep,” Clarke mumbled, her eyes falling shut despite Lexa’s cries.

Abby suddenly reappeared, having ran towards the bus when it arrived, and Lexa could see the panic take over her face.

“How long has she been out?”

“Just now. I tried to keep her awake,” Lexa rushed.

“She’s unconscious! We have to move now!” Abby commanded to the team of EMTs rushing towards the car,“Lexa you’re going to have to move.”

Lexa was ready to protest. There was no way she was leaving Clarke.

“Just for a minute. They need to get in, secure her, and get her out. Please. The faster we do this the faster she’s getting to the hospital.”

With an aching heart, Lexa maneuvered her way safely out of the car with the help of a local fireman. He tried to check over her bleeding head but she was having none of it, determined to have her eyes on Clarke the entire time. She watched as they began attaching her neck brace and administering an IV drip. The rest was a foggy blur as her heart worried over the shrapnel sticking from Clarke’s stomach.

After what seemed like hours, the blonde was safely in a stretcher, EMTs and her mother surrounding her as they wheeled her towards the bus. Abby began calling out all sorts of commands as they reached the vehicle and no one stopped her when she began grabbing supplies after lifting Clarke into the back. Lexa quickly hopped up inside with the help of one of the men and lethargically moved to the back where she was out of the way.

She watched them work as they began moving. Her eyes trained on the blood beginning to surround Clarke. There were scratches along her face and arms from the shattered windows but those were the least of their concern. The shrapnel still protruded from her belly, glinting dangerously in the artificial light of the ambulance. When it seemed that they feel into a lull, where they had down all that they could in the back of a moving vehicle, Lexa moved forward.

Lexa fell to her knees, hands reaching up and brushing away strands of limp blonde hair from a pale face and tucking them behind her ear.

This time, she welcomed the sudden pain. Welcomed the darkness that come with it.

* * *

_Beams of moonlight shone through snowy white curtains. A warm body curled at her side, hands unconsciously brushing along her skin. Lexa sighed deeply, brushing away the edges of sleep from her mind as she took in the form laying half on top of her._

_Her fingertips were met with bare skin as she skimmed them down a slender spine._

_She smiled softly._

_Their first time together._

_A wonder-filled night of romance that quickly lead to passion once they returned home._

_The firs time she felt Clarke’s bare skin under her hands. Felt her tremble with need. Felt her back arch for her, pushing perky breasts into her mouth._

_The first time her name was whispered so sensually into her ear as Clarke tightened around her. How she seemed to try and continually draw her in as close as possible._

_A delicate hand rose to brush away a few stray strands of hair tickling the blonde face, tucking it safely behind her ear. The corner of her mouth tipped up as the blonde grumbled and slowly cracked an eye open._

_“Hey, beautiful,” Lexa whispered._

_Clarke sat up on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from her eyes,“Hey yourself. What time is it?”_

_“Not sure,” Lexa shrugged._

_She didn't bother to try and find their phones, knowing that they were somewhere along with their clothes strewn all over the room._

_Thoughts of time were quickly swatted away as Clarke straddled her, arms wrapping around her neck, and grinding down softly. Teeth nipped at her jaw slowly working their way down the arch of her neck and biting at protruding collar bones._

_“Clarke,” Lexa husked._

_“Shh,” Clarke said as she moved the sheet away from her chest,“Just feel. Nothing else.”_

_And as Clarke made her way down, her fingers brushed over blonde curls, unconsciously tucking her hair lovingly behind her ears once again._

* * *

“Lexa! We’re here! We need to move. Her heart rate is decreasing along with the baby’s!”

The brunette was shoved from the darkness, standing up in the process and becoming a bit dizzy. One EMT steadied her as the rest began pulling Clarke’s stretcher out the back and into the Emergency bay. Doctors and nurses quickly surrounded them once they got passed the entrance. Abby spewed out all sorts of medical terms that Lexa could barely keep up with, let alone pronounce.

She ran along with them despite the pain in her body and head. She didn’t allow Clarke from her sights as the doctors and nurses burst through a set of heavy wooden doors a little ways ahead of her. A security officer standing outside the door grabbed her before she could make it safely through and she felt her heart shatter instantly when Clarke got a little too far away for her liking.

“Let go of me! That’s my wife and child!” Lexa screamed as she fought against him, the pain no longer and issue at this point.

The doctor talking with Abby must have heard because he reappeared from nowhere and laid a calm hand again the officer’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. She’s allowed inside. She needs to be there for the birth of her child,” The doctor explained calmly, a hint of… _something_ in his voice.

The officer said nothing, instead nodding silently and letting her go before holding the door open for them. They rushed ahead, entering in the room that Lexa had barely seen them disappear into. Everyone scurried around like ants, pulling out different things and dressing in scrubs. Abby was fully suited, scrubbing her hands with haste and Lexa wondered just how Abby had gotten herself into the role of one of Clarke surgeons in the first place.

Everything blurred as they moved. The seconds ticking by like hours as they prepared Clark as fast as humanly possible. Lexa barely registered a nurse helping her into a pair of clean scrubs and cap before helping wash her hands. She was in a near state of shock but she clung to that little sliver of control because she knew Clarke needed her now more than ever. She needed to be strong for her and Little Bean.

Her world flipped and suddenly she was standing next to Clarke’s head, holding her limp hand as everyone stood around, waiting for Abby’s first move. The mother looked over her quickly, catching her gaze and smiling as light as possible behind her mask.

“Are you ready to meet your child?”

Lexa’s heart jumped, her head throbbing and flashing white hot, and she curled her fingers tighter around Clarke’s.

“I can’t do this without her.”

It was a prayer sent to both every person in the room and every god that existed. She needed Clarke and couldn’t do it without her. They were in it together. They needed each other.

* * *

_Lexa pulled Clarke closer, rocking slightly as she sobbed into her chest. The blonde clutched the little stick tightly to her chest as she sniffled._

_“It’s not fair. Why isn’t it working, Lexa? Is it me?”_

_“No, babe,” Lexa soothed her,“It’s not you. When it happens, it happens. And when it does we’re in it together. Every little up and down…we’re together.”_

_Clarke wiped one last tear from her eyes as she sat up in Lexa’s hold. Blue and green clashed and the blonde gave her the brightest smile she could muster._

_“We’ll raise a baby together. We’ll love her together. Teach her the world together,” Clarke said lovingly, cupping her cheek._

_“Together,” Lexa said with a soft kiss and a hopeful heart for their future.”_

* * *

“Together, Clarke,” Lexa whispered as the memory slowly faded,“We’ll do it together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me seven hours. No joke. Seven hours on the same song because it helped me concentrate because it was catching. lol. but I'm exhausted. 
> 
> But, I want to point out for those of you that wanted to see more memories that they're not over yet. You'll get many more. Trust me. Some will come next chapter and then there might be a few flash backs from the two month time jump where we see Lexa getting little things here and there. So keep that in mind. 
> 
> I've also decided that since I had to cut it in half basically I'm going to do a two chapter update. Not sure when the next one will be out but it will be the next thing I work on since it's basically supposed to be one big chapter. And I also want to do it while it's fresh in my mind. ;)
> 
> Until next time Lovelies! 
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> Xoxo


	28. Everything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More memories. A precious Little Bean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The big one. I'm super tired and been at this for hours so I really hope it doesn't fall short. I wanted it to make it dramatic but not overly so. I'm pretty pleased with how it came out. I wanted to keep it mostly mellow for a moment and save the 'big stuff' for Lexa's reveal to Clarke. So don't be disappointed if it isn't what you expect. Also, this one has back to back memories so don't get confused. ;)

_“Lexa?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Can I ask you a question?”_

_“You just did, Clarke.”_

_“I’m serious. You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable though.”_

_“Okay, go ahead.”_

_“If you could choose to remember one thing…what would it be?”_

_Green meets blue._

_“What it felt like the moment I fell in love with you…I want to know if it felt the same as this time.”_

_A beautiful smile and a sweet kiss and Lexa knows that falling in love with Clarke, no matter how many times, would always feel truly magical._

* * *

“Lexa?”

Startled green eyes peered down into hazy blue. The very same from her little flash from months ago. A moment of peace in the awkward times between her and Clarke. One of her favorite little memories of them together.

Lexa’s head snapped up, searching the crowded space around Clarke’s lower half before landing on Abby.

“Abby, she’s awake.”

With a scalpel in hand, the mother quickly looked up at her,“It’s okay. The anesthesia we gave her won’t keep her under. It’s just so she doesn’t feel any pain, although I’m surprised she’s awake with her injuries. Just keep talking to her and keep her calm as long as she’s awake.”

She had to turn away as the scalpel was lowered to Clarke’s belly. Her stomach flipped and tightened all at once. Clarke’s blood had been all over her hands, clearly visible to her the entire time in the car, but she couldn’t bare to see it another second. Instead Lexa leaned back down and gripped Clarke’s hand tighter. Her lips finding purchase on the smooth skin right on the underside of her wrist where her pulse beat sluggishly.

“BP’s 99 over 68 and dropping,” A nurse charted quickly.

Lexa was far from being a doctor but she knew that anything under 90 over 60 was cause for worry. Especially for someone in Clarke’s current condition. But Lexa didn’t become fearful just yet. She knew her wife was strong and could make it through anything.

“Come on, Clarke,” Lexa whispered as she brushed a fingertip over a pale cheek,“I know you can do this. You’re so strong.”

A dopy smile was the last thing she saw before the pain in her head returned along with the blinding white light.

* * *

_“Come on, Clarke. You can do it.”_

_“I don’t think I can, Lex. I never should have agreed to this.”_

_Lexa laughed as she glanced over the cliff’s edge to see Clarke hanging on to the rock wall below._

_“You’re literally two feet away from being at the top. You can do it you stubborn ass. I don’t see how it’s taken you this long anyway.”_

_“Says the monkey who climbed it in like five seconds,” Clarke huffed as she pulled herself up an inch further._

_“That’s it,” Lexa encouraged,“Only a little more.”_

_Sweat dripped down brow as Clarke focused on her next move. One that would put her right below Lexa with just enough space to easily reach the top. Lexa waited with baited breathe, excitement coiling in her veins as she watched her girlfriend begin to take the last step._

_Clarke reached out, gripping at the rocky ledge just above her and successfully pulled herself up. But just as her foot found purchase on the little ledge where her hands had previously been seconds ago, she slipped. Her knee scrapping along the jagged surface below it causing Clarke to let out a yelp of pain._

_With quick reflexes Lexa was able to drop down on her stomach and grab ahold of the blonde’s hand before she was sent falling down the rocky cliff. Her heart beat wildly in her chest at the thought of her at the bottom, broken, and a relived puff left her lips as she felt her hand securely in her’s._

_“Let me go, Lexa.”_

_“Are you crazy? You almost fell!”_

_“I’ve got my grip now,” Clarke stated determinedly,“I promise I’ll be fine. Just let go and let me do this.”_

_As much as she didn’t want to let go Lexa knew that Clarke would pout for days, maybe weeks, if she didn’t let her finish on her own._

_“Fine. But don’t come back and haunt my ass if you fall,” Lexa teased as she slowly let go._

_Clarke scoffed as she held on to the ledge,“As if I’d waste my time haunting your puny ass.”_

_A smirk tugged at Lexa’s lips as the little jolt of exertion flowed through Clarke’s tone as she pulled herself up onto the top right in front of her. With great huffs of oxygen Clarke stood to her full height, hands resting on her hips, as she smiled cockily at her girlfriend._

_“If I recall correctly, you seemed to have quite a time with my ‘puny ass’ last night.”_

_The tips of Clarke’s ears burned at her girlfriend’s words. She shuffled her feet, muttering under her breathe as Lexa laughed at her reaction. Lexa snaked her arms around the blonde’s waist pulling her close and settling a kiss to her nose._

_“I told you, you could do it.”_

_“Yeah, yeah. Puny ass,” Clarke responded with a kiss._

* * *

Lexa was pulled back by Clarke’s fingers tightening around her’s. It was such a small memory but showed her just how much strength and determination Clarke had in such a little event. It reassured her that the blonde would pull through. That she _had_ to pull through.

She could hear the clank of medical equipment around them, the sound of suction, probably blood, as Abby and another doctor ordered the nurses around quickly. Clarke seemed to gain back a little strength with how tight her fingers were intertwined with her’s, despite the nurse’s constant reading of her BP.

“BP 95 over 64. She’s dropping too fast.”

It had only been minutes, maybe five at most, since the last reading and Lexa knew it wasn’t good. And Abby’s furrowed, worried brow only added to her worry.

“She’s loosing too much blood. Get me O negative now!” Abby ordered through her mask as she continued working,“Stay with us, Clarke. Just a little longer.”

Emerald eyes moved away from the doctor to settle back on a grinning Clarke. She couldn’t help but feel just the slightest bit of peace that the blonde was at least seemingly happy and pain free in this moment. Lexa’s forehead fell against her’s as she listened to Abby call for the blood once again, this time a little more desperately.

“I just…,” Clarke started slowly, her smile hitching as she spoke,“I-I want t-to see her…th-that’s all I w-want.”

Soft lips pressed against her temple,“You will, Clarke. You’ll be seeing her everyday for the rest of your life. I’m not letting you go this easy. Not when…”

The words lodged in her throat. She was regaining memories. Random one’s, albeit, but memories nonetheless. But did she want to give Clarke hope? Did she want to tell her that she remembered their meeting in the cold rain back in college? That she remembered their first night together? Dare to tell her that her memories were returning…even thought she wasn't sure if they would all return to her? What if it she didn’t remember everything? What if her brain only let a select few flow through?

It was a senseless worry. One her exhausted and worried brain should have known was stupid to even comprehend. Because, in the end, she would tell Clarke everything. Even if it might get the blonde’s hopes up that everything might return to her at some point, Lexa promised to share everything with her. To be honest and open. And she would…just as soon as Clarke pulled through this, along with their child.

Lexa cleared her throat, pushing back tears as she clung harder to Clarke’s finger’s,“You’re going to be just fine, Clarke. You’re going to hold our baby and I’ll get to brag about how I told you it was a boy all along.”

There was the weakest chuckle in the back of her wife’s throat and she worried at it’s lack of strength.

“Y-yeah, right…,” Clarke swatted her hand limply, barely lifting it,“My b-baby…will be the m-most beautiful lit-little girl e-ever.”

“You’re baby?” Lexa teased lightly,“What happened to _our_?”

The corner of Clarke’s lips lifted ever so slightly at the repeated words. Her lidded eyes blinked once, twice, before falling shut.

_“Ours.”_

Lexa smiled, a tear finally making it’s way down her cheek, and waited for a split second for Clarke to met her eyes one more time. Her breathe lodged in her throat when Clarke made no movement and it was then that she realized the limpness of the blonde’s fingers around her’s. Careful hands moved to cup her wife’s cheeks, shaking her just the slightest bit.

“Clarke? Clarke, wake up,” Lexa panicked before turning to Abby, instantly regretting it as she noticed her arm moving it’s way into the opening of Clarke’s belly,“Abby! She won’t wake up!”

“BP 91 over 60!” The nurse stated, desperation filling her voice, as she set down her chart and moved over to the table next to Abby.

“She’s going to crash,” The older woman ground out, arm slowly moving out of Clarke,“I want that cart ready as soon as this baby is out!”

“Abby!” Lexa cried out for no reason. Maybe it was just her fear voicing the only name that was the difference between Clarke living or dying.

Abby’s eyes jumped up to her’s for a split second before jolting back down,“She’s going to be fine. Are you ready to meet your baby, Lexa?”

 ** _“Our baby. Our Little Bean,”_** Lexa thought, hopeful.

Her body was numb, her mouth hanging open with unformed words. Her lungs expanded and held still, the oxygen unable to leave as she waited. A little head, the tiniest nose from what Lexa could see. Two arms, two feet. The birth, although not at all what she was expecting, was probably a lot faster than what her muddled brain comprehended. To her, it had been hours since they had wheeled Clarke in, but in reality it had probably been a little over thirty minutes.

But her brain pushed time aside when she heard the sound. Crying. A little sputter of clearing lungs before the precious sound filled the room and had a few nurses smiling with hope. Lexa stayed near Clarke but never once let her eyes wonder away from the tiny bundle that a few nurses surrounded as they checked it for injuries or trauma. She watched little feet kick, body squirming and soft hands clenched around a scrunched up face.

“She’s crashing! I need the cart now!”

The shout pulled her away from their baby for the first time. She startled, eyes darting across Clarke’s body and watched as the doctors and nurses moved around her with lightening speed. She barely registered hands on her shoulders before they were pulling her away.

“No! What are you doing! Clarke!” Lexa fought helplessly as she was pulled away.

“You’ve got to let them work, Lexa,” A male nurse told her gently,“She’s going to be just fine but I have to take you from the room. I’m going to bring you to see your baby.”

In the madness, the worry, Lexa hadn’t realized that they had rushed their Little Bean out the room. Knowing it was for the best, the brunette allowed herself to be moved out the room yet her eyes never moved away from Clarke until the doors were falling shut in front of her. The last thing her eyes witnessed was an arched back as a shock was sent into Clarke’s chest before a BVM was covering her mouth and nose.

The tears flowed freely now. Sliding down her cheeks and dripping from the edge of her jaw to the floor below her. She feel to her knees, her head falling back helplessly as she willed with everything in her life for that not to be the last memory of Clarke. She wouldn’t be able to bare it. A gentle hand gripped her arm and Lexa slowly opened her eyes as the male nurse helped her to her feet.

“Clarke will be fine. The doctors are going to do everything they can,“The man spoke evenly,“Now, why don’t I bring you to see your little one, okay?”

A shaky breathe and a nod later Lexa was being escorted down the silent hallway. The fluorescent lighting had her eyes burning and her head throbbing. When she lifted her hands to remove her cap and smooth her hair back into a decent manor Lexa felt a bandage along her forehead, one that she hadn’t realized was there. The nurse had more than likely applied it when she was cleaning her up to be with Clarke. She had been too dazed to know for sure.

Her hand feel back at her side as the nurse came to a stop just a few feet ahead of her. He held open a door and gestured for her to enter when she stayed rooted to her spot.

“She’s waiting for you.”

_She._

Every cell in Lexa’s body froze and came to life at the word. Clarke’s bright smile flashed through her mind as she realized that her wife was right.

_Of course she was._

Lexa moved slowly. One foot in front of the other into the dimly lit room. The door shut softly behind her, the nurse not following her inside. She froze when a gently bouncing nurse turned towards her. A little bundle in her hands. The baby’s face was hidden from her by the little blanket and beanie covering her head. Though, Lexa knew, deep in her heart, that she was probably a perfect split between her and Clarke.

“She’s as healthy as a horse even though she was born a few weeks early,” The nurse whispered as she moved closer to her prone form,“No complications with her little lungs. No injuries from the crash. She’s perfect.”

Lexa stared down at the little bundle, her arms automatically moving to cradle her as the woman carefully handed her over.

“Perfect,” Lexa mumbled as she let a single fingertip graze her plump cheek.

At the touch of her mother, the little baby squirmed. A foot raising inside the blanket as if still trying to kick at Lexa’s hand through Clarke's stomach. The action had Lexa’s mouth forming a dazzling smile. Little Bean’s lips quirked up in the tiniest of smiles, almost perfectly mimicking Lexa’s trademark smirk. Lexa blinked back tears as she rocked her gently and her eyes flittered up to the little cap on her head.

With careful hands the brunette slowly swiped the cap away, revealing long tuffs of wispy blonde hair. The first noticeable feature from Clarke. Lexa continued to memorize her face. The long black lashes tickling smooth, peach fuzz covered cheeks. Plump pink lips forming a tongue curling yawn. Long fingers moving in search of her own. Slightly darker eyebrows scrunching as she squirmed and woke for the world. Lexa bit her lip as she noticed the telltale movement of eyelids, waiting with baited breathe to see their color.

Eyes locked.

A gasp rung out.

Beautiful emerald green.

Like looking into a mirror and seeing her own eyes reflected back at her.

_And everything opened like a floodgate._

* * *

_“Come on! Just look and smile!”_

_“There’s people watching, Clarke!”_

_Clarke adjusted the camera tripod once more before running over to where Lexa stood a few feet away. The ferris wheel spinning colorfully behind them. A few people mingled to their left, watching the couple with the tiniest of interest but most just continuing to enjoy the fair’s treats and rides._

_“They won’t even remember us in five minutes,” Clarke teased as she put her arm around Lexa’s back,“Just smile at the camera and it’ll all be over with.”_

_From her many experiences of being dragged into self photos with Clarke, Lexa knew she had about ten seconds before the sound of the shutter released. She quickly glanced over to where about three people stood eyeing them before glancing away at the sight of her eyes. With a quick glance down to a smiling Clarke Lexa smirked._

_“ **What the hell?”** Lexa thought before throwing everything to the wind._

_Strong arms grabbed wide hips and turned them both. Arms wrapped and pulled Clarke close as Lexa lowered her lips to the gasping blonde. Her hand grazed the edge of Clarke’s jaw, lips lazily moving against her’s, just as she shutter sounded in the distance. She smiled against her girlfriend’s lips knowing that it would easily become her favorite image…for now._

_“Better than just smiling?” Lexa husked as she pulled away._

_“Th-there’s people watching, Lexa,” Clarke stammered, eyes still closed._

_The brunette chuckled, eyes lifting to see that there were definitely a few more eyes on them now._

_“Well, why don’t we give them something to stare at?” Lexa stated slowly, head already moving down._

_Clarke’s eyes popped open only to fall shut as Lexa pulled her into a heated kiss, completely forgetting about the sets of eyes that were now accompanied by blushing cheeks._

* * *

_“I do.”_

_Lexa stared at Clarke, golden curls framing her glowing face. The words were easy on her lips. The easiest ones she had ever spoken. The words that would make her Clarke’s and vise vera._

_“Do you, Clarke Griffin, take Lexa Woods to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love, in sickness or health, for richer or poor, until death do you part?”_

_She could see Clarke containing her goofy grin at the word wife._

_“I do,” Clarke almost giggled._

_“By the authority vested in me by the State of Washington I now pronounce you married!”_

_Lexa was already moving forward before the minister had uttered the last word. Pulling Clarke close and finally, **finally** kissing her **wife**. The crowd cheered around them but the noise faded into the background as Lexa continued to kiss Clarke. Her hands pulled at lacy fabric trying to pull her as close as possible, not wanting an inch of space between them._

_Clarke’s hands cupping her cheeks was the only thing that could make her break away as everyone continued cheering. Blue eyes searched her own as a delicate thumb traced the high perch of her cheekbone. Lexa turned her head ever so slightly to place a single kiss to the digit._

_“I finally get to call you my wife,” The brunette whispered against her skin._

_Clarke smiled,“And I get to call you mine.”_

_Lexa smiled brightly, finally moving to clasp their hands together and face the crowd._

_“I present to you Mrs. and Mrs. Griffin-Woods,” The minister announced before they began their descent down the aisle. A new roar of cheers broke out followed by flower petals raining down from above. Clarke laughed happily as a few caught in her hair, reaching out to pull one from Lexa’s own brunette curls as they reached the end of the aisle. Lexa pulled her close one last time, leaning her back and giving her another sweet kiss before they disappeared behind the doors before them._

* * *

_“You said you’d work on it, Lexa! It’s been four weeks since you’ve said that! I feel like I don’t even see you anymore!”_

_Lexa cringed. They were on their third month of being married and they were already fighting more than twice a week. She couldn’t blame Clarke for being a little upset though. She had been spending a lot of time at the office but in her defense it was a very critical time for them. Getting this merger meant expanding and more investors to keep things running. Lexa couldn’t waste an opportunity like this one because they weren’t prepared. Hence all the extra work hours that had her at the office from sun up to sun down. Something that Clarke wasn’t overly found of._

_“You know what this merger means for the company, Clarke. I need to make sure we have everything prepared before the end of the month,” Lexa sighed._

_Clarke pinched the bridge of her nose and Lexa could practically see the headache pounding away at her temples._

_“I know, Lexa. I know. But you’re barely here anymore. Gone before I wake up and back in bed after I’m already asleep.”_

_“Clarke…,” The CEO drawled, trying to find the best way to appease her wife,“It’s not ideal, I know, but it’s necessary. I promise as soon as the merger is done I’ll take time away from the office and we’ll…go on a vacation or something.”_

_“But it’s not just about us being together, Lex. It’s part of it, yes, but not completely,” Clarke pressed,“When I do see you, you’re completely drained. You’re dead on your feet, bags under your eyes, and don’t think I haven’t noticed the almost empty bottle of scotch in your office. You’ve had that since we got engaged and I know it wasn’t even half empty four weeks ago. You drink when you’re stressed.”_

_Lexa averted her gaze. Clarke was right. There were a number of times when she had found herself bringing home files and charts to study and analyze, each time filled with at least two glasses of scotch. She could feel the tiredness settling into her bones, the very tiredness that Clarke had just called her out on. Maybe it was for the best, to take a day or two off…it wouldn’t hurt would it?_

_Yes, because this was a big step and she needed to be prepared. No excuses._

_“Yes, you’re right, Clarke, but that doesn’t change the fact that I need everything to be perfect. I can’t risk it. If this fails then everything else could fall apart right from under us.”_

_Suddenly, Clarke was in front of her, gripping her shoulders before drifting up and cupping her jaw._

_“But what will it matter if you run yourself dry? If you end up in the hospital for exhaustion? I’m not asking you to take an entire month off, Lex, just two days at least. Get some sleep and rejuvenate. I’m sure Anya can handle things for two days,” Clarke whispered._

_She could see the little glint in those blue eyes. One that she knew to be too well paired with Clarke’s scheming mind._

_“You already asked Anya to watch over the office for me, didn’t you?”_

_Clarke didn’t even tried to hide her triumph filled smirk._

_“Yep,” Her lips popping on the ‘p’,“You’re off for the next two days and you’ll be doing nothing but sleeping and relaxing. Anya promised if there is something that they absolutely cannot solve without you that she’d call, though she said she doubted that would happen. So you have nothing to worry about.”_

_Lexa mumbled under her breathe. The words ‘little sneak’ and ‘damn sister’ easy to decipher. Clarke rolled her eyes and moved through the kitchen over to the fridge._

_“So, how about I make us some dinner and then run us a relaxing bubble bath? You could use the stress relief right about now, I’m sure.”_

_A squeak sounded from her throat as Clarke was spun and lifted, back pressed against the now closed fridge. Her head fell back as lips attached her neck. A smirk pressing into her skin when she let a moan escape._

_“I can think of other ways to relieve stress other than a bath. Maybe a nice… **massage**?” Lexa rasped with a little nip to Clarke’s pulse._

_Lexa barked out a laugh as Clarke could only nod and moan, legs slinking around her waist and clenching tightly. Hands cradling her thighs, Lexa pulled her wife away from the smooth metal surface behind her and began leading them towards the stairs and up to the bedroom, fully intent on ‘relaxing’ with Clarke as much as possible._

_“You know this isn’t what I had in mind when I said you’d be doing nothing but sleeping and relaxing, right?” Clarke said breathlessly as Lexa began trailing warm lips down her bare ribcage._

_“Yes, but I’d much rather be doing you,” Lexa said lamely right before her tongue had Clarke’s cries echoing around the room._

* * *

_“Lexa?”_

_She knew that tone and she prepared herself for another one of Clarke’s ‘serious questions’._

_“Clarke?” Lexa hummed as she flipped the page in her book._

_“If we had a daughter…what would you name her?”_

_Lexa turned and peered over the rim of her glasses, fixing her wife with a pointed look from across the couch._

_“Is there something you need to discuss with me, Clarke?”_

_A foot playfully shoved at her thigh and she couldn’t help but chuckle._

_“No, you idiot,” Clarke laughed,“I’m just curious.”_

_“I’m not sure,” Lexa stated as she glanced up at the ceiling in thought,“I’ve never really thought about it before.”_

_“Well, I know what I’d name my daughter if I had one,” Clarke commented and Lexa knew that she wanted her to ask what it was._

_“Care to share?”_

_The blonde smiled softy, all traces of playfulness gone,“Skye.”_

_“Skye? Why that name?”_

_“My dad…he used to always be able to tell me what every name meant. I remember giving him the name Skye and he said something about the Scottish Isle of Skye, bringing the might sky down to earth, and I just…fell in love with it. It’s stuck with me this long, the name I mean, and it has a sort of sentimental value to me because it was the last name I asked him about before he passed,” Clarke whispered._

_Lexa quickly put her book down, shucked off her glasses and reached over to pull Clarke close to her. She wrapped her snuggly in her arms, murmuring soft words into her hair as the blonde sniffed into her shoulder._

_“It’s a beautiful name, Clarke,” Lexa said._

_“I want a baby,” Clarke whispered suddenly,“I want one with you and I want to name her Skye. I that selfish of me?”_

_She couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped her. Clarke pushed back, clearly startled by the sound._

_“No, it’s not,” Lexa said as she brushed a curl behind Clarke’s ear,“I want a baby with you too, Clarke…although, what happens if we have a boy?”_

_The mood quickly went from somber to playful with an ease roll of the blonde’s eyes._

_“It’s a unisex name, Lex. I just always thought I’d have a girl first,” Clarke shrugged._

_“I’ll take whatever life gives us. As long as they’re healthy and happy,” Lexa smiled._

_Blue eyes searched her’s, just a hint of fear glinting in them,“So we’re gonna do it then?”_

_Lexa’s gaze traveled down to the flat expanse of Clarke’s belly, imagining it round with their child, soft kicks and lazy flutters._

_“Yeah, yeah we are,” Lexa said, a new sense of life filling her chest,“Let’s have a baby.”_

_Clarke chuckled lovingly, arms circling Lexa’s neck and pulling her into a kiss filled with love and passion. When they broke away, the brunette became fixated on Clarke’s eyes, seeing a beautiful little baby with the same shade as either her or Clarke’s._

_Green._

_Blue._

_**“Bringing the mighty sky down to earth,”** Lexa said softly to herself._

_Nothing would ever seem more fitting._

* * *

It was like breathing in new life when she resurfaced, still clinging safely to the newborn in her arms like an anchor. Everything flashed through her eyes, her mind, consumed her. She remembered. Everything. Clarke, Costia, her friends and Anya, her accident. Everything was there. Like her daughter’s eyes had been a very mirror into her life and shown her every single memory that had laid dormant since her accident. Green eyes, now wide and searching, stared up at her and Lexa could barely register the curl of her daughter’s hand around her finger.

“Skye,” Lexa whispered as she wiggled her finger,“You’re momma is going to fall so in love with you when she sees you. And never let me live it down that she was right.”

“So you have a name for her?” The nurse asked carefully.

Lexa couldn’t bring herself to pull her gaze away from the perfect image of her daughter.

“Mhhmm,” Lexa hummed,“But I don’t want to make anything official until my wife is awake.”

“Of course. I understand. It would just be nice to call her something other than baby Griffin-Woods.”

“You can call her Little Bean. It was her nickname while Clarke was pregnant,” Lexa said softly, now running a finger over the bridge of Little Bean’s nose.

The little girl scrunched her face and wiggled slightly before settling down. A little yawn left her lips before she snuggled deeper into her blanket and Lexa’s chest and falling asleep. Lexa’s heart faltered at the loss of beautiful green orbs before picking back up at the sight of her daughter warm and content in her arms.

Her head pounded more now than before. Like is could split open at any second. But she had been too enwrapped with her daughter to notice or care. When everything slowly faded back into reality she knew that she needed to be checked over. As much as she didn’t want to let her little girl go it was better to hold her later when she wasn’t dizzy.

“Is Dr. Williams in today? I think I’ll need to see him.”

“He should be in. I’ll see if he’s available and page him down,” The nurse said before making her way out the room.

With the room quiet and empty Lexa stared down at her daughter, brushing her fingers over her cheeks, nose, ears, hair, before settling her into the little hospital bassinet in front of her. She watched her wiggle for a second before finding a comfortable position and settling back down. So much swirled in her head. Her daughter, Clarke, her returned memories, and the new ones that were now mixed with the old. She was her old self, yet someone different. Someone changed by a series of unfortunate events that probably happened at the worst time in her life.

There were things she needed to discuss with everyone. Things that desperately needed to go over, but they could wait. Right now, she needed to talk with Dr. Williams. Make sure there was no other damage from her head injury that may show up in the long run and let him know of her regained memories.

_And Clarke._

She needed to know about her wife. Needed to know that she was okay and breathing and would be holding their daughter as soon as she woke up.

The door behind her opened, Dr. Williams stepping in quietly, eyes darting from her to the bassinet and back.

“Lexa,” The man greeted with a nod,“It’s nice to see you although I wish the circumstances were different.”

The brunette’s throat tightened. Obviously he knew of Clarke’s curtain condition in the OR just by his tone and the sorrow in his eyes.

“She’ll be okay,” Lexa told him, more for herself than him, she knew.

“Of course. Clarke is a stubborn woman,” The man chuckled as he stepped further into the room, eyeing her daughter,“She’s beautiful. The perfect blend of the both of you.”Lexa glanced back down at Little Bean as a smile graced her features.

“She has my eyes,” She whispered.

A light chuckled breezed through Dr. Williams’ nose, trying to keep quite as to not wake the baby.

“The nurse said you needed to see me, Lexa?” The man said, curiosity peeking in his tone as his head tilted to the side in question.

Her gaze dropped to the floor, eyeing her scuffed shoes before meeting Dr. Williams’ gaze.

“I remember everything now. The accident, Clarke… _everything_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we'll be switching back to Clarke's POV and we'll get to see just a hair more about her dad's little name thing. I haven't said much about her father so I wanted to add a little something meaningful for Clarke with him. I also really hope the name is as cute to you all as it is to me, and also makes sense. I absolutely love it. I tried to incorporate their 'the sky met the ground' thing in here and I think that worked best! I hope you all enjoyed this one, it's definitely one of my favorite chapters by far. 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies. 
> 
> Love to all. 
> 
> Xoxo


	29. Hodnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR...although I'm like four days late. oh, well. I'm happy to be back with a new chapter! This one is a close favorite of mine and I really can't wait for you all to read it. I've had half of this written since the middle of December and it kinda fell back after I started working on my Christmas special (which still needs to be finished lol). Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and this was worth the wait! ;)
> 
> **MILD TRIGGER WARNING**   
> Chapter contains material that may trigger someone who has had experience with perceived pregnancy loss and/or cheating!

_“Ai hod you in.”_

_Clarke craned her neck backwards to peer at her girlfriend who rested comfortably behind her._

_“What?”_

_Lexa dropped the book she was holding away from her face and chuckled at the confusion clinging to the blonde’s face._

_“It means I love you in Trigedasleng.”_

_Blue eyes narrowed,“Tri-what?”_

_Another small chuckle._

_“You remember that languages class I’m taking?”_

_“You mean the one where you’re learning a bunch of rare languages for only reasons that God knows?” Clarke smirked, loving the reaction that she could get from the brunette at poking at her inner nerd._

_Lexa tickled her ribs causing the woman to giggle helplessly,“Yes, that one you brat.”_

_“Yes, yes. I remember,” Clarke breathed through giggles._

_“We learned about this language called Trigedasleng yesterday and the first question I asked was how to say ‘I love you’.”_

_“Why?” Blue eyes shined curiously._

_“It’s something rare. Not a lot of people know about the language and I doubt anyone in class was actually listening,” Lexa sighed as she rested her chin on the blonde’s shoulder,“And despite the fact that everyone already knows how much I’m head over heels for you it’s nice to have a way to tell you I love you and no one else knows what it means.”_

_A dark blonde eyebrow arched up,“You’re such a nerd.”_

_“But I’m your nerd,” Lexa commented, fingers wiggling against ribs again._

_Twisting away from dancing fingers, Clarke pushed herself up and straddled her girlfriend’s hips._

_“My nerd,” She whispered against plump lips,“Mine.”_

_“Your’s,” Lexa replied breathlessly._

_“I hold you in.”_

_“Ai hod yu in, Clarke. Try again.”_

_“Shut up and kiss me.”_

_“Yes, ma’am.”_

_“But say it one more time.”_

_“Ai hod yu in.”_

_“Mh,” Clarke hummed as Lexa’s lips nipped down her neck,“I like it.”_

_“I knew you would, hodnes.”_

_“What?”_

_“It means love.”_

_“Oh, I like that even more.”_

_Clarke moaned as she was flipped and pressed into the couch and Lexa’s hands clawed at her shirt._

_“I even remembered to ask the translation for you favorite word,” The brunette husked once Clarke’s shirt hit the floor and her lips curled around protruding collar bones._

_“Oh, yeah?” Clarke already knew what word._

_“Jok,” Lexa whispered as she took a perky breast into her mouth._

_“ **Jok** ,” The blonde cried out perfectly, not missing the smirk that formed around her breast._

* * *

_The pitter-patter of tiny feet echoed around the hallway. Fingers brushed along the painted wall as their owner ran further into the home._

_“Daddy!”_

_Blonde hair whipped into baby blue eyes as she turned the corner, happily prancing into her father’s office. A man, dusty blonde hair and blue eyes similar to her own turned to the little blonde and held his arms out for her._

_“Clarke! How was your day sweet pea?”_

_The little girl giggled happily as her father spun her around in his arms._

_“Amazing, daddy! I learned a new name today at school!”_

_“Oh? And what name would that be?” Jake asked as he set her down on the edge of his desk and took a seat in front of her._

_Clarke pushed stray blonde curls from her face and smiled proudly._

_“Skye.”_

_Her father smiled lightly and bushed his hand across his chin in thought._

_“Skye. Hmmm, I’m sure I know this one. Give me a minute.”_

_Another wave of giggles sounded from the blonde as Jake playfully tapped a finger against his chin as if in deep thought. After a few seconds he perked up and poked said finger into her tummy._

_“I remember now,” Jake billowed as he pulled her onto his lap,“Skye. Of Scottish and English origin. Skye is used as a natural name based off both the Scottish Isle of Skye and the sky itself. The Scottish Isle of Skye is actually a beautiful land where people say the mighty sky was brought down to earth.”_

_It was a lot to process for her little six-year-old brain but Clarke still found it mesmerizing all the same._

_“Bringing the mighty sky down to earth,” Clarke whispered as she clutched her father’s shirt._

_Jake smiled._

_“And you, my sweet pea, carry the mighty sky within your eyes,” He spoke softly as he poked her nose gently._

_Clarke laughed and brushed away his hand,“And I was brought to the Earth! By you and mommy!”_

_“That you were, Clarke. And the Earth will never be prepared enough for you. You will shine like the brightest star and bring so much love. They’ll never see it coming.”_

_“They?” The blonde cocked her head to the side._

_“Whoever is waiting for you out there,” Jake gestured to the world outside the window beside them,“The person who will love and care for the mighty sky. Where they could rule a thousand suns but instead bow before a single star.”_

_Blue eyes didn’t quite understand the meaning their father’s words just yet and she contemplated them almost everyday after his passing a day later. But one day, rainy and standing before the brightest green eyes, she did. They rung through her ears and went on with her as the mighty skies in her eyes were sent crashing into the beautiful green Earth of the woman before her._

* * *

Her head swam. Blue eyes blurry with pain. Her stomach ached, a deep kind that had her squirming and only making it worse. Her arms felt like lead as she tried to lift them up to soothe the pain but she was too weak. Clarke chanced opening her eyes and instantly regretted it as soon as the dull light above blinded her. A low groan echoed through the room and she heard an instant shuffle of fabric and the sound of hurried footsteps.

“Clarke? Sweetie, can you hear me?”

Another groan was all she could answer with as she shifted towards the voice. Clarke’s muddled brain was at least able to make out that it was her mother that now stood beside her and carefully brushed her hair back. As Abby hovered above her, Clarke was finally able to crack her eyes open and let them adjust to the now blocked lighting.

“Oh, thank god,” Abby cried as she held Clarke’s cheeks and smiled down at her eyes.

“Mom,” The younger woman croaked out, throat dry and scratchy,“M-mom. What…what happened.”

Tears streaked her mother’s cheeks and her lips trembled,“I’ll explain in a minute sweetie, but first I need to go get Lexa. She left for just a moment. God, she’s going to be upset she wasn’t here. I’ll be right back.”

Clarke could barely keep up with her mother’s words and by time she caught up Abby was gone. Her eyes slowly trailed around the room, neck stiff as she turned her head and watched the heart monitor next to her. She was finally regaining a bit of strength in her hands and they slowly rose from her sides and covered the expanse of her belly.

_Her flat belly._

Everything crashed into her at once as she brushed across a small lump under her gown and a back curling pain filled her body. The gala. Costia. Matt. Her and Lexa leaving. The crash. Lexa and Abby’s worried voices. Sirens. _So much pain_.

Little Bean.

Clarke’s heart race increased, the monitor next to her beeping like crazy. What happened to her? Where was she? Did she…The crash. Clarke’s heart lurched into her throat at the thought. Her breath caught in her lungs and had her gasping. Pale hands flailed before they found purchase on the raised railings of the bed and tried to pull her up into a sitting position. Just the slightest incline of her body had Clarke crying out and feeling something warm dribble down her stomach.

Before she could try to ease herself back down the door flew open. Two nurses and a doctor rushed in and surrounded her in seconds and began coaxing her to calm down and lay back. Her mind raced, the questions buzzing through her dying in her throat due to the lack of oxygen in her lungs. A mask was placed over her mouth and nose and there was a slight relief as her lungs expanded once again. One nurse held her shoulder down gently, speaking to her softly, as the doctor rolled her gown up and began removing a blood soaked bandage.

“Clarke!”

Nothing could stop her eyes from meeting her wife’s as she barreled through the half open door. Even the slight lift of her head caused further pain in her stomach but she didn’t care. All that mattered was finally having Lexa next to her again, hands soothing over her cheeks and gripping her hand tightly.

“Hey, I’m here. Stay still, okay. You went through a lot and had to get some stitches,” The brunette cooed.

The pain was too much for her to argue so Clarke lazily nodded. Lexa stayed by her side through the blurry process of the doctor administering some pain medication and carefully redoing a few popped stitches. Despite the morphine running through her system Clarke’s mind seemed to be a little less fuzzy than it had been five minutes ago.

“Lexa.”

Her wife tore her eyes away from intently watching the doctor stitch her up and looked at her with a small smile.

“Yes? Are you still in pain?”

Clarke shook her head slowly and she could feel tears well up in her eyes,“No. No, Lexa, I’m okay. B-but what about…what about Little Bean? Where is she? Wh…what happened? Where’s our baby, Lexa?”

Lexa hovered over her instantly, hands cradling her face as she gently forced her to look into her eyes.

“Hey, look at me. You have to calm down, Clarke. Little Bean is fine. She's perfectly healthy. You’ll be able to see her soon but first we need to get you fixed up, okay?”

“She?” More tears poured down her cheeks,“It was a girl? I was right?”

The brunette chuckled lightly and nodded,“You were right. You’re always right.”

Clarke’s weak laugh turned into a low groan when she felt a small tug as the doctor finished her stitches.

“You should be okay for now, Mrs. Woods. Just no sitting up or sudden movements. A nurse will be back around to check on you in an hour and administer some more morphine if needed,” The doctor stated as he pat her leg comfortingly and stood from his chair.

Both women quietly thanked him as he made his exit. Neither one talked for a while, just staring at each other like they might suddenly vanish.

“I thought I’d lost you,” Lexa brokenly whispered.

Clarke slowly cupped her wife’s cheeks and brushed away a stray tear,“Everything’s still a bit fuzzy but I can assure you that you’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere any time soon, okay?”

Lexa nodded with a tiny sniffle and smiled softly before leaning down and kissing her.

Clarke’s fingers curled into the baby hairs at the back of her wife’s neck and held on tightly. There was something different between them. Something that had always been a little off since after the accident. Clarke kissed her harder, longer, and searched to figure out the shift. But she never got the chance to figure it out before there was a soft knock at her door.

“Everything okay?” Abby asked quietly as she poked her head inside.

Lexa pulled away from her and nodded,“We’re good. You can come in.”

Clarke wasn’t prepared for the little bundle in her mother’s arms. Wasn’t prepared for the squirming little body and tiny fingers that peeked out from the pink blanket. Her chest swelled with unconditional love. That was their baby. Her’s and Lexa’s. Safe and warm and beautiful.

Abby walked to her carefully and smiled brightly as she reached the side of her bed.

“Ready to finally meet your daughter?”

The blonde could only nod, arms already reaching out to take the precious cargo from her mother. There was a soft cry from the little girl as she was shifted but as soon as she settled into Clarke’s arms her eyes were wide with wonder and her fingers reached out to her. Clarke’s lips quivered as she stared down at the perfect little being. Bright green eyes, just a swirl of blonde curls poking out from under her little cap, button nose, and full cheeks.

Lexa slowly sat on the bed next to her, arm wrapping around her shoulders and staring down at their baby together. Neither payed any mind as Abby quietly slipped from the room. Clarke ran a finger over the bridge of their little girl’s nose and smiled as she closed her eyes and quirked the corner of her lips in a tiny smile.

“My precious Skye,” Clarke murmured softly.

“Why didn’t you put that name on the list?”

Bleu eyes peered up at Lexa,“What?”

“Skye. Why didn’t you put it on the list?”

“I…I’m not sure,” Clarke mumbled earning her an arched eyebrow which made her relent,“I didn’t…I didn’t want to force it on you. It was a name we decided together before the accident. I thought maybe there was another name you’d like better now. I thought if I said it and you asked why and I gave the story behind it you’d feel guilted into picking it. I didn’t want to do that to you.”

Lexa stared down at her, one hand brushing along the side of Skye and the other raising to cradle her jaw. There was something intense in her emerald eyes. Something that shimmered and became unveiled with each passing second.

“Bringing the mighty sky down to the Earth. It’s very fitting for our story, hodnes.”

Clarke’s body froze. The word penetrating to her very core and stopping every thought process.

“What did you call me?”

Her wife moved closer, resting their foreheads together but keeping their eyes locked.

“Hodnes. I thought we went over this before, Clarke. It means love.”

“You…you remember that?” Clarke spoke breathlessly.

Lexa’s eyes never strayed from her’s, searching them as if it had been years since she last saw the baby blues.

“Everything, Clarke. I remember everything. Meeting you, falling in love, marrying you, your phone call, the accident. _Everything_.”

The first thing her mostly drugged brain thought when she heard Lexa’s words was that she was dreaming. That it was impossible for Lexa to remember everything after so long. But she knew that wasn’t true. She had her doubts, ones she hated to admit took over her more than her belief that the memories would return to her wife, but she knew. It was always there, the knowledge, just simply waiting for the inevitable to really happen. And now it was. After yet another car accident so similar to Lexa’s own and after the messy birth of their daughter.

“H-how?” Clarke whispered, barley able to even form the word.

Lexa smiled languidly as her eyes traveled down to the precious bundle in her arms who was sound asleep. Her tiny hand clutched onto Clarke’s hospital gown, face turned into her mother’s breast.

“Skye,” Her wife said slowly,“I mean, it started slowly before her, but she…it’s hard to explain. The accident…I hit my head again. I kept getting these flashes of pain and memories every few minutes. After she was born, after they took me away from you…”

Clarke could see the anguish in Lexa’s eyes. She still wasn’t fully aware of what happened and her condition after the accident but whatever Lexa had seen…it had scared her.

“Hey,” Clarke said as she cupped her cheek,“I’m not entirely sure what happened but I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

That took a little of the fear from her eyes and Clarke was grateful. Lexa swallowed thickly as she prepared herself for the rest of her story.

“After they took me away from you a nurse took me to Skye. God, Clarke, she was -is- beautiful. I couldn’t stop staring at her, like she wasn’t real. When I held her…she opened her eyes,” Lexa whispered,“She has my eyes. So green and filled with life. It was almost like I was looking in a mirror. That’s when everything was just forced back to me. Memory after memory and it didn’t stop until they were all back.”

Maybe it was the morphine running through her system or the dizziness of not knowing what day it was but if finally, _finally_ hit her that Lexa _**remembered**_. Not just bits and pieces but _everything_. Clarke couldn’t stop the body racking sobs from escaping as she covered her mouth in amazement. Everything blurred from the tears that poured down her cheeks. Lexa’s own teary face faded in and out of the watery haze and it was the only thing her fuzzy mind could truly focus on other than the baby in her arms.

A shaky hand anchored onto the nape of Lexa’s neck as she drew their foreheads back together.

“E-everything. Oh my god, you re-remember everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me. Tell me everything. I want to hear it. I want to listen to every little detail while we cuddle our daughter,” Clarke sobbed harder.

Lexa nodded fervently against her before pressing her lips to her’s. It was sweet and mixed with tears but neither cared. They were lost on the world. Just trying to fill their senses with each other in that very moment.

When they finally broke apart Lexa soothed the tears away from her cheeks and searched her eyes quietly.

“Clarke, there’s something I want to say before I tell you everything that happened.”

The blonde nodded slowly, knowing it was something serious by the way Lexa looked at her,“Okay.”

Lexa pursed her lips as if trying to figure out the best way to form her thoughts.

“Even though my memories are back…I can’t…there’s a lot that happened these past months. Some things that I can’t just ignore. None of us had the best communication skills while I was memoryless and I think it’s something we need to discuss. And also Anya and our friends…and your mother.”

Clarke knew this would be a conversation they had if or whenever Lexa ever regained her memories.

“I know, Lexa. I don’t expect you to. I don’t want you to. There is a lot to talk about and I know that you’re still not exactly the same person you were before the first accident. I understand. I’m not expecting you to go back exactly to who you were. I know you’ve probably changed a bit with everything that’s happened and I understand that.”

Lexa nodded, taking in a deep breath,“That’s not all though. You all aren’t the only ones that did something stupid. I…with Costia…I should have told you. I never should have went behind your back like that. I feel like-like I cheated on you. And it’s one of the only things I could think about while you were laying here unconscious.”

“Lexa,” Clarke steeled herself for her next words, knowing that everyone had different opinions on the topic,“I know so many people would see it as cheating. I’ve seen all the articles and magazines but to _me_ you never cheated. You said you never kissed her or anything, right?”

Her wife nodded slowly.

“Yes, you sought her out because you thought you were still in love with her but your brain was in a completely different time. You were confused and scared. Costia offered you something familiar. You needed to work out your feelings. You woke up in a hospital bed with some ‘stranger’ telling you they were your wife. If I had been in your position and there was only one person I had that I thought would be able to make me feel like I could understand everything again then I would have went to them. That’s basically what you did, Lexa. I was…upset at first, yes, but after you explained everything I realized that I wasn’t thinking of your feelings. How it was making you feel just being thrown into a marriage that you had no idea about. You had every right to see her and try to work out your feelings because no one else was apparently willing to listen to you.”

When Clarke met Lexa’s eyes she looked conflicted.

“Still…I didn’t exactly tell you how I was feeling. And I know you’ll say that you all should have seen it,” Lexa stopped her just before she could interrupt her,“That’s why I said we didn’t have the best communication skills. We all made mistakes and that’s that. We’ll discuss it and work through it but right now you need some more rest, okay? You’re exhausted and this isn’t the time to have this discussion. Everyone should be present for it.”

Lexa’s hand ghosted over her own shaking one that held Skye. Clarke hadn’t even realized how tired she was until Lexa had said something. She nodded slowly, leaning against Lexa’s shoulder and closing her eyes. She tightened her arms when she felt her wife try to take Skye from her arms.

“No, don’t. I just want to hold her,” Clarke murmured sleepily,“Just stay here and hold us both, Lex.”

The brunette shifted a bit beside her and Clarke felt an arm drape around her shoulder and one settle on her hand holding Skye. A soft kiss was pressed against her forehead and Clarke smiled dreamily when she could feel Lexa lean down and place one to Skye’s own head.

“Okay. You both rest. I’ll be here when you wake up and then we’ll talk some more,” Lexa whispered, lips back on her temple.

Clarke answered with a breathy hum. The feeling of their Little Bean snuggled in her arms now, instead of her tummy, filled her with a sense of peace and slowly lulled her into a deep sleep. In the back of her mind, through the warm memories, something dark lingered. Set a pit in at the bottom of her stomach that made her feel like she was slowly sinking to the ocean floor.

This wasn’t a dream?

This wasn’t morphine induced and she would wake up and Lexa would still be next to her with every single one of her memories…right?

_…right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, don't be discouraged by the end. I've got a plan for it and it's not as serious as you're all thinking. Trust me, I wouldn't do that. Not after everything I've put you all through. Also, I know the whole cheating thing has been pretty controversial here and I'm putting my own opinion into their discussion about it. Now saying that, doesn't mean I haven't read and listened to each and every person's comment about their own opinion. I've taken those and thought on them for quite some time and I'm still skeptical about writing about the whole 'cheating' thing but it needs to be discussed for them to move on. I'm not ignoring it. Also, we'll learn more about the accident and what happened in the next chapter. It just felt like it was too much to put into just one. AND, Clarke's reaction isn't over. That last part is going to come into play...but you'll just have to wait for that one. ;)
> 
> I appreciate every single person who has read and commented and left their opinions from the start of this story. It wouldn't be where it is now without all of you. I honestly don't say it enough. 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> Xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> So...How was it? It definitely took a bit of rewriting for me to finally like the outcome of this chapter! 
> 
> So let me know what you guys think. Leave you're comments below and don't forget to hit that kudos button! It's all greatly appreciated!
> 
> Also, don't forget to check out my other stories: Shattered Reflections, Life's Memories, and my newest, From The Very Beginning! 
> 
> You guys can follow me on twitter and tumblr (links on profile) and follow along with updates as well as some sneak peaks at chapters and you can also message me on either site! I love talking to readers! 
> 
> Love to all! :)


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